The Insanity We Call "TV"
Welcome to yet, another fiction from Kippixin (formerly Kippixieon). This one is comedy, so no romance, ZADR, and angst involved! In this one, ZIM and Dib watch different children's shows and this is just what happens during it. (Please note I actually had to go through the sufferment of watching each show myself to write this). Also, this fiction is a bit interactive. If you want ZIM and Dib to watch a certain show, just say so in the review. I will consider it. (Most likely I will, I will be amazed if anyone reviews anyways.) Also, keep it children's shows. I won't do any others, because, well, I might like them, and other people might like them too. So yay. Also, all the characters in here are the same age they are in the show. BTW I don't own ZIM, Dib, GIR, or the tellitubbies.
Chapter 1 - Tellitubbies
Dib was hacking into ZIM's house, again! Oh boy. This time he was succeeding. Did we hear the word succeeding? Oh yes! Yes we did. He managed to get past the yard gnomes. He had hacked into their circuit systems to stop attacking him. Now he just had to get past the door. This was going to be a skillful task, a task of much skill, a task that requires skill, a task of...
Dib put his hand on the door knob and turned it and opened the door. Dib stood there for a minute, wondering if there was a trap. Then he blinked, and walked in.
"Well that was ridicolously easy!" said Dib outloud.
Stupid Dib. The house began beeping and then Dib covered his mouth, silently cussing at himself for his stupidity.
"INTRUDER ALERT!" the computer screamed. ZIM appeared from under a table-like thing, much like he did in NanoZIM.
"Oh geez it's DIB AGAIN?! PITIFUL HUMAN MONKEY THOUGHT HE COULD HACK INTO MY BASE?!" ZIM screamed.
Dib stood there.
"Well it was easy, I mean, what alien invader leaves their door wide open.. and hey, human monkey?! Humans and monkeys are different things!" Dib yelled.
"No they're not! How dare you correct ZIM?!" screeched ZIM.
"Computer! Lock the doors and windows!" ZIM screamed.
Dib began to run to the door, to discover it was locked now. He ran to the window. Locked. Crap.
"AHAHHAHA PITIFUL HUMAN!!!" ZIM laughed. ZIM blinked for a moment, sitting there. He soon snapped back to life.
"Now I can finally capture you!" ZIM reached behind his back.. Dib was trembling, trembling a tremble like never before. ..ZIM pulled out a pig doll. Dib stopped trembling, blinked, then promptly yelled,
"OH COME ON? That's a pig? What's it going to do?!"
"STUFF! Do not question ZIM!" and then he pressed a button on the pig. The pig turned into a huge, capturing device that looked much like a strait jacket. Dib saw this.
"You work for the mental hospital?!" Dib screamed.
"YES! ..I mean.. NO! NO! " ZIM yelled.
"This pig will capture the only other thing in the room besides the person it was sent to capture. Neat, huh?" and with that the strait-jacket wrapped around Dib, capturing him and walking, much like the strait-jacket in Dib's nightmare vision. It walked over to ZIM's couch, and pratically nailed itself to it.
"I HAVE CAPTURED DIB! VICTORY FOR ZIM!" yelled ZIM. GIR appeared out of the table thing, holding a pig just like ZIM's.
"Master what is this? OOh, button!" GIR squealed.
"GIR! NO!" ZIM screamed, but he was too late, GIR had pressed the button. The pig turned into another strait-jacket, this time capturing ZIM and nailing him to the couch. GIR giggled and then sat between Dib and his master.
"Oh that was stupid." said Dib.
"It was not stupid! It was ingenious!" said ZIM.
"Then why the heck did your invention just capture the inventor?" said Dib.
"BECAUSE.. ....YOUR HEAD IS BIG." ZIM screamed.
"That was such a genious answer!" Dib said with sarcasm.
"Yes! I know it was! For I AM ZIM!!" ZIM screamed. Dib rolled his eyes.
"So.. what do we do now?" asked Dib, turned his head to ZIM.
"I don't know." said ZIM, truthfully. That was odd. ZIM blinked a minute.
"There is a button on the back of these.. GIR..." ZIM said to GIR. GIR looked up at his master.
"GIR.. press the button on the back of master's outfit.." ZIM said. Dib interferred.
"No GIR... press the button on the back of my outfit.."
