Four Times Emily Didn't Know (And The One Time She Did)

One – Big Pimpin'

Naomi still wasn't sure what they were doing there, what with there being a nice big WAG-free house waiting for them a short cab ride away, but Emily was Emily, and if she had big plans for a club bathroom stall then who was Naomi to get in her way?

But still, these girls. If Naomi heard one more story about a bloke promising to change, she was going to pull out her mobile, search for a copy of The Second Sex, and read it outloud, word for word, until every single one of them developed self worth or fucked off for good.

Yet another blonde popped out of a toilet and the queue surged forward by two, the pair clearly being best mates on their way to talk boys. Naomi wasn't sure when she'd picked up the skill, but somehow, the line between friendly and flirty had been clearly defined. And Emily's hand, sweeping down the inside of her thigh, was total filth in the flirty direction.

"For fuck sakes. They've been in there forever." Naomi looked up at the girl in front of them, squirming away from Emily's teasing pinch. The girl glared at the end stall as if it had personally insulted her, "Pair of fucking slags. It's not like the rest of us need to piss or anything." Naomi and Emily exchanged an amused look, but said nothing, shuffling forward as another stall became free.

"Thank Christ," Naomi muttered when they finally landed at the front of the line. Emily grinned up at her, as sexy as ever, and Naomi had to admit that maybe Emily's idea wasn't so bad after all.

At long last the end stall unlocked, and Emily surged forward, practically dragging Naomi behind her. "I can't wait to–"

The door swung open and two girls fell out with a giggle.

Emily froze, which made Naomi stop, which made Effy come to a screeching halt, which made Katie slam into Effy's back and nearly cause a four person pile up.

There was a split second pause, when everyone looked at everyone, then Naomi burst out into hysterical laughter, grabbing onto Emily's shoulder to keep herself on her feet.

"What..." Emily stared helplessly, her eyes darting between Katie's dishevelled hair and the familiar shade of lipstick now smudged on Effy's lip.

Katie peaked over Effy's shoulder, "It's not what it looks like?"

Naomi struggled to catch her breath, the tears running down her face, "Phenomenal."

Effy rolled her eyes at the entire situation, stepping away to straight up in front of the mirror as Katie readjusted her skirt under Emily's unrelenting stare. After a long drawn out beat, Katie threw up her hands, "Ugh, whatever. She's really fucking good, alright?"

Naomi made some sort of strange wheezing noise, "Stop. You're killing me."

Emily opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, "You…"

"Have been fucking Effy for two months," Katie pushed past Naomi and followed Effy out the door. "So get the fuck over it!"

Two – Hang Me Up to Dry

Emily picked up the phone with a sigh, while it was wonderful that her mother had come around to the (general) idea of Naomi, the rather frequent phone calls were starting to grate.

"Hi mum."

"Your sister is gay."

Emily chocked on a mouthful of tea, spiting it down her front, "Pardon?"

"She hasn't gone on a date for months and she came home wearing that girl's clothes." Jenna stated in a tone of voice that made it sound like Katie had been consorting with terrorists.

Emily wiped at her shirt, "Katie and Effy are friends. They probably got drunk and Katie needed something to wear."

"Her shirt was black Emily," Jenna paused, "Black."

"Come on mum. You've met…a percentage of the boys she's…dated."

"Well why doesn't she have a boyfriend?"

Emily winced at her mother's increasingly shrill tone, "I don't know, maybe she's taking a break? It's not like she was picking winners before."

"Really Emily, is that any way to talk about your sister?"

Emily grunted, "So is there an actual reason why you called me?"

"Yes, I think your sister's gay!"

Emily put down her tea with a sigh, "Mum, she's not. Just because I'm interested in girls doesn't mean Katie is."

"She stays over at her house every weekend."

"They go out clubbing."

"And picks her up after work."

"Katie just got her license."

"And says she's studying five nights a week."

"…let me call you back." Emily hung up the phone before her mother could say anything else.

Katie picked up on the fourth ring, "What do you want?"

"A hello would be nice."

"I'm kind of in the middle of something?"

Emily rolled her eyes at Katie's overly put upon tone, "Well Mum just called me."

"Right." There was some shuffling about as Katie pulled the phone away from her mouth, "Oh suffer you impatient cunt, I'll be back in a minute." She cleared her throat, "So what's mum on about now?"

