Inspired by: "Two Worlds" by Phil Collins.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
Warning: panic attack, claustrophobia, past trauma, identity issues, PTSD, Memory loss, brainwashing, nightmares.
Steve isn't sure how he found himself in this situation.
That's a lie. He knows exactly how this happened.
It started with Bucky appearing in D.C. Steve thought he was dead for the past few years and was horrified to find out that Bucky had been repeatedly brainwashed and forced into becoming an assassin for an enemy he despised. Steve became desperate to get his friend to remember who is and nearly let himself be killed just so he can see the familiar glint in his eye and curve of his lips as he says Steve's name.
After Bucky disappeared, he became obsessed with finding him, tracking him down to a large cave below a known Hydra Safe house in the Amazon Rainforest six days after the Helicarrier disaster. He left Sam outside to guard and is unsurprised to find himself pined to a wall deep within the cave, knife held against his throat and Winter Soldier glaring at him and threatening to slice open his throat if he calls for Sam.
"You know me," Steve says in a calm tone.
"Do I?" he answers as he presses the knife closer against Steve's skin. "How do I know you're not making that up in order to get me to leave with you so you can turn me over to Hydra?"
He has a point, Steve thinks reluctantly, unable to stop the pang out worry that surges through him.
"Because you've known me your whole life; we grew up together."
Bucky licks his lips. "That's what the museum said."
"The museum? You went to the Smithsonian?"
"Yeah, I saw the Captain America exhibit after I pulled you from the water."
Steve stares at Bucky in shock, mouth opening and closing a few times. He knew that Bucky was the one who saved him despite Sam's disbelief. It's one thing to have a feeling and other to hear it confirmed out loud. "You saved me?"
"Yeah," he says. Bucky furrows his brow in confusion. "I don't . . . I don't know . . ." The knife disappears from Steve's throat completely as Bucky steps backwards, holding his head and muttering to himself in a language that Steve can't understand. He's a few feet away from Steve when he stumbles over something invisible, throwing his metal hand outwards and catching himself against the cave wall.
Startled, Steve looks down and notices a wire wrapped about the heel of Bucky's he can say anything, explosives sound off, causing the ground to shake. Steve grabs his shield and uses it to cover his head while Bucky does the same thing with his metal arm. The sound of boulders falling causes both of their heads to whip to the side as they watch the cave entrance being covered up.
The rush to the opening only too realize that the rocks are stacked to high and if they try to force their way through the opening, they risk being crushed to death or having to leave the other behind. Steve and Bucky watch helplessly as the cave entrance is sealed off, frustrated there's nothing they can do.
"Steve!" Sam screams.
"Sam!" is the last thing Steve is able to say before the final rock falls into place and encloses them in darkness.
Bucky has been trying to remove the boulders covering the entrance for what feels like hours. He's tried punching, kicking, and shoving, but for some reason they won't budge. Steve thinks that Hydra must have reinforced them with some type of metal (maybe vibranium). Either that or Bucky's arm is too damaged to be able to crack the rock, which doesn't seem likely because according to his file, he should be able to punch through anything.
"Maybe you should give it a rest?" Steve suggests. He's sitting on a rock on the other side of the cave, watching Bucky attempt to smash the boulders.
He pauses in his movements as if considering Steve's words before resuming his task. Steve sighs heavily, resting his chin on his palm before closing his eyes and trying to come up with a plan.
"I'll get us out of here Buck," Steve says after an indeterminable amount of time.
Bucky snorts, disbelieving. He's stopped trying to break down the rocks and settled for laying on the ground with his head pillowed underneath of his arms.
"You don't trust me?"
"No," he responds harshly and Steve tries his best not to take it personally.
As the minutes tick by, it starts getting colder and that's how Steve knows they're nearing nightfall. Steve shivers and rubs his arms for warmth before looking over at his friend. Bucky's shaking, breathing labored and quick. He's curled in on himself with his front facing Steve, arms wrapped tightly around his torso as if shielding himself from the harsh reality of the world. He's having a nightmare, and a pretty fucking bad one too. He knows waking Bucky from a nightmare could be disastrous (and he might not even hear Steve), but his friend shouldn't be allowed to suffer—not anymore.
"Bucky . . .?" Steve calls gently.
"I don't want to go back," he whispers.
"Go back where?"
"The Box," Bucky says voice panicked. "I don't want to go back to The Box."
