Freedom
Pairings: Mild Yuki x Haru. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: Natsuki Takaya owns Fruits Basket, thus, sadly, she owns Yuki and Haru. The italics are Out Through the Curtain by The Hush Sound.
Warning: Two small parts hinting of Akito raping Yuki, but there is no description of it happening. That's why this is rated T, just to be safe.
Note: So, I haven't posted anything in quite a while. I've had that "I'm writing this but it completely sucks, the words aren't going together right" phase so I took a bit of a break. Though I do believe this came out pretty good. The thing is I was trying a new type of writing so I'm a bit nervous about posting it. Especially with the scenes between Yuki and Akito. But I think you'll enjoy it. There shouldn't be any OOC stuff even if the reason why Yuki's where he is does not exist in the manga. Just letting you know. I hope you enjoy!
--
Like the light was all I had
I struck the book with my last match
The candle burned so soft and slow
I felt the warmth and felt its glow
Yuki lay in his bed, his back towards the door. The candle's light flickered in the corner of his room, lighting up as much space as it could in the dark of night. How many more years will he be locked up in this room? He didn't know. It was at least better than his other "room" he was usually put in. Maybe he got too big for it now. That made the last few days tolerable, but how much longer will that feeling last?
He wished it was the beginning again. Where he didn't have to worry about leaving his room, or where he had the freedom to do that. This place…
It wasn't freedom. It was torture.
It was hell.
Yuki hated it, and wondered… where did everything go wrong?
Salt tasting tears
They roll off of my lips
One for each day I'm inside this house, it's a trap
One I can't quite escape so pretend it's the place that I love
No one visited him. Some didn't know he was back "home", but the others… Shigure, Tohru, Ayame, even Kyo… they knew. A few days passed yet no sign of anyone.
That is, other than Hatori.
His company wasn't very fulfilling. It was only to check up on his lungs. Though Yuki knew… Hatori wasn't just making sure he could breathe.
He was making sure that Yuki didn't stop himself from breathing.
Making sure that he didn't kill himself.
Won't let it pass me by again
Won't let it pass me by again
Yuki wouldn't do that. He wanted to; Oh God did he want to. But there was something deep inside that made him live. He didn't know what, but he knew he'd find out someday.
Besides, Akito wouldn't let him.
It was pathetic… the one person who makes you want to die is the one person that won't let you. It was complete torture.
He just wanted freedom… why couldn't he have it?
Why was he locked up by Akito once more?
Why did he hurt all over yet feel no pain?
And why… why did life have to go forward?
If it stayed in one place, none of this would have happened. He'd still be back at Shigure's with Tohru and Kyo, and he'd be free to do what he wanted. He could leave the house when he so chosed, move freely around the house as he wanted…
He can't do that now.
The candlelight flickered for a moment before burning out. Yuki pulled the covers of his bed over his eyes, wanting to hide away from the world. Crickets were heard from outside the crack in the window, their noises bringing the little peace they could to Yuki.
The door to his bedroom creaked opened, causing Yuki to pause his breath. He knew who it was, the devil trying to break him apart.
Yuki felt tears pierce his eyes as his bed squeaked. He felt a body crawl over his own, a hand taking the covers away from Yuki's face. The teenaged boy looked into the eyes of the one he feared, the one he hated.
Akito.
He had a smirk on his face.
Yuki cried out as Akito's hands moved under his shirt. It's been like this since he got here, but he still wasn't sure what to expect. Akito's lips connected with his neck, and Yuki closed his eyes.
He didn't know when or even how he fell asleep that night.
The grass was clipped
The summer sun
Was beating down on my front yard
All the boys and girls would laugh
I'd watch them through the curtain's crack
Yuki looked out the window of his room. It was closed tightly and locked, but he could see the garden in the back. Some of the younger Sohma's were running around, playing and laughing. He even saw Kisa and Hiro near the garden wall, smiling as they talked. He envied them.
Even as a kid, Yuki was never one of them. His sickness and Akito's control kept him inside, just like it was now. He never really was a kid and he knew that, but there was never anything he could do about it.
Yuki closed his eyes as he rested his head against the window. The sunlight hit his eyes, and for a second… only a second…the cheerfulness of the sun rays made Yuki felt like an actual person. Someone who had something worth living for. Someone who was loved and someone who valued life.
But it was only a second.
