I formerly apologize in advance for my tragic weakness because I wrote this on my own free will with no bribery or coercion whatsoever. Sad, I know. :P
CAPTAIN HOOK'S DREADFUL ENCOUNTER
Captain James Algernon Cloudesley Hook woke up, groaning, feeling strangely as though he had suffered a particularly bad hangover. He was not one to abuse spirits like the men of his crew. He placed a hand to his head, continuing to groan with the misery of his pounding headache.
Behind him, Short Tom squawked from atop his perch. "All clear, all clear!"
"Enough of that squawking, Short Tom," Captain Hook ordered. Each shriek from his beloved pet parrot caused his headache to increase. "My head feels as if it's in a vice. No doubt I have suffered an improper sleep and require a new pillow."
He picked up the formerly comfortable goose down pillow inside a pink satin covering and flung it at the wall.
"SMEE!"
Smee came running. He poked his head through the cabin door, enthusiastic as always and eager to please. "Aye, Sir?"
"I am in need of a new pillow. Round up the men. We will be going ashore to find a suitable goose to pluck."
"Aye, Cap'n Hook." Smee saluted before stumbling away to alert his fellow pirates of today's mission.
"Perhaps along the way I'll relieve this pain by finally running that accursed Peter Pan through."
Hook grinned at the anticipation of a chance meeting with his sworn enemy. He went to closet and selected his usual regalia. After he dressed, he walked outside and found Smee had collected the crew as he had ordered. A decent job for once.
Robert Mullins was in the midst of mumbling under his breath. It did not go undetected.
"I hate going ashore. And for goose feathers? Cap'n Hook's got too delicate for the life of a pirate, methinks."
He wasn't the only one, Robert Mullins decided, watching Gentleman Starkey running his fingers through his hair oh so daintily in order to get it perfectly in place. For what reason outside of vanity went unknown. A pirate had no need for such frivolities. Robert Mullins snorted with irritation.
He flinched at the hot breath on the back of his neck accompanying a familiar gruff and ever imposing voice.
"What was that, Robert Mullins? You have a problem with my orders?"
Mullins instantly shrunk back, shaking his head in quick defiance. "No, no. Of course not, Cap'n Hook. I said goose feathers are awfully delicate. We pirates need to handle them lightly."
Cookson rubbed his dirty hands together, looking eager to get on with the task. "First we pluck goose for Capitan de Hook's pillow stuffing. Then Cookson stuffs goose for dinner."
"Yes, nothing like an overdone bird drowning in its own watery mutilated giblets being passed off as gravy," Gentleman Starkey commented with a roll of his eyes. "I'd be more excited about the prospect of a goose dinner if there was someone aboard this ship who knew how to cook one."
The comment earned him a frown from the Greek.
Cookson poked Gentleman Starkey in the chest. "If you want better cooked goose, then you cook it! And you make the gravy, too." Knowing Starkey had little culinary skills himself, he smirked when the thin man said nothing in response to defend himself. "You are lucky Cookson is here. Or maybe you want Smee to cook again?"
Starkey frantically shook his head. "On second thought, your roast goose and gravy is superb in comparison, Cookson."
Captain Hook stepped before the smaller men. He raised his arm, pointing toward the shore in the distance. "Enough chit-chat, you clapperdudgeon lummoxes. To the long boat! I want a goose before nightfall."
Everyone going ashore piled into the long boat. Billy Jukes stayed behind and lowered the boat into the water. "Good luck, Captain."
"Make sure Long Tom is polished to a shine upon our return, Billy Jukes," said Captain Hook. "No lazing about."
"Of course, Captain."
The boat came to rest in the water with a splash. Alf Mason and Robert Mullins took to rowing.
Captain Hook stood dramatically at the front of the boat. His headache dulled for the while.
-x-
The Darlings and The Lost Boys were busy picking fruit for the week when Tootles declared from his spot high up a tree, "The pirates are coming ashore!"
