A/N: alright I know this is probably crap and there are a lot of little things that are wrong or don't match up but it's my first crack at this.

Aug. 7 2015

"Hey Ducky." agent Carson said angrily as he walked into autopsy. He was a 30 year old ex-Atlanta cop and senior field agent of the MCRT. He had short, curly blonde hair and a swimmer's physique. He was known for being a flirt and oftened annoyed his boss but he was a good agent.

He was accompanied by two other agents. Agent Smith and Agent Brody. Agent Smith was a 32 year old woman with dark hair and tanned skin. She had worked with NCIS for a few years with the intel work until she was promoted to agent 3 years ago. Agent Brody was the probie. He was a tall African American man. He was slightly bookish and a whiz with computers. He has been working at NCIS for 1 year.

It had been 5 years since Ducky had retired and Palmer had taken his place. Gibbs retired that same year, leaving Tony 3 probie's and McGee a team of his own. He and Abby had been married for 2 years. Gibbs retired down in Mexico. They were all down in autopsy as well.

"hello dear boy. What seems to be the problem?"

"Boss. He's always like this 1 day every once in awhile. I think he just likes to piss me off." agent Carson huffed.

"if you knew why you would not think ill of him."

"what happened?" agent Smith spoke up.

"Well it's not really my place to say but I will tell you this story.… there was once a young NCIS agent. He was a playboy as they say. Much like yourself." ducky smiled at the memory and the similarities between the agent and agent Carson. "a Mossad liason joined the team after the death of his partner."

••••••••••

"you know sometimes… I used to picture you naked. Uhh. I'll call you back." the agent stuttered and slammed his phone down akwardly. "hi. I was just…"

"having phone sex?" the intriguing woman asked.

"phone sex…no uhh charades."

"charades. Like uhh.." She motioned with her hands an old vidoe camera representing film.

"you've played." he smirked his charming smile.

"never on the telephone."

"yeah my partner and I were coming up with quotes for Saturday night."

"you play charades on Saturday night?" she looked skeptical.

"to kill time before I go clubbing. Who are you?" he covered.

"Ziva David. Mossad." she said sitting down in McGee's chair.

"you're Israeli."

"very good. The way you made that connection. Mossad Israeli."

"what can I do for you Ms. David?"

"nothing. I'm here to see special agent gibbs."

"How do you know I'm not Gibbs?"

"Uhhaha." she chuckles and slouches in the chair.

"Gibbs?" she looked expectant.

"won't be back til later. Are you sure I can't help you?"

"tuttuttuttut. Hm. I don't think so." her voice became softer.

The agent sighs then smiles. "we got off to a bad start. I'm special agent Tony DiNozzo. I wasn't playing charades. I was remembering my partner."

"naked?" she asked with a confused look.

"no. Yes. I… was just… look i'm not the only man that does it."

"oh women do it too." she looks him up and down suggestively. "with handsome men." she smiles.

Tony started to walk away.

"and even the occasional woman." she grinned cheekily.

"you're teasing me." he chuckled.

"didn't your partner tease you?"

"not about… sex. Kate was kinda puritanical."

"sorry."

"but it didn't matter. I wasn't interested in her… we were partners."

Ziva took her hair down. "she wasn't attractive?"

"she was. But not to me."

"then why were you imagining her naked?"

"ha you can sit there and slouch provacatively for an hour if you like, or you can tell me what you need and maybe I can help."

Getting up and walking over to his desk, "you can't help because I'm here to stop special agent Gibbs from killing a Mossad officer."

"Ari Haswari?"

"yes."

He signals to lean in and she does. "I wish you luck but… I want the bastard dead too."

••••••••••

They had an odd relationship for some time. Antagonizing eachother playfully yet it never went farther than playful banter. But you could feel the tension in the room.

••••••••••

"it is a marine dressed as a civil war soldier who was shot by a musket and then buried alive in a 140 year old antique, iron casket and you're telling me this isn't your strangest case?" Ziva asked.

"yup" said Tony.

"pretty much." said Mcgee.

They were both eating burritos.

" I don't know what I find more disturbing, your eating habits or the fact that I believe you."

"I'm sorry. Do our strange American themes frighten you?" Tony asked in a surfer dude accent.

"haha not at all." Ziva said with a smile. "I was referring to your manners. You should've bought me one." she said as she took a bite of Tony's.

Tony looked surprised.

McGee sniggered. "haha."

"yeye." Tony imitated with a scowl.

"I'm gonna go help Abby." he said as he turned away.

Tony looked down at his burrito. Ziva went to take another bite but Tony yanked it away. He then looked down at it again and gave it to Ziva angrily.

Ziva smiled mischevuously.

