Rated M for a reason.
I own nothing in the Star Wars universe.
In this story, Jyn and Cass survive Scarif. It's my fix it, even though I loved the movie and understand why they ended it the way they did.
Starts out somber but ends up being a bit fluffy.
I hope the formatting holds. FF can be a real pain in the butt sometimes.
Rebel base, Yavin IV
He's too pale, she thinks. Too pale and too thin. All the wires and tubes connected to him don't help calm her fears either. Jyn knows they are there to make him better, but it's hard to remember that when he's lying in the medical bed so very still. Like a dead man. She wants Cassian to wake up and tell her he will be alright. That everything will be alright. But one of the doctors has said they will keep him asleep for another day, giving his numerous internal injuries time to heal and others who were more seriously wounded time in the bacta tanks. After that, it will be his turn to go into the tank to take care of the dozens of wounds still littering his skin. Some of them are deep, especially the one caused by the laser blast from Krennic.
Jyn blinks, grips his hand a little harder and shoves the memories of Scarif into the back of her mind. She cannot think of them without wanting to cry. Chirrut, Baze, Bhodi, K2… all gone. They may not have been together for long, but they had started to feel like a family.
She blinks again. Family. Papa. She should have known he wouldn't willingly work for the Empire. Hadn't he told her that whatever he did, he did it to protect her and her mother? Hadn't he said he loved her often enough? Those memories get shoved into the back of her mind with Scarif's. She doesn't want to curl up and cry in the medical unit. She was released only yesterday morning and doesn't want to give the doctors a reason to put her back in.
"Jyn Erso."
She turns to find a medical droid moving up the aisle way, studying her face. She quickly wipes her eyes.
"Are you feeling well?" it asks. "Do you require medical attention? Your eyes are rather red indicating distress." It stops next to Cassian's bed, still looking at her face.
"No," she replies quickly, "I'm fine, just worrying about Captain Andor."
The medical staff is used to her coming in here frequently and checking on Cassian now that she's up and about. "Captain Andor will not make a 100 per cent recovery. Some of his scars will be permanent and his leg will not be fully functional….," the droid goes on, but she stops listening. She knows this already. From what one of the doctors tells her, Cassian might even have a limp.
He's going to be fine, Jyn thinks for the hundredth time. But until he's awake and tells her himself, she doubts. Everything else in her life has been taken from her, so why not her only friend?
Friend. Such an innocuous word to describe what he means to her, but her emotions are still all over the place and she can't think clearly enough to sort through her feelings.
The droid finishes its recitation of Cassian's prognosis and moves on to another patient. Most of the wounded from the battle have been treated and released but there are still many others that require extended care.
The lights in medical dim and she realizes it's late. Her stomach rumbles. When was the last time she ate? Was it this morning or did she go to the canteen for the mid-day meal? She can't recall. No matter, she found some rations stashed in Cassian's quarters that will do. They aren't appetizing but at least she'll eat.
She looks down at him, gives his hand a gentle squeeze and tells him silently that she'll be back in the morning.
The hot water cascades down her back, stinging a little in the few spots not fully healed. Jyn turns this way and that until she's able to find a comfortable position. She leans her head against the wall of the small cubicle and revels in the heat; her sore muscles finally relaxing. This is one of the reasons she's here and not in the room they've assigned her. Cassian's rank affords him slightly better accommodations. Meaning he has a small washroom in his quarters. The shower may barely hold one human sized individual but it's luxurious to someone who's spent most of her life running through all the dirt on all the planets in the galaxy. Okay, that may be an exaggeration but most places she's been in were lucky to have walls and a roof.
When the water starts to cool, she quickly finishes washing up. Slapping the controls on the wall, she turns off the water and grabs a towel, wrapping it around herself. Padding out into the main area, she crouches down and roots around in a drawer under Cassian's bunk. Finding a suitable shirt, she finishes drying off with her towel and then slips the shirt on. It comes down to mid thigh, reminding her of how much taller he is than her.
Jyn's stomach rumbles again. Food. Walking over to the desk in the corner, she grabs an emergency ration bar and some water. She's not sure why he's got them stashed in here but she's grateful. The canteen is full of people that stare at her with something like awe. It makes her uncomfortable. Other than the infrequent trips for meals and the one time Mon Mothma asked to see her she has kept a low profile, preferring the quiet safety of Cassian's quarters. Being surrounded by his things is a great comfort.
The senator.