Wendy sighed. She dropped two apples in a basket and picked up a third that Michael had allowed to fall from the bunch in his tiny arms. "Oh dear. Not pirates again. And it was such a nice day today."
A shadow appeared overhead. Wendy looked up to see Peter flying above.
"You mean a dull day got more interesting, Wendy. Look on the bright side. Now we can play pranks on those pirates."
"Oh Peter. You and your pranks." Wendy shook her head while smiling. "The pirates probably just want to scrounge up some food. I think it's better not to provoke them."
"Mean old pirates. I wish they'd go away," Michael said. "They always take too much food and trample on all the plants." He placed the fruit he had collected into the basket. "And they hurt the poor animals." He turned to Wendy and clung to her dress. "And they try to hurt us."
Wendy placed her hand on his head. "I know, Michael. We'd better pick up our food and stay out of their sight before they get too close."
She took hold of a basket. John flew beside her and picked up another. She glanced at Peter, looking cocky as ever. She knew there was no way to stop him from messing with the pirates.
"If Peter wants to play with them today, then he can. But we're going back to the underground house. Come on, Michael."
"And play I shall. Lost Boys, are you with me?"
"I'd honestly rather help cook dinner today," said Tootles. He flew after Wendy, John, and Michael.
"We were," began the first Twin.
"-working on an invention," finished the second Twin.
"We'd really like-"
"-to get it finished today!"
"See you later, Peter," they said together as they flew off.
Slightly, Curly, and Nibs exchanged glances. They looked at Peter.
Peter shrugged.
"This is slightly awkward," said Slightly. "Looks like it's just us, Peter."
Peter held up his finger. He had a knowing look on his eternally youthful face. "That's no problem. Come on." He gestured.
The boys flew off into the woods. After about four minutes, Peter veered off into a dark, secluded section. He landed in a clearing.
One dead tree stood in the middle of the clearing. Nibs, Slightly, and Curly immediately felt an eerie presence that brave Peter was wholly unaware of. They paused while watching Peter stride confidently to the ancient and gnarled dead tree.
He reached inside a hole in the trunk and pulled out something that made the other boys gasp.
Nibs sensed an ominous sign from the artifact. "Peter, what's that hideous thing?"
Peter held the skull of some Neverland creature, or perhaps some creature than wound up on Neverland and passed away, its wicked existence too horrible to be sustained even on Neverland. It was about the length of Peter's forearm from the snout to the back of the skull, adorned with various gems and rubies that glistened in what little daylight peered through the trees.
"It's slightly creepy," said Slightly. He recoiled as Peter brought it within reach of them. Peter held it up so they could see it clearly. It got all the more unsettling the longer Slightly stared at it. He felt as if just looking at it was somehow jeopardizing his well-being. He averted his eyes. "What is it?"
"I have no idea. But since I found it years ago, I've called it The Atrocious Bone. Seems fitting, right?" Peter made a ghostly wail. He wiggled the fingers on one hand while he held up his disturbing relic in the other. "It's bad luck to hold onto it for too long." This comment made the rest of the Lost Boys back away in fear. "Captain Hook and his greedy pirates will do anything to get it once we make it out to be the richest treasure of Neverland!" He threw his head back and laughed.
"But Peter, if it's bad luck to hold onto it, you'd better get rid of it soon," said Curly.
"Gee, you're right," Peter said, looking thoughtfully at Curly. He grinned. He tossed the skull at Curly. "Hot potato!"
Curly gasped as he instinctively caught the Atrocious Bone. He screamed. He shoved the bone at Nibs. "No, no! I don't want it!"
"Me either!" Nibs panicked and tossed the bone to Slightly.
"I'm slightly regretting this plot, Peter!" Slightly threw the bone into the air and Peter held it once again.
"Relax, Slightly. The only ones who'll suffer bad luck are the pirates. Now, let's get to where they can see us and show off our newfound treasure."
-x-
"Here, goose, goose. Here goosie goosie! Come on out!"
