Stuck Here With You

I hate hospitals. I really do. They always seems unnaturally cold, and you just know the doctor only says what he or she thinks the patients wants to hear. That's how it seemed to me the day Mom died. Her doctor was telling us that she was probably in little pain when it happened, and I remember thinking I heard him say "I have to lie to make you feel better." Buffy told me later that she heard the same thing.

Anyway, Mom's the reason I don't like hospitals. She was in there for so long, to get rid of that tumor, and then, after all the surgery and work they did to help her, she was there again in the end.

The worst part is that Buffy isn't even the one taking me to see these new doctors. I get that she has to help set up the Academy, but I don't get why she couldn't have taken maybe two hours off to take me to the hospital. And when I asked her this, she kept apologizing and telling me that Faith would take care of me. Faith. Of all the other people who could've taken me to this appointment, people I actually like at the moment, Buffy chooses Faith.

Buffy told me I had to be nice to her, that Faith was doing her a big favor by taking care of me for an afternoon. I told her that I could take care of myself, that I'd rather go to the appointment myself instead of with Faith. Then she pointed out I couldn't drive myself to the hospital without a driver's license, and that Faith had a driver's license, so I had to go with her.

So, I'm sitting in the car with Faith. She keeps trying to make conversation, but I just ignore her and look out the window. Now, I know some of you are going to be on me for whining about Faith. But you have to understand something. When she first came to Sunnydale, I considered her my best friend. Now, I know I wasn't technically there, but I still have all those memories of her. I was eleven, and I looked up to her and trusted her with my stupid, little kid secrets. I remember whenever she came over for dinner, she'd pick me up and spin around and call me "Squirt". And I had the biggest crush on her! I knew Buffy didn't like her quite as much as I did, but they seemed to get along just fine. So, when Buffy told me and Mom that Faith had become evil, I didn't believe her. When Faith woke from the coma Buffy had put her in and came after Mom and me, I believed Buffy.

So, when Faith came back to help us with The First, I didn't really trust her. I'd heard from Buffy and Willow that Angel had said that Faith was trying very hard to redeem herself, that she had made a lot of progress during the time she'd been in prison and that Willow herself had witnessed her attempt when she was saving Angel. I'm starting to warm up to her again, but I'm not quite at the point where I'm comfortable being alone with her. Thus my ignoring of her.

When we get to the hospital, I walk ahead of Faith, and I hear her sigh as she jogs to catch up with me. But she's wise enough to know I don't want to talk when she catches up to me.

We get into the hospital, and I go straight to the elevator. I've been here once before this summer with Buffy, so I know where I'm going. Faith follows me into the empty elevator and I hit the button for the fifth floor. I lean against the rail on one side of the elevator, and she takes the opposite side. I look up at the floor indicator and watch the numbers go by: one, two, three, four…stop. The elevator suddenly comes to a stop, but the doors don't open. Faith goes up to the doors and tries to wrench the doors apart with Slayer strength, but even that doesn't work.

"Damn!" Faith mutters.

"You can't open it?" I ask. Though it's pretty obvious she can't, I ask just to make sure before I start freaking out. Faith sighs, shakes her head and runs her fingers through her hair, slamming a fist on the door in frustration. I watch as she slips her fingers as best as she can into the crack between the elevator doors and again tries hard to pry the doors apart.

I sink down to the floor of the elevator while Faith pushes the emergency button to try to get in contact with the elevator operators. I don't listen too hard, too wrapped up in thoughts I shouldn't be thinking, but from what I do listen to, the operator sounds like a total moron. He keeps repeating 'It's stuck' over and over, and I can feel the tension in the tiny box blossoming as Faith grows more and more agitated with him.

"Just send someone soon, please!" Faith hisses. She hits a button to end the call to the operator and sinks down on the floor across from me. She looks up at the ceiling and exhales loudly.

"Faith…" She looks up at me, meeting my eyes. "Are we…gonna be here for a while?"'

Faith sighs. "Yeah. We're gonna be here for a while, Squirt." She smiled at me, warmly, and she reaches for my hand. I cautiously let her take it, and our eyes meet. "But I'm gonna take care of you. Made a promise to a lady. And she'll kill me if I break it."

I didn't respond. She was right. Buffy was beginning to trust her very much, but if she made one wrong move, went a little too far…Buffy would have her head.

I can't help the tears that suddenly begin gathering in my eyes. I'm scared. I hate being scared. I've always been claustrophobic, and I, like lots of others, have always had that hidden fear that I will get stuck in an elevator. Of course, you keep it to yourself because those brave people who really aren't afraid of anything would tell you you're being ridiculous. It's never really been a huge big deal because most of the areas I'm in aren't so small, and they aren't stuck in between two floors in a hospital for an unknown amount of time.

"Dawn…" Faith's arms wrapped around me. And even though I still didn't trust her completely, I couldn't help it; I fell into her arms and buried my face against her shoulder.