Steve's heart breaks when he realizes Bucky is referring to the Cryogenic chamber he was forced into between each mission Hydra sent him on. Steve pushes aside his guilt and anger and climbs off the rock he's been sitting on, leaving his shield behind and taking careful steps towards Bucky with his hand outstretched.
"Stay back," Bucky warns, eyes still closed and teeth gritted.
Steve immediately stops moving, his outstretched hand falling to his side. "Buck, I can help you."
"I said stay away," Bucky says angrily, reaching behind him and pulling out a gun. He clicks off the safety and aims the weapon at Steve, eyes wild and unfocused.
"Okay, okay," Steve says, not missing the fact Bucky thinks he's one of his handlers. He raises his arms into the air and takes a few steps back. "It's okay Bucky."
Bucky shakes his head and keeps the gun trained on Steve's chest.
Bucky finally falls back asleep, breathing steady and gun going slack in his hands. Steve still feels on edge with the fact that the firearm is so readily accessible to him, but he doesn't want to try and force it from Bucky's hands and risk getting shot at point blank range. Steve sighs, ultimately deciding to rely on the faith that Bucky won't shoot in the back again now that he has some of his memories back (or is at least aware that something isn't right and that there's more to him than Hydra initially let on).
Instead of returning to his rock, Steve decides to wander around the cave quietly, keeping his footsteps light and careful. His enhanced vision makes it so he can see well in the pitch-black cave, but it doesn't prevent him from tripping over his own feet and falling through a hollow portion of the wall. Disoriented, Steve is partially aware of Bucky cocking his gun, imaging his friend on his feet and scanning the room for a threat. After a few minutes, he hears the sound of Bucky holstering his gun and footsteps approaching his position.
"Where does it lead?" Bucky asks in a neutral tone as he kneels down next to Steve.
"No idea," Steve responds. He shifts to his knees so he's side by side with Bucky, shoulders lightly brushing as they stare down the dark pathway Steve accidentally revealed. "It could be a way out."
"Or it could trap us further," Bucky says, tone suspicious.
Steve rises to his feet and goes to get his shield, strapping the disk onto his back fully aware of Bucky's gaze on him the entire time. "Either way, I'm going to try it. It's the only lead we've got."
Bucky stares at him in silence.
"You're welcome to stay here by yourself. If I make it out, I promise I'll come back for you."
Bucky considers his words before rising to his feet as well. "You will go first," he says, pulling out his gun and checking the ammo.
Steve nods, pleased that he's not going to have to leave him behind (the mere thought of having to do it again makes him sick). He walks over to the passage entrance and steps through, placing his hands on the walls and noticing how narrow this tunnel is; he barely fits but he also has his shield strapped to his back. Bucky should have an easier time fitting through.
The Captain takes a breath and slowly inches forward, listening to the sound of Bucky's barely there footsteps following behind him. Having Bucky at his six and a never-ending darkness in front of him reminds him of the frequent night raids he and the Commandos did: having to walk in single file through Hydra bases, making sure to stick close to the wall and each other. If Steve forgoes the last few years, it's like he and Bucky are on a mission to take down Hydra with the Commandoes in the back keeping up moral and talking about how much they're going to drink once they get back to camp. Steve smiles at the memory and continues pushing forward.
After navigating the tunnel for what feels like hours, Bucky's breathing becomes labored behind him and Steve knows he needs to pick up the pace. Bucky's in the beginning stages of a panic attack and if it becomes full blown, he could pass out or die down here. It doesn't help that the walls have narrowed further, causing the two large men to struggle with each step as they continue forward, breathing in the damp, thin air and trying to see through the darkness.
The further they go, the worse Bucky gets and Steve has to clamp down on his own worry to prevent himself from panicking. It won't do any good if they both pass out down here. Steve tenses when he feels pressure on his back, thinking there's something crawling on him. He quickly relaxes when he realizes that Bucky curled his fingers into Steve's belt loop. He can hear the sound of Bucky's uneven, ragged breaths beginning to calm down. Steve gives a small grin and continues down the narrow path.
When they finally breech the tunnel and stumble into a dark clearing, Steve feels like he could cry with relief. Bucky releases his belt loop and moves to the other side of the clearing, gulping air into his lungs. Steve sighs and looks around the area, hearing more than seeing the sound of rushing water, which he assumes is a river flowing somewhere below them.
"The River Styx," Bucky says, sounding a little hoarse.
"What?"
