Inspired by an info conversation involving Rolf's mother who abandoned them. This was totally going to be a oneshot. Then it got other ideas. There should be a second chapter up sometime this week or next week.

NEW NOTE AS OF 12/19/14: This fic has been censored. For an uncensored version please visit my a03 account under the same username.

"No."

"Shinon...please. He looks up to you, he'll tell you things he won't tell us," Oscar said.

The sniper knew he was right, but that didn't mean he had to admit it. "If I feel like it, sure."

The knight nodded, knowing it was all Shinon would give him. When he was gone, Shinon slumped back onto his cot, weighing his options. If he went out and looked for Rolf, he'd have to walk outside along with the filthy sub-humans, who'd be pressing in on either side. That was unacceptable. But still, part of him was concerned. To be confronted by a woman who wanted to be hi smother once more had no doubt left the younger sniper reeling, not that he'd let his brothers see it.

Rolf had changed in the last three years. He was trying to grow up as Shinon had always pressured him to, taking away the worry his brothers felt for him. So he thought anyways. Anyone with eyes could see they still worried, more so now that they thought he was hiding things.

"Damn," he said, rolling onto his feet.

He knew the younger well enough to know where to find him if he was upset. His gut reaction was indeed correct. Rolf was leaning against a tree outside camp, a small carving knife in hand as he chipped away at a chunk of wood. It wasn't a bow, which Shinon was grateful for. While Rolf's bows were getting better, they still weren't something he'd trust his life with.

"Hey shrimp," he said, falling gracefully into a sitting position beside him. "What's up?"
"I'm not an idiot you know," Rolf said. "You want me to talk about my feelings."

"Rolf, do you honestly think I'm going to make you talk? Really?" Shinon asked, a slim red eyebrow crooking up.

Rolf flushed and shook his head. "You probably don't want to hear it. I don't know why I thought you would."

Shinon let out an exasperated sigh, starling Rolf out of his pity party. "Just because I don't make you talk doesn't mean I don't want to hear it. If you have something to say, then get on with it." The sniper looked to the side. "I'll listen."

Everyone needs someone to listen.

Rolf didn't say anything for awhile, so the only sound was the scrape of his knife against the wood. Curiosity got the better of him. He glanced down out of the corner of his eye, surprised to see the small hunk of wood starting to turn into a tiger, undoubtedly one of the sub-humans they were travelling with. The angry words on his lips were barely stopped. Yelling at Rolf wouldn't help the young sniper feel any better, and if he started spouting his own opinions, Rolf would probably storm away.

So instead, he looked away again. "Who's it for?" Damn curiosity.

The steady sound of Rolf's carving stopped. "Huh?"

"That uh, thing. Who are you making it for?"

Rolf straightened, his delight that Shinon seemed interested, apparent on his face. "Mordecai. He saw one of my other ones and said it looked nice, so I thought I'd make one for him. Why, do you want one?"

Shinon had to resist the urge to groan at the hole he had dug for himself. If he said no, Rolf would probably start crying and call him mean, but there was really no place to put it if he said yes. "Sure, that'd be great."

"You're lying, but I'll make you one anyways," Rolf said, his tone light.

Shinon elbowed him in the side. "Stop being perceptive. It's weird."

"I'm not a kid anymore," Rolf said with a shrug. "I've killed too many people."

"And I regret that. Sometimes I blame myself for making you grow up too fast," Shinon said.

Rolf set his tools down and leaned back fully against the tree, glancing up at him. "You only did it because I asked you. If you hadn't agreed, I would've taught myself."

Shinon smirked. "That is not something I want to think about. You would've ended up killing yourself, I know it."

"But I'm better now, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you are."

They lapsed into silence, but Rolf didn't pick his carving back up.

"Hey Shinon?"

The red head looked down at him. "Yeah?"

"What was having a mother like?"

Ah, the heart of the matter. "Don't know. She died in childbirth." Shinon shrugged.

"Oh. What about your father?"

"Left me in an orphanage," he said.

"Now I feel like I shouldn't be whining," Rolf said.

"You're not whining. I don't remember jack-shit about growing up, it's really no loss of mine," Shinon said.

So it was partially a lie. Rolf didn't have to know that though.

"Well I don't remember her either. I just...wanted to know what I was missing I guess," Rolf said quietly.

"Why? You're happier not knowing. That's what I figured. You don't know what you're missing, so there's no loss," Shinon said.

"So you're saying I'll be unhappy if I know?"

"Ah, so you can learn!"

Shinon was happy to see that he was able to get the younger to smile at his words. He had been looking rather sullen throughout their entire interaction.

"Look, I just don't think you should go looking for answers that will make you upset. Don't sacrifice your happiness just so you can know something that doesn't matter." Shinon stopped, lips turning down in a frown. "Damn...that..."

Rolf snickered. "You aren't that serious usually."

"Eh, don't get used to it," Shinon said as he nudged the other once more.

"You know, I don't mind it. You always hold me at a distance, and it's nice that you actually talk to me sometimes. And listen."

