A/N: Yes, so this is my first Avatar fic. I know that the first thing you'll think upon seeing "Mei" is that I misspelled "Mai", as in Azula's friend. No, actually, "Mei" is my own character. She was created long before Mai ever appeared on the show, just so you know. Any of my friends can vouch for me on that. So any similarities between Mai and Mei are purely coincidental, mmkay?

Anyhow, thanks for choosing to read! I'd greatly appreciate it if you could review afterwards! -smiles widely-

Summary: When Zuko was young, he befriended one of the soldiers in the Fire Lord's army – but this soldier was not just any normal soldier. For one, she was a she. And for another, she was his age. When he's sent away to find the Avatar, the two of them are separated for what would seem to be forever. But when she suddenly shows up one day, Zuko finds he has to reacquaint himself with the idea of "friendship".

a b s e n c e – chapter one: The Beginning

"Mei Xianling."

"Sir." I stood up a little straighter as the soldier looked down at me. I squirmed a little under his stare. It felt like he was trying to see deep into my soul, when in fact, I knew he was just trying to make me feel insignificant.

And he seemed distinctly skeptical, which was best illustrated by what he did and said next.

He turned away and said, "You are but an eight-year-old. What does the Fire Lord want with a mere child?" motioning vaguely for me to follow him into the palace.

I blinked. "I'm going to see the Fire Lord?" I asked him curiously, my posture crashing down as I skipped to keep up with him. "Really? Why?"

He looked at me like the annoying child I was. "You didn't know?" he said along the same lines someone would say, "You've never eaten bread before?"

"No, sir!" I said happily. This was, indeed, news to me. I thought I'd be seeing just the military general or something – not the Fire Lord himself. Oh, boy, was this exciting! I smiled to myself.

Five years later, I was – or shall I say, am – miserable. It just seemed like everything went downhill after I got over actually being here.

But let me start more towards the beginning.

The childlike happiness at being allowed to be even considered for the Fire Lord's army had diminished very quickly after the first week here.

An eight-year-old in the army? Has the Fire Lord lost it completely? What is he thinking?

Yes, those were the reactions I got. So let me explain, because it is not the easiest thing to understand.

The first part to understand is the fact that my father is no ordinary man. Okay, so yes – yes, he is. He is selfish, and cares for no one except himself. But I am not talking about traits, I am talking about social standing. My father is very highly respected here in the Fire Nation, despite the fact that he is an idiot, and a slave-driver. As soon as I could walk, he was teaching me to control my firebending. By the time I was six, I had been through more training, I believe, than most of the men in the army. I went to bed each night, tired, bruised, and sometimes beaten up from the day's training.

Once that bit is understood, the bit that logically follows is: My father had never been a well-respected firebender himself. A well-respected man, yes, but not firebender. And despite the fact that I was a female, he was determined to get me higher than he had ever been.

Which meant trying to place me in the Fire Lord's service.

Which meant more training.

My father had some very convincing arguments to use on Fire Lord Azulon to get me considered for joining his service. Of course he'd need convincing arguments. I was eight, and I was female.

Every day, my father would go up to the palace and request an audience with the Fire Lord. Every day, he'd come home and feel a bit closer to getting me in the army. He knew that if I was the youngest person in the army, the family name would be known throughout the Fire Nation. Every time he'd think of this, he'd become more determined.

I was trained even harder at home.

But that is not why I am miserable. Don't get my wrong, I was absolutely thrilled when I found that the Fire Lord would – albeit reluctantly – let me join the army.

I am miserable for another reason.

The people in the palace have made me so.

The army is nice – most of them are decent human beings, and actually talk to me instead of snickering behind my back.

Lady Ursa, Ozai's wife, is lovely – she's kind, and beautiful, and I so wish I could be like her, and not like the warrior I know I am destined to become.

I hear that Iroh, Ozai's brother, is quite kind. I have met him only once, and we chatted, and had tea. And he was indeed, very, very nice to me.