She holds me close to her as I force myself to stop crying. I don't want Faith to think I'm weak. Not that she's ever let on that she thinks that, but this is Faith we're talking about. No one can ever tell what she's thinking. She has, like, a protective shield around her at all times.

But she has been trying so hard to make up for things, for past things. I know that, but I don't know if I should accept it. It's so hard for me to let her in; I don't get how Buffy did it. I mean, what if she goes bad again? What if I rebuild my relationship with her, and she turns on all of us again? I do have a point here, right?

"I won't let anything happen to ya, Squirt," Faith says softly. "We'll get out of here soon, okay?"

I doubt that. But I keep my thoughts to myself and wiggle a little bit farther away from her. I don't move so far that she's not touching me anymore, but her denim jacket was kind of bothering my face.

After a few long moments of silence, I decide to ask her the question that's been on my mind since she woke up from her coma; a question I asked her then, but she didn't answer it.

"Why'd you do it?" I ask quietly.

Faith looks over at me, her cheeks flushing a little. "Because I was stupid. I was a jealous kid. I guess I thought that when I came to town, B and I would get along easy because we were the same. I was the only one in the world who could understand her, and I was proud of that, but she wanted nothing to do with me, even though she says she was tryin' to get to know me, and I just wasn't listenin'."

"I think she liked you," I say. "Like…really liked you. And she didn't take it well because you were…well, you."

Faith chuckles. "Can't say I'm surprised. B always was tryin' to be Li'l Miss Perfect. Likin' a girl woulda killed that image."

"Yeah…" She was right. Ever since I can remember, Buffy has always tried to be perfect, which means that nothing she considered "abnormal" could enter her life. That, apparently, included Faith, at the time. "Well…you're getting along better now, aren't you?"

Faith smiles. "Yeah. A lot better. She knows I'm really on her side now. That I'm not gonna go back to killin' people. That I won't go back to that."

"Really?" I ask softly.

Faith places her hand over mine. "Yeah. Really. I'm not goin' back to that place, Squirt. You have no idea what it's like. And ya don't ever wanna find out. Trust me."

"Well, tell me what it was like for you," I say, moving closer to her.

"Not some of my fondest memories, but I can try to describe it." She takes a deep breath and runs her hand over my arm. "Um…it's dark there, y'know. You can't see clearly, think clearly. You get what you're doing, but…you kinda don't too. And you can't get out of it because it's so hard. It's like fightin' off ten apocalypses at once. No matter how hard you try, you know it's gonna happen because you can't see the light. And eventually…you just give in. A part of you still wants to fight, but the rest of you knows it's not worth it. That you can fight as hard as ya want, but they're still gonna try to bring you into the dark again. They're bigger and stronger, more powerful. So, you give in to it even though ya know you shouldn't."

When she stops talking, she looks over at me, asking with her eyes if I get it. "I…I don't know what to say, Faith. That… It sounds like hell."

Faith shook her head, smiling. "Yeah. It is. It's like going to hell and back. The 'back' part being when I put in prison by your big sis. And I went through that redemption crap Deadboy was always spouting off about. I know I was wrong."

I smile at her and snuggle closer to her. "Good. I'm glad. Because if you didn't, you wouldn't care that you were stuck here in an elevator with someone who's kinda claustrophobic."

Faith rubs my arm again, and I tuck my head under her chin. I feel like a kid again, cuddling with my favorite best friend back when she first came to town. I've almost forgotten that we're not in my bedroom in Sunnydale but trapped in a hospital elevator together. "I might," she begins, "actually find this sorta funny."

"Meany," I giggle, pushing her thigh.

Faith laughs. "It's funny, Squirt. Admit it." I shake my head. "It is. You know it is." I just laugh and fall back into her arms. I've always been comfortable with her, even though I've had problems with her lately, it isn't as if I felt physically threatened by her.

I leaned back to rest my head on her shoulder. Our eyes met for a minute, staring, studying…almost glaring. Then, she leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips. Next thing I know, I'm kneeling between her legs, kissing her hard, my eyes scrunched shut. Her arms are stretched out above her, level with her head. And I'm the one holding them there. Me. I mean, I'm a kid to her. She's, what? Twenty-two, almost twenty-three. And I've got until February before I hit seventeen.

Right now, all that matters is keeping my mind occupied. This is a great distraction, let me tell you. Despite what some people may think, Faith kisses very gently. Well, she's kissing me very gently; I don't know how she kisses others.

"Faith…" I whisper, moving away from her.

Faith takes my face into her hands. "Shh, shh. Later, Squirt. Please. Just keep kissin' me. If you can't, just do it to keep your mind off where we are. Wouldn't want ya goin' crazy on me."

I smile, lean in and start kissing her again. The moment I do, I feel like I'm safe, while kissing Faith, Buffy's former-enemy, someone I once considered my best friend. Maybe someday, I'll consider her my best friend again. Maybe we'll be more than just friends. I guess I'll have to wait to find out.

The End.