"No GIR..mine.." said ZIM.
"Mine!" screamed Dib.
"NO MINE!" screamed ZIM.
"Mine!" screamed Dib.
"OBEY YOUR MASTER, GIR!" screamed ZIM. GIR blinked.
"We gunna watch the Tellitubbies!" screamed GIR. ZIM and Dib then screamed in a horror that was never screamed before. GIR turned on the TV, to show an image of a green field and then a voice promptly screamed, "Time for Tellitubbies! Time for Tellitubbies!" ZIM screamed, and so did Dib. They both struggled frantically to get out of the capturing devices, but it was no use. It was too strong. They sat there, looking defeated.
A bright, bright yellow screen popped up. ZIM screamed.
"AUGH IT'S AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN!" Then a yellow Tellitubby popped up on it.
"What the fuck are they trying to do to children?! Blind them?!" yelled Dib.
"You pitiful humans are already blinded and oblivious to everything! And now I see why, they must have shiny lights in their eyes from watching this horrendous horror! "
On the TV screen, a hat popped up. A cow-printed-cowboy-hat. Then another one. Then another one. The yellow tellitubby screamed, "3!!!" and hopped up and down. Then the BG changed to a bright, bright green. One hat popped up. Another hat popped up. And then, a third hat popped up. The tellitubby screamed 3 again.
"YES!" Dib screamed at the television.
"We are happy to know a weird-looking man dressed in yellow can COUNT TO THREE!"
Then, a bright purple screen. It was brighter than the last two. Three hats popped up again. Then a big number 3 popped up and some Indian (from India, not Indian Americans) children danced around it promptly screamed.. well.. three.
"What the fuck?" Said Dib.
"If my knowledge is correct, Hindi is a very popular language in India.. shouldn't they be screaming TEEN?! Why aren't they screaming Teen?! TEEN! TEEN! TEEEEEEENN!" Dib screamed and spazzed in his strait jacket. (Note: Teen is three in Hindi.)
"I thought they speak Arabic in India?" asked ZIM.
"Yes but.. oh nevermind why am I explaining this to a stupid alien?!" screamed Dib.
"Stupid? Excuse me! You do not know anything!" screamed ZIM.
"Hey atleast I know three in Hindi!"
"Oh yeh do you know four?!"
"Chaar!"
"Five?"
"Panch!"
"What about one million?" ZIM snickered. Dib thought for a moment.
"HA you do not know one mil-" said ZIM, then cut off by Dib.
"Dasa laakha." said Dib.
"Darn." said ZIM.
"Fine then, Dib! What's three in IRKEN?" ZIM asked.
"How the heck should I know?!" said Dib, looking at ZIM.
"AHAHA DEFEAT!!!" screamed ZIM. Dib looked at the TV again, blinking.
Now instead of Indian children, the red Tellitubby came in riding a scooter. He was babbling some random crap.
"What's he saying, Dib, oh-knowledger-of-languages?" ZIM said, sarcastically.
"I don't speak stupid!" said Dib.
"Really?! I thought that's what dialect you spoke ALL THE TIME!" said ZIM.
"That was lame!" said Dib.
"So are you, Dib. So thus a lame insult fits the lame person here." ZIM said.
"I believe that would be you. You trapped yourself in your own invention. Now that's lame!"
"Shutup!" said ZIM, and they watched the TV again. This time the green one came swirling down, wearing that damned cow-printed cowboy hat.
"AUGH IS IT GOING TO SCREAM THREE AGAIN?!" said ZIM.
The green one babbled stuff to the red one. The red one made an odd- humping motion against its scooter.
"What.. is it doing?" said ZIM.
"It's HUMPING THE SCOOTER!" Dib screamed, and ZIM screamed too.
"Wait! ...what's humping?" asked ZIM.
"You ..would not want to know." said Dib.
"Stupid human rituals." said ZIM, mumbling.
They turned their attention again, to see a pinwheel outside on the field, swirling around with some crap shiny effects. All the tellitubbies gathered around in a line, gasping and gawking and crap at the shiny thing.
"They must like shiny things." said ZIM.
"No shit." said Dib.
The tellitubbies stood there all in a line. All was quiet. Then the red one did a HIP THRUST.
"What the heck is it doing?!" said ZIM, and then the next one did a HIP THRUST.