Ozai, I can't say much about. I have heard of him – yes, haven't we all – but have yet to actually meet him myself. Upon joining the army, I hadn't heard any particularly nasty rumors about him, so my outlook was good in that respect.

I have seen neither my greedy father, nor my strict mother in three years, and I couldn't be happier without them.

So, with so many nice people around me, you are wondering why I am miserable, are you not?

It is Lady Ursa's son and daughter that bother me.

Azula…. I cannot even begin to fathom what goes through her head. She is not much younger than me, but already seems more mature than I could ever hope to be. And I am not sure that is a good thing. Perhaps, in an effort to make her seem younger than she acts, I have taken to calling her Zula, which she finds infinitely entertaining – and yet I do not know why.

Zuko. He is another story all unto himself. Perhaps it's easiest to see what I mean if you could have been there when we met.

I was ten, and had been in the Fire Lord's service for a little over two years. I was, it must be pointed out, not the best fighter. I was obviously much shorter than everyone else, therefore making it rather difficult for people to: one, take me seriously; and two, actually fight me. Some might think that my height was an advantage, because I was below the range of any enemy attacks. But coupled with my lack-of-skill, it was more of a disadvantage than anything.

Ergo, I spent much of my time not training with the other soldiers. Much of my training happened before I went to bed, in the evening, with my teacher.

So, during the day, I had taken to the library in the palace, which was the largest and most complete in the Fire Nation.

It was on one such day that Zuko and I had met.

I was quietly reading in a chair at the far end of the library. I was reading a book about the history of the Fire Nation, though that much is not important.

Faintly, I could hear a disturbance outside. I ignored it, though, and merely adjusted my book and went on reading.

The disturbance, however, didn't want to be ignored, because it kept making more noise. Then the door to the library was opened, and there was yet more noise.

I, being on the other side of the library, couldn't see what was happening because of the dozens of bookshelves rising to the ceiling between me and the door.

I couldn't see it; so it wasn't important. It didn't concern me, I figured, and I went on ignoring it.

Eventually, the noise faded away, and I was left once more in silence to read.

A few minutes passed before the next noise was heard. I had just gotten back into my book, when I heard footsteps approaching where I was.

Sighing, I closed my book and looked up at whoever it was that was bothering me. I assumed it was probably one of the soldiers, or maybe even my teacher, come to find me.

But that was not who emerged from between two shelves.

A boy, scarcely older than me, I guessed, appeared. I did not recognize him immediately, and probably would have shown a bit more respect if I had.

"Hello," I said quite pleasantly with a small smile.

He said nothing, but looked back at me. "Who're you?" he asked finally. "Are you one of Azula's friends? Because I think she's looking for you." He sounded tired almost. His voice was quiet, and careful. As if he was expecting me to explode.

"Zula? Lady Ursa's daughter?" I asked. "No, no. I'm not one of her friends. I barely know of her as it is." I smiled a little again.

He seemed to relax then. "Who are you?" he asked me again, though not rudely.

"Mei," I shrugged. "Mei Xianling, to be exact."

"Azula has a friend named Mai," he mused. "But you don't look like her. She has dark hair and eyes." He looked over my fox-colored hair and dull red eyes before dismissing the subject. "Why are you here? Do you live at the palace?" he asked me.

"Mm-hm," I smiled. "I'm in the army."

He found that funny, and laughed. "You can't be. You're not an adult – you're only nine."

"Ten," I corrected him. "And I've yet to actually go out into combat. I'm just in the army, like a place-holder," I told him. "Who are you, then?"

He blinked at me, like I should've known who he was by now. "I'm Zuko," he said.

Zuko… Zuko…. My mind searched around for something to connect the name to. Then, it clicked – Lady Ursa's son.

I jumped up, letting the book that was in my lap fall to the floor, and bowed a little before straightening up. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know."

He seemed to find this amusing as well, because he smirked. " 'Sir'? Why are you calling me 'sir'?"