Mon Mothma had asked her stay, saying she could be a great help to the Alliance. And they needed help desperately. The recent battles had taken a huge toll, and the rebellion lost a lot of fighters. But Jyn was undecided and it showed. Mon Mothma nodded, correctly interpreting Jyn's hesitation and told her to think the offer over while she was recovering. The regal senator had also told her there would be a small medal ceremony for her and Cassian, once they were both feeling better. Jyn had tried to smile, but failed. She should be flattered, but she didn't need another reminder of everything she had lost, and that's all it would be. The medals wouldn't bring her father or friends back.
Bolting down the food and finishing off her glass of water, she hangs up the damp towel and then crawls gratefully into the bunk. She's tired, but not quite sleepy.
After dimming the lights and scooting around until she finds a somewhat comfortable position, she closes her eyes. For the love of all that's holy, Jyn thinks wryly, if the rebellion wants to win the fight they need to give their people better mattresses. This thing is harder than the floor! She snorts. I need to think about my future and what I want, but here I am complaining about the mattress! Still, the damn thing IS hard. She had noticed it yesterday but was too tired and fell asleep immediately after laying down. Perhaps it's why Cassian is usually in a grumpy mood, but she knows that's not the case. He's been fighting since he was a small child, just like her and after a while, that life, it grinds you down and takes a toll.
She turns over and buries her face in the pillow, pulling the covers up to her neck. Unfamiliar and slightly familiar scents hit her nose. Their embrace on Scarif had been one overwhelmed by the smells of blood, sweat, water and terror. Still, she recognizes the underlying scent, it's cool and exotic, one that is uniquely Cass's. The others must be from the laundry cleaner the Alliance uses.
She breathes in deeply again, letting the familiar scent wash over her, soothing her in a way nothing has since she's been a small child. Jyn feels safe here, content even.
And there it is.
"There's what?"
Your answer.
"My answer?"
Yes, to what you want.
"I want to join the rebellion and sleep on a hard mattress?"
No, you want Cassian.
"Maybe I want safety and security and am confusing those things with him."
No, you aren't. You cannot lie to yourself.
Jyn rolls on to her back and stares at the ceiling.
There it is, really, the heart of the matter, or rather, what matters to her heart. Yes, she wants safety and security, what sane creature doesn't, but even more, she wants Cassian. Despite their rocky start, he understands her, accepts her and supported her when she needed it. The feelings he elicits are new and strange, but welcome.
She is no child; she understands that they may not work out. Jyn has seen much in her young life and she knows there are no guarantees, but she wants to try. It's worth it, he is worth it. So tomorrow she will wait for him to finish in medical and she will talk to him about their future.
What if he says no?
She rolls her eyes and thinks of the look they shared in the lift on Scarif. If they hadn't been so seriously injured and in a hurry to get off the planet, she knows without a doubt Cassian would've hit the controls to stop the thing and they would've done it right there and then.
That seems to shut the pessimistic side of her up.
Smiling at the thought of what could've happened in the lift, Jyn closes her eyes and tries to get some sleep. She's got an important day ahead of her tomorrow; she's going to tell Mon Mothma yes.
Cassian stands outside the door of Jyn's assigned quarters and presses the chime. After a moment, he hits the chime again. Still nothing. He punches in an overriding security code (there are advantages to being an Intelligence officer of high rank) and the door slides open. Stepping in, he looks around and is puzzled. There's a small stack of clothes sitting neatly on the bed, but otherwise the quarters are untouched. There's no indication anyone has been here or is still here.
"Jyn?" he calls out to the empty room.
Ice slides down his spine. He pulls out his commlink and asks if Jyn Erso is still on the base. She wouldn't have left, would she? The reply is swift, she is still on the base and currently in a meeting with Senator Mon Mothma
He flicks off the commlink and sinks down onto the bed with relief. At least she's here. For several moments he had thought she had left to go off on her own again. And finding her would be like looking for one particular grain of sand on a beach. You would look for her if she left? You have responsibilities to the Rebellion, you wouldn't be able to go off and spend what could be years looking for one person. But I would, he thinks. Yes, I would leave the Rebellion to go and find her.
He takes a deep, shaky breath and closes his eyes. His priorities have changed. Somehow, in the last week, she has become more important than anything else. He may be a spy with the ability to lie to others to get what is needed but he cannot lie to himself. Jyn has gotten under his skin and he wants more. It's frightening. He's been a solitary creature for so long he's not sure how to go about letting all his defenses down, but he will try for her. Over the years, he's endured so much loss that the walls around his heart are nearly impenetrable. Oh, he's had brief encounters with various women in the past, but they've meant nothing. Both parties had mutual itches to scratch. Jyn, however, is no itch. She is important.