The sadness in Rolf's eyes tugged at his heart more than he liked to admit, even to himself. He cared deeply for the younger, but he hated acknowledging it. Acknowledging it required acting on it, and if he started showing Rolf how much he cared, the green haired sniper would never give him a moment's peace. But was that distance really worth seeing that dull grief lurking in his every expression? Part of him said yes. Said the younger's feelings weren't important in the grand scheme of things. He was self-centered by nature.

Growing up the way he did, you had to be.

But still another part urged him to do whatever he could to erase that sadness for good, crush every inch of it so Rolf could be eternally happy. That desire made him sick.

"I'm sorry," he said. "For never talking to you."

Rolf wasn't stupid. He knew what Shinon was trying to say. "It's okay. But I...wouldn't mind talking to you more often, if that's alright."

"Yeah," Shinon said, his agreement popping out before he had a chance to stop it.

But Rolf didn't explode with hyperactive happiness in the way he expected. He just smiled and nodded.

-.-

He hated it. He hated watching Rolf shoot a man between the eyes and kill him. He hated seeing that look of accomplishment on the teen's face. He hated when Rolf looked to him for approval of his actions. He hated that he gave him that approval.

After all, they were mercenaries. What was he supposed to do, frown at the shrimp for killing his enemy and living to fight another day?

"Freaking sub-humans."

He was never going to get the stink of ash out of his clothes, he knew it. For the fifth time he dunked his shirt in the river water, scrubbing at it with the tiny bar of soap he had convinced Mist to give him. If only they hadn't had to protect the stupid sub-humans and go through the stupid caves with the stupid lava and the stupid-

"Shinon? Are you okay?"

Shinon rocked back on his heels, slapping the wet shirt onto the ground as he turned to see Rolf crouching beside him. The archer tugged off his shirt and shoved it into the water, a bar of soap in his hand as he began to scrub.

"Well?"

The sniper shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Uh, yeah I'm fine. Why?"

Rolf turned and smiled at him. "It looked like you were trying to do some serious damage to your shirt. I was wondering if I should rescue it."

Shinon's lips twitched into something close to a smirk. "Nah. Just getting all my anger out."

"I noticed."

Rolf finished cleaning his shirt then laid it out on the ground. Shinon's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"You got rid of the smell that fast?" he asked.

Rolf cocked his head to the side. "Yeah. I got the special soap Mist makes to get rid of tough smells."

"Yeah, so did I," Shinon said, handing it to him.

Rolf grabbed it, and then began to laugh, throwing his head back as he tossed it back onto the ground. "You idiot. That's just regular old soap. Where'd you get the idea that it wasn't?"

"Hey shrimp, respect your elders!" Shinon said, cuffing the younger in the side of the head.

Rolf toppled face first into the water, but not before grabbing Shinon and dragging him in as well. The cold water was icy and Shinon would've been angry, but Rolf's delighted laugh stopped the anger before it could grow. So instead, he dunked the archer's head under the water and flopped back onto the bank to avoid being pulled back in.

Sputtering, Rolf pulled himself out of the river, green hair dark and pressed down flat over his eyes. He pushed them out of his face, giving Shinon a mocking glare before settling down next to him.

He wasn't the scrawny boy he used to be. His shoulders were all rock solid muscle now from the constant use of the bow, and he was beginning to develop stronger muscles in his abdomen. Shinon was glad the younger hadn't decided to be a warrior like Boyd. Boyd's muscles were disgustingly huge. He would much rather look at sinewy muscle, all lithe grace and strength.

What am I thinking? Shinon laid down on his back, letting the sun dry away the water that soaked his pants and his chest. Rolf mimicked his behavior, stretching and then relaxing. For a moment, neither said anything, then,

"You...um...you care about me, right?"

Shinon wanted to throttle the younger senseless at the words. He was trying to avoid admitting it, to Rolf or himself, and yet now here the archer was, just asking him like it was no big deal. Except when he turned his head and looked in Rolf's eyes he could see it was a very big deal indeed.

"Yeah. I do. In a weird way," he said after a long moment.

Rolf turned back away. "I like you a lot Shinon."

Shinon tensed, refusing to look at him. "Thanks Rolf."

The grass rustled as Rolf moved closer, lips pressing to his cheek. "See you later."

Shinon stayed there for a long while, analyzing what the younger had said. Rolf had grown, and saying words like that probably meant something much deeper than what they would've meant three years ago. He wasn't sure Boyd or Oscar would appreciate him encouraging it.

Then again, since when did he give a damn what they thought? Rolf was important to him, and while it bugged him to care, what was the point in resisting? Things would happen as they happened.

-.-

Shinon leapt aside to dodge the axe that was trying to crack his skull open. It thudded into the ground beside him, and he sprung back, raising his bow to send an arrow through his eye, only to see it had already been done. He glanced over his shoulder to see Rolf spinning to feather another enemy before springing away to help Titania.

Rolf hitting an enemy before he did? That was practically unheard of. Shinon shook his head to clear it and jumped back into the fray.

-.-

"You training without me?" Shinon asked as Rolf noisily scraped the rest of his stew out of the bowl.