"You know: Underground River that leads souls to the Underworld? Greek and Roman Mythology?" Bucky says.
Steve smiles to himself. Bucky once checked out a book from the public library about mythology and read the whole thing cover to cover aloud while Steve was sick in bed with a nasty case of pneumonia. Bucky usually gravitated towards science fiction and non-fiction, but he picked up that book because he thought Steve would like it (Steve was always into mythology and legends and loved studying them in school in addition to art history), but he had a feeling that Bucky just liked making up voices for each of the Gods and Goddesses.
"You remember?" Steve asks trying not to sound hopeful.
"I remember that," he says. "I don't know how I know that though."
Steve hums in response, thankful that the darkness will mask his heartbroken expression.
It takes time but the pair finally catches their breaths. Bucky moves to stand at Steve's side and the Captain is proud of himself for not instinctively reaching out a placing a hand on Bucky's shoulder.
"We should follow it," Bucky says, breaking the surprisingly comfortable silence that had fallen over them.
"Hmm?" Steve responds. "Follow what."
"The river. If we follow the flow of it—well, it has to come out somewhere."
"And hopefully that somewhere will lead us outside. Now, we just need to—" Steve was going to end the sentence with "find a way to stick together" but Bucky is curling his flesh fingers into Steve's belt loop again, the heat from his body seeping through Steve's uniform and warming him to his core.
Steve smiles to himself before slowly leading the way to the river, taking cautious steps especially once the flat terrain begins sloping downhill. The sound rushing water becomes louder the closer they get until Steve accidentally steps into the freezing water, causing him to immediately shiver and feel a chill throughout his entire body. The water is starting to remind him of The Ice and Steve has to grit his teeth and curl his hands into a fist to stop himself from shaking.
He closes his eyes and holds his breath before counting to ten and exhaling. Bucky taught him that trick when he had a bad asthma attack as a way for him to get his breathing under control and it's worked every time. Steve jolts lightly when he feels something warm touch the bare skin of his lower back and he quickly realizes that Bucky is trying to comfort him even if he doesn't know why. That brings a smile to Steve's face. Bucky grounds him and calms him in a way no one else could and that is how Steve is able to overcome is panic and focus on the task before him.
He slowly opens his eyes with renewed determination. He pushes back his fear and steps further into the river, freezing water stopping at his knees (for now). Persuaded by the sound of Bucky's quiet breaths and the thought that this is no different than the trenches, Steve takes a calming breath before following the flow of the river with Bucky trailing behind him.
"Did we ever used to watch the fireworks?"
Steve nearly stops walking when Bucky speaks. They've been silently treading through the river for some time now and Steve wasn't expecting a conversation to happen, let alone one about their past.
Shaking his head, Steve says, "Yeah, we did. They did them every year on the other side of the Hudson. You always got so excited—every year you would drag me up the roof of our shitty building and you would have a constant commentary running while people "oohed" and "ahhed" on the street below us. About halfway through the show, you would lean over to me and whisper—"
"They're doing it for your birthday, Stevie," he says in a fond tone and Steve can hear the smile in his voice. "I remember."
Steve grins and they fall silent. After a few minutes, Bucky speaks again.
"I've misses a lot of birthdays," he says sounding regretful.
"It's okay," Steve responds. When Bucky makes a frustrated noise, he adds, "I've missed a lot of birthdays too."
Bucky remains silent and if Steve feels him move closer, he's not going to draw attention to that.
"Is that sunlight?" Bucky asks cautiously.
Steve looks ahead and sees a light at the end of the tunnel followed by the sound of a roaring waterfall. He smiles. "Yeah."
The pair breeches the tunnel and are immediately blinded by the sun, which is high in the sky signaling that it's around noon. Steve sighs in relief. Bucky lets go of his belt loop and moves to stand next to him as they slowly wade through the water, drinking in the rays of the sun. They pause at the edge of the waterfall and Steve is careful to note that it's at least an eight story drop. Powerful waves crash into the deep pool of water that branches out into another river below them, splashing droplets up at them while they stare at the beautiful scenery around them.
Steve takes the chance to examine Bucky in the daylight, noting how exhausted the other man looks. His face is extremely pale, dark circles bagged underneath his eyes. He looks like he hasn't showered in a few days, hair only just beginning to show greasiness at the roots. Bucky turns to face Steve and he feels like he's been punched in the gut. He's wearing a familiar grin, the one he'd only direct at Steve like he is the entirety of Bucky's world. Steve smiles back and Bucky's grin widens.
