TPM – The Real Story

Spoilers: For The Phantom Menace

Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, locations and other elements remain the property of their respective copyright holders. This work is not for profit.

Summary: A different view of the events in TPM. Qui-Gon is surprised, Anakin is disappointed and Obi-Wan has a bad feeling about this.

A/N: This is just a bit of nonsense that came to me out of nowhere. I should warn you that it is really very silly but if (like me) you found Anakin a bit annoying in the movies, you may feel that they should have gone like this. The story is written as a magazine article.

Dear readers. I'm sure you will be as shocked as I was to discover that everything we have been told about what happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away is a compete fiction!

Recently, archaeologists discovered a recording device from a J-type 327 Nubian starship and were able to recover a short audio file, featuring three people. These have been identified as Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and one Anakin Skywalker. The following is a transcript:

Obi-Wan: Master, I have a bad feeling about this.

Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, you have a bad feeling about everything. What is it this time?

Obi-Wan: I just don't understand why we are taking this boy with us.

Qui-Gon: He could be the chosen one, Obi-Wan. You saw his midichlorian count.

Obi-Wan: His midichlorian count, Master?

Qui-Gon: Yes, Obi-Wan, I asked you to check it, remember?

Obi-Wan: Oh, you wanted his midichlorian count? I thought you said chlorine count.

Qui-Gon: What?!

Obi-Wan: Sorry, Master, it wasn't a very good transmission, what with the sandstorm and everything.

Qui-Gon: Well, now what are we going to...

Anakin: Hi there, Master Qui-Gon Sir

Qui-Gon: Ah, Anakin. Er, yes, well...

Anakin: Is something wrong, Master Qui-Gon Sir?

Qui-Gon: Tell me, Anakin, do you go swimming a lot?

Anakin: Oh yes, I love swimming. I go to the Mos Espa pool whenever I get a chance.

Qui-Gon: I see. You know what, Anakin? I've been thinking and I'm not so sure that you should come with us now. It doesn't seem fair to make you leave your mother.

Anakin: But, Master Qui-Gon Sir, you said you had freed me and I'd learn how to be a Jedi.

Qui-Gon: Ah, yes I did say that, didn't I? Well...hahaha, gotcha! Yes, that was just my little joke. I love joking, don't I Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan: Do you, Master?

Qui-Gon: Yes, Obi-Wan, you know I do. Now go and land this ship.

Obi-Wan: Yes, Master.

Qui-Gon: Well then, Anakin, it was nice to meet you. Thanks for all your help and I'm sure we'll see you again some time.

Anakin: But, Master Qui-Gon Sir...

Qui-Gon: OK, it's time for you to toddle off home. Don't want to keep your mother waiting, bye.

Sound of door opening and shutting.

Qui-Gon: Let's go, Obi-Wan.

Anakin (muffled): But, Master Qui...

Qui-Gon: Now, Obi-Wan!

Obi-Wan: Yes, Master.

Sound of Nubian starship taking off.

- Recording ends.

As you can see, the reality makes far more sense than the ridiculous story that has been fed to us for so many years. Now, it's time for the galaxy to hear what really happened. Pass on the message to all your friends and family - let's get the truth out there!