HOW TO PRONOUNCE THE TITLE: Worthwhile denial (get it? it rhymes!) - OR - It Took You Long Enough (to be said under you breath in a highly sarcastic manner)
Disclaimer: I am not Eoin Colfer.
Just a question: Are disclaimers really necessary or is it all an elaborate plot to mess with my mind? I'm honestly curious.
I LOVED the 6th book! So this is set after TTP. So if you haven't read it, read it NOW!
Marie woke up. I was her birthday! She was sooo excited!
"It's my birthday! I'm sooo excited!" she yelled. She jumped out of bed and ran to her bookshelf.
Every single one of the Artemis Fowl books was neatly lined up on the top shelf.
Marie was a huge fan of the books. She had read each one of them at least ten times, and practically knew them by heart. "Hello my darling books," she crooned, "Mommy's here and it's her birthday!" She paused briefly, as if she was waiting for the books to answer.
If the books gave any response, Marie didn't notice it. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. There's no pressure."
There was still no reply.
Marie gave the books on last loving look before darting out into the kitchen, accidentally running into the wall on her way. But that was not at all unusual. Because of her daily wall-banging, there was a permanent dent in the wall right outside her bedroom.
Marie glanced around the seemingly empty kitchen. "Mom! Dad! Are you guys awake?"
Her parents suddenly popped up from behind the table. "Happy Birthday, honey," her mom said.
Marie pretended to be surprised to please her parents. "Wow! There you guys are! I thought you were still asleep."
"And forget your birthday? What kind of parents do you think we are?"
Marie grinned widely. "The best ones in the world."
Her mother went misty eyed for a few seconds, then pulled herself together, and hastily said, "So, is the birthday girl ready for her birthday cake?"
Marie's father groaned. "Come on. Cake for breakfast? Can't we just wait a few more hours?'
Smiling, Marie shook her head. "It's tradition Dad. You know that we do this every year."
"Only because you're too impatient to wait. But you're sixteen years old now. Haven't you grown out of this?"
Marie thought about it for a second. Then she said, "There are two things I will never grow out of. One of them is my love for Artemis Fowl. The other is my tradition of eating birthday cake for breakfast." Then she smiled, quite proud of her conclusion.
Marie's mother looked at her father reproachfully. "Dear, our daughter is incredibly stubborn. You should know that by now."
Her father tried to look remorseful, but only succeeded in looking like he had just smelled something disgusting. He then attempted to make amends by lighting the candles on Marie's double chocolate birthday cake. Her mother nodded approvingly.
"Okay, is everyone ready to sing? Good. One… two… three…"
Marie winced when her parents started singing. Fighting to keep the grin on her face, all she could do was wait for it to be over.
"Happy birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Marieeeeeeeee! Happy Birthday to You!"
"Now blow out the candles and make a wish, sweetie," her mother enthusiastically ordered.
Marie closed her eyes. There was only one thing that she wanted.
I wish I could actually meet Artemis Fowl.
Then she blew out the candles, sealing her wish. Suddenly, she felt a little lightheaded. She dizzily tried to open her eyes, but found that she couldn't. She fell over, and hit the floor.
That was when she lost consciousness.
Thousands of miles underground, Holly Short sighed. Once again, she had caught herself thinking of Artemis Fowl. That boy was more trouble than he was worth. Why had she ever become involved with him?
After she had returned from the past, she had told Artemis that she regretted leading him on, but she could not forget what had happened. She had kissed him! She had kissed him! There was nobody to blame this whole situation on but herself.
Holly wasn't even sure why she had done it. Of course, she had blamed it on the fact that her adolescent emotions had gotten in the way, but was that the real reason? She just wasn't sure.
Her plan was to avoid Artemis as much as possible until she got herself under control, but so far nothing had changed.
When she talked to him, they could still act like friends. However, sometimes it seemed like he was looking at her differently –not in a bad way though.
So Holly did the most logical thing she could think of. She decided to come up with a new plan.
