Julian turned into his friend that was supporting him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into Derek's chest. The boy was pulling him back inside Stuart house and shutting the door quickly to get all of the red out of sight.
"Jules, Jules. It's okay." Derek dragged them to a couch, sitting down and pulling out his phone, sending a quick text to Logan.
Dude. Where r u? Jules is freaking out. –D
Let the prima donna work it out on his own. I got shit 2 do. - L
"I can't leave, Derek." Julian deadpanned, laying on his queen sized bed next to his friend, staring at the ceiling.
"Is that such a good idea?" Derek asked, "I mean, obviously whoever…" He started, stopping when Julian noticeably winced. "They obviously want you to stay."
"If I leave they'll just follow me… and I feel safer in Dalton than anywhere else." Julian muttered.
"Well, whatever you think is best is what should happen." Derek nodded, "Now get some sleep, we'll talk more tomorrow."
The two laid there in silence for a while before Derek heard his friend's breathing even out, telling him that he was asleep, and he quickly followed suit.
Logan opened the door to Julian's room the next morning, finding his arm draped over Derek's sleeping form and smirking down at the two. "Good morning, Princesses."
Julian awoke to the sound of Logan's voice and his arm wrapped around a warm body, not opening his eyes for a moment, knowing that when he did the possibilities that were flitting through his mind at the given second would be shattered. When his brain registered that the voice was too far away to have come from the person next to him he opened his eyes and removed himself from Derek, rubbing his hand across his face tiredly.
"Long night?" Logan teased, watching Derek sit up and run his hand through his unkempt hair. "How come I wasn't invited to the big gay orgy?" He continued with his jabs when the two weren't saying anything, watching Derek's eyes narrow at him.
"If I remember right, I believe that I did text you, Wright." Derek spat at him, which caught him a little off guard.
"You texted him?" Julian glanced at Derek before looking back at their prefect. "So I guess that means that you just didn't care, then?" He shook his head, "Of course not. Why would I expect anything different?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that we were expected to drop everything that we're doing and come running every time Queen Julian decides to have a little bitch fit." Logan spat at him, his enigmatic green eyes indicating that he hadn't taken his meds for a few days.
"Enough." Derek snapped. Usually this is where he would make a joke about them flirting, but given the situation, and what Julian revealed to him just days prior, he held his tongue.
"No, it's really fine. Go ahead and go on your rampage Oh Tempestuous One, and Derek and I here will sit around and listen and agree with everything you say like good little minions. Rant on, mighty Caesar, rant on!" Julian flourished dramatically with his with his arm, his voice turning thick and sarcastic the longer he talked.
Logan's eyes blazed dangerously and before he could make a move Derek was pulling him back into his room.
When his vision stopped swimming with red, he looked up and saw his friend standing above him with his bottle of pills.
"Wanna tell me why you haven't taken them?" Derek asked idly, continuing to read the label on them for probably the hundredth time. "I thought that when you said you were giving up on chasing Hummel, it meant that you'd start taking them again."
"What the fuck is his problem?" Logan changed the subject, looking back at the door that led to Julian's room.
"You're a douche. That's what his problem is. What were you so busy with that you couldn't come be there for him last night? He fucking needed you, Logan. His stalker threatened him. Not in person or anything, but basically told him if he leaves he'll kill him." Derek raised his voice at him. It wasn't quite a yell, but Derek never got excited about anything, and this was enough to be concerned about.
"He… I… I didn't know. But, he didn't need me. He had you." Logan grasped at anything to alleviate the pang guilt he'd felt surge his body when he heard the whole story.
"Well I'm not always enough, Logan. And you're his best friend. Christ, you are so fucking dense sometimes." Derek shook his head, pulling his phone out of his pocket when it vibrated. "I gotta go. Maybe you should try and act like a decent human being, or maybe go apologize to him or something." The junior said before walking into his own room to get ready for his date.
Julian sat at the piano in the room Pavarotti was kept that was shared by the three Stuart boys. His fingers danced lightly over the keys until he chose a song he wanted to sing, and started to play the slow, lilting melody.
I know I can't take one more step towards you,
'Cause all that's waiting is regret.
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore.
You lost the love I loved the most.
Logan had battled with himself for awhile about whether he wanted to do this drugged or not, and he had finally sided with the latter, tossing his pills on his bed with an internal promise of taking them later. He walked towards Julian's door and his hand hovered over the knob before hearing the piano in their conjoined room and heading back towards it. The blonde opened his adjoining door softly a crack and saw Julian seated at the piano, his fingers working over the keys in a manner Logan never knew he possessed.
I learned to live, half alive.
And now you want me one more time.
Logan pushed the door silently open, leaning up against the frame and watching his friend play, noticing his hands shaking a little bit and tilting his head to the side when he heard the lyrics. He'd heard Julian sing before, but never like this.
And who do you think you are?
Running round leaving scars.
Collecting your jar of hearts,
Tearing love apart.
You're gonna catch a cold,
From the ice inside your soul.
So don't come back for me.
Who do you think you are?
Julian's voice shook a little bit, using the momentary pause to clear his throat and brace himself before the next part, looking up at the small yellow bird that sat preening above him happily.
I hear your asking all around,
If I am anywhere to be found.
But I have grown too strong,
To ever fall back in your arms…
The brunette's hands were shaking visibly at this point, and he had to stop at the last sentence that he sang, knowing it was a complete and utter lie. If Logan ever did want him, he knew he'd go running.
