I love you Lucas
Prologue
'Do you wanna get married?'
Those were the words Peyton had said to him, the day Jenny had called her Momma.
The words that should have left him in a state of jubilant rejoicing in which he would wrap her up in his arms and take her off to their happily ever after. This was the girl of his dreams offering to make all his dreams come true. However, he did not feel jubilee and he did not rejoice. Because those words left him with a choice, a choice that no man would ever wish to make.
A choice to take, or a choice to let go.
'What's the matter Jake?' Peyton had asked when she had crawled out of his bed and her deep slumber. Was it in sleep that one hallucinated or was it in sleep that one revealed the truth of all one's deepest desires?
He shrugged and gazed out into the sky. How do you tell the girl you love that she doesn't love you, that she loves someone else and she doesn't even know it?
How do you push the one you love into someone else's arms, when she doesn't want to be?
When she thinks that she wants to be with you?
How do you crush your own dream willingly, forcefully? Like smashing your hand through glass that doesn't want to break and pounding the glass until it shatters before your eyes, cutting into your skin.
'You talk in your sleep,' Jake said, looking away into the sky.
'Really, what do I say?' she asked touching his arm.
'You said "I love you,"' he replied.
You said I love you, I love you Lucas.
Come on, spit it out.
Be a man.
Just say it.
Say it.
'So?' she said, looking at him with her deep green eyes. 'So, Jake?'
Jake took a deep breath. 'So nothing,' he said smiling at her. 'I love you too Peyt.'
With that he took her into his arms and kissed her hair.
How do you push the one you love into someone else's arms, when she doesn't want to be?
How do you crush your own dream willingly, forcefully?
The thing is, you don't. Not when you risk the love of your life getting hurt again.
If she remembers, if she realizes, if she leaves…
So be it.
It's way better than throwing her back into the fire, to get crushed again. To see her heart crushed into pieces would be an agony he wasn't ready to experience.
'I love you Peyt,' he whispered. 'Let's get married.'