Emily hesitated, "Where are you?"

"Effy's."

"What are you doing?"

"Watching a movie," Katie mumbled, distracted by whatever – or whoever – was in the room with her.

"What one?"

"Jesus Em, what's with the fucking inquisition?" Katie snapped, suddenly back on the line.

"Nothing." Emily stated defensively, "I'm just interested in movies."

There was silence, "Are you stoned?"

"Hopefully," Emily took a breath, preparing herself for the inevitable hissy fit. "So mum has this theory…"

"About movies?" Katie asked when Emily couldn't decide how to word it properly, "Oh god, please don't tell me they're back on the Vin Diesel kick."

"She thinks you're sleeping with Effy."

Katie coughed, "Oh, that's...ridiculous?"

And Emily dropped her phone.

Three – Silent House

"You swear you didn't say anything?"

Naomi rolled her eyes, "For the last time, I told her you were the shower, she called me a bitch and then we hung up. She has no idea you're coming."

Emily nodded and looked out the cab window, "I just…we've never been apart for this long."

Naomi sighed, knowing how much this meant to Emily. Key word being Emily. Naomi had endured 37 hours of travelling to wish Katie Fitcha Happy Birthday. "She'll love it." And she'd better or Naomi would make her cart a fucking crystal three quarters of the way around the world.

Emily thought it was beautiful.

Naomi thought it was heavy.

Naomi paid the cab driver as Emily dragged their suitcases out the boot, always ready to show someone up with a display of athleticism. They found the door unlocked and the living room empty, and Naomi collapsed onto the couch as Emily bounded up the stairs, embarrassingly excited about seeing her sister. It was their 21st and Emily knew that there would be no better gift, for either of them, then spending the day together.

Katie's bedroom door was slightly ajar, some muted sounds coming from within, and Emily threw it open with a giant grin.

"Shit!"

"Fuck!"

"Emily?"

"Katie?"

Katie grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to her chin, staring at her sister with wide eyes, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I-I came home to surprise you," Emily stuttered out, unable to make sense of the scene in front of her.

Effy lit a fag and flopped down onto the bed, "Surprise."

Four - You Can Be Boss

"Katie, let your brother use the laptop!"

Katie grunted, flipping through Pandora's facebook album. "I'm revising!"

"…and then trumpets… broccoli…giraffe spunk..." Katie raised an eyebrow at the debate downstairs, but kept at her tasks, commenting on Panda's shoes as she chatted with Effy about their evening plans.

"Katie!" Her mother warned, clearly reaching her daily limit of James' antics.

Effy disappeared out the chat window without a word and Katie decided she'd just catch up with her on text. "Yeah, yeah," Katie muttered, snapping the laptop lid shut, "Fucking family." Katie carried the computer downstairs and found her mother and brother in the kitchen, "I hope you know this means I won't be getting an A in history."

"A B will be more than enough," Her mother commented dryly, settling down at her desk.

Katie held the laptop above James' head, "No fannies. No bums. No tits." James snatched the computer from her hand and scampered up the stairs.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that," Her mother reprimanded without lifting her head, "What kind of example does it set for James?"

"A normal one," Katie muttered under her breath, escaping into the living room where Emily was watching telly.

Katie threw herself onto the couch, "Anything good?"

"Absolutely shit all," Emily sighed, tossing Katie the remote.

"Great."

"Yep." Emily concurred, pulling out her mobile.

"God, do you have to update Naomi about every second of your life?"

"Yep." Emily repeated wearing that smile she always had when she was typing something dirty.

"You're disgusting."

"Ye–"

"Ugh, spare me the confirmation," Emily grinned, typing away. "So things with Naomi are, like, good? It's not…weird?"

Emily looked up, an annoyed expression on her face, "Sex with girls is not weird Katie."

"I know," Katie squirmed, "I do…I just, I meant the other stuff? The dating and whatever."

"Oh." Emily paused, "I dunno, it's nice. Easy."

Emily went back to her texting and Katie bit her lip. After a moment's deliberation, she looked over her shoulder to make sure her mother was still in the kitchen and leant towards her sister, "Ems…"

"Hmm…?" Emily asked, lost in her own world.

"I…I'm kind of…"

"KATIE?"