••••••••••

They grew closer and they began to realize it. They had grown feelings for eachother.

••••••••••

"did you hear from Tony last night?" Ziva asked as she and Gibbs got into the car.

"nope" was his reply.

"what about this morning?" she paused, waiting for an answer but none came.

"the only reason I am asking is because I called him last night to update him and he didn't pick up the phone. He didn't answer this morning either."

"ahhh. You two got married and didn't tell me." Gibbs said with a smirk.

"no!" she said defensively. "I know this might sound a bit strange coming from me but…"

"more than a bit ziva." he cut in.

"he's my partner and I'm concerned."

"ya with the case so…"

"and I think you may have sent him back for other reasons than to question Lt. Shaheen's commanding officer."

"did I miss the announcement?"

"no. I was not made the director of NCIS."

"I was thinking more like the secretary of the navy because the director, would know damn well not to ask me such a stupid question."

"look. Tony has been very secretive lately and for a man who can't keep what he had for breakfast a secret, I think it is scary."

"what's scary is your persistance."

"sorry! So the only reason you sent him back was to do what you…ahhhh!"

She screamed as Gibbs floored it backwards signaling the end of the conversation.

••••••••••

But at differnt times. The agent fell in love during an undercover assignment and ended up getting his heart broken. He had a hard recovery and she was there for him but he pretended that he was ok and didn't need her help. When he realized his feelings for her she was in another relationship.

••••••••••

"and fornell didn't give us anything?"

"well what can I say, he wasn't in a very giving mood though he was generous enough to give Kale an alibi."

"think fornell would lie to Gibbs?" McGee cut in.

"if he felt he must." Ziva said.

"says the woman who is being evasive to her friends about her vacation to Israel."

"I am intrigued by how intrigued you are Tony." she said with a slight smile.

"and I am curious that you are curious that I am intrigued. What's his name?"

"hm. I do not believe I said I was actually seeing anyone but it would be very difficult to go to Israel and not see anyone at all. It is quite populated there you know."

"ha that's cute. I don't see why you're having trouble admitting this. You were in israel for 4 monthes. Plenty of time to hook up with someone."

"in that amount of time Tony would've hooked up with many someones." McGee said with a smile.

"hey!" Tony said looking hurt.

"what is it you really want to know Tony?"

"depends Zeevah."

"on?"

"on whatever it is you don't want me to know." he said with a grin but another motive in his eyes.

••••••••••

Turns out she was seeing another Mossad officer. Michael Rivkin. He got involved with an NCIS operation and he ended up causing a lot of trouble and bad feelings between the two co-workers. Michael was using her though and he tried to protect her when Michael put evidence against her. The agent and Michael got into a fight when he went to confront her. The agent ended up winning and killed Michael out of self- defense. She didn't see it that way.

••••••••••

"I had no choice."

"that's a lie."

"why would I lie to you Ziva?"

"to save your worthless ass."

"from who? Vance? Mossad?"

"you jeopardized your entire career and for what?"

"for you."

They shared a look of many emotions.

"he was playing you."

"and you felt it your job to protect me?"

"I did what I had to do."

"you killed him!"

"maybe if I hadn't then you would be having this conversation with him but, maybe that's the way you'd prefer it?"

"maybe I would!"

"that's why you're angry. It's not because he's dead. It's because your Mossad boyfriend got his ass kicked by a chump like me!"

Ziva dropped Tony on his back onto the concrete and she straddled him.

"you saw a glass table! You pushed him back! You dropped him on it! He was impaled in the side by a shard of glass! Bloody! Gasping for air.…"

"I guess you read my report…"

"I MEMORIZED IT! You could have left it at that. You could have walked away but NO! You let him up! You put four in his chest!" she put her gun on his chest. "You could have put one in his leg!" she moved the gun to his leg.

"you loved him."

Her eyes changed then. They softened slightly.

"I guess I'll never know."

She got up and walked away.

••••••••••

After that, she returned to Tel Aviv. Her father, the director of Mossad, put her on a suicide mission. She didn't communicate with anyone here. The agent was worried. He felt responsible and it ate away at him. He tried to track her down and he did until Gibbs informed him that the ship she had been on was lost at sea and there were no survivors.

••••••••••

"so what's the goat?"

"it's the info that McGee and I recovered from the burnt laptop found in Ziva's apartment." Abby said.

"with the location of a terrorist camp in North Africa run by a man by the name of Saleem Ulman." McGee put in.

"we gave it to Gibbs, Gibbs gave it to Vance, Vance gave it to Eli David who read it and then he put Ziva and a team on a Jordanian freighter called the Damocleus."

"out of Acaba." Tony cut in.