"Why'd you stop?" came a voice from the door, and Julian almost jumped out of his skin.
"Fuck, Logan." He cursed, clenching his hands in his lap.
"Finish it." The blonde prompted, sauntering over to sit next to his friend on the piano, starting to play the melody that Julian had stopped. Logan began to sing it himself when the brunette shook his head and showed no signs of continuing.
And who do you think you are?
Running round leaving scars.
Collecting your jar of hearts,
Tearing love apart.
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all.
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Logan singing the song that Julian had meant towards him, all the while sitting so close to him that their thighs touched and he could feel the heat radiating from Logan's body was too much for him and he got up and stalked across the room, sitting on the window seat, waiting for him to finish the song.
"Jules. I'm sorry I didn't ... that I wasn't there for you last night." Logan began, looking up into Julian's eyes.
"I don't need you to babysit me, Wright. I was fine." Julian answered snarkily, putting up his front that was used to push Logan away in times like these when all he wanted to do was curl up next to the beautiful blonde boy in front of him and let him run his fingers through his brown locks… He was pulled out of his imagery when he saw those wonderfully green eyes start to heat up again.
"See, I told Derek you wouldn't want my help. He seems to think I'm your best friend." Logan said, a little off-kilter.
Julian scoffed, "Friends? Right. We're not even close."
"I'm your friend." Logan started, and was met by an incredulous stare.
"You are not my friend. Derek and I are your pawns. We're only here for your benefit." He mouthed off, watching the intensity grow in Logan's eyes. Yes, good. That's what he wanted. Push him away.
"That's not true!"
"Oh, isn't it? When's the last time you listened to a problem that Derek and/or I had, huh? All you care about is yourself, and those two little… fucking…" He threw his hands up as if he were accepting defeat at the hands of Blaine and Kurt.
"Shut up!" Logan's eyes were blazing at this point, but Julian kept pushing, starting to yell more at himself than anything.
"And they're perfectly happy without you. I don't understand why you keep chasing after Hummel. He's in love with someone else, Logan. You don't have a chance with him. Give up!" He was shouting at this point, getting angrier as his words reflected on his situation with Logan.
"Shut the fuck up!" The blonde raged, crossing the distance and pinning Julian to the wall, "I know that! Don't you think I know that?"
"Yet, you keep going back for more. It's no surprise Hummel doesn't love you, you're pathetic!" Julian said in his face the best he could, his voice quiet from the double meaning in his words, but to Logan it just sounded composed and taunting.
"You know what, Larson? Fuck you! You wanna talk about pathetic? What's pathetic is going around fucking every girl in Hollywood when you're obviously hung up on someone." Logan gestured towards the piano. "Maybe if you didn't fucking run away from everyone then you'd find someone who could put up with your fucking Diva attitude. I honestly don't know who would want to though. I know I sure as hell wouldn't!" He spat back, causing all color to drain from Julian's face.
"Get your fucking hands off me." Julian said in a whisper, turning his head to the side and closing his eyes when he felt tears spring into his eyes. It was bad enough thinking that you could never have the one person you'd pined after since freshman year, but hearing it confirmed from said person was too much.
Logan's gaze turned a little confused. "What?" He said, not moving and watching Julian's body go slack with defeat against the wall. Why wasn't he fighting back? They always talked like this. He knew what he said may have been a little harsh, but why should Julian care? He was straight.
"I said stop touching me, you pompous bastard." The actor tried to push his prefect backwards, but he ended up only moving him an inch or so.
"What is your problem? You gonna cry 'cause I don't want you?" Logan's voice turned degrading, "How long have you had a big gay crush on me, Julian? Huh?" At this point he was just trying to get a rise out of him, grasping at anything to make the brunette insult him again instead of standing in front of him looking so… torn.
Julian's eyes shot up to Logan's when he heard his question, wondering for a second if he honestly knew.
When Julian didn't answer it finally sunk in and Logan dropped his arms to his sides. "Julian… do you…"
The brunette boy just turned and walked away, attempting to make it to his bedroom. Well, shit. The truth was out. Logan knew. And he didn't want him. He was pretty sure this shouldn't hurt as much as it did.
Logan's hand shot out and grabbed Julian's arm, spinning him around. He took a step closer and placed his hands gently on either side of his face, gazing down into the brown eyes across from him.
The actor was genuinely trembling as he tried to tear his gaze away from Logan's.
The blonde tilted his head to the side a little, leaning in and stopping just centimeters from Julian's face, keeping his eyes scanning his friend's face, trying to make sure he hadn't gotten the signs wrong, because honestly, after Kurt, he couldn't take another rejection.
Julian all but whimpered as he waited for Logan's lips to meet his own, but when they did he realized this wasn't the way he wanted it. Yes, he had wanted Logan so badly, ever since freshman year, but this felt like something he was doing out of pity. And no one pitied Julian Larson. "Stop. I don't want your fucking pity." His tone turned harsh as he pushed the boy back.
"I-it… It's not pity." Logan shook his head, stumbling backwards and looking at his friend, confused.
"You don't want me. I'm just a cheap fuck. A substitute for Kurt." Julian spat.
"I want you, Jules… I…"
"No you don't! If you wanted me, you would have made an effort before now. Logan Wright always gets what he wants."
"Julian, you told us you were straight!" Logan yelled in disbelief, "Not to mention, you probably would have ran away like the scared little boy you are."
"I'm not scared." Julian growled back.
"Then show me."