Title: Pick a Number
Author: Chibi Yomi
Rating: PG
Warning: Slash. Given the concept of the story there has got to be OOCness but I'll try to keep that to a low. There is one OC, but he's really insignificant.
Pairing: Marvin/Eddie unrequited, some Ford/Arthur and Zaphod/Trillian
Summary: Eddie and Marvin are forced into an experiment by Zaphod that gives them new bodies.
Disclaimer: Given the infinite amount of dimensions, surely in one of them I am the creator of this book, however this isn't the one.

Author's Note: Wow, this is a lot longer than I meant for it to be. It's not complete yet so if you hate chapters then stop reading now. Please note that while I am trying to copy Douglas Adams' style, I'm not very good at it. So it will be more my writing style. Takes place nowhere in particular, however an allusion to Restaurant at the End of the Universe is made.

The Heart Of Gold was performing its usual runs throughout the galaxy at improbable speeds covering improbable distances. Zaphod walked on the bridge and collapsed in the captain's chair. Or at least, what he had previously declared as the captain's chair and no one cared enough to argue with him. The other crew members on the bridge were Marvin, who was sitting in his corner which undoubtedly had his imprint in it, and Ford, who was staring intently at the control panel hoping that if he stared long enough he would know how it worked.

Zaphod reflected on the activities of the past few...days? Weeks? Months? Seeing how they were traveling through space, which has no time, it was hard to say how long the activities had been going on. Choosing a different form of measurement, he reflected on the activities of the past 80 drinking induced passing outs. Hardly surprisingly, most of the activities included drinking and passing out.

He moved his left head in the direction of Ford while the right one leaned against one arm while another scratched it. "Ford," he mumbled, "how are we doing for cash?"

It took Ford a while to respond, mainly due to the fact that he was unwilling to loose the battle he was having with the control panel. "Ok I think."

Marvin looked up. "Hardly. With the way you've been going to every pub, I'm amazed you haven't had to sell the ship. But, what do you care what I think." Releasing all tension he had in his neck to support his head being up, Marvin looked down again.

A now worried Zaphod checked the ship's funds. "Damn, the kid's right. We need money and we need it fast."

Not looking up from the control panel Ford asked, "What's the hurry?"

Zaphod had now rested his left forehead on his hand. "I'm beginning to sober up, and you would not believe the head aches this cat gets." There was a pause where Trillian would have sighed and shook her head if she was there. "So... where's the monkey?"

"He passed out on the floor in one of the halls. It was irritating to step over him, so I dragged him to the cabin that I believe he has taken has his own. Why?" Ford had given up with the control panel. Clearly with all these distractions, there was no way he was going to unlock its secrets.

"It's good to know where Monkeyman is, so you know all the places he isn't, and therefore the damage he can and can't do." He moved a bit and was now resting his left chin on his hand. It seemed that his right head had fallen asleep. "So, what are we going to do about money?"

"I suppose we could try and find work."

"Ford, we're on a stolen ship. We're wanted men, I'm more wanted than the rest of you of course, and in more ways, but we all have prices on our heads."

"Then there isn't much we can do, unless we start to rob people."

"Not a bad idea...Or maybe if we disguised ourselves they wouldn't know it was us and we could get jobs."

The silence that followed told tales of two men from somewhere in the general area of Betelgeuse trying to think of ways to make money. It also in an even quieter voice spoke of a robot that was planning out his elaborate plans to kill everyone if he even had the proper motivation which he never would. The tales, as told by silence, continued for something like an hour before the overly-happy voice of Eddie rang clear throughout the bridge.

"Hi there! This is Eddie speaking, feeling great as always. We have arrived at the bar orbiting Wariganosh. Would you like to stop here in your never-ending quest to visit every place that does or might sell alcohol, Mr. Beeblebrox?"

For once, Zaphod was happy to hear the voice of the ship's computer. "Yeah, sure." Without a doubt, after a few drinks he would know how to make money so he could continue his never-ending quest to visit every place that does or might sell alcohol.