Katie growled at James' interruption, leaning back so she could shout up the stairs, "What?"

"What's a strap on?"

Katie rolled her eyes, ignoring Emily's amused snicker. "Something you strap on. Stop looking at porn and do your homework."

"I'm not looking at porn!" James yelled huffily.

"James!" Katie warned, throwing a book at the stairs to make it seem like she was moving.

James stuck his head over the balustrade, "I'm not. I'm trying to do my homework but Effy is asking if she can do you from behind and Gordon McPherson says she means fisting but dad thinks she needs to do more pushups so how could she throw a good punch?"

There was a crash in the kitchen at the exact same time Emily's head snapped up from her mobile, her mouth falling open as she processed James' words.

Katie cleared her throat, "Right then. I'm kind of seeing Effy."

Five – Graduation Day

"Katie, it's Panda's wedding. You can't not go."

Katie slammed a pot onto the burner and turned her back on Emily, "I'm just not going, alright?"

"Is it money? Because I can–"

"I don't need your money," Katie cut in angrily, pulling out a jar of tomato sauce from the cupboard.

Emily sighed, resting her chin on her hand, "Okay…then is it about Thomas? I know you liked him but it's been five years…"

Katie spun around with an incredulous look, "Are you fucking kidding me? We snogged, like twice."

"Well I don't know, you're acting very strange about this," Katie rolled her eyes, "Katie, you are. You've been dying to go to New York since we were kids and here's a week away, with friends, going to a wedding in New York. I mean, how could you not want to go?"

"I have to work."

"At your own company that you can run from anywhere?" Emily questioned in amusement.

"Oh, just…fuck off," Katie dropped half a packet of pasta into the pot and crossed her arms testily. "I don't know why I even bothered to invite you over."

"My wit and charm. Obviously." Katie grunted, but Emily could see the smile threatening to come out. "So," Emily slid the half empty wine bottle towards her sister, "Either you talk or you drink."

"I have a shoot tomorrow morning."

"Then I guess you better get talking."

Katie eyed the bottle, well aware of how serious Emily was. And when her sister set her mind on something… "Fuck," Katie stormed over, grabbed the bottle and chugged its contents in a matter of seconds.

Emily blinked, "Uh…I didn't actually mean…"

Katie slammed the bottle down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "Yeah, well, there's no fucking way I'm having this conversation sober."

Emily raised an eyebrow as Katie flopped down on the chair across from her and tipped her head back. "Katie?"

"Give me a minute," Katie muttered, waiting for the alcohol to kick in. After a few seconds, she took a breath and dropped her head back down, "Effy's my ex."

"Ex what?"

Katie gave her sister a scathing look, "My ex-gardener Emily. Clearly I'm distressed over the placement of my perennials." Emily stared. And stared. And stared. "Are you going to say anything anytime soon?"

"Why aren't you going to the wedding?"

"She's with Graham and…" Katie reached over and downed the last of Emily's wine, "I just can't, okay?"

"You can't avoid her for the rest of your life. You go to the same gym, you eat at the same restaurants, Naomi and I spend time with you both."

"I'm willing to donate Naomi for the cause," Katie offered, almost cheerfully.

Emily rolled her eyes, "Well I'm not. You're going to regret it if you don't come with us. Effy's not the only one who will be there, and knowing Panda, it'll probably be the most eventful wedding we'll ever go to."

"You're not wrong on that one," Katie conceded with a sigh.

"Right, so can you please say yes? I'll let you get as drunk as you want. No pictures." Katie hesitated and Emily moved in for the kill, "And you can help me pick my dress? I mean, it is New York. I wouldn't want to accidentally show up in something from last season."

"More like last decade," Katie corrected, unconsciously glancing towards the calendar on her wall, "You have to promise not to ditch me for Naomi. I refuse to be the pathetic loser at the singles table."

"I don't think you have to worry about that," Katie frowned at Emily's response but she waved it off. "So are you saying you'll come?"

"I'm saying I'll think about it," Katie countered, turning to check on the pot. "Watch that will you? I have to look at my email before the wine really kicks in."

Emily bit her lip to hold in a laugh as Katie half stumbled out of the room, clearly more gone than she realised, before she pulled out her mobile and fired off a text.

1) you cunt 2) mission accomplished 3) tell her you broke up with him 4) she loves you 5) you cunt