"Was I not supposed to?" he asked.

They were in Shinon's tent, as they seemed to be lately, eating. True to his word, Shinon was spending a lot more time with the younger, talking about whatever Rolf wanted. It was a kind of conversation he was never really able to have with Gatrie. He and Gatrie were close, best friends really, but there were some things that were just too weird to talk about with the knight.

Like Greil. He and Rolf talked about Greil a lot.

"Well, I mean, you can train whenever, but I was surprised," Shinon said. "You're getting really strong."

"Thanks," Rolf said, setting his bowl down on the ground. "Oh, I finished that carving for you, even if you don't really want it."

"Just as long as it isn't anything like your bows," Shinon said.

Rolf stuck his tongue out on him as he reached into his pack and pulled out the small carving. Shinon took it from him, twisting it in his hands. It was rune of some kind, all harsh angles, the surfaces smooth but their points sharp.

"What's it mean?" he asked.

Rolf looked down. "It means protection. I had Reyson show it to me in the ancient language, and then I carved it. It's probably not entirely accurate but um..."

"Why though?"

Rolf met his eyes once more, a little unsure. "I know it doesn't really do anything but I thought maybe...you're one of the most important people to me, Shinon. I wanted to do something for you that might be useful. I know you don't like things unless they serve a purpose."

Shinon set the carving down and tugged him forward into a hug. "Thanks. You don't have to worry about pleasing me, Rolf. You..."

"You're hugging me. It's weird," Rolf said, even as his own arms wrapped around him. "But I like it."

Shinon could feel Rolf's heart beating, could feel his own matching it. He kept his gaze forward even though he could feel Rolf's eyes burning up at him. Did Rolf even know what he was doing to him? Did he understand? All he had to do was look down to get his answer, but he wasn't quite sure he wanted one.

Oh who am I kidding? I want to kiss him. He knows me better than anyone, and yet he still lets me pretend that he's young and naive. We both know he's not, Shinon thought, and yet still, he kept his eyes up.

"I wish you would stop being so careful," Rolf said. "I'm not stupid. I like you Shinon. I like you in the way that makes me want to kiss you."

"Rolf..."

"Please."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Shinon slipped one hand up to run through Rolf's green locks, swallowing thickly as he thought. "You're too young."

"I'm turning seventeen this summer," Rolf said. "I think I'm old enough to know what I want. I-"

Shinon pushed him down onto the ground, stretching out over him and silencing his words with a kiss. Despite his rough actions, the meeting of their lips was nothing but gentle and soft. Rolf's hands tugged at his ponytail, pulling it lose as the kiss grew deeper, their tongues venturing out for a taste, and if it had been anyone else, Shinon would be angry. No one messed with his hair. No one. Except, apparently, Rolf.

He could tell Rolf's body was new to pleasure in the way he struggled not to arch up into his grip, and in the way his gasps were quiet and subdued, as if he were holding back. But he didn't want Rolf to hold back. So he broke the kiss, laid a few along his jaw and then attacked his ear, nipping at it for a moment before sucking on the earlobe.

"S-Shinon!"

Shinon's breath hitched when Rolf ground up against him and he eased back, hands grasping at Rolf's hips to hold him down.

"That was not supposed to happen," Shinon said, trying to regain rational thought.

Rolf was flushed beneath him, but his gaze was serious as he spoke. "I asked for it, and I'm not complaining."

"Rolf..." Shinon pulled himself all the way off, rising up onto his knees as Rolf pushed himself up as well. "We can't-"

"That's what everyone says. Oscar and Boyd spend their whole lives trying to fit me into the box they want me in, and you just...keep trying to fit me in the box of the innocent little apprentice that needs to be protected," Rolf said. "Can't you just realize already that you aren't taking advantage of me?"

Shinon tipped his head back and sighed. "It's...Rolf, I don't like caring for people. It's dangerous and stupid and-"

"What made you this way?" Rolf asked. Shinon heard him shift closer but he didn't move away, instead letting the younger hug him.

"We all have our pasts," Shinon said, unable to resist the urge to wrap one arm loosely around his waist. "Don't worry about it."

"If it's keeping you from me, I'm going to worry about it," Rolf said. "I like you, you like me, and yet you insist on making it difficult."

Shinon shook his head, slipping one hand down to take his leather band away from Rolf and tie his hair back up. "If we do this Rolf, you're going to have to be patient. I'm not jumping into bed with you."

Rolf flushed, his innocence shining through for the first time during the whole conversation. "I...I didn't want that I just want to...be with you."

"I want to be with you too," Shinon said. The words sounded odd to his ears. Being in a relationship, apprentice or no, was weird for him. "But let's keep it slow. I want you to know for sure that you really want this before you fully commit. This isn't going to be easy."

"Boyd and Oscar are going to freak out," Rolf said.

"I'm aware," Shinon said, deadpan as he looked down at him.

"So...just because we aren't you know...sleeping together, does that mean we can't do um, other things?" Rolf asked.

"What kind've things?" Shinon asked, crooking an eyebrow up.

"I think you know."

Rolf pulled him down for another kiss.