Getting to his feet, he decides to go to his quarters, change his clothes and then head to the canteen while he's waiting. Her meeting will probably take a while.
Arriving at his door takes much longer than it should have. Between his slight limp and the number of people stopping to thank him and inquire how he's doing, Cassian feels like it's been hours since he's left Jyn's quarters. Considering how long it took him to get to Jyn's from medical, it shouldn't have surprised him.
With a soft whoosh, the door slides open and he walks through. Stopping abruptly, he stands in the middle of the room looking around in confusion. He knows this isn't how his room looked the last time he was here. The bed is rumpled, there are ration bar wrappers scattered across his desk and a small pile of dirty laundry is stacked on a table in the corner. He walks a few steps and peers into the washroom. The shower cubicle is still damp.
He turns around and notices the garments sitting on top of the dirty pile of laundry. Picking up the very top scrap of fabric, he holds it up for inspection. It's an Alliance issued undershirt in a very small size. What the?
Jyn.
It all falls into place. Her unused quarters, the mess here, it makes sense now. She had probably taken some clothing from her assigned room, but stayed here instead.
He's still looking at the undershirt in an irritated sort of amusement when his door slides open and Jyn comes in. She stops after a few steps and stares at him. Her eyes go wide and she puts a hand over her mouth. She makes a muffled sort of oh! sound.
Cassian drops the undershirt and his irritation and limps over to stand in front of her. Jyn's eyes move to his leg and then back up to his face. Her eyes are watery and red. She sways slightly and before he can reach out to grab her, she slides to the floor in a heap and starts to cry in earnest. Shit.
Minding his injured leg, he carefully gets on the floor beside her and takes her in his arms. She crawls willingly into his lap and clings to him like a child. Ignoring the pain their position creates in his leg, he holds her while she weeps, his large hands rubbing soothing circles on her back.
"Hey," he says quietly into her hair, "what's wrong?"
Sensing that the worst of her crying has passed, he pulls away slightly and puts one hand under her chin, raising her face to his. Her eyes are bloodshot, her nose wet and her cheeks are a brilliant red. Cassian thinks she's never looked so beautiful.
"I thought you… I didn't believe…, oh!" she hiccups and tries to get herself under control. She is tired of crying.
Swiping under her eyes, she hiccups one last time and looks up at him. He's real. And alive. She gives him a watery smile. " The pessimist in me was afraid you wouldn't pull through, even though the doctors assured me you'd be fine."
The look in his eyes changes from concern to what she can only interpret as sly amusement, "And during which of the five trips to my bedside did the doctors tell you this?"
The numerous trips to his beside, coupled with her staying in his quarter's tells Cassian all he needs to know about her feelings for him.
Jyn crosses her arms and without a trace of embarrassment tells him, "The second one. My first trip was right after they released me and I was still out of it." She grimaces. "They could've told me anything and I don't think I would've remembered it."
His hands come up on either side of her head, and he peers down into her face. He realizes that he needs to reassure her, not the doctors. "I am fine, really. The limp is permanent but considering the extent of my injuries I am very lucky. Now what about you? The doctors said you would make a complete recovery." He looks her over carefully, cataloging all the healing injuries he can see.
"I am fine. No permanent damage." Her voice gets very quiet, "I was lucky too."
She shifts on his lap slightly and he makes a small noise of pain.
"I'm sorry," she says while quickly moving off his lap to crouch beside him. "I didn't mean to try and injure you further." Jyn grasps his arm to help him up.
"No, I think I'll just lie here for a moment." Putting words into action, he lies down on his back and closes his eyes. The pain recedes.
She chuckles and sits next to him. "You know, this floor is about as comfortable as the mattress in your bed."
One brown eye pops open to look at her. "How did you get in here?" he asks, baffled.
"During one of our trips, before sending a message to the Alliance, I saw you punch in a code. I assumed it was your personal security code and I thought it might work on your door. It did." She shrugs.
Cassian laughs, his whole body shaking. "I will have to review our security protocols. Can't have people breaking into personnel quarters to sleep on other people's mattresses all the time."
She smiles, enjoying the sound his laughter. The hard knot in her belly finally dissolves. He's going to be alright. Really.
