Charles felt a complete awe when approaching the grandiose manor. This was in direct contrast to the absolute disinterest that Sebastian held for his childhood home. They were very unalike, these two. Sebastian was small and fey, a thin body holding a weak and sad mind. Charles was all youth and vigor, working class and creative. Their common ground was there love of getting wasted out of their minds, and Sebastians interest, which seemed a little more than Charles's.
They had the run of the place to themselves, along with Sebastians sister Julia. Sebastian had a point, though a little weak, that the siblings were very much alike. In appearance they could be twins, with their aristocratic jaws and regal bearings, dark hair and small set eyes. But whereas Sebastians features made him look frail and childlike, Julias lent her an air of femininity. Charles felt that he was doing his great friend a terrible injustice by being more interested in Julia than her brother, but could not help himself. You cannot help who you love.
But Julia showed nothing short of disinterest to him. He could understand why. In his eyes, she was almost perfection, and he was little more than a part time painter. Sebastian showed a far greater interest. He could feel his touches become more than friendly, lingered a little two long, grew a little bolder. That first kiss had been nearly forgotten in the haze of wine, so many glasses, their crystal defracting the light of a setting sun. Charles hadn't forgotten, and he wasn't quite sure that Sebastian had either. It hadn't been terrible, which was something he hadn't expected. He had responded to his friend in a way that he was sure insulted Roman Catholic sensibilities. But Sebastian was, as he candidly put it, a sinner, and acted as a "sodomite" might.
Charles wasn't quite sure that he cared.
Sebastian was attractive, in his own way. He had as slight build, lean and lithe from what he could only assume was genetic disposition, since all Sebastian did was drink. His hair was dark and it flopped across his eyes in loose, unkempt bangs, and he had a way of staring at Charles as if he was the only man in the room, in the world. Such devotion was seldom likely to come again, especially not from the object of his desire, Julia.
In the back of his head, he figured he should feel a little stranger about finding two siblings attractive. It wasn't that Charles ever though of himself as a sodomite, so liking Sebastian at all in a way above friendship was more disconcerting than not. Finding Julia attractive was just a matter of being a man.
Sebastians come-ons became more overt, and Charles found himself minding less. He stopped trying to convince himself that he was attracted only to woman when he was faced drectly with his own lies. He was attracted to Sebastian.
The sex happened out of the blue, an end to a mornings activities. He was sure that it meant far more to Sebastian than to himself. It was odd, being in a man, though he had nothing really to compare it to. It was odder still that his first sexual experience had been with a man instead of a woman, but when he thought back to his old historical lessons, and those of Athens he found it less strange. In Ancient Greece, it was acceptable for young men to have sexual relations with older men, as long as they were compensated with gifts and money, and as long as the relationship ended when one of them got married. Sebastian had obviously done this before, so Charles figured in this relationship he was the younger man. In reality, he was only a year younger than the noble, but all of this was pointless anyway. Lying next to Sebastian, on a blanket in a field on the sprawling estate, he was once again drawn into the world of Brideshead, and its magnificence. Naked before the sun and whatever god Lady Marchmain chose to call down on him, he felt that there would never be a time as great as this one, that the world would never be as good as it was after his first term at Oxford, after his love affair with Sebastian, and after his first arrival at Brideshead. He was on the cusp of a new beginning. If only he knew when this would end.
(A.N. Thanks for reading. Review please.)