Smee peered beneath the bushes. He saw no trace of a bird, goose, quail, Neverbird, or otherwise. He allowed the bright green leaves to fall back in place before reaching up to scratch his head.
"Hm. I don't see any gooses around, Gentleman Starkey."
Starkey sighed. "Well, I'd think you scared them off with all that yelling, Smee." He tip-toed to another set of bushes and parted them gently. "Bird hunting requires a certain amount of finesse, you know," he whispered. He made a motion with his hand to keep silent.
Luckily Smee understood. He nodded, creeping silently over to stand beside Starkey and have a glance at what the man was motioning toward.
Smee and Starkey peered through the bushes. They saw a plump goose waddling along the riverbank.
"Ooh, there's one! And she's a big'n. Cap'n Hook's going to be pleased," Smee whispered.
"Now, if we can catch it before," Starkey started to say until Robert Mullins and Cookson came stomping through the bushes, carrying nets.
"GOTCHA, YA DUMB BIRD!" Robert Mullins declared overconfidently before he threw the net at the startled goose.
It missed.
He tripped, falling in front of the honking goose.
"Cookson has it! Cookson has it!" Cookson lunged for the goose, but it went between his stubby legs and escaped. Cookson looked annoyed. "Cookson no has it!"
His expression turned to surprise as he smacked into Alf Mason, who had appeared through another set of bushes.
"Watch were you're goin', Cookson."
"If we don't catch that goose, our gooses will be cooked," Starkey cried out. He ran after the goose with Smee in hot pursuit.
The pirates chased after the goose in an attempt to corner and catch it. It was much harder than they'd expected.
Eventually they backed it against a cliff side and moved to surround it. The fearful bird honked and flapped its wings as a net was cast in its direction.
Peter Pan flew in and caught the net, giving the bird room to escape. It let out a grateful honk as it took to the air and flew away, leaving the pirates to bare their teeth and curse at various octaves.
"Don't you know it's bad luck to catch a goose in this forest, my dear pirates?" he boasted.
He threw the net. It landed on Robert Mullins and Cookson.
Cookson struggled to get free. Robert Mullin's became enraged and forgot the lost goose, now intent on capturing another flying creature who had long fueled his wrath.
"PAN!" Robert Mullins roared while drawing his cutlass. He sliced through the net. "Get him!"
Everyone jumped at Peter Pan, but the boy easily escaped them and flew into the air, high out of reach. He laughed long and hard.
Robert Mullins waved his cutlass. "Come down here, Pan! Fight like a man, you little baby-faced coward!"
The insult was sure to have drawn Peter Pan into a fight to defend his honor any other day, but Peter shrugged it off and yawned, making Mullins confused and all the more angry instead.
"I would fight you and make short work of you all, no doubt," said Peter as he withdrew a black cloth bag which secretly held the Atrocious Bone inside it. "But my Lost Boys and I have just located the greatest treasure in all of Neverland, and we're going to store it away where no pirate can find it."
"Greatest treasure in all of Neverland?" Robert Mullins repeated with an air of cautionary disbelief. "And what would that be?"
Peter stuck out his tongue. "Why, that's for us to know and you to never find out, Robert Mullins." Peter suppressed a snicker as he turned to confide in Nibs' ear. "That ought to rile them up. Okay, let's go!"
Peter and the three Lost Boys flew away over the trees.
"See you around some other time," Peter called out to them. "Tell Captain Hook I said hi!"
They were out of sight as soon as a very disgruntled Captain Hook came through the bushes.
"I heard a goose. I saw it take to the skies. What I want to know is WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU IMBECILES CATCH IT BEFORE IT GOT AWAY?"
Captain Hook advanced toward his hapless crew with a murderous glare.
Starkey and Cookson cowered. Alf Mason and Robert Mullins timidly stood their ground while trying to come up with good excuses. Smee stumbled forward, blissfully ignorant as always, right into Hook's vengeful grasp.
