This is a story about the staff photos at Hogwarts. I have exaggerated everything a bit for the purposes of making it more funny. This first chapter shows a little on Snape, and how much he hates his photo being taken. enjoy!
Disclaimers: Work it out, it isn't hard. If I owned Harry Potter this would all be published work, and since it's not, I don't own any of it!
Snape sat down at the desk and pulled open the folded note that someone had left sitting there. It was in Minerva's handwriting.
Staff photos will take place today at 4:30 in the staff room. Everyone has to be there! Oh, and Severus, do try to smile.
Snape looked at his clock in alarm. Good, he was late. The potions master smirked as he sat down again. They would just have to do without him. He would only ruin the photos anyway; he didn't understand why his sulking presence had to be dragged into them every year. Surly Dumbledore would finally give in and let him stay away. He leaned back in his chair and lifted the old dusty book from its place on the table. Suddenly his fireplace blazed green.
Snape jumped violently and leapt off his chair, pulling his wand from beneath his robes.
"I'll curse you." He warned as Professor McGonagall stepped out of the fireplace. Minerva raised an eyebrow.
"I'm terrified."She layered on the sarcasm. Snape glared at her.
"I don't have to go. You can manage without me." He backed right against the wall though, just in case. "You don't have to have me spoiling the pictures."
Minerva stepped forward "That's Alright then, because this year you won't be spoiling them."
Snapeswept neatly around and put the desk between him and the Gryffindor head. "Exactly, I won't be spoiling them because I. Won't. Be. Going." He said each word separately, trying to drum it into her thick skull. Minerva sighed.
"Must we go through this every time?" She was sick of having to drag him in front of the camera year after year.
"I don't like to be photographed." He hissed at her exasperated expression. "You know that."
She tried changing tactics "They're all waiting for you."
"You think I care." He truly didn't. People said a lot of things about him, but he wouldn't let it hurt him. Although sometimes they got a little below the belt – he quickly cut off his thought before they strayed to Lily.
This time was different anyway; his pride was at stake, again. Why did that always seem to happen at Hogwarts? He blamed Albus, something he was doing more and more these days. It was hard to remind himself he was being unfair when the old man would sit so calmly and never raise a finger in his own defence. Perhaps that was why Severus found Albus so easy to blame. He shook his head to clear it and glared furiously at Minerva.
McGonagall was staring right back. She knew Severus was likely to listen to Albus, but he was still trying to sort out a little dilemma in the kitchen, (what timing Peeves had!)– So they had sent her, again.
There was no point trying to curse Snape, he wouldn't take that lying down and she was likely to end up in the hospital wing if he had any excuse, like "She attacked me first." Perhaps a subtle threat – no, that wouldn't scare Snape. It would have to be Dumbledore. Snape never took orders from anyone else.
"Dumbledore sent me." She told him.
"That's nice; tell him that I am not going." Snape said sarcastically.
"Honestly Severus, it's only one little photo."
"Precisely my point," He said in patronising tones. The woman really was getting slow on the uptake.
McGonagall took another step and Snape began to edge towards the door.
Suddenly there was another flare of green light and Professors Sprout and Flitwick entered. Pomona sighed "Ah, we thought this was the problem." She whipped out her wand. So did Flitwick.
"Severus, do try to clam down, we wouldn't want a scene." The little Charms Professor squeaked.
"I beg to differ," Snape sneered, wand out also.
"Severus you are behaving like a child." Minerva really sounded exasperated. "We only want to get this over and done with. You can go back to your work when we're done."
Snape scoffed "That isn't my issue. I've told you all a million times, I don't like having my photo taken, never have, never will." It was partly the kids at school, who would always laugh at his photos, and partly his own hatred of seeing his face reproduced and printed out into many more copies.
Flitwick and Pomona looked at Minerva, seeming to be communicating something he couldn't see. Minerva nodded ever-so-slightly, but he saw it. He flicked his wand, using a non-verbal spell, but Flitwick saw it coming and blocked it just before it hit. Snape raised his wand to strike again but the fireplace blazed green and Albus Dumbledore stepped from the flames.
Snape lowered his wand almost immediately.
"Headmaster," There was a certain resignation in his tone. He knew he had lost. This seemed to happened, in one way or another, every year. Snape knew when to give up.
"Severus, would you please join us in the staff room."
Snape gave the other three heads of house his most scorching glare before following Dumbledore to the fireplace.
Hope you liked it, more coming soon.