CHAPTER ONE
Forgiveness Is The Mightiest Sword

You must never lose faith
You must never lose heart
God will restore your trust
And I know you're afraid
I'm as scared as you are
But willing to be brave
Brave enough for love

"Forgiveness" Jane Eyre, The Musical

It was hard for her to believe how life had changed. How was it that so many years ago she'd been such a young, innocent girl; learning how to cast spells and forming lifelong friendships with the most beautiful of people that this world had to offer? It seemed like only yesterday that she'd graduated from Hogwarts; her marks weren't the best and she didn't win any prizes, but she'd passed. She'd finished. She'd had the best friends in the world. She'd felt confident. Educated. Knowledgeable. Wise, even. She'd felt ready to take on the world.

Susan sighed softly, watching the hills roll by. The fog had settled in the valleys, making the world outside seem mystical. How many twists and turns her world had taken of late. What she wouldn't give to be that young, innocent girl back at Hogwarts again! Back with her beloved professors, her beloved friends, the looming hallways, the moving staircases, the beautiful grounds? So much had happened. Wars won and lost. Freedom asserted. Spirits ascended as life was ended. This world, a world so much older, was so very different to that old world. She'd known who she was then. Now? Now she just didn't know anymore. Happiness evaded her. Destiny evaded her. And now her world was tipping dangerously again.

"'Scuse me, miss." The conductor was standing at her elbow. "I asked if you wanted a cup of tea; Marge is waiting with the cart."

Susan shook her head slightly, keeping her gaze fixed on the passing scenery. "No, thank you, sir." She attempted a smile, trying in vain to disguise the tear slipping quickly down her cheek.

"Alright, miss." The conductor left the compartment. The man in the seat opposite Susan shifted in his sleep, his hat tipping forward, the brim balancing neatly on his nose.

Susan's smile faded slowly. Nothing could make this moment any less bleak, any less painful. For anyone would agree; visiting one's best friend during their final weeks was not something to be celebrated. Susan had never seen more reason to shun the God that Hannah believed in so faithfully. What God, in all their mercy, would take such a beautiful creature away from the world and bestow gifts of such despair, such sorrow on her loved ones? The words rang as clearly in Susan's ears as the first day she'd heard them "I'm dying." An incredible ache had worked and penetrated her chest, splitting her heart apart and leaving a gut-wrenching sorrow deep within her. And nothing – nothing – could fill the void left inside of her, least of all this God who Hannah implored her to have so much faith in. "He will keep your sorrow at bay," she had written. A sorrow He had caused? Susan scorned the idea. She had never felt so desolate.

Susan squeezed her friend's hand gently, smiling through her tears. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she kept repeating. Hannah's eyes were creased in concern though her face was pale.

"Sue," she said, her voice a bare whisper. "You will be alright."

"Let's not talk of me." Susan refused her friend's comfort with a false smile. "Are you feeling any better?"

Hannah's eyes flicked away to glance out the window before returning to gaze at Susan. "Not really," she said carefully. "Though it's not so much pain anymore as a heavy ache that just sort of..." She paused. "Drains me." She smiled wistfully. "I don't have much energy anymore. I spend most of my time in this bed."

"Oh," Susan said, the tears threatening to overspill again. She hated being so selfish and so weak while her friend was dying. Who was she to be so upset when she needed to be strong for Hannah? "I..."

"Don't, Sue," Hannah said, seeming to sense Susan's despair. "You don't have to be strong for me. I'm alright. I've accepted that this is how it's going to be."

"But you're so young!" Susan burst out. "We're not even forty, Han!" The tears did spill over then. "It's so unfair!"

"It's not," Hannah replied. "It's what is meant to be. God needs me in Heaven."

"Oh, your God!" Susan instantly regretted the words, seeing the concern flash in Hannah's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You haven't found your faith, then," Hannah responded softly, watching Susan closely.

"No," Susan agreed. "I really haven't. I don't want to love someone who sees fit to take my best friend away from me!"

"Sue." Hannah closed her eyes. "Do you know I felt the same way?"

Susan's eyes widened in surprise. "How?" she wanted to know.

"You surely don't think I want to die," Hannah said incredulously, shaking her head slightly. "I cried and I screamed and I ran into the church and hurled all manner of abuse at the Lord when I found out, Sue. I don't want to leave you. You're the best friend I've ever had."

Susan was crying freely. "I don't want you to go," she sobbed. "Why do you have to?"

Hannah faltered. "I... I don't really know," she said at last. "It's just fate, I suppose."

"Fate!" Susan declared. "I hate her! I hate everything and everyone who has caused you to..." she stopped abruptly, not wanting to say the words out loud.

Hannah flinched as though Susan had said the words. "Who has caused me to die?" she challenged.

"Yes," Susan whispered, staring down at her hands. "I hate this so much."

"You mustn't hate anyone or anything," Hannah told her, reaching out a hand to clasp Susan's. "You mustn't be revengeful. You have to be strong to offer good for evil, return right for wrong." She squeezed Susan's hand gently. "Oh, we must not hold a grudge, Sue. And we must learn to endure." She smiled. "Then as God is your judge, at least your heart will be pure."

"I would rather you stay with me forever than have a pure heart," Susan said bitterly.

Hannah smiled still. "Do you know..." she paused. "A nun from our church visited me yesterday. And she didn't say a word to me. She merely held my hand. A tear fell down her cheek and she sang the most beautiful verse to me, Sue..."

