Part One
My name is Odo'ital. I am nothing. I am everything. I am the clouds in the sky, the birds that sweep the air. I am the rock and firmament of the earth, the roiling ocean, a pebble, a raindrop.
I am a Changeling. Malleable. Master of my being on a quantum level. I do not eat or drink. I do not shed hair or skin or eliminate. In my true form I am amber liquid; a silicon based life form, or so state the carbon based life forms' textbooks. Resembling thick gelatinous goo. They stored me in beakers and buckets when they first found me, 65 years ago. (Bajoran solar years, mind you, as that is where I have spent the better part of my life thus far.) I fashioned myself a humanoid form when I was able, and weary of being stubborn, based on the form of the scientist in charge of studying me, and while I am neither male nor female, and in ways both, I created myself a man, in his image. Timeless, yet still in my infancy, I will outlive him and generations of solids; a thought which troubles me. For it was with the solids, with the Bajorans, that I fell in love with a woman.
Before me no Changeling had ever harmed another. Before me no Changeling had ever loved. None that exist within the Great Link, anyway, where all become one. I am one of one hundred infants cast out to the corners of the universe over the years, to grow and learn about life in other vastly different places. It is how the Link explores, gauges the mettle and manner of races and sectors across the Galaxy; for when we were hurled into the vastness of space we were helpless, at the mercy of those who discovered us. Swallowed by a unique stellar phenomenon, a stable wormhole, home to a non-linear non-corporeal race of beings, I was spewed furthest away, like the others, unformed, and only vaguely self aware.
I was the first to return home. And I did so, far too soon. They cannot understand what I feel, how I feel it. Nor can I; I only know that I do. This love burns like a slow searing plasma fire. I chose her over my people so many times. Finally, I returned to them, to heal and help them, but also to set her free to live a life I could not give her. A life with family, children, and stability. I did not plan to ache for her. It disturbed the Link - my consciousness separated out from the collective consciousness, keening for an alien so unlike myself I could not even communicate with her in the most basic and necessary ways of my people. She, who is ever fixed, set in her dimensions, proportions, shape. She varies to degrees, is exquisitely mobile, but her bones will always be bones, and her teeth and hair will always be teeth and hair, until she passes out of her body and what's left ages into the soil of Bajor. Even then, more so then, she will be fixed. She is an anchor, an albatross around my neck – a human term so very strange to me when I first encountered it in novels of sea faring travelers from ancient Earth. A burden and a boon. It seems that now I have left her, I feel my connection to her, my need for her even more keenly. My journey is taking me where it will, and everyday I feel how it takes me further from her. So much time has passed; I don't dare check on her. I have enough connections, that sometimes news filtered through on its own, but it is hearsay and inconclusive. It is enough to know that she is still in command of DS9, that she keeps it running with a firm but fair hand and has gained a name for her growing diplomatic skills. She had been a public figure on her world for years now, but it pleases me to hear of her gaining political and popular approval. I always wondered if she would transition over into politics. She had a natural knack for it. A fearlessness I'd always admired. She was always more than most people expected, and wasn't shy of calling people to responsibility. After the first two years I tried to avoid news. In part it was too distracting to wonder, to reminisce; it unsettled me and stole my focus. If she has moved on, part of me will die. And if she hasn't, I will blame myself, and ache for her all the more. So, I try to frame our love, like you would a treasured holo-image. To remember it as it was with joy and fondness. But more often these days I find myself mourning its loss, passing through the life I have created for myself efficiently, but like a ghost – only half there. I even found myself talking of her one day to one of my friends here. A woman who reminds me a little of Nerys, in her convictions and energy. She asked me who I pined for. Asked me flatly, but with kindness.
"Is it that obvious?" he finally asked, after struggling for words for a moment.
She nodded, her dark feathers rustling softly against paler scales and porcelain skin, "Well, perhaps only to those who have felt it themselves. I see it in you sometimes when you are by yourself, or looking at the mountains. A longing settles over your face. Did she pass?"
He shook his head. "No. She lives in the Alpha quadrant, on the other side of the wormhole."
"You love her, but are not with her?"
He sighed deeply, an affectation become habitual response, "No. I had to leave. To heal my people from a sickness that afflicted them. To show them how badly they had wronged you. To be here, do this."
He paused. "She wanted me to come back. But I knew that this work would last longer than her lifetime, and I couldn't bear the thought of her giving up her entire life for me. Besides, she loves her planet, her people, is a leader amongst them, important to them. She is needed there."
"Why do you not visit her, then? You want to see her."
"I thought about it at first. But I know her. She would wait for me, let the life she deserves slide past. She needs to live her life, and not be tied down to me."
"Hmmm." Rahnu gave him a shadowed look, tapped a claw on the panel at which they say, "I find that sometimes we are tied down whether we wish to be or not, and to pull at the line only tires us, until we lose sight of what is important."
"Which means?"
