Disclaimer; I do not own Kingdom Hearts. (Yes, this is a fanfic)
Asylum
It started out like any other Friday night in the dorm. The gang was hanging out, watching episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. But it would be a pivotal change in my life from then on. We had all fallen into this rhythm of Friday nights, we would all take turns bringing food and then we'd settle down into the cramped confines of my dorm room's living room area.
With Demyx in one chair, usually composing the melodies wafted through his brain while watching the show. Roxas, on the floor, leaning against the side of the couch as he poked fun at his older red-haired friend. Axel was sitting on the couch and I was laying down, my head on his lap as he ran his fingers through my hair without realizing it.
My head had a slight headache as had began at the start of the semester, but I tried to push it out of my mind. It was irritating but nothing I was too worried about. I thought it had been from dehydration, so when my water bottle came up empty, I stood up to get another one. I felt unsteady on my feet and feel to my knees, my vision blurring. The pain in my head came crashing down like a wave in the ocean and I was drowning in it and it just kept on, never dulling.
I could hear the snippets of the conversation around me, "Rixa? Can you hear me? Open your eyes. What's wrong?" I identified the voice as Demyx, he was in older brother mode, the one where he was worried and nothing else mattered. "My head… Make it stop…." "Do you need to go to the hospital?" I nodded, I couldn't respond. The drive there was torture, I was feeling the combined pain of whatever this mysterious illness was and motion sickness. Every time we turned a corner, I swear I was going to vomit.
As we got inside, the minutes dragged on until he and I were admitted to the ER. A nurse said they needed to put in an IV and I felt the panic take over my system. "N-no… Needles, I can't… No." My voice wasn't working for me; I couldn't form the words that I wanted to say. I felt my brother grip my hand, "Rixa, I know you hate needles, but once the IV is in, they'll give you some medicine and make it all stop." While he was distracting me, the nurse expertly put the IV in and I could feel the medicine begin to drip in. A foggy sensation traveled through my arm and up my throat and out my nose, I could smell a faint aroma of cold wind and medicine mixed together.
We waited, and waited, and waited some more, but the medicine wasn't working. The cat scan showed nothing to be worried about. We were getting nowhere. It came time for a spinal tap. I didn't care what they did anymore; I just wanted it all to stop. I wasn't in control of my own senses. I could feel the needle going into my spine, splintering the bone, the injecting something into me, and I could feel the tears streaming down my face, but I didn't make a sound.
The sense of medicine in my IV had changed as well and that one did take effect. It made the pain foggy, but it was still there. It's the sensation of being drunk. Your wits are corrupted and you don't really care about anything, and even though you control yourself, you truly don't. They let me leave and we went home, instead to the dorm. It was safer there. I wouldn't have to climb up into a loft.
The next morning, the pain was back. It had come back worse, as if sating it had only made it angrier. Everything hurt, the lights hurt so I stayed in the darkness. Loud noises made everything worse and my chest ached as I breathed. The ER hadn't helped and Demyx was at his wits end. I can remember the conversation as clear as day, "I don't know what else to do. The hospital didn't help, all these symptoms don't really point to anything, what the heck are we missing?" His voice was aggravated and I could almost picture Axel putting his hand on his younger friend's shoulder, "She'll get through this Dem, any day now she'll be up and about, cracking jokes and messing around with us like usual."
"This is no times for jokes Axel! There could be something seriously wrong with her and you sound like you don't even care!" The exasperation in his voice was killing me, if I could make it all stop, I would. Didn't he know that? But what came next was a tone I had never heard from the cocky red-head, "Don't you think I get that?" he growled, "I love her as much as you do, I'm her boyfriend. I would switch places with her in an instant! But if I don't joke around like usual, I am going to lose it! And that won't do us any good, now will it?" I blocked out the rest of the argument, their yelling had made the pain worsen and I cringed at the sound of a slamming door.
There was silence. It haunted me and I could count the seconds ticking by. But time wasn't moving, it seemed frozen and at a standstill. I just wanted the pain to stop. What had I done to deserve this sort of torture? I had never inflicted this much pain on another person. So why? Was I being punished because I was a bad person? Why wouldn't it just stop?
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room long ago and so, with my thought plaguing me, I began to look at the walls, seeing different shapes in the plaster. An alien, a banana, a cow, a dinosaur, a cupcake, many other things, but even thinking hurt. I can't stop thinking though, I can't. Maybe if I died it would just be easier. I could kill myself and no one would care. Because anything was worse than being in a state like this, a never-ending cycle of misery that seem to get worse and worse.
No one can help me and now I'm going to be trapped in this asylum of my mind forevermore.