"We almost had 'er, Cap'n Hook, sir. But then that Peter Pan showed up and-"
Smee made a choking sound as Captain Hook's good hand wrapped around his scrawny neck, lifting him into the air.
"Peter Pan. Yes, I thought I heard Peter Pan as well. Which means YET AGAIN, you let my quarry get away!" He shook Smee until the small Irishman's eyes rolled in the sockets. "Smeeeeeeeeeeee! You'd better have a good excuse for this, you useless worms."
Robert Mullins came forward. "Peter Pan said he has discovered the greatest treasure in all of Neverland, Captain Hook. He distracted us by gloating about it to our faces."
Captain Hook dropped Smee back to the soft earth. "Greatest treasure in all of Neverland, eh?" He glared at Robert Mullins and raised his hook. It glinted in the overhead sunlight. "And what would this legendary treasure of Pan's be?"
"That's just it, Captain. He wouldn't show us. He had it in a bag, kept hidden from view. He and three of the Lost Boys flew off to go stow it away."
"I saw them head for the mountains a short ways away," Gentleman Starkey informed. He pointed through the trees. There was a path that climbed into the mountains beyond. "That way."
"I've lost my goose today, but I shan't lose Peter Pan." Captain Hook laughed. "Whatever he's planning with that supposed treasure, I'll put a stop to it. I'll hunt down Pan and take it for my own." He threw his cape out behind him as he turned and walked through the bushes to the path going up in the mountains. "Come, you dogs!"
The smaller men followed their hulking Captain without question.
-x-
"I see them, Peter. Here they come up the path through the mountains after us," said Curly. He slid down the tree he had been sitting at the top of even though he could have easily flown down to the ground. "They look like they sure do want that awful treasure."
"Peter really sold them on the idea," Nibs said.
Peter was eating an apple while floating in the air in a reclining position. "They're pirates. Greed is their ultimate weakness. Well, besides their brains." He finished the apple and tossed the core away into some rocks for whatever creatures living there to dispose of it. "And ol' Captain Hook would never let the mighty Peter Pan to get his hands on a legendary treasure without a fight."
He took the bag out and allowed the bone to peek from it.
Slightly shivered. "That thing still gives me the heebie jeebies. It looks like something Olook would have as a decoration inside his cave."
"I don't think even Olook would want something like this around for very long," said Curly. "Especially knowing what it does."
Peter smirked. He flew down to hole they had halfway dug into the ground with flat sharp stones that looked like large arrowheads. They might have been left there by a more ancient Indian tribe, but no one knew for sure and rarely questioned. "How close are they now?"
Curly flew high enough to check the path below without getting caught. The pirates were on the trail below. "Just a few more steps!" He flew down.
"Okay everyone, in your places! Hurry," said Peter.
They all pretended to be digging. When the sound of Hook's jingling buckles and heavy footsteps grew near, they all pretended to be surprised when he came into view.
"Oh no! Captain Hook!" Slightly shouted in mock alarm.
"Peter Pan," Hook said, low and dark in tone. "You have something I want, boyyyyyy."
"I see Captain Codfish came to steal our treasure." Peter turned around and pulled out his dagger. "But we won't give it up without a fight, will we, boys?"
"I'd expect no less." Captain Hook drew his sword. His crew did the same. "Attack!"
The pirates yelled and ran forward. The Lost Boys and Peter drew their weapons. They charged through the air to meet them.
Captain Hook's sword clashed with Peter's dagger repeatedly. He slowly stepped his way to the treasure during the fight. Peter didn't make it easy on him because he didn't want Hook to grow suspicious. Eventually Captain Hook pushed Peter away with his sword, knocking him back. He grabbed the bag out of the shallow hole.
"Now, let's see what treasure you've foolishly assumed you could keep from a pirate like me." He lifted the Atrocious Bone and stared at it. For a minute, Peter was certain he wouldn't buy the con and figured he was going to smash the thing in anger. But greedy as Hook was, he stared at it like it was something far more interesting than Peter could ever imagine. Must have been all the gems. "An amusing relic." He turned and glared at Peter Pan. "It's mine now!"