"It's getting ready." said Dib.
"For.. what?" asked ZIM.
"To molest children." said Dib.
"..What the..." said ZIM.
The rest of the tellitubbies did HIP THRUSTS. Then the red one's square-thing on it stomach lighted up. All the tellitubbies gasped and gathered around, giggling and pointing. Then it showed a video of children on the square.
"...IT ATE THE CHILDREN!" screamed Dib, in horror.
"Good!" said ZIM.
Then the square on the tellitubbies stomach zoomed in. It showed the childrens hopping on tricycles, riding them. A voice then said, "We like to ride tricycles." there was lots of childrens screaming in joy riding down hills and crap and that voice saying things like "tricycles are fun". ZIM looked like his eyes were about to bleed. Dib looked the same way, and he wasn't even an alien.
Then it zoomed out.
"Thank god that was over." said ZIM. And then, it zoomed in again, repeating the same thing they just saw.
"Why the hell are they repeating it?!" ZIM screamed.
"They ran out of material." Said Dib. ( Thanks to Heptad for that. )
"Who the hell watches this? You'd think they'd be cancelled by now!" said ZIM.
"People like GIR watch it." said Dib.
"Man your race is sad." said ZIM.
Then the tellitubbies started to run around their house. Each time around they ran around faster, the music getting faster. And faster. And faster. Then it stopped.
"That was.. pointless." said ZIM.
"What was that? A dancing ritual for Baby Ra?" Dib said, motioning to the tv with his head, which showed a sun with a baby's face looking disgruntled then it laughed. ( Thanks Heptad too for the Baby Ra thing )
ZIM looked at the sun, and screamed, shutting his eyes.
"AUGH IT'S DISGUSTINNNGGG!" ZIM spazzed in his strait jacket, nearly having a heart attack. An IRKEN heart attack!
Then the screen went bright yellow again. It showed all the tellitubbies, giggling and crap and hugging.
"Are they.. having an orgy?" asked Dib.
".......what?" said ZIM.
"Nevermind.." said Dib.
"AHHH THEY'RE LIKE THE GIRLS AT SKOOL!" screamed ZIM. Dib screamed. That was horrifying.
"AND.. they're MEN!!" said Dib. They both screamed.
"Wait.. you sure they're not both?" asked ZIM.
"I have... NO IDEA!" yelled Dib, and he screamed again with ZIM.
Then the tellitubbies on the screen were dancing, and they started multipling in numbers on the screen.
"AUUUGHH THEY'RE REPRODUCING!" said Dib.
"WITH WHAT?! Themselves?!" said ZIM.
"YES!" said Dib, and they screamed. Then one by one, they dissappeared on the screen.
"OH MY GOD THEY DIED." said ZIM. They blinked for a minute, then both promptly screamed "YAY!" at the same time. Then it showed that pinwheel again.. spinning. Then the tellitubbies came up.
"Drat they didn't." said ZIM.
Then a mercury-looking lake was made, the tellitubbies sitting down staring at it.
"What is it?! Radioactive cum?!" said Dib. ZIM looked at him oddly.
Then some ships were seen in the distance of the mercury lake.
"Where did those things come from?" said Dib. Then they waited an INCREDIOUSLY long time, as the ships got closer and closer.
"Here come the sperm ships!" said Dib, and ZIM, once again, looked at him oddly.
Finally, after.. 20 minutes it seemed, the ships dissappeared and the mercury lake did too. Then all the tellitubbies got in a group, laughing and giggling and crap again. Then the red one tried to kiss the yellow.
"I think they have a thing for eachother." said Dib.
"I knew it!" yelled ZIM.
Then Dib and ZIM heard the four-most-wonderful words ever of their life.
"Tellitubby bye-bye-time!" said the voice on the green hills. The teletubbies waved goodbye, and then it ended.
"Oh my god." said Dib.
"Oh my goodly god god." said ZIM.
"It's over." they said together, with a relieved sigh.
"TIME TO WATCH MORE KIDDY SHOWS!! " squealed GIR.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!" ZIM and Dib both screamed in unison.
..To be continued.
How was it? Everyone like? Short, yes. Funny, hmm? Reviews? Suggestions? Ideas? What show do you want to see the two poor captives watch next..?