I gave him a slightly confused look. "Well, because you are my superior…sir," I said slowly. "You are part of the royal family, and I was merely showing you respect."

He laughed again. "You're funny," he smiled. "You don't have to show me respect. You're my age. It's not right for you to call me 'sir'."

I relaxed a little, but still stood straight. "But – "

"Really," Zuko said. "You aren't below me just because you're in the army. I'm sure you're probably a better fighter than me – so in that area, you're better than me. Maybe I should be showing you respect." Then, with a sarcastic bow, he said, "I am sorry for my rudeness, ma'am."

I laughed as he straightened up. He seemed to like this, because he smiled.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Zuko," I told him, holding out my hand.

He accepted it and shook, still smiling a little. "It's nice to meet you too."

Suddenly, the library doors burst open with way more force than I believed they could handle.

Zuko and I just stood still – a bit like deer in headlights – as we listened to footsteps drawing closer. The footsteps alone were not friendly. I did not want to know who they belonged to.

"Mei!"

Indeed, I was right to not want to know the owner. I straightened up immediately. "Sir!" I responded to my teacher, Admiral Shang.

Shang looked over Zuko, then back to me. "What are you doing here with him?"

"We were talking, sir," I said promptly. Zuko glanced at me, as if wondering why I was so uptight all of a sudden.

"Well, you shouldn't be," Shang said, grabbing my arm and beginning to drag me from the library. Zuko followed.

"I'm sorry," I told him with a smile. "I'll see you later, okay? I spend a lot of the day here," I said quietly so Shang couldn't hear me.

Zuko nodded and stopped at the doors to the library and watched me being practically dragged off by the Admiral. I waved to him once more with a smile.

"You should never see him again," Shang said.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because you do not need distractions from your training."

"He is not a distraction for me, sir."

"He will become one."

I was silent. Never see Zuko again? But we had just met. And he seemed so nice.

So a week later, I saw him again. It was in the library, and I was reading. He had come to find me.

Then we began to meet more and more, every time in secret, because he and I were both now forbidden to see each other – all because I had to focus on training.

Well, we were ten. Training wasn't important. Having fun was! We were always chasing each other around the palace like the immature kids we were, making sure no one saw us. Sometimes we'd pretend to be enemies and "fight" each other with daggers or swords or whatever we could get our hands on.

And we did have so much fun together. Slowly, we had become best friends.

Then, everything came crashing down when Fire Lord Azulon died.

His funeral will always remain in my memories. I was down below the royal family with the other soldiers, and the civilians. Lady Ursa, Ozai, Zula, Zuko… they all seemed so far up there – so far away.

I could only dimly hear what the Fire Sages were saying. I heard only enough to surmise that Ozai was now to become the Fire Lord in place of Iroh.

I looked up at Zuko.

He looked down at me.

I will never forget the look in his eyes.

He looked helpless. He looked afraid.

I couldn't take it. I closed my eyes and ears, and blocked out everything. I could almost feel the pain and fear Zuko must have been feeling. I felt so sorry for him.

And that was the last time we saw each other.

After the funeral, the "rule" that we were forbidden to see each other was enforced. I never even caught a glimpse of him ever again.

When I turned thirteen not two months ago, things seemed to be getting worse.

It was, in fact, almost about a month ago, today, that it happened.

Sure, I finally saw Zuko again. But not where I wanted to see him.

He was in front of a crowd, at the Agni Kai, about to duel his father.

By that point, I knew that Fire Lord Ozai was anything but nice. Unforgiving and merciless, many thought him the perfect Fire Lord.

I remember watching with horror as Zuko fell to his knees and begged Ozai for forgiveness. I remember seeing the anger on Ozai's face.

And I remember looking away, despite the training I had had to be able to face anything. Even still, my squeezed shut eyes would not block out Zuko's scream.

The feeling was something that wouldn't go away – something that I feel asleep to each night. I felt sick. This shouldn't be happening, I thought.

This is not how I want to see Zuko after two years.