He threw back his head and laughed gruffly before running for the exit.
"The greatest treasure of Neverland is mine, Peter Pan!"
He didn't really care if it was the greatest treasure of Neverland or not. He had it, and Peter Pan didn't. The precious gems on it were a simple bonus.
Peter gave chase. "I won't let you take it, Hook!"
With an evil smile, Hook grabbed Curly, who was flying too low and too close. He held his sword to the boy's throat. "Ah, but will you try and stop me when I have one of your precious Lost Boys in my deadly grasp?" Curly gulped as Hook's sword touched his flesh. "What will it be. The treasure, or your friend?"
"You're lower than pond scum, Hook," Peter said. He was happy Hook was in for some real trouble after that stunt. "Take the treasure and give Curly back. And make sure he doesn't have a single scratch, or you'll be sorry."
Captain Hook laughed again. He threw Curly at Peter and ran away. His pirates followed.
Peter caught Curly and set him on his feet.
"Whew. That prank almost had an unfunny ending," Curly sighed. He reached up and touched his neck. He still felt the blade's cold touch. He vaguely wondered if he should stay home more often, seeing as how many of Peter's pranks nearly got him killed. All he wanted now was some dinner and a nap. "Can we go home now, Peter?"
Peter nodded. "Of course. I for one can't wait to see what misfortune tomorrow will bring for Hook and his crew."
They flew back to the underground house.
-x-
On the long boat rowing to the Jolly Roger, Captain Hook continued to stare at the Atrocious Bone. He smirked. "An old odd thing. But these precious gems are cut like none I've seen. Truly a treasure worth coveting."
"Aye, and it's a nicely shined skull, to be sure," said Smee. "Is it a horse's skull?"
Captain Hook glared at his idiot bo'sun. "I'm not interested in the skull, you dolt, Smee. It's the jewels that matter. That and the fact that I have wrestled away something valuable from Peter Pan." He looked at the skull. "Though it doesn't quite look like a horse. Or a steer. Or anything I've ever seen in an Englishman's bestiary. Perhaps some creature native to this miserable Neverland, thankfully long dead. It almost reminds me of that infernal ticking reptile, only smaller."
"Perhaps it's a kin of the old croc?" Smee wondered. "Or was, I should say."
"Some ancestor, perhaps," Captain Hook mused.
"Somethin' about that skull gives me the willies," said Robert Mullins. "Feels like there's a dark presence of some sort coming from that thing."
"Keep your superstitions to yourself, Robert Mullins," Hook snapped at him. "And put your back into it. Row, row! I want to be aboard the Jolly Roger before sun down, you wretched curs."
They reached the Jolly Roger and were taken aboard.
Captain Hook kept the skull with him. He wandered the deck for a short while, staring at it.
"We no have goose for dinner. Guess it's potato soup again." Cookson shrugged. He went to the galley to prepare the food.
"Great," Alf Mason said sarcastically. "Ive been usin' Cookson's potato soup for glue and I was almost out."
"What the heck is that thing the Captain's got, Starkey?" asked a confused Billy Jukes.
Gentleman Starkey shrugged. "A great treasure, or so Peter Pan claimed it to be. Such a dreadfully ugly thing. I think it's just an old piece of junk Pan figured he could get Captain Hook to fight him for if he placed a few baubles on it."
"Looks like the skull of a demon," Billy Jukes muttered.
The comment was within earshot of Robert Mullins, who nodded as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Aye, lad. It's a bad omen." He glanced at Billy Jukes. "But better Hook have it than us. At least that's the feeling I get."
Billy Jukes nodded in turn. "You might be right, Robert Mullins."
They watched Hook enter his cabin and close the door.
-x-
Smee collected Captain Hook's half-empty dishes from the table. He watched the Captain as he sat as his work desk, attempting to pry the precious jewels from the skull with a selection of tools. "Do you be needin' some help with that, Cap'n?"