"Only that perhaps in denying your connection, you weaken both yourself and your beloved. Perhaps fighting it is draining your energy. And for what? To what end? In my experience, what we want for our loved ones rarely coincides with what they need for themselves. But yours isn't my life to meddle with. I cannot hide you from the wind; you must build your own shelter. I will only say that some things are not as binary as we make them out to be. Life is not merely gusting storm or clear stillness; it is a thousand variations in between."
In this corner of Sehlas Prime everything boiled down to the wind. The wind brought life and death here with equal fervor. They watched it together, the wind churning storm clouds in the three hundred kilometer distance, months later, from the Observatory of the primary arch in the Oslin Province's Harbor Way Station. He had called her world, Sehlas Prime, home for the last Sehlaian solar year and a half.
They spoke in low tones, for a handful of newly trained researchers were collecting astrometric and astronomical data, as well as meteorological and barometric readings, from a variety of instrument panels nearby. Rahnu Ehnar was the elected official who oversaw function and operation of the Arches, Sehlas Prime's eighth largest planetary and interplanetary docking port. Her jurisdiction fell over a territory that was roughly a third of the habitable land mass of the globe, but bore less than half the inhabitants of the other two thirds combined. This region had been the most difficult to coordinate treatment due to the severity of weather, sheer size of it, and how the pockets of nomadic herders, gatherers, merchants and craftspeople tended to be erratic in their settlements and movement. All came to the Arches way station for food, shelter, and medical care several times per year, and slowly he had been healing the last of the populace. They were planning another excursion to the Ranglin Plateau and then the Aching Mountains, the north eastern side, where many sheltered the storm months in caves. Rumor had it that several large encampments were set up there.
"We will travel soon," Rahnu said. "With the team of representatives and scientists from the Way Station and enough provisions and medicines, we will be alright if this window between storms isn't long enough." She fluttered her fingers over the consol, and tapped the image of roiling cloud cover that was the computational simulation of the region' weather for the next month. "See, we may not make this window, here, which will trap us on the mountains for possibly up to two weeks during what will likely be a hard howl." She dialed up the map again and ran her finger along the spine of the mountains. "Transport can take up as far as this ridge, beyond that landing is tricky. We will have to carry supplies in from there. We'll need several pack animals; I have at least one geologist who is bonded with a vehntra. Several guides who are also vehntra keepers have offered their services. I still need to find at least a few more. Sehka cats are hungry and aggressive this time of year; the females are whelping." She continued on about packing supplies in, but his attention was lost when in the far corner of the room he heard her name. The name. Kira Nerys. Someone was saying it in conjunction with the Thalid'ieean vessel that was waiting for a break in the wind, just outside the planetary atmosphere. It was requesting docking privileges and even though he knew what he just heard, he could not believe it.
Rahnu trailed off when the Changeling stood and walked across the room. She followed him, with a look of mild confusion.
He did not remember crossing the room, only that he was suddenly behind a technician and asking him in a measured voice, "They are carrying whom?"
"Mr. Odo, good. I needed to contact you, Sir. I have a communiqué regarding Colonel Kira Nerys, of Bajor, from an orbiting Thalid'ieean trade freighter. She claims she is a friend of yours. They are reques..."
"Clear them to dock as soon as it is safe to enter the atmosphere," Odo interrupted quietly, staring at the communiqué that illuminated the screen.
The technician, hesitated, glancing at Rahnu, who stood at Odo's shoulder, for authorization to proceed. She nodded, her dark feathers twitching her amusement, "Any friend of Odo's is a friend of this way station. You may use my authorization code; I will accompany both our guests."
"Aye, Delegate. There will be a brief lull in the winds in forty minutes time. I will divert them to landing port forty two. It's fully operational and on the leeward side of the arch."
"Forty two," Odo nodded, and left immediately, with a bemused looking Rahnu at his heels.
"It's her, isn't it?"
He glanced at her over his shoulder. He couldn't speak, could only see Kira's face as he sank into the Link and out of her life, five years ago. He nodded instead. Could barely hold enough solidity to keep putting one foot in front of the other. He forced himself to walk. Forty minutes would not pass any sooner if he ran, or used the lift.
Rahnu followed him, allowing him his silence. It took them over thirty minutes and easily four kilometers of gently spiraling ramps, to reach the waiting area for landing port forty two. Once there, Odo made himself sit in one of the seven stools that lined the western wall. Rahnu had admitted to being taken with his mannerisms, for he himself admitted they were not instinctual, but learned. At times like this, when he was anxious or impatient, or feeling nervous about dealing with a large group of people, she had told him that she noticed them appear without him consciously invoking them. As he tapped and stilled his left foot several times, crossed and uncrossed his arms, sighed, cleared his throat, he caught himself and watched her suppress more than one smile.
"How are you?" She asked after a few minutes.
He shook his head. "I don't know. Elated, terrified. A little of everything."
The docking control contacted them, "Delegate, Mr. Odo, the Thalid'ieean vessel has entered the atmosphere. Its eta is fifteen minutes to Landing Port 42, ten minutes clearing docking protocols."