"She sang to you?" Susan asked.

"Yes," Hannah affirmed. "She sang. It was something like..." She frowned, thinking, before clearing her throat. "Forgiveness," she sang softly in a wobbly voice, "is the mightiest sword. Forgiveness of those you hate will be your highest reward." She smiled again. "It made me think, Sue. When they bruise you with words; when they make you feel small; when it's hardest to bear... you must do nothing at all."

Susan said nothing, her mind abuzz.

"Forgiveness is the simplest vow," Hannah continued. "Forgiveness of all their crowns is your deliverance now. Bless their souls who would curse your name. When the last bell tolls, you'll be free of blame."

"Perhaps you should have been a nun, too," Susan suggested.

Hannah ignored her. "You can continue to breathe but know the Gospel is true. You must forgive those who lie and bless them that curse you. Forgiveness is the mightiest sword; forgiveness of those you fear will be your highest reward."

Susan sniffed. Hannah clenched her hand around Susan's tighter, looking imploringly into Susan's eyes. "The time will come when you will leave this world and then the injustice and the pain and the sin will fall away from us and only the spark of the spirit will remain... returning to God who created it."

Susan was speechless with shame. Hannah's words burned dances on her heart. "You must never lose faith," Hannah said softly. "You must never lose heart. God will restore your trust." Susan was crying again, hearing the words more clearly than before, the pain raging more strongly inside of her. "And I know you're afraid," Hannah said gently, lifting her other hand to wipe the tears from Susan's cheeks. "I'm as scared as you are."

Susan let out a sob, burying her head in Hannah's chest. Hannah stroked her head. "But willing to be brave," she said softly. "Brave enough for love."

"Love," Susan cried out. "What's love without you, Hannah?"

"Be brave enough for love," Hannah repeated. "I'll always love you, Sue, and I'll always be watching over you."

"I know," Susan whispered, raising her head. "I'll always remember that."

"Do that," Hannah laughed. "And be the best that you can be, Sue. You're living for the both of us now."

"Oh, don't say that," Susan said, dismayed. "I'll always feel guilty if I never achieve my dreams!"

"You don't have to achieve your dreams." Hannah smiled. "You only have to be happy. And then you will have achieved all of my dreams."

"Aren't you happy, Hannah?" Susan was distressed.

"I wasn't," Hannah said thoughtfully. "No, I lived a fairly miserable life until I found God, Susan. And as soon as I found Him, He decided to take me away from this place."

Susan swallowed in a vain effort to rid her throat of the lump threatening to rise and overtake her. "Oh, Hannah," she said finally.

"So you must be happy for me," Hannah declared. "Give yourself a chance to be happy on Earth as I wasn't."

"I'll try," Susan said, her hand reaching up to smooth the hair back from Hannah's face. Hannah smiled beautifully at her. "God knows I'll try," she whispered.

Susan bit her lip, squatting down before the concrete slab sitting upright in the grass. The breeze rustled her hair, and she blinked away the tears, her eyes stinging as the air prickled at them under her sunglasses. She smoothed her jacket awkwardly before placing the lily she had brought in the copper vase cemented to the gravestone. The lily stood upright, its head bowed. Susan smoothed the dust away from the engraved words on the plaque, her eyes blurring as she read the words for the hundredth time. The tears hovered on the lids of her eyes.

"Hannah, I have brought you a lily today." Susan's words were clear in the cold air. She glanced down at the lily again, smiling at it. "For the roses were frail and the petals fell away." She paused. Roses were Hannah's favourite. But a rose that died as soon as she plucked it from its stem, well; that wouldn't have done. "The morning mist has kissed your grave," she continued. "Rest now in sleep, for secrets will keep 'til we speak again tomorrow."

An old prayer found its way into Susan's thoughts. "When I lay myself down to sleep tonight..." She smiled through her tears. "I pray I might know why God has tempered judgment not with mercy but with sorrow!" Her fingers shook. "Let the world forsake me. Let them do their best! I will withstand it all."

She stood up suddenly, casting a look around the cemetery. No one else was in sight. She closed her eyes, hugging her arms to herself, listening to the wind rustle the leaves in the trees. Nothing had ever seemed quite so empty to her. "There is another world that watches us..." she said thoughtfully, remembering Hannah's words to her. "I'm not afraid. The angels know when we have sinned though we have been betrayed." Her voice broke. Why couldn't she have Hannah's faith? Why couldn't she see past the blinding sorrow that encompassed her daily life; couldn't fulfill Hannah's final wish, to be happy? Why couldn't she find love? It had been so long since Hannah's death; an eternity and a moment. "Fourteen months..." she murmured softly. "I miss you, Hannah."

She sat down next to Hannah's grave, absently stroking the rough cement, tracing the outline of the words. "As I lay myself down to sleep tonight, I pray I might be granted to see the spark of heaven's guiding light." A bird screeched overhead. She glanced skywards quickly. "Hannah?" The bird soared away, its wings spread wide. An answering call from a bird in the tree next to her attracted Susan's attention. I'm watching you, it seemed to cry. "My rebellion waits," Susan said hopefully. The bird was silent. "A silent guide, my spirit's songs go far beyond these gates..." There was no response from the bird. Susan bowed her head, devastated beyond tears. "Oh, Hannah, what awaits?" she said sadly. "What awaits?"