What can I do that will fix this? Well, am only certain of a few things. I know that I do NOT like Artemis as more than a friend (hopefully(BE QUIET YOU STUPID VOICE!!)). I also know that half of the problem is that he DOES like me, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.
Hmmmmmm….
Holly was getting nowhere. Unlike Artemis, she was not very good at thinking of brilliant plans.
Swearing loudly, Holly stood up. She needed to take action. It was not like her to sit still and do nothing about solving her problems. With this in mind, she reached for her communicator to call Foaly and apply for an aboveground visa. She would talk to that mud boy if it killed her!
Artemis Fowl was completely unaware that Holly was thinking about him, although if he had known, his reaction would have been priceless.
No, he had better things to worry about. His concentration was needed for his "project." And his current project was a large piece of blank canvass. For he, Artemis Fowl II, was going to be an artist. Of course, he was an expert at forging masterpieces, but he had never created one of his own. And since he was going to give up his criminal enterprises, he thought it would be a good idea to have a few hobbies.
He had just picked up a paintbrush when he heard a loud crash behind him. With reflexes that would have made Holly proud, he whipped around to investigate. To his extreme surprise, he saw a girl sitting on the floor, rubbing her head. It appeared that she had tripped over an armchair and hit her head on the floor.
But it was not her apparent clumsiness that surprised him. This strange girl had appeared out of nowhere. She was wearing purple pajamas with bunnies and stars. Her hair was messy, as if she had just gotten out of bed.
Artemis could only stare.
The girl stared back. Then she blurted out, "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"
Artemis was taken aback."Your house? This is my house."
The girl looked around with wide eyes. "You're right. This is not my house." She looked lost. "But where is my family? And who are you?"
Artemis almost pitied her, but then he reminded himself that she had interrupted his first attempt at painting. "You will either tell me why you are here, or I will be forced to summon Butler. And he will not be as kind as I am." It was a lie. Butler was dropping off Artemis' parents at the airport, but the girl didn't know that.
The girl was silent for a few seconds. "It was my birthday. I remember my parents singing to me. Then I closed my eyes and made a wish and…" she trailed off. Suddenly her eyes lit up with understanding. "What is your name?'
Artemis impatiently waved her question away. "That is not important."
"Yes it is!"
Wondering if he was making a mistake, Artemis decided that there was no reason not to tell the girl his name. "My name is Artemis Fowl."
If it was possible, the girl's eyes got even wider. "You're Artemis Fowl?"
"Yes. Do you need me to repeat everything I say before you can understand it?"
Then the strange girl did something even stranger. She looked him straight in the eye and breathlessly said, "Can I kiss your feet?"
Artemis' eyebrows shot up. "Pardon me?"
"Can I kiss your feet?"
For the second time since the girl's arrival, Artemis was at a loss for words.
The girl blushed. "I'm sorry. It's just… you're here! I never thought I'd see you. So you understand that I'm a little surprised."
"What?" Artemis asked.
"You're my favorite character. My wish must have come true. Do you mind if I just stare at you?"
Artemis was incredibly confused now. "Umm… yes, actually I do mind. You are starting to worry me."
"I'm sorry about the foot comment. I just wanted to worship you. Is that too much to ask?"
At that, Artemis gave up talking to her and simply ran out of the room, locking the door behind him. He could hear the girl banging on the door, yelling at him to wait for her. He leaned against the wall, trying to think of a suitable course of action.
When in doubt, call Butler. Artemis pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number that only he knew.
Butler answered on the first ring. He sounded worried. "Master Artemis? Is something wrong?"
Artemis tried to sound reassuring, but his voice was a higher pitch than normal. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm not hurt at all. It's just… well, how fast can you get here?"
"Give me ten minutes. If you are really in no danger, I will hang up now and concentrate on driving." Butler knew Artemis would explain the situation later. After all, no cell phone was absolutely safe from Foaly's interference.
"Don't worry about me," Artemis said. Then he ended the call.
Now all I can do is wait. Hmm… I wonder if there is any caviar in the kitchen…