Disclaimer: Don't own James Bond, One Tree Hill, or any of the brands mentioned below. I own the idea, some of the gadgets, and my knowledge of chemistry (Sigh, total nerd)
"008, do you know why you're in here"
"I don't know, why am I here, M? I could easily be on a beach in Cabo making lo-"
"I want you to take up an assignment. The Davis family gets their hand on everything from drugs to arms. Every single lead ends up washed up on the shore or killed by a professional assassin. We've received word that they're trying to take Leopard. Now, I understand the risk of placing you in that environment and you're the best we've got 008. We can't afford to lose you so I'm going to send in a team to monitor you 24/7. Any questions?"
"A couple of requests actually; I need more information than what you're giving me. And maybe a new car."
"Q is waiting for you downstairs. Good luck."
008 begins to walk away. Before he leaves, he turns toward M. "Oh, and that team you were talking about? I work alone."
Q's Lab
"Q, would you happen to have a new car?"
"And what happened to the Aston Martin DBS you were test driving this morning?"
"I ran that over the Thames this morning. Don't worry, I called some of our people to fish it out."
"The 00's certainly know how to put taxpayer money to good use," Q replies sarcastically, "Your Cartier Ballon Bleu de Cartier watch, installed with a sonic agitator unit. Simply pull out the crown and any "unbreakable" glass will shatter. Next, we have a fingerprint spray. It is only visible under UV light. SCOTT, DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
008 raises his hands in surrender.
Q continues his overview of the gadgets. "As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me, fingerprints will be visible under UV light. This dial found on the side of your handheld light contains a water soluble vial. The vial contains a sample of cesium. I can imagine you know what to do with it."
"Most certainly; although a sample of francium would be greatly appreciated."
"We don't have clearance to obtain such a sample nor would we be able to obtain any given amount. Knowing the 00's, francium should be kept far out of reach." 008 only laughs in response. Q glares at 008. "We also have a 6 x 1 camera, concealable in your blazer or jacket. Our next item is a safe cracker. We've managed to improve it to generate 7 numbers in approximately 3 sec-"
"Wait a second, say I have to crack an 8-number combination safe. What then?"
"Unfortunately, this is only a prototype. We don't have anything more advanced to send you out with. I'm afraid this will have to do."
R enters the lab. Q says, "Ahh, my apprentice. What have you got?'
R replies, "We have an Aston Martin Rapide. Rapid fire missiles in the front, rockets on the side, nitrous system in the back. All these will be operated by a computer found within the headboard. The windows are bullet-proof. The entire car is rocket-proof and bullet-proof. In the case you need to control your car when you're in a different area, you can access the views with this Motorola Devour."
Q adds, "In this suitcase, you have one hundred thousand US dollars in hard cash. You also have a credit card with a two hundred fifty thousand dollar limit. That is for emergencies only. Now, my favorite part: the information you requested. Leopard contains confidential information. For this mission, you are not allowed to engage in any killing. We need information to crack down the Davis Empire and we need the Leopard. Take your Walther and your plane ticket on the way out."
"That doesn't tell me anything. What is the Leopard?"
"No clearance. Continue on. There's a limo waiting outside to take you to the airport. You're cleared for all security checks and your car will be waiting for you at JFK."
On the way out, Lucas mutters, "I'm sure 007 never had to fly commercial."
Q yells, "I can hear you 008." He holds up a device Lucas figures to be a noise enhancer of some sort.
I can imagine most of your reactions by this point: "Wow, what a nerd," "Not going to read this crap." "What in the world would possess someone to write something this stupid?" and "Wow, what a nerd." I am an insanely big fan of James Bond (Ian Fleming FTW) and I thought I would use 007 themes in OTH. It's definitely not a typical James Bond type story because Lucas can't engage in any active killing, but I think it'll turn out okay. I was going to make Lucas an undercover cop, but cops aren't allowed to threaten or lie like the 00's. And they don't have vials of cesium lying around either. Like it? Hate it? Review and let me know what I can do.