"uhh yeah. Bound for the horn of Africa." McGee said.

"you got a manifest?"

"it's a cargo ship... Could be a direct supply line to Saleem." Abby said.

"where is it now?"

"don't know."

"well find it!" The agent said determindely.

"we tried. It's...there's no record of it appearing anywhere after May." McGee said exasperatingly.

"well why not?"

" 'cause. It was lost at sea. Damocleus went down in a storm. 28th of May. Off the coast of Somalia," he paused letting it sink in. "there were no survivors."

The agent's face went pale and his eyes lost their regular glint. His whole world crashed down at that moment.

••••••••••

Everyone on the team was heart broken but the agent was never quite the same. He didn't make jokes like he used to or chase after every woman that caught his eye. Everyone noticed.

••••••••••

"grab your gear" Gibbs said for the umpteenth time like nothing had happened.

"no" Tony said before thinking but, he knew he had to do something.

"no?"

"no. We have a responsibility. Saleem Oman must be stopped, before one more person dies." He said with a grim sort of enthusiasm.

"make your case." he said.

••••••••••

The agent did. He and Special Agent McGee here, and Special Agent Gibbs went to Africa to seek revenge on the man responsible for her death. Tony and Tim were captured.

Everyone was listening intently. They all knew who the agent was now. There was no denying it. They were so enraptured by the story that they didn't notice Tony walk in.

••••••••••

"Is your team here to finish the job?" saleem yelled.

"hmmhmm. Not only are you wrong but you're wrong at the top of your voice."

"what does that mean hmm"

"can you image Nicholson at bad day at black rock I woulda liked to see that."

"so where is the rest of your team?" he said as he yanked up Tony's head by his hair.

"I don't know. I don't care about your team… and I dont care about my team. "

"so I will ask again what are you doing here?"

"well Saleem there's only one force on earth that can short-circuit a man's better instinct, put fire in his veines, make him dive headlong into danger with no regard for his own well-being."

Tony looked right into his eyes. He wanted Saleem to feel his pain.

"vengeance. Saleem. I'm hear to kill ya."

••••••••••

The surprise was that she wasn't dead. She was being held captive there.

••••••••••

"why are you here?"

"McGee…McGee didn't think you were dead.

"Tony. Why are you here?"

Tony squirmed slightly. He was afraid to tell her but he couldn't fight it.

"couldn't live without you…. I guess."

••••••••••

Long story short, they rescued her. It took a little time for things to be ok again and they were completely comfortable with eachother.

••••••••••

"well I can always take the couch." the agent said standing next to his partner staring at the 1 double bed in the Parisian hotel room.

"no that's alright I will." Ziva said.

"well... We are adults and could share a bed without participating in...other activities." he replied sheepishly.

"if it's alright with you."

"it's fine with me if it's fine with you." he rambled.

"ok then. It is decided."

*later*

Both agents had trouble sleeping. Ziva with nightmares and Tony because he couldn't bear to see her like that and he had nightmares of his own.

He got to Somalia but he was too late. He got there, found her and then she got shot while he carried her out. These were only a few of the traumatic scenarios he experienced while she tossed and turned and mumbled occasionaly started crying. Then she woke up. He pretended to be asleep for her pride but it tore him apart. She pretended to go back to sleep. He pulled her slowly closer and she molded into his side. He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"I'm so sorry. I promise to never hurt you again." he whispered.

A small smile tugged at her lips as she held on tighter and basked in his warmth and comfort.

They both fell into a peaceful sleep. It had been the first night that either one of them didn't have nightmares.

••••••••••

but they both admitted their feelings for eachother eventually.

••••••••••

"Tony. That was stupid." Ziva said between sobs as she knelt by his body.

"you're saying that it was stupid to save your life." he asked surprisingly calmly for the circumstances.

"Yes! You have saved me too many times. I love you Tony. Please don't die on me."

"I love you too." he said with passion. "And it's nice to hear you admit it. But I'm not dying." he started to get up and he opened his shirt to reveal a bulletproof vest with a little golden slug right over his heart.

Ziva was shocked but happy. Then she went to angry.

"DiNozzo! If you ever do that to me again I will kill you with a paperclip!" she yelled as she slapped him.

Then she enveloped him in a hug that would rival Abby's.

She pulled away but Tony wouldn't let her. He pulled her back and kissed her. He thought it would be just another kiss but it was so much more. It was passion, lust, hate, anger, annoyance, love and it was what he needed.

Then Gibbs and McGee ran in. Gibbs headslapped them both. They broke apart and smiled sheepishly.

"keep it out of the office." Gibbs said as he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. McGee stood there gawking until Tony found Ziva's hand and started walking out. As Tony went by he headslapped the probie with an ear to ear grin.

