"The world is cruel and so do I…"
I tried it again… to no avail…
I reached out again… to that gleaming light…
Quietly I hoped for a change…
What I got was none…
In that morning, my eyes woke up as I laid the scenery bare, the usual view of my room. The brightness that came from the side of east signaled the beginning of another day. Another day with you. Again.
Full prepared for school, I leaped through the front door and ran towards the busway, couldn't help but feeling excited for another meeting with you. The routine. Our routine. Our own thing. Our own supposed-to-be thing.
You smiled at me when I saluted you like usual. That grinning of yours sure is a miracle. You could make me fluttered like a little girl, happy only because a simple smile like that. So precious. So gracious.
"Ahh…, Chika-chan…, why did things had to happen this way…?"
"Today, we're having a new student here. And guess what, she's from Tokyo!"
"H-Hi…, my name is Sakurauchi Riko. Nice t-to meet you…!"
I could clearly saw the bursting happiness leaked out from the way you laid your eyes on her. Together with the pain I've never felt ever before.
The pain was new. It was weird. It didn't fade away even after I got your smile like usual. Just what is this pain?
Things went by with you and her surely progressing faster together. Smoothly the Aqours ''we'' found is gradually becoming more and more known to the surroundings. With that you were happy. And so do I. However…, why did 'that' pain didn't disappear along with 'our' newfound happiness? I knew nothing at that time…
"Love is like a blooming flower! It's beautiful!" one of the CM said in that random night. I could only wonder what was that even means? Love? What is that word? What is the meaning of that overused word, really?
Things moved on far. We overcame even the hurdles our seniors didn't managed to. Our success is definitely going to happen anytime soon. And just when I was about to become happy, at that time…, at that night…, I saw those gleams…
I saw those sparkles… The almost-blinding light, focusing on the existence whom you held your hand with, whom you took outside that night…
"And at that time I realized,,, that what I felt was love…"
Is love even this ugly and kept in sinister?
Is that the true form of love? The form that people deliberately avoided to say?
Because if that's the case, then I could truly got the true meaning of that mysterious word.
"Love, is a form of emotion, in which you felt your heart is being crushed whenever you saw someone you hold dear was being close to somebody other than yourself."
Maybe happiness wasn't included in falling in love, I wonder?
Because if that's the case then surely I was falling in love in the truest sense…
But, the world is cruel…
"… You-chan…, I think I've been falling in love…" you said to me in our usual sleepover
"Eh? With whom?" I desperately wishing for the person to be anyone but me. Because if that person was me, then I have no choice but to kill myself. I just couldn't take the idea of being the one who hurt you. That kind of existence is just unnecessary for me. And of course, for you too…
You fidgeted for almost a minute. You were almost afraid to say the name, as if you knew that I might leap that exact moment to kill the person who made you fell in love.
Fortunately, I wasn't the one whom you fell in love with. How happy I was inside. And that very happiness soon crumbled to pieces when that damn TV straightened the misconception I had all this time…
"Love, is a feeling that always makes you live like in a fleeting dream, always being happy, always wanted to be close to your beloved one…"
And thus marked the start of my broken tale…
"Say, Mari-chan, have you ever fallen in love?" in that big room of that certain blonde senior I asked
"Hoo~ what's this, You? It's unusual for you to ask me about something private like this…! What happened?" always with her exciting personality
"W-Well, I was just curious… So, have you?" once again requested an answer
"I have." Straight
"Really? With whom? Is that person someone I know? A man? A woman?" Curiosity leads my words
"No, I won't tell you anything regarding the person. What you want to know was whether I have fallen in love or not, just that, right?" verification
"Fine, then." Surrendered, mainly because there was never any reason for me to further the conversation in our free time talking about things I didn't really want to know
Mari-chan then smiled at me and she started sipped the tea served in front of us. She hummed along the BGM she set earlier, playing with her other hand, which sometimes poke softly at my cheek, earning a little huff, of course.
"So, is it about Chikacchi?" suddenly Mari-chan asked
"Wha-? Eh? What do you mean by that, Mari-chan?" genuinely clueless
Mari-chan then took both of my hands and looked at my eyes. That look was something so rare for this senior. Mari-chan's image was that one senior who did things as her wish, not some kind of people who would suddenly being serious like now.
"E—E-E-Eeeeeeh…? What's this, Mari-chan?" tried to break free
"You've been hurting, right?" she didn't let me look at anything but her eyes
"Wha? No, I'm not. What's wrong with you!?" a little bit angry by the sudden accusation
"Don't play dumb, You. I know you well, you're not the type who would ask a random question without real meaning." She let go of my right hand, only to swiftly went for my right cheek with that very hand and said "You've been anxious whether Riko fell in love with Chikacchi too or not, right?"
And all that I could managed to do by that statement was to try to breath. She saw through me. She saw through my mask that I've been using to fool almost everyone around me. Seeing that there was no reason anymore for me to put on façade, I conceded and re-ask… "Does she fall in love with Chika-chan?"
"Why? Are you still not giving up your first love, You? It's unlike you."
"Of course not."
"Wow~ So honest."
"So, answer me!"
"Okay, then. Yes, she is. Riko is falling in love with Chikacchi. I heard about it from herself that night."
"So, it's true then…"
"What would you do, then, You? Will you really go to that 'extend' for this matter?"
"Of course. It's you who taught me to do it our way, right?"
"It's true…, but it might not really help, you know?"
"It's fine. I'm sure it will. Because you are the one who told me about it."
I reached those beloved cheeks of yours once again. The feeling of joy I got from them was just too addicting. I smiled at you and bring my lips closer to your forehead, giving you the final courage you'll need to do your job. Your final job. The final task to finish the things which bind you all this time. To destroy the chain which constricted you away from me.
That bloody day was really exciting. You, hands basked in dark red, almost full of them, stood alone on the beach in front of your most beloved one's place. You look at that inn you really loved all this time with so much sadness that soon fell in tears from your eyes.
And then that fallen angel wannabe showed up from the house beside the inn. That girl's head must be filled with so much anger that time. After finding out that her girlfriend was being slaughtered so cruelly without so much as an explanation. The girl gripped the knife she took from the stomach of her beloved one, heading to the beach where the killer of her precious was.
The lie was sure useful. That pianist sure is giving me hell with always making you feeling blue. She always make you feeling left out. She made you almost lose your smile. And with that one lie I said to you, finally she would left this world. A girl like her, a useless mongrel like her, would have been better to never stepped into this town from the very first time.
I looked from not so far away from the place you tried to prevent your beloved one from being killed by the fallen angel. Well, you didn't managed to since unusually that girl's luck was high that night. She stabbed the knife and took it in almost less than one second, only to repeat the process again and again. You ran as fast as you could to reach your beloved one but you couldn't. Ah, the world sure is cruel, with you being in desperation like that the world was giving that fallen angel the chance to run at you to stab you, too.
Well, she didn't managed to, of course. There will be no meaning for this gun of mine if it's not used to protect you, right? My You… Now you will finally be mine…