"No, Smee. Least of all from the likes of you. This requires a steady hand and some intelligence, after all." He didn't take his eyes off the sparkling blood red ruby lodged tightly in the skull's forehead when addressing the bo'sun. "If you're looking for something to do, go and inform Cookson that if he ever makes that wretched slop he claims to be potato soup again, I'll throw him overboard."
"Aye aye, Cap'n," Smee said dutifully before exiting the room. He closed the door gently behind him.
Captain Hook grunted while pulling at the ruby with a pair of forceps. The object would not budge an inch. He became increasingly irritated at this.
After several more minutes of trying and failing to dislodge the gem, he growled, setting the instrument down.
"Surely these are precious gems if the fool who placed them on this lowly beast's sun bleached skull did it with the intention of no one being able to remove them!"
He moved to the Cat's-Eye housed within one of the skull's eye sockets. He placed the forceps on it and pried. The gem moved, giving him renewed hope.
"Ah, this looks promising!"
Captain Hook slowly and methodically wiggled the gem loose. Finally, with a last rough pull, it came free with a crack. He held it up in the light.
"I've done it! The treasure will be mine after all." He placed the gemstone down on the desk an admired it, resting his hand on the desk beside the skull.
From the empty eye socket of the unknown creature's skull, another sinister creature slipped out, this one very much alive.
Its body was the color black so dark and pure, no light escaped it, with several streaks of grey running horizontally along its length. It's shape was an obscene cross between a snake and a centipede, with large mandibles at its head and a mouth like a lamprey.
It slithered silently from the eye socket, across the desk, within a matter of seconds. And upon reaching Captain Hook's naked hand, it sank the multiple rings of a dozen fangs into his flesh.
Captain Hook let out a scream of pain and surprise. He shook his hand in the air, throwing the creature off.
It hit the floor with a wet sound. Like entrails fallen from a disemboweled man. It's scent filled the cabin, a reek of ages and damp rot.
He pulled free his sword and swung it down, slicing the creature in two. "Of course a relic so ancient would house such a foul thing in secret! Disgusting."
Captain Hook looked at his wounded hand. The bite mark was turning red. An infection, no doubt. Perhaps the effects of poison. He hissed in pain. He glanced down at the wiggling creature and gasped.
It was growing from two pieces into two separate creatures. Both of them slithered away in opposite directions before Captain Hook could step on them.
Captain Hook's expression was one of complete shock and fury. He watched the ugly things slip through the floorboards. He stomped his foot. "ODDS, BOBS, HAMMER AND TONGS!"
Smee thumped against the door before remembering to open it. He entered the room, rubbing his nose. He adjusted his spectacles back into place. "Captain Hook, sir! I heard you scream. Is anything the matter?"
"There is, Smee." He held up his hand. Smee looked horrified. "The ancient skull had a most unfortunate occupant. Which for whatever reason, is now two. I split the snake-like thing in twain and watched it grow into separate pieces with my own eyes." He pointed to the floor. "It slipped between the floorboards. No doubt the wretched things are below deck. I want them found and destroyed."
Smee shuddered. "They sound awfully nasty, Cap'n. And elusive." He yelped as Captain Hook grabbed him by the shirt and shook him.
"Elusive or not, I want those things off my ship." He dropped Smee to his feet. "And bring me something for this wound."
"Sure'n now, my Cap'n." Smee ran to obtain the necessary items to clean and dress his captain's wound. "And if I get wind of the twisty Devils, me and Johnny Corkscrew'll make short work of 'em," he declared before exiting.
"I'm sure they'd make short work of you, Smee, you buffoon," Captain hook said tiredly. He looked over at the precious gem he had obtained. "At least I have something for my misery."
He paused before a thought caused him to take the sword and slice the skull in two. It fell apart on the desk. Nothing else was inside. He sighed with relief.
Captain Hook's headache had returned with a vengeance. He groaned and placed his hand on his forehead.