Odo nodded. Closed his eyes and swallowed the very real feeling lump in his through. She was here. Coming to him. He didn't know how he managed to maintain his sanity during the next half hour. It passed excruciatingly slowly. When the docking doors hissed and unsealed he could only think how she looked half dead. Half dead. It made his insides lurch, how sickly she seemed. Deep hollows under her cheekbones, dark circles under her eyes. She was in some sort of leatherish uniform, that was all buckles and obviously far too big for her. The legs were cuffed and strapped in place, as were the arms, and whole rows of the silvery fasteners pleated the garment at the sides, tightening it enough around her that it stayed in place. The lines of her face were sharp, a little deeper than they had been, and she looked to be barely conscious and holding her place upright.
He was deeply concerned about this woman who he was trying not to think of as his lover. She wasn't anymore. He didn't want to presume anything. He wished briefly, that Rahnu were not there. That he could ask the questions he needed to ask, greet her as he wanted to. Her hair was long, pulled back and seemed matted. It was still starkly red, crimson even, peppered with threads of silver. Though she glanced in his direction briefly as the doors opened, he noticed she kept her gaze trained on Rahnu from that point on. Odo only half heard what was being said. "…Delegate Rahnu Ehnar, from Oslin Province. We welcome you, Colonel Kira Nerys of Bajor. As you must have heard, Odo has blessed us with his presence and is freeing our populace from a deadly Blight visited on our people years ago. Any friend of Odo's is a most welcome and honored guest indeed." She stepped forward and draped her own prayer shawl over the Colonel's leather clad shoulders in welcome.
The nearness of Rahnu and the light touch of the shawl against the dirty skin of her neck seemed to stir Kira. She blinked and looked directly into Rahnu's eyes, as if asking an unspoken question.
"Please excuse my lack of diplomacy and hygiene, Delegate," she croaked after a moment. "My journey has been long, and it would seem that Thalid'ieean cuisine is toxic to the Bajoran digestive system. It has been over 11 days since I have held a meal in my stomach that agreed with me."
"My dear, we shall take excellent care of you. You will find Sehlians are significantly closer in sustenance requirements than our generous trade partners, the Thalid'ieeans. No doubt they meant well. We have had dealings with those of your people who have settled in the Gamma Quadrant, and have found great pleasure in the resultant culinary exchange! Please, allow me to show you guest quarters, and I am sure you will wish to, I believe the term is "catch up" with Mr. Odo."
It concerned him that Kira seemed to need a steadying breath before she could rally a smile and nod, "Thank you."
"Come," Rahnu turned and began to lead the way.
Always the soldier, he thought, as her face hardened and she took a few slow unsteady steps, each one looking as though she were held up by wires that were slowly dragging her forward. He didn't go to her until she stumbled on the fourth step. She would not look at him, even when he slid his arm through the crook of her elbow. But she took tight hold of him with her free hand. Her knuckles paled as bones jutted through thin skin. They both focused momentarily at the point of contact, jarred by the solid flesh of the other.
The light changed as they rounded a curve of the hallway and a huge viewing window opened up onto a sweeping view of the western plateaus that rose up out of the Oslin plains. "The Ranglin Plateaus, and beyond that, the Aching Mountains. My mother's mother homesteaded on the northeastern slopes of one of the foothills between the plateaus and the mountains. It is a barren, but beautiful place." The setting sun in the east washed the whole scene in warm amber, then a pale pink.
The light on the mountains seemed to momentarily pull the Bajoran out of herself into a wide eyed reverence. Rahnu smiled, noting the slightly shorter woman's gaze as it roamed the incandescent swell and jut of mountains. "Some say they are called the Aching Mountains because they are treacherous to pass, but I think it is because the fall of light from the rising and falling sun sets your heart to aching for all that was and all that could be."
"We can come back tomorrow to ache, Delegate." Odo had taken the moments' pause to look as closely at Nerys as he dared, and the exhaustion, filth, and signs of starvation frightened him. He remembered a time when she had chastised him for being all skin and bones when he was trapped in a human body, remembered the exact look of concern on her face. And now he understood how she had felt. "The Colonel needs rest and sustenance, and a comfortable change of clothes, I think."
Proving his concern, Kira did nothing to protest, merely sagged against his arm, allowing herself to be led to quarters. Rahnu began to lead them to a guest wing, but Odo shook his head and silently indicated the hall that led to the commuter belt that adjoined the spiraling ramps this side of the arches. It would take them down the eight levels to his quarters quickly. Most people walked the ramps, but Rahnu had given him free usage of the people moving belt when he first came to the Arches. He had never used the privilege until now. She altered her course accordingly.
The belt spat them out rather close to the suite he had been assigned. The shift from moving belt to stable floor jarred her and she stumbled. He slipped an arm about her waist to steady her. She seemed to sighed into him slightly as they walked the last distance. The doors to his suite opened on a hinge inward into the room, and thankfully there was no lip to navigate over – though years living on a Cardassian station ingrained her feet to lift out of habit, he noticed. He led her to an oddly low, elliptical couch. She sank onto it quietly. Her grip on his arm was so tight he had to gently prize open her fingers. He lowered his face to hers, "Nerys? Nerys, it's all right. I'm going to step out into the hallway for a moment, and then I will be right back."