"I don't think that will be a problem, Captain, unless the rebels find a hidden cache of soft ones somewhere." Jyn tugs at his hand. "Come on, if you're going to lie down on a hard surface, at least let it be the mattress. I am having sympathy pains just watching you." He gets to his feet more easily that she expects.
"Did you leave me any ration bars? I was going to get something to eat in the canteen but I would rather we stay here and talk," Cassian says as he lowers himself to the mattress and shrugs out of his vest. "All the people coming up and wanting to speak with me, it would take hours to get a meal."
She tosses an unwrapped bar in his direction and pours them both some water. Padding over the bunk, she notices he is struggling to remove the boot on his injured leg. She sets both glasses down on the little shelf extending from the side of the bed and then leans over in front of him to help. She gets one boot off and then removes the other.
"Socks?" he asks, impishly. She arches an eyebrow but goes to pull those off too.
"Don't get use to this," she quips when she finishes removing them both. A distracted Hmmm is his only response. She glances up. He's not looking at her face. His gaze is focused lower, on the gap in her shirt. It's her turn to be amused. Amused and aroused really, if she's honest.
"Anything else you need help with?" Jyn straightens up and he looks up at her. The look in his eyes is her answer. It's one she's seen before, in the lift on Scarif.
"I thought you wanted to talk. If you keep staring at me like that, we aren't going to be doing much talking." That look is doing all sorts of pleasurable things to her insides.
His hands grasp her hips and guide her so she is standing between his legs. She finds it irritating that he's sitting down, she's standing and they are almost at eye level. She quickly squashes the feeling, not wanting to break the mood. Never have any of the few partners in her past looked at her the way Cassian is looking at her now.
"What answer did you give Mon Mothma today?" His voice is low and gravelly. The look in his eyes hasn't changed.
"I told her yes." She says simply.
Those dark eyes remained fixed on her light ones. "You said yes for your own sake, correct?" The slow circles his thumbs are making on her hips are making it difficult for Jyn to think.
She puts her hands on his shoulders, letting her own thumbs trace a path along the warm skin of his neck. "Mainly, yes," she says quietly and then continues on, wanting to be totally honest with him, "but you are a factor, too. I want to help fight, but I also want to see what this is." She waves one hand between them.
Cassian captures her hand in his and brings it to his lips. She feels him smile. "You and I won't be problem, Jyn, however you fitting into the rebellion, that should be interesting." He starts to laugh.
He's looking at her in merriment and she finds she doesn't mind. Seeing him happy is just as good as seeing him aroused.
She smacks him on the shoulder and huffs. "I can fit in just fine thank you."
"Ouch," he cries, "mind the wounds!"
She immediately apologizes. "I'm sorry! I thought your shoulders were fine." And she knows she is right when the pained look on his face changes to that sly amusement again.
"You liar!" She goes in for another slap on the same shoulder, but he pulls her to him, holding her tightly. "See if I help you with your boots again!" Her voice is muffled in the tangle of his hair. She lays her cheek against his head, enjoying their embrace.
"Are we done talking," she asks him quietly. The odds of them being bothered for the rest of the day are slim and she wouldn't mind spending it in bed with him.
"You are that eager to get me out of the rest of my clothes?" He says with a chuckle, leaning back a bit and stretching out his arms in a 'go ahead' gesture.
She arches an eyebrow and proceeds to do just that. She makes quick work of his shirt and undershirt, but then stops. She expected him to be thin, but she didn't expect the number of healing scars on his chest and one arm. Slowly, she reaches out to touch the worst of them, the one from Krennic's blast. "If for nothing else," she whispers, "I want to fight the Empire for doing this to you."
"Hey," he says quietly, "they'll finish healing soon." He kisses her softly and entreats, "don't worry, please?"
Jyn nods with a sad smile and kisses him back. They're tentative at first, gentle nips, soft pecks, before turning deeper. His hands are wandering through her hair, undoing her braid, then they slide down her sides to grasp her hips again. She sighs in contentment when he nips at the sensitive skin on her throat and let's his tongue trail down to where her shirt begins. With a noise of frustration, she pulls off her jacket and tugs impatiently at her shirt, dropping it the floor. Cassian helps with her undershirt, pushing it up over stomach, then breasts and she pulls it the rest of the way off, letting it join the growing pile of clothes on the floor.