"Race ya," he says before jumping off the cliff.
"Bucky, what the fuck!" Steve screams horrified. All he gets is laughter in response.
Steve shakes his head, watching Bucky's head pop up from the water below, the latter grinning as he floats in the water. Steve huffs; one of these days, Bucky is going to give him a heart attack. He takes a deep breath before jumping off the waterfall as well.
They navigate through the Amazon rainforest together, Bucky using his various assortments of knives to cut down vines and brush that block their path, while Steve uses his shield to fend off (but not kill) the jaguars, who seem to have taken a sudden interest in them.
The pair are heading towards the rendezvous point Steve and Sam set up before they started making their way through the rainforest with the help of a few of the locals from the village. Their guides warned them that it's easy to get lost in the Amazon if one doesn't know how to navigate the wilderness. Luckily, Steve has an excellent sense of direction, but he can't help be worried for Sam. While his friend was with the tour guides when Steve was trapped, he hates being helpless when his friends are trouble (Steve thinks it reminds him of Riley—Sam was up there with him, but there was nothing he could do to stop it).
He turns to look at Bucky, who is walking next to him with his knives clutched tightly in either hand, focused gaze directed straight ahead. Now that they're out of the cave, Bucky has been getting more comfortable around him and Steve can't help but wonder if this means he's on the right track to recovery.
When Bucky catches Steve staring, he grins smugly and Steve feels embarrassed. He opens his mouth to say something when the sound of a parrot squawking distracts Bucky. He watches his friend look up at the trees in confusion while the words "Will you come home with me?" linger on his lips.
They finally reach the rendezvous point. Steve spots Sam and Nat standing in front of a large tree. Sam has a map in his hands; Natasha is speaking on her handheld radio, when she looks up and notices Steve in the distance. He waves and Nat returns the gesture before elbowing Sam in the ribs to get his attention. Sam looks up and sees Steve, grinning enthusiastically before setting his map aside and running over before pulling Steve into a hug.
Steve laughs and returns the hug, parting from Sam and hugging Natasha when she joins them.
"I thought you were a goner," Sam says, managing to sound both worried and relieved at the same time. "You didn't say anything when you were in the cave and when the entrance closed up, I tried contacting you but all I got was interference. I had to call Natasha because I didn't know what else to do."
Steve nods, feeling guilty that he caused Sam to worry so much. He pats his friend on the shoulder and gives him a comforting smile before looking to Natasha. "I hope it wasn't too much trouble."
Natasha shakes her head. "No trouble; I was in Peru. Sam and the locals were already searching when I arrived and it didn't take me long to get caught up."
Steve nods. "How long was I gone?"
"A little over twenty four hours," Sam says, eyes scanning Steve's body as if searching for injuries. "We had to stop at nightfall because the locals didn't want to be out too late because the forest is even more dangerous at night."
"It took all of us to convince Sam to halt the search for safety reasons," Natasha says with a fond smile. "He's starting to take after you."
"Well they all can't be assassins can they?" He teases, to which Natasha and Sam laugh. Steve smiles and looks between his two friends. "I'm alright guys. I made it out okay."
"You really did, especially since you were alone," Natasha says with a proud smile.
Steve shakes his head. "Actually, I was with . . ." He trails off as he turns around, his face falling when he realizes that Bucky is gone. Steve shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but once again he's let himself down. Bucky's not ready—that's probably why he was in the Amazon in the first place, so he could be alone and work through the jumbled mass that is his brain. He has over seventy years of memories to search through and seeing Steve in there probably confused him even more.
He turns back to his friends, who are both looking concerned (Sam) and suspicious (Natasha). Steve shakes his head and repeats that he's fine. Natasha looks like she wants to interrogate him but ultimately relents for the time being. Steve mentally sighs in relief before following his friends back to the small plane Natasha managed to land in a clearing nearby.
Steve settles in for the long flight. They're about halfway back to the states when Steve notices something stuck to the star of his shield. He pulls the dirty paper off his shield, scanning what's written on it before smiling like a loon. On the paper are a set of coordinates written in Bucky's scrawl. He pockets the strip of paper before glancing out the window and watching the clouds roll by, eager to get back to his apartment and find out where Bucky's heading to now. He's never going to give up on him. He's going to bring Bucky back home matter what it takes.
They're stuck with each other til the end of the line. Steve will make sure of that.