Welcome to yet, another fiction from Kippixin (formerly Kippixieon). This one is comedy, so no romance, ZADR, and angst involved! In this one, ZIM and Dib watch different children's shows and this is just what happens during it. (Please note I actually had to go through the sufferment of watching each show myself to write this). Also, this fiction is a bit interactive. If you want ZIM and Dib to watch a certain show, just say so in the review. I will consider it. (Most likely I will, I will be amazed if anyone reviews anyways.) Also, keep it children's shows. I won't do any others, because, well, I might like them, and other people might like them too. So yay. Also, all the characters in here are the same age they are in the show. BTW I don't own ZIM, Dib, GIR, or the tellitubbies.
Chapter 1 - Tellitubbies
Dib was hacking into ZIM's house, again! Oh boy. This time he was succeeding. Did we hear the word succeeding? Oh yes! Yes we did. He managed to get past the yard gnomes. He had hacked into their circuit systems to stop attacking him. Now he just had to get past the door. This was going to be a skillful task, a task of much skill, a task that requires skill, a task of...
Dib put his hand on the door knob and turned it and opened the door. Dib stood there for a minute, wondering if there was a trap. Then he blinked, and walked in.
"Well that was ridicolously easy!" said Dib outloud.
Stupid Dib. The house began beeping and then Dib covered his mouth, silently cussing at himself for his stupidity.
"INTRUDER ALERT!" the computer screamed. ZIM appeared from under a table-like thing, much like he did in NanoZIM.
"Oh geez it's DIB AGAIN?! PITIFUL HUMAN MONKEY THOUGHT HE COULD HACK INTO MY BASE?!" ZIM screamed.
Dib stood there.
"Well it was easy, I mean, what alien invader leaves their door wide open.. and hey, human monkey?! Humans and monkeys are different things!" Dib yelled.
"No they're not! How dare you correct ZIM?!" screeched ZIM.
"Computer! Lock the doors and windows!" ZIM screamed.
Dib began to run to the door, to discover it was locked now. He ran to the window. Locked. Crap.
"AHAHHAHA PITIFUL HUMAN!!!" ZIM laughed. ZIM blinked for a moment, sitting there. He soon snapped back to life.
"Now I can finally capture you!" ZIM reached behind his back.. Dib was trembling, trembling a tremble like never before. ..ZIM pulled out a pig doll. Dib stopped trembling, blinked, then promptly yelled,
"OH COME ON? That's a pig? What's it going to do?!"
"STUFF! Do not question ZIM!" and then he pressed a button on the pig. The pig turned into a huge, capturing device that looked much like a strait jacket. Dib saw this.
"You work for the mental hospital?!" Dib screamed.
"YES! ..I mean.. NO! NO! " ZIM yelled.
"This pig will capture the only other thing in the room besides the person it was sent to capture. Neat, huh?" and with that the strait-jacket wrapped around Dib, capturing him and walking, much like the strait-jacket in Dib's nightmare vision. It walked over to ZIM's couch, and pratically nailed itself to it.
"I HAVE CAPTURED DIB! VICTORY FOR ZIM!" yelled ZIM. GIR appeared out of the table thing, holding a pig just like ZIM's.
"Master what is this? OOh, button!" GIR squealed.
"GIR! NO!" ZIM screamed, but he was too late, GIR had pressed the button. The pig turned into another strait-jacket, this time capturing ZIM and nailing him to the couch. GIR giggled and then sat between Dib and his master.
"Oh that was stupid." said Dib.
"It was not stupid! It was ingenious!" said ZIM.
"Then why the heck did your invention just capture the inventor?" said Dib.
"BECAUSE.. ....YOUR HEAD IS BIG." ZIM screamed.
"That was such a genious answer!" Dib said with sarcasm.
"Yes! I know it was! For I AM ZIM!!" ZIM screamed. Dib rolled his eyes.
"So.. what do we do now?" asked Dib, turned his head to ZIM.
"I don't know." said ZIM, truthfully. That was odd. ZIM blinked a minute.
"There is a button on the back of these.. GIR..." ZIM said to GIR. GIR looked up at his master.
"GIR.. press the button on the back of master's outfit.." ZIM said. Dib interferred.
"No GIR... press the button on the back of my outfit.."
