If anyone had asked Tony what if he liked the newly hired Agent Torres, the answer would be a resounding no.
It wasn't that he was a bad guy. It was the fact that he reminded Tony too much of himself. They were charming, suave, funny, and too handsome for their own good (if asked for their opinions on the matter anyway). You would think this would allow them to get along, and it did to an extent. But in Tony's mind there could only be one Anthony DiNozzo and he was bundled in smooth Italian packaging, not spicy Latin.
And there was one more reason why Tony disliked the man.
"Hey, Jimmy! Did you see the game last night?"
Looking up Tony saw Torres jog over to Jimmy, who grinned and began to excitedly discuss the baseball game that was on last night. Hazel green eyes lighting up with joy to discuss the victory of one of his favorite teams. His cheeks flushing adorably, in embarrassment when he stumbled over his words. Tony could already feel the back of his neck heating in irritation at the man, who in his opinion stood a little too close to his autopsy gremlin.
Not that Palmer was his or anything. They were just friends first and it irritated him that the new guy was trying to take up all of his gremlin's time for himself. Nope, in no way did he spend time imagining being alone with the gremlin and gazing into wide eyes or acting out any one of the numerous fantasies he had come up with.
It was definitely just irritation at having his friend possibly being stolen from him. Ever since Gibbs' hiatus, leaving Tony in charge of a team that didn't respect or listen to him as a leader. Jimmy had stood by Tony's side, listening to him when he was upset and lending words of wisdom the Tony was surprised the assistant was even able to give. Ever since they had been close, Tony would go so far as to call the younger man his closest friend. Baseball was their thing.
Torres didn't even like baseball, talking about his preference for soccer on more than one occasion, that asshole.
Palmer was his.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Nick felt the heated glare driving into the back of his head, and allowed a satisfied grin to spread across his face. His focus remaining solely on the adorable human personification of puppy that stood before him.
He knew about DiNozzo's crush on the other man, he also knew that DiNozzo had years to make a move. If he hadn't stepped up in previous years he won't do so now. So Nick might as well step in and try to take the childlike but a couple years older than him M.E. assistant for himself. He'd always thought the M.E. was attractive, more so after he walked into autopsy one day and saw Jimmy bent over on all four on the floor looking for something he had dropped. That was definitely an eye opening experience.
There was also the time when he donated five thousand dollars instead of the initial fifty he meant to give. Seeing how happy the kids were on their new accessible playground was the main reason Nick didn't have the mistake fixed, but it was also the upset look on Jimmy's face that kept him from doing so. As well as the resulting glee filled expression and the hug he was given. The man may be easily embarrassed but he knew how to hug.
The point was DiNozzo had plenty of time to snatch up the assistant for himself. Nick would be an absolute idiot to allow a man in denial to keep him from going for the prize.
It seemed as if Tony eventually grew tired of watching the upstart probie invade his friend's personal space and decided to intervene.
"How's my favorite Autopsy Gremlin on this fine morning?" he asked throwing an arm around the slimmer man's shoulders in what would normally be construed as a bro-hug, but the look he shot Nick showed it as a claim of possession. Two could play at that game.
"We're doing great Tony," Nick cut in, his arm slithering around Jimmy's waist. "Just discussing last night's game with my favorite M.E."
"That's funny," Tony replied, the look on his face conveying friendliness but his words were anything but. "I thought you didn't like baseball, thought soccer was your game?"
"Um, guys?" Jimmy questioned, his face turning red from how closely they were all squeezed together.
"Well you know a man can like more than one sport."
"But I thought you said it was as stupid game?"
"Maybe at one point, but I've seen the light."
Both men continued glaring at each other, standing toe to toe. Not noticing how uncomfortable or red the object of their mutual affections was becoming the longer they continued to stand so close. Poor Jimmy wasn't oblivious to the tension; he was just confused as to why it was there in the first place. He considered both men as close friends; he just didn't understand why they didn't like each other. Their personalities were nearly identical.
"Guys?"
"Say Nick, I think you still have to finish the report on the case from two days ago. Wouldn't want Gibbs to catch you slacking off would we?"
"Thanks for the concern bro. But I just finished it before coming to talk to my friend Jimmy here."
"Well you better go back and make sure it's perfect. Wouldn't want to be told to go back and redo the whole thing would you? So while you do that, me and Jimmy here will head out for lunch"
"It's cool, Bishop said she would help me look it over for any errors I need to fix." In the distance Bishop could be heard muttering about how she did not in fact agree to that. "And I was just about to ask Jimmy if he wanted to head to lunch as well."
"Well what a coincidence."
The tension became so palpable that other agents started to stop watch the spectacle. If one had a large imagination, they would probably imagine fire erupting around the two agents in the middle of the standoff, electricity shooting between their glaring eyes. Jimmy would of course be dolled up as the fair maiden whose hand they were fighting for. Later when retold to Jimmy by an amused McGee, he would attempt to hide himself in one of the coolers down in autopsy.
For now though, Jimmy was stuck helplessly in the middle, trying to figure out how to get the two men to calm down.
"Maybe he doesn't want to go to lunch with you." Tony relied "Maybe he would prefer going with a close longtime friend and discuss the newest medical horror movie that came out last week that he's wanted to see."
"Or maybe he would prefer going to lunch with his newest friend so he can get to know him better and hopefully grow closer."
"I like how you assume Jimmy wants to get closer to you, Jimmy is just really nice and sweet and doesn't want to hurt your feelings."
"I like how you assume that Jimmy considers you his closest friend."
It was at this point that it would become obvious to someone who is both blind and deaf that things had become more heated. Both men stood nose to nose, arms crossed, attempting to glare the other into submission. Jimmy, while no longer being held onto, was still stuck between the two warring alpha males. Why was he the one always getting caught in uncomfortable situations?
It was while everyone was distracted that a pair of arms snuck around Jimmy's waist pulling him out from between the two men. Blinking in confusion at the sudden loss, the two men turned their attention in the direction Jimmy had disappeared. Being met with the sight of one MI-6 Agent Clayton Reeves holding Jimmy from behind in a hug.
"Jimmy love, you ready for lunch?"
"Oh yes!" Jimmy gave the two men an apologetic look. "Sorry guys, I promised Clayton I would go with him today. Maybe we can all go out tomorrow?"
Jimmy giving them a blinding grin, not seeing Reeves shoot the two men a victorious smirk. One of his arms remained wrapped around Jimmy as he began leading him away. Giving them a two fingered wave, calling back, "See you later mates."
The left behind men shot the retreating duo a look of shock, not realizing they weren't the only men vying for the assistant's affections. Looking back they saw a question in each other's eyes, and gave a nod in mutual agreement.
Reeves was going down.