I pulled on my blink-182 shirt with a nervous breath.
I can't believe mum was letting me go to their concert alone, not that I had any friends anyway.
It was 8am when I walked out the door with my necessities, waiting for a bus.
Once on the bus, I listened to my iPod, listening to blink to pamper myself for the concert. I continued to do this on the train, too. I tried not to think too much, otherwise I probably would've smiled or screamed in excitement because I, Shaun Diviney, a boring 17 year old from the central coast was seeing the band that saved his life.
At each stop, I'd look at the people who walked on. Some were pretty typical looking, some were outrageous. Some were attractive, and some were just plain obnoxious.
But this guy caught my eye. It was a typical station, everything surrounding this station and carriage was typical, but he, he was different. He reminded me of me. He walked down the carriage, listening to his iPod, wearing a cooler, newer blink shirt than mine. He sat two seats in front, on the side facing me. He had shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes that I think if I stared at them for too long I would've died. I even felt sudden anxiety. He was so much cooler than me.
For those next three hours on the train, I tried to avoid him, but even as the carriage got more and more full, he stood out to me. I thought about going over and saying hello, many times, but he didn't even notice me when he got on. So what would be the point?
I'd get deep in thought, think about if blink meant as much to him as it does to me, if he's gone through what I've gone through. If he has replayed I Miss You on his iPod for days at a time. Was he everything I wanted in myself? Was he the guy I'd give my world to if I had the chance?
Answer was; probably
Once I had reached the station, I watched the guy I daydreamed of get up, as I did, he looked over at me, only a glance, it shot right through me. It was as if I was star struck. I wonder if he was too?
He walked in an opposite direction than me after we exited the station, I felt suddenly sad and was willing to follow him, but I didn't want to look like a stalker.
So I made my way to the venue, the way I knew how to, the streets full of people smiling, talking, rushing back to work from coffee breaks, cafés making fresh toasted sandwiches, making my stomach growl although I ate before I left, I brought one anyway.
By the time I reached the venue, there was a line almost wrapping around the venue...and I thought I had come early.
I walked down the line of teens, adults and kids, all looking similar to me, I felt like I finally belonged somewhere, which was weird for me. I saw that guy in the line, eating a pizza to himself. What a pig, I thought to myself. He did it so gracefully, though, which made me giggle a little.
I stayed quiet and to myself, sitting against the wall of the venue playing my gameboy. The concert wasn't starting for a few hours. It was going to be a long day.
My stomach jumped with excitement as security came out, telling us to get up and form a line and get our tickets ready. Which we did.
I passed in my tickets and walked through, a wide smile on my face as I saw the huge stage with the logo in the background, bright lights shining on it. I was so full of adventure and an envy, a need, for me to someday, be the one up on that stage. One day...
I squeezed my way through the mass of people pushing back and forth after the supports, looking up at the stage, the closer I got, the bigger it was. The guys all came out, my smile and excitement definitely couldn't be hidden now. Mark said hi to the crowd and they started playing Family Reunion, everybody went mental, i was getting pushed back and forth, I didn't know if I could handle it. But it was so great, going all out to their music, when I never got to do it at home.
The pit was pretty nuts, people got pulled out, crowd surfed, I still wasn't fully aware what was going on around me I was so ecstatic and every time they made their jokes about butt sex and having sex with their mums, I'd die, because I wasn't watching them play and make crude jokes on TV. It was real life, I could see tom's perfect face and then they'd sing and it was perfect.
A circle pit started to form around me when they played Dammit. Being so out of my own head, I didn't have the logic to run, I suddenly saw a hand, dimly lit between the bodies, I grabbed it and it jolted me through to the back of the crowd, taking me completely out of the mosh, I stumbled out and looked at the guy who pulled me out...
It was him...
The guy from the train.
Our eyes looked directly in each other as he was about my height, he smiled and grabbed my shoulder.
"You alright?!" He yelled over the music "you look like you were having a tough time"
I was speechless, I just nodded and laughed.
"How old are you?" He asked, muffled
"What?!" I screamed, he got closer to me, I swallowed the lump of anxiety in my throat
"How old are you?" He spoke into my ear
"Seventeen!"
"Oh cool! I'm eighteen. I noticed you on the train but wasn't sure if you were going to blink. What school do you go to?"
"Hunters!" I yelled, looking in his eyes. Even in the dark they were so blue.
"I go there too! I've never seen you before!"
I smiled wide "I only moved this year!"
"Well we should definitely hang out" he laughed "hey, what's your name?"
"Shaun" I smiled "what's yours?"
"Andrew, call me Andy though, I don't like Andrew, I feel like a 40 year old when people call me that"
I laughed and looked over at the stage. It actually looked cooler from back here.
"We're gonna play a slower song now." Tom began
"Feel free to sing along, or feel each other up. Whatever you feels right" mark added, me and Andy laughed, I looked at him and bit my lip. If this boy wasn't going to be my boyfriend. He definitely should be my best friend.
They started playing I Miss You, I smiled like crazy.
"This is my favourite!" Andy said with excitement to hear it live, as was I.
"Me too! Did you listen to it for weeks on end?"
"Weeks? Dude, months. It's my favourite"
"I love you" I jokingly said, he laughed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I got butterflies and leaned into him a little bit, singing along. His arm was on a bruise, I think, but I bared the pain.
It was weird. How he was holding me, leaning into me, he didn't let go of me most of the set. I even jumped up onto his back and screamed back the lyrics
"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHE SAID! IM GOING FUCKING DEAF YOURE ALWAYS TOO LOUD! EVERYTHING'S TOO LOUD!"
even though I was at the back of the room, I saw tom look at my direction and my eyes would tear a little, I was so gay. But I don't want to discuss my sexuality right now.
I got off Andy's back later and we tugged ourselves close by the waist, swaying and putting our other hands up to point and sing the chorus. And so we screamed.
"ILL NEVER ASK PERMISSION FROM YOU, FUCK OFF IM NOT LISTENING TO YOU! IM NOT COMING HOME, IM NEVER GOING TO GO BACK HOME!"
I never wanted to go home.