Those dark eyes study her, taking in the scars on her stomach and other places he cannot see when she's clothed. He lets his finger trace the worst one, the one that starts just below her shoulder to curve down over her belly and disappear into her trousers. She got it during a raid with Saw. Cassian sighs and lets his head fall against her chest, one large hand cupping the underside of her breast, the thumb moving slowly over her nipple. His mouth soon replaces his thumb, his tongue exploring the pebbled surface. Her eyes close and her head falls back, enjoying the sensations.
A moment later Jyn hisses when he nips at her breast with his teeth. "Cannibal," she admonishes. But its weak, she's too far gone to really care. His chuckle against her skin sends little waves of pleasure throughout her body. She gets him back by dragging her short nails across the part of his back that is free of scars. His response is immediate, he grunts in surprise and pulls her flush against him. She smiles at the feeling of him hard and ready against her thighs. So that's the on switch, she thinks and stores this little tidbit away for later use.
Cassian's got her belt undone before she realizes he's even trying. He's fumbling with the buttons when she decides to take pity on him and do it herself, her slender fingers making quick work of them. Impatiently, he tugs the pants down her legs until they meet her boot tops. After a few fumbles on her part the boots and pants are history.
She looks at him and stifles a laugh. His eyes are bouncing all over her body, trying to take in everything at once. "Never seen a naked girl before?" she snickers, but he's not listening. He pulls her to him once again and kisses her, hard. He puts one hand on the bed behind him and proceeds to pull them both onto the mattress. She pushes him to lie down and crawls over him to resume their kiss. Not wanting to aggravate any of his still healing wounds she keeps her weight off him, instead using their position to work on getting rid of the last barrier of clothing. She unbuckles his belt and he lifts his hips slightly letting her slide it out from around his waist. The buttons pose no challenge and breaking their kiss, she moves down towards his legs to tug off his remaining clothes.
Cassian leaves her no time to explore him the way he's explored her. That can come later. He's too impatient; if he doesn't have her soon, he will explode. Ignoring the pain in his leg, he moves towards her and pins her beneath him, letting himself enjoy the feeling of her curves with no clothing between them. Her arms come up around him and she hums in pleasure when he positions himself between her legs and lets her kiss him once more.
Her small fingers explore his back and then move downwards. He can feel her tracing his scars, cataloging them. He doesn't mind, he has nothing to hide from her. He will tell her about each and every one if she asks.
She gently raises her hips and that sends a jolt of pleasure through his body. He props himself up on his arms and rests his weight on his good leg. "Now?" he breathes in her ear. It's a plea, really. She answers him by reaching down between them and… Oh! Her hand feels hot as she guides him inside her. He drops his head next to hers and slowly starts to move.
She's warm, tight and oh so wet. The pleasure is incredible. He's not going to last long, he's too aroused and thinking about other things isn't working. Neither is the slight pain in his bad leg. His mind is filled with nothing but her. The soft moans she's making as she moves her hips to meet his are killing him. And when those movements start to get erratic, he knows she's close. He grasps the back of her thigh and pulls the leg up. The change in angle makes him go deeper and with a gasp her fingers dig into his arms. "Oh, Cass!" Her own pleasure triggers his, and he lets himself go over the edge with her.
After his body finishes trembling he lets himself collapse on top of her. "I'm not crushing you, am I?" he asks breathlessly.
Her hand is drifting lazily through his soft, black hair. "No, you're fine. Stay, please." She kisses the side of his head and hums in contentment. "That was wonderful. We have to do it again. And again."
Cassian laughs. "Okay," he says raising his head and looking down at her smiling face, "but you have to be on top next time. I don't think my leg will work in this position again."
She gives him a serious, searching look. "Well then, maybe we should wait until the doctors say your leg is as healed as possible before having sex again."
"I agree," he says after a beat, returning her serious look, "I think it would be good idea to wait."
They lie there for a few moments staring at each other. Then as quickly as his leg allows, they rearrange themselves so she's on top.
"Was that long enough?" she says looking down at him and trying desperately, but failing, to keep a straight face.
"Yes, now stop talking and kiss me."
Author's Notes:
No beta. Epi IV came out when I was 8 and rocked my little, nerdy girl heart. And while I have seen all the movies more times than I care to admit and I've read Zhan's books, I am not up to date on the expanded universe stuff, so if there are any mistakes with terminology, they're mine.
I like to think Jyn and Cass would have a fun sex life. Behind closed doors I imagine them to be a snarky, happy and loving couple. They can't be grumpy all the time.