Author's Notes: Fail at life.

Parched

Scully typed quickly, she wanted to get home some time that night. It seemed that the paperwork piled up more quickly that week than the last, and it wasn't like she was going to get any help from Mulder.

Sighing Scully rubbed her temples, this was taking longer than she had thought it would. Suddenly Mulder burst into the room, serious business clearly on his mind.

"What is it, Mulder?" She sat back in her chair. "Is everything alright?"

Doggett stormed in seconds after Mulder.

"She doesn't need to know," Doggett crossed his arms. "It's not her problem."

Mulder glared. "T-1000! This is my partner, of course it's her problem." Mulder paused then flung his arms in the air. "And how dare you make it like it's a problem!"

Scully stood from her seat. "You two are starting to scare me."

Mulder placed his arms on Scully's shoulders. "This… this may be a shock, Scully. I think you should sit down."

"I think you should get something to drink," Doggett mumbled. "God knows I want a drink."

Mulder glared over his shoulder at Doggett. "Stop it this is serious."

"You're right," Doggett crossed his arms. "I'd probably need a few drinks."

Glaring harder Mulder turned towards Doggett. "I recall drinking being one of the reasons we're having this problem, T-1000."

"Guys," Scully started, sitting down.

Mulder sighed turning back to Scully. "Okay." He inhaled deeply. "Scully, I… I'm," he moved a hand back to her shoulder. "Scully, are you sure you're ready to hear this?"

"Yes," Scully nodded.

"Scully, I really think you should take this a little more seriously, it's important to me…to," He looked back at Doggett then back to Scully. "To us."

Scully raised an eyebrow. "I'm ready Mulder, just tell me."

"It's okay if you need a minute, Scully, I mean I can—"

"Tell me!" Scully yelled and gripped Mulder's tie, choking him slightly.

Mulder coughed and removed his tie from Scully's grip.

Scully glared and crossed her arms, she'd never get the paperwork done at this rate.

"I," Mulder looked to the floor then back to Scully. "I'm pregnant."

Scully stared at Mulder in disbelief. Blinking she looked from Mulder to Doggett and back to Mulder. "Mulder…"

"Yes Scully?" Mulder knelt in front of Scully's chair to be at eye level with her.

"Mulder, let me tell you a story," Scully folded her hands on her lap. "Men can't get pregnant." She looked at Mulder sternly. "End of story."

Doggett snickered, earning another glare from Mulder.

"And let me tell you a story, Scully. A story about aliens, and what they did to me for 7 months."

"Oh, brother," Scully rolled her eyes. "Mulder, you knowyou were tripping ballz then!"

Mulder stood quickly pacing. "I knew it! I knew you didn't believe me!" Mulder whined and flung his arms around Doggett. "Hold me, T-1000!"

"You do know his name is John Doggett, right. Not…T-1000 or whatever."

Doggett's eyes quickly shifted from side to side.

"I… I know that. T-1000's a… well… a pet name. Yes."

"Right." Doggett nodded in agreement.

"He calls me John Conner… you know…"

Scully cleared her throat and ran her hand through her hair looking away from Mulder.

Glaring Mulder sputtered, "It's not weird, Scully!"

There was a few minutes of silence.

"Wait a minute," Scully stood, and pointed towards the two men. "You two slept together?"

"It was an accident!" Doggett explained quickly.

"That's not what we're discussing!" Mulder turned to face Scully. "I'm going to have a baby, Scully!"

"Yeah. Sure, Mulder."

"You… believe me. Right, Scully?"

"Of course." Scully sighed going back to her paper work.

"Oh, T-1000, we're going to be so very happy," Mulder sighed.

"I hate my life." Doggett grumbled leaving with Mulder.

Scully straightened the pile of papers on her desk, maybe she'd finish it tomorrow. Doggett was right, though. She did need a drink. She really, really needed a drink.