"No GIR..mine.." said ZIM.
"Mine!" screamed Dib.
"NO MINE!" screamed ZIM.
"Mine!" screamed Dib.
"OBEY YOUR MASTER, GIR!" screamed ZIM. GIR blinked.
"We gunna watch the Tellitubbies!" screamed GIR. ZIM and Dib then screamed in a horror that was never screamed before. GIR turned on the TV, to show an image of a green field and then a voice promptly screamed, "Time for Tellitubbies! Time for Tellitubbies!" ZIM screamed, and so did Dib. They both struggled frantically to get out of the capturing devices, but it was no use. It was too strong. They sat there, looking defeated.
A bright, bright yellow screen popped up. ZIM screamed.
"AUGH IT'S AS BRIGHT AS THE SUN!" Then a yellow Tellitubby popped up on it.
"What the fuck are they trying to do to children?! Blind them?!" yelled Dib.
"You pitiful humans are already blinded and oblivious to everything! And now I see why, they must have shiny lights in their eyes from watching this horrendous horror! "
On the TV screen, a hat popped up. A cow-printed-cowboy-hat. Then another one. Then another one. The yellow tellitubby screamed, "3!!!" and hopped up and down. Then the BG changed to a bright, bright green. One hat popped up. Another hat popped up. And then, a third hat popped up. The tellitubby screamed 3 again.
"YES!" Dib screamed at the television.
"We are happy to know a weird-looking man dressed in yellow can COUNT TO THREE!"
Then, a bright purple screen. It was brighter than the last two. Three hats popped up again. Then a big number 3 popped up and some Indian (from India, not Indian Americans) children danced around it promptly screamed.. well.. three.
"What the fuck?" Said Dib.
"If my knowledge is correct, Hindi is a very popular language in India.. shouldn't they be screaming TEEN?! Why aren't they screaming Teen?! TEEN! TEEN! TEEEEEEENN!" Dib screamed and spazzed in his strait jacket. (Note: Teen is three in Hindi.)
"I thought they speak Arabic in India?" asked ZIM.
"Yes but.. oh nevermind why am I explaining this to a stupid alien?!" screamed Dib.
"Stupid? Excuse me! You do not know anything!" screamed ZIM.
"Hey atleast I know three in Hindi!"
"Oh yeh do you know four?!"
"Chaar!"
"Five?"
"Panch!"
"What about one million?" ZIM snickered. Dib thought for a moment.
"HA you do not know one mil-" said ZIM, then cut off by Dib.
"Dasa laakha." said Dib.
"Darn." said ZIM.
"Fine then, Dib! What's three in IRKEN?" ZIM asked.
"How the heck should I know?!" said Dib, looking at ZIM.
"AHAHA DEFEAT!!!" screamed ZIM. Dib looked at the TV again, blinking.
Now instead of Indian children, the red Tellitubby came in riding a scooter. He was babbling some random crap.
"What's he saying, Dib, oh-knowledger-of-languages?" ZIM said, sarcastically.
"I don't speak stupid!" said Dib.
"Really?! I thought that's what dialect you spoke ALL THE TIME!" said ZIM.
"That was lame!" said Dib.
"So are you, Dib. So thus a lame insult fits the lame person here." ZIM said.
"I believe that would be you. You trapped yourself in your own invention. Now that's lame!"
"Shutup!" said ZIM, and they watched the TV again. This time the green one came swirling down, wearing that damned cow-printed cowboy hat.
"AUGH IS IT GOING TO SCREAM THREE AGAIN?!" said ZIM.
The green one babbled stuff to the red one. The red one made an odd- humping motion against its scooter.
"What.. is it doing?" said ZIM.
"It's HUMPING THE SCOOTER!" Dib screamed, and ZIM screamed too.
"Wait! ...what's humping?" asked ZIM.
"You ..would not want to know." said Dib.
"Stupid human rituals." said ZIM, mumbling.
They turned their attention again, to see a pinwheel outside on the field, swirling around with some crap shiny effects. All the tellitubbies gathered around in a line, gasping and gawking and crap at the shiny thing.
"They must like shiny things." said ZIM.
"No shit." said Dib.
The tellitubbies stood there all in a line. All was quiet. Then the red one did a HIP THRUST.
"What the heck is it doing?!" said ZIM, and then the next one did a HIP THRUST.
