Disclaimer : I do not own Avatar or any of it s characters. If I did, there would be a lot more angst, and zero Kataang. No offense to all the people who love this shipping.
Silence
Silence. That was all she ever had, she knows.
Oh, there is the bowing and scraping and sweet-talk of the nobles. There is the blind worship and respect of the people. There is the slimy sticky adoration of the opposite sex. There is even the approving praise of her father, the Fire Lord.
But all this insincerity just sweeps past, to join the cold, dark ocean within her. The ocean that somehow manages to contain the flood of emotions she has been taught to never let out. She hears, but she does not remember.
What difference is that from silence?
She knows that many people would laugh at her notions if they knew. What about the tutors who taught her everything she knew? What about the sounds she must have heard every day of her life?
The soft chirping of the crickets in the palace gardens bathed in golden-red sunlight. The laughter of the nobles' children, the servants' children. The music playing from harp and flute and mouth that floated through the hallways at night. Even the screams of the tortured in the dank, dark dungeons of the royal palace.
But this does not concern her. What use is sound if all it does is remind you of something you never want to remember?
The tutors remind her pf the duty and the pride that she, as a princess must carry. They remind her that she can never fail. That failure means disappointment. And disappointment could mean death.
The chirping crickets remind her of the freedom to sing and dance and dream that she will never have.
The golden laughter reminds her of the happiness and carefree illusions of children. She was never really a child.
The music reminds her not of the beauty she undoubtedly possesses, but of the inner peace that can never be part of her. She is a princess in a country of war and blood and fiery ashes. Her fate is one of a warrior and a ruler. One such as her can never truly be at peace.
Even the strangled cries of prisoners remind her of something dark and deep within her. Something that never see daylight. The sick, strange feeling that their screams could have been hers. Their pain could have been hers. A princess must never see her life as that of a criminal.
And because she does not want to remember, she sees but does not hear.
Silence. That is all her world ever was, she knows.
The love-turned-hate filled words of her brother. The sad yet hopeful cajoling of her mother. The cold indifferent praise of her father.
Why would she need to hear all this? Why would she want to?
They only serve to hurt her more. Hurt the part of her that is so deeply buried under layers and layers of fire easy to shatter as ice.
And so she plays the same expression over her face as she always does.
Smug, arrogant, confident. All what is required of a princess such as her.
They never realize that their words do not enter her ears.
Silence. That is her fate.
A silence of hidden emotions, broken childish illusions, concealed hate and anger and bitterness. The silence of someone who only wants to break down and cry. Yet never does.
Silence. Her only companion. The only one who knows how and what and who she really is.
Silence. Princess Azula, fire-bending prodigy. Favored heir to the throne. Ruthless, beautiful, deadly, the epitome of all that should be Fire Nation royalty.
Yet, she knows, watching harsh blue flames curl around her the lifeless corpse before her. The corpse of the brave yet foolish brother who was the only one who had ever tried to love her. To understand her.
He hadn't understood that only silence could ever know her.