-1Finished
By: jenovasboy
R
Disclaimer: I do not own D.N.Angel or any of its characters. This is just for entertainment.
AN: This is AU.
Blue eyes closed, fringed lashed sinking against pale cheeks. He breathed. Deep and cleansing, letting the icy air swirl through his lungs, letting the bite of it eat away the consuming knot of grief in his throat. It was all he could do, after all. For if he even thought more than a carefully concealed breath, Krad would know. And Krad would make him pay.
Krad was his life now, that Satoshi knew, had forced himself to realize and accept this fact. Krad was all he had, and more than likely, all he'd ever be allowed to have. But at least, in his own twisted, self-benefiting way, Krad loved him. Krad needed him, needed his willingness to give him substance, his compliance to soothe his purpose. And Satoshi gave it freely. Because, for whatever reason, he loved and needed Krad too.
But standing here, standing over the broken bodies, Satoshi couldn't help but feel tiny shreds of horror trying to seep in through the cracks. He hadn't meant to kill them. He had intended to keep Krad in check, to rein him back before they took things too far. But he had gotten caught up in Krad's insatiable rage and his irrepressible passions, and now there was no going back. Satoshi let the barest hint of a huff escape his lips. Just one lapse in control, one single, well-placed shot, and two lives had been snuffed out with no more thought than a candle. One shot. One body. And yet, Satoshi had managed to commit two murders. There was some sick humor in that, and a rough, cruelty-tinged chuckle curled through him.
Satoshi breathed deep again, the air heavy and bitter on his tongue, and the rancid beauty of it pricked at the corners of his eyes. It was a painful relief, fitting, and matched the weight in his heart. Satoshi reveled in it. While Krad could see everything that went on in his mind, his heart was just that. His. He could allow himself to feel whatever he wanted there and Krad would never know.
He cracked open his eyes and forced himself to stare down at the ruin he had caused. Stillness. Silence. The two young men had separated after death, and lay sprawled across the cold cement. Dark lay on his back, his head tilted to the side, one arm resting on his stomach. Daisuke was face down, his face curled into Dark's other elbow, one hand curled over Dark's heart, and the other stretched out, out, out…
Satoshi licked his lips. He wouldn't admit how grateful he was that he couldn't see Daisuke's face. Slowly, Satoshi pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on and stepped nearer. He wanted to run. He wanted to be violently ill. He wanted to see.
It's a beautiful sight, isn't?
Satoshi forced himself to kneel down next to Dark prone form, opposite of Daisuke, and observed him quietly.
Admiring your own handiwork? That's a little morbid, even for me, but you always were vain, Master Satoshi.
"Not now, Krad. Just let me be." He couldn't take it. He couldn't hear the too beautiful voice. Not now. He needed…to be alone. Or, as alone as he could be. "Please, Krad. I did as you asked, now let me be."
Well, don't have too much fun.
And then the voice faded. Satoshi nearly breathed a sigh of relief.
Once Krad was 'gone', Satoshi let his eyes travel over Dark's body. It was still, too still, the only movement the wind caressing the deep purple locks, teasing them over the pale cheek, over eyes that would never open again, against a mouth that had lost its smile forever. He drifted his gaze downwards to the small hand that rested over the angel's heart, the fingers slightly curled into the fabric of Dark's shirt. There was love in those fingers, trust, an intimacy that Satoshi had never known, and it hurt to look at it. Without really realizing that he was moving, Satoshi reached over and moved Daisuke's hand, sliding his own hand beneath the motionless fingers to rest over Dark's heart.
The near familiarity of the action sent a jolt through Satoshi's body. What was he doing? He tried to move his hand, but he couldn't. Some unknown force was keeping it there, nestled against Dark's chest, fingers splayed over the heart that used to be so full of life, and love, and mischief…
That was when the tears finally threatened to fall. Satoshi bit his lip as he tried desperately to keep them back. He couldn't cry. He wasn't allowed to cry. If he cried, then it would be true. His friend's would be dead. He would have killed them. And perhaps worst of all, Krad would know that he had cared. But the heart beneath his hand beat no more. The life that had burned so strongly had gone out, because of him, and there would never be another like him. And Daisuke…Daisuke was young and innocent, an unfortunate side effect of his and Krad's war with the Phantom Thief. But…he had never intended to kill him. But he had. And now it was finally over. After four hundred years of feuding between their families, he, Satoshi Hikari, had finally ended it.
What a hollow victory. He would never have wished Dark dead, Hikari tradition be damned! And certainly not Daisuke! What had he ever done to anyone! Nothing at all. Daisuke had just been born with the wrong genes, same as he himself had been.
The unshed tears were like frozen crystals, and they cut into his eyes, stinging as they burned with icy fire. He ached all over, the terrible weight spreading from his heart to slowly encompass the rest of his body. And Dark's heart was still and silent beneath his hand. It was like a dream. An anti-life that Satoshi had somehow stumbled into, where everything was backwards, and nothing made sense. It was really he who was dead, wasn't it? Certainly it was himself and Krad who had lost the battle, who had had their breaths stolen away, even as they tried to take them? That was how the world worked. The good guys won. The villains got what they deserved. But where was the justice in this? Everything special in Satoshi's life had just died under his touch, had withered away without so much as a vicious thought. They hadn't blamed him. They hadn't hated him for it. They had simply let go. As though it were their time. As though it were their fate to die and Satoshi's to take their lives. He hated the whole damn thing!
"I'm sorry, Dark." His voice was low, hoarse, broken, and he hadn't intended to speak. His fingers clutched at Dark's shirt, much as Daisuke's had been, tightening reflexively over Dark's heart. "Forgive me." The tears fell at last, splashing down against Dark's face, to trickle over the sensationless skin like the shining apologies that they were. "And I'm sorry for Daisuke too. I never meant to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him." His voice was more like a sob now, and he could feel the vague stirrings of question from deep within. Krad was respecting his request, for now, but later he would demand an explanation. But right now, Satoshi couldn't bring himself to care.
He moved his hand away from Dark's chest to stroke through hair he'd never before had a chance to touch, and as he moved, he realized what it was that had kept his hand so securely trapped. It was the weight of his own sorrow. His denial. His intrinsic desire to stay close--his reluctance to be separated from the men who had been a part of his life for so long. Pain flooded through him, and Satoshi no longer bothered trying to hide it. He no longer cared to. Let Krad know. It didn't matter now anyway.
Dark's hair threaded through his cold fingers as Satoshi let his hand run its course over and over again, gently stroking and simply feeling. And when the sun finally sank to the horizon, the sky a dark, crimson-hued blackness, He made one final pass. Then, he took Dark's face in his hands, and gently turned it. Leaning down, he pressed a tender, chaste kiss against the cold lips. "I'm sorry." He breathed. Slowly, he pulled himself to his feet. Turning, he walked away without a backwards glance.
The sun disappeared, taking the day, Satoshi's mistakes, and two souls with it. Night reigned, and it was finally finished. Dark, and the Niwa bloodline, would be no more. And soon enough, the Hikari's would meet the same fate. There were some urges that even Krad couldn't control. And the desire to die was one of them.