"It's getting ready." said Dib.
"For.. what?" asked ZIM.
"To molest children." said Dib.
"..What the..." said ZIM.
The rest of the tellitubbies did HIP THRUSTS. Then the red one's square-thing on it stomach lighted up. All the tellitubbies gasped and gathered around, giggling and pointing. Then it showed a video of children on the square.
"...IT ATE THE CHILDREN!" screamed Dib, in horror.
"Good!" said ZIM.
Then the square on the tellitubbies stomach zoomed in. It showed the childrens hopping on tricycles, riding them. A voice then said, "We like to ride tricycles." there was lots of childrens screaming in joy riding down hills and crap and that voice saying things like "tricycles are fun". ZIM looked like his eyes were about to bleed. Dib looked the same way, and he wasn't even an alien.
Then it zoomed out.
"Thank god that was over." said ZIM. And then, it zoomed in again, repeating the same thing they just saw.
"Why the hell are they repeating it?!" ZIM screamed.
"They ran out of material." Said Dib. ( Thanks to Heptad for that. )
"Who the hell watches this? You'd think they'd be cancelled by now!" said ZIM.
"People like GIR watch it." said Dib.
"Man your race is sad." said ZIM.
Then the tellitubbies started to run around their house. Each time around they ran around faster, the music getting faster. And faster. And faster. Then it stopped.
"That was.. pointless." said ZIM.
"What was that? A dancing ritual for Baby Ra?" Dib said, motioning to the tv with his head, which showed a sun with a baby's face looking disgruntled then it laughed. ( Thanks Heptad too for the Baby Ra thing )
ZIM looked at the sun, and screamed, shutting his eyes.
"AUGH IT'S DISGUSTINNNGGG!" ZIM spazzed in his strait jacket, nearly having a heart attack. An IRKEN heart attack!
Then the screen went bright yellow again. It showed all the tellitubbies, giggling and crap and hugging.
"Are they.. having an orgy?" asked Dib.
".......what?" said ZIM.
"Nevermind.." said Dib.
"AHHH THEY'RE LIKE THE GIRLS AT SKOOL!" screamed ZIM. Dib screamed. That was horrifying.
"AND.. they're MEN!!" said Dib. They both screamed.
"Wait.. you sure they're not both?" asked ZIM.
"I have... NO IDEA!" yelled Dib, and he screamed again with ZIM.
Then the tellitubbies on the screen were dancing, and they started multipling in numbers on the screen.
"AUUUGHH THEY'RE REPRODUCING!" said Dib.
"WITH WHAT?! Themselves?!" said ZIM.
"YES!" said Dib, and they screamed. Then one by one, they dissappeared on the screen.
"OH MY GOD THEY DIED." said ZIM. They blinked for a minute, then both promptly screamed "YAY!" at the same time. Then it showed that pinwheel again.. spinning. Then the tellitubbies came up.
"Drat they didn't." said ZIM.
Then a mercury-looking lake was made, the tellitubbies sitting down staring at it.
"What is it?! Radioactive cum?!" said Dib. ZIM looked at him oddly.
Then some ships were seen in the distance of the mercury lake.
"Where did those things come from?" said Dib. Then they waited an INCREDIOUSLY long time, as the ships got closer and closer.
"Here come the sperm ships!" said Dib, and ZIM, once again, looked at him oddly.
Finally, after.. 20 minutes it seemed, the ships dissappeared and the mercury lake did too. Then all the tellitubbies got in a group, laughing and giggling and crap again. Then the red one tried to kiss the yellow.
"I think they have a thing for eachother." said Dib.
"I knew it!" yelled ZIM.
Then Dib and ZIM heard the four-most-wonderful words ever of their life.
"Tellitubby bye-bye-time!" said the voice on the green hills. The teletubbies waved goodbye, and then it ended.
"Oh my god." said Dib.
"Oh my goodly god god." said ZIM.
"It's over." they said together, with a relieved sigh.
"TIME TO WATCH MORE KIDDY SHOWS!! " squealed GIR.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!" ZIM and Dib both screamed in unison.
..To be continued.
How was it? Everyone like? Short, yes. Funny, hmm? Reviews? Suggestions? Ideas? What show do you want to see the two poor captives watch next..?