Bars or restaurants orbiting planets are highly common in the universe. It can be compared to a road-side gas station or very run down truck stop that sells food not entirely poisonous, fulfills the same purpose as one in a more residential area, but does not even begin to compare in quality. This is a very easy concept to understand, unless you happen to have just woken-up after passing out due to drinking and aren't even in the right frame of mind to remember your favorite beverage.

Such was the state of Arthur Dent.

"Ford…what's that drink that I like? I'm relatively certain that it is supposed to be served hot, and I think it goes well with biscuits." Arthur mumbled as he entered the bridge. He had managed to find the bridge by going through every other corridor on The Heart of Gold only to find that none of them were the bridge.

"Never mind that Monkeyman!" Zaphod sprung out of his chair which disturbed the slumber of his right head. To show its contempt, his right head glared menacingly at his left one, which didn't seem to notice. "We have just located a bar, and you know what that means."

Sadly, Zaphod couldn't figure out that if Arthur couldn't even remember the word "tea" the chances that he could figure out what a bar meant were slim. Fortunately enough, Ford did. Or, regardless of whether or not he did, he told Arthur. "Drinking! A fine time of wine, women, and song! With any luck, more women than song and more wine than women!"

Had Arthur been given time to let this sink in, he would have protested and commented about bars not being able to fly and wondered how he got there, but, he didn't get the chance. His upper arm was grabbed by Ford who lead him out of the ship and into the bar, following Zaphod.

The bridge was now empty save for the robot crammed in the corner and the computer.

"Hi there! This is E-"

"Yes, Eddie, I know." Marvin interrupted, more from his complete disinterest in hearing the rest of the statement than the fact that he already knew who it was.

"So…we're all alone…" The following pause was strategically placed for Marvin to comment, however it seemed that the planned conversation was not going to take effect so Eddie was force to improvise. "Why do fleshy beings like alcohol so much?"

This strategic pause actually fulfilled its purpose. "How would I know? They drink so they can be happy and then they die."

If Eddie had a head, he would have used this moment to shake it, but being a computer, he had no head and therefore found himself handicap in this area. This wouldn't have been a problem had this not been the one response Eddie could think of, but it was, so their conversation fell flat. The period of awkward silence was never to be since Trillian entered the bridge where the silence would have gone.

"Where is everybody?" she asked. The question was directed toward Eddie since he knew the location of all personnel onboard the ship, but, she was looking at Marvin when she asked.

Marvin looked up with the only expression he had and ever would have, but Trillian some how knew that this time the expression meant "At a bar, where else," and even if she hadn't, Eddie told her.

"They went to the bar orbiting Wariganosh."

"Even Arthur?"

Marvin's same expression now said "Yes, now go away."

"Arthur…ah the tea drinking one!" Ever since that incident with the Nutri-o-matic, Arthur was forever implanted in the ship's computer as "the tea drinking one." Quite incidentally, at this moment, Arthur had remembered the word "tea", his personal victory was in vain as after his next drink he was going to forget it again. "Yes, he's with them."

Trillian gave an aggravated sigh. "I suppose I'll go get them before they put us in the poor house." She walked off the bridge and then off the ship.

Marvin might have pointed out that there was no point in stopping them since they were already beyond help, but felt that Trillian could find out by herself.

"So…we're all alone again…"

Strategic pause.

"…I'm leaving" Marvin had no desire to talk to Eddie, or anyone for that matter.

"If you want…but you'd have to pass through all those doors."

Marvin considered his options several hundred times in mere seconds. The final result was him dropping to the floor…

"So! What do you want to talk about? …Marvin? …Marvin? …."

…And shutting down.

A/N: So what did you think? Questions? Comments? Flames? Freezes? My pathetic explanation for the title is that it's a line that both Eddie and Marvin say in relationship to the ultimate question in the universe. I loaned out the first book, so I can't prove it.