••••••••••

After that, their relationship progressed quickly. After 7 monthes, the agent proposed and she accepted. They couldn't be happier.

Until one day, they had a case. It was a serial killer. Killing quite randomly though. She was sick that day and had been earlier that week. She had actually been sick off and on for a few weeks and had been either staying behind or staying at home. When they had brought in the killer as a suspect he saw her and he was…drawn to her, unfortunately. They had no real evidence so they had to let him go. He tracked her down. He found her at home. The team solved the case at about the same time.

••••••••••

"it was Lt. Carter." Gibbs said in realization. "McGee trace his phone."

"already done boss. Uhh. He's at Tony and Ziva's apartment."

Tony was in the elevator before he finished the sentence and Gibbs wasn't far behind.

They drove through the streets at almost 160 mph. Accumulating a few cops along the way then they saw the fed plates and peeled off.

When they got to the apartment Tony rushed in to find the Lieutenant standing over Ziva with gun. Ziva was bleeding profusely from her chest and stomach. Tony immediately shot him and he dropped like an anchor. He knelt by Ziva and tried applying pressure to the wounds but he could tell she was almost gone.

"Tony." she gasped.

"shhhh. Hey it's gonna be ok. Gibbs called an ambulance. It will be here soon. I promise. I love you." Tony choked out.

"I..love...you...too." she grabbed his hand and placed it on her lower abdoman.

••••••••••

"Her last words were…"

"Tali. Caitlin. DiNozzo." Tony spoke up from the corner. Tears were evident in his voice. His eyes were empty and his face blank as he said it. At that point, no one had dry eyes. Not even Gibbs.

"yes thank you Anthony." Ducky said.

"The autopsy was the hardest one that I have ever had to perform. The baby was indeed a little girl. She had been about 4 monthes along. What made it worse was, that night, the agent went back to his blood stained apartment to find an ultrasound picture on his pillow. She was going to tell him that night. The agent was, as I'm sure you assumed, was more than heartbroken. He has never been the same. He is constantly burdened by the feeling that he was responsible. Though he was not." Ducky looked at Tony. He was crying but his face and eyes were still blank.

"they died on August 7. Today would mark the 5 year anniversary of their deaths. Their 5 year wedding anniversary would be on August 24. Tali's fifth birthday would be on December fourth. To this day, the agent wears her engagement ring on a chain around his neck.

Everyone was looking at Tony now. What they once saw as an unbreakable man, they now saw as a vulnerable man with a past that no one deserved to have. He had his hand clutched around the ring.

He wanted to feel that feeling of love again. He wanted to feel her hair. He wanted to hold his little girl, teach her how to ride a bike, and everything else that parenthood entails. But he knew that he would never have any of it.

He couldn't take the gawking of his employees and collegues. He bolted to the door and ran out of the building.

Everyone just stared solemnly at the floor.

"I feel terrible." agent Carson said.

"you could not have known my boy."

"no, but before, he was being really…aggrivating. I told him that maybe that's why he didn't have a girl." he said looking sheepish.

"he will forgive you. He is a good man at heart. He is simply afraid to love again because every time that he has, it has not ended well. It is amazing that he is even able to function now. I only summarized the defining points in their relationship. There were many more ups and downs and some of their secrets, I'm afraid no one will ever know but Tony."

••••••••••

It was storming outside when the group found Tony at the cemetary. He was soaking wet but he didn't even seem to notice. They all walked to where Tony was on his knees in front of a gravestone.

After a few minutes, he spoke.

"she was beautiful. Even when she threatened to kill me, she was beautiful. She was smart and could kick Bruce Lee's ass any day. I think of her evey day and of what my life would be like if that night never happened. Would we have been happy? Would we have more kids? What would Tali look like? Everytime I imagine her, I see a different combination. Her hair, my eyes, her face, my sense of humor, etc. The day she was supposed to be born, I went to the hospital and waited in the maternity ward waiting room. I saw many new fathers walk out of delivery rooms with huge smiles, telling their families of it's newest member. I congratulated every one of them. I prayed to god that those fathers would never do anything to hurt their kids. I knew I would never have the oppurtunity to be the father that neither Ziva or I had. It ripped me apart. I still feel like her hand just went limp in mine. They could've died yesterday. I ask myself every day, how to live with myself. I have yet to find that answer. All I can do is remember." he paused and took a deep breath in before he whispered, "That's all I will ever be able to do."

The end

A/N: whew! That was long to write but I enjoyed it and hoped you did too. I normally prefer stories with multiple chapters but if I prolonged this then I think it would be kind of boring...please review telling me what you thought.