He opened his eyes and jumped back as he saw another pair looking back at him. Haru stood on the other side of the window, his smiling face greeting Yuki. He mouthed, "What are you doing here?" and Yuki looked away.
Haru tapped on the glass, his smile fading and worry filling his eyes.
He knew what was going on. It was just like four years ago… four years that he wished ended earlier. Haru tried opening the window, but the locks were too tight for him, even if he used all his strength.
Again, Haru tapped on the window, loudly this time to get Yuki's attention. When he had it, he yelled loud enough for Yuki to hear, "I'm going to come inside and get you ok?"
Yuki nodded but knew better. Haru would either be stopped by a maid, or even worse, Akito, or he wouldn't be able to get inside. But Yuki wanted to believe he could have the presence of someone that wasn't Akito. Especially the presence of Haru.
A few minutes passed before he heard someone trying to force the door opened.
"Yuki?"
Yuki got up from the window and made his way towards the door. He didn't bother trying to open it; he tried his first day without success.
"Don't bother trying to open the door Haru. It needs a key."
"Why are you in here?"
Yuki rested the back of his head against the door. His nose tingled, which was a way of telling him that he either was about to cry or that he desperately wanted to.
"I graduated."
There was a pause, and Yuki heard Haru sit down on the floor.
"Well, yeah but that doesn't explain why you're here." He sounded confused though Yuki couldn't blame him. The deal of him moving back into the Main House after graduating high school was a secret kept between only Yuki and Akito.
"Nothing I say could explain why I'm here. Even I don't know details to that."
He heard Haru messing around with the lock, but knew better than to think he'd get the door opened. Yuki pressed his cheek against the door, wanting to be closer to Haru.
"I… don't know what to say. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You're here, that's good enough for me. Thank you."
Yuki saw Haru's fingers appear from under the door crack, reaching out towards Yuki. With a small smile, the first one he's had since he came to this hell, Yuki's own fingers rested onto his. Haru gently ran his fingers over Yuki's to give him as much comfort as he could.
"I want to go home."
Yuki felt the tears finally fill his eyes as he felt Haru's fingers hold onto his. There was a pause between the two before the boy on the other side of the door finally answered..
"You will. I'll make sure you do."
"No!" Yuki suddenly jumped up, his fingers regretfully leaving Haru's. "I won't be going home. He won't let me! I'm going to fucking be here for the rest of my life, here in this damn hellhole!"
"Yuki!" Haru was shocked. He never saw, or more so heard, Yuki get so upset before. Of course, he had every right to be.
"I don't want to be here anymore but I don't have a choice!" Yuki yelled, kicking the wall from frustration. He took the flower vase on the side table and threw it to the ground, shards of glass flying everywhere.
"Yuki?!" Haru jumped up from his spot of the floor, trying to pull the door open again. "Yuki please, calm down! Please!"
"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Yuki yelled at Haru through the door. "You don't goddamn know how this feels! It hurts to be alive, to know I have nothing in my future!"
"That's not true Yuki, please," Haru's hands were shaking as he tried to open the door. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He just wanted Yuki to calm down before he hurt himself.
Haru heard footsteps running through one of the hallways, and he knew they were coming towards this room because of all the commotion. If they found him here… both him and Yuki would be punished, and he couldn't have that happen to Yuki.
"Yuki, I…" Haru didn't want to leave but he had to. The footsteps were growing closer. "I need to go, someone's coming. I promise on my life that I will come back soon, and I'll get you out of here!"
Haru left before Yuki could answer; if he stayed to hear what Yuki was going to say, he knew that he'd never be able leave.
"Please don't leave me Haru!" Yuki cried out, running towards the door. He grabbed at the knob but there was no use. "Please don't let him near me, please! Please help me!!"
The door opened roughly, causing Yuki to fall backwards onto the cold floor. Akito stood in the door frame, a glare on his face.
"How dare you make so much noise?!" Akito entered the room, slamming the door behind him. Yuki crawled backwards on the floor, fear written on his face.
"N-no," Yuki whispered, the tears in his eyes growing cold.
"Do you need someone to teach you a lesson??"
"N-no!" Yuki said louder in fear this time. "I, I'm sorry Akito, please--"
Akito got on his knees and slammed Yuki's back into the floor. He gave a smirk to the younger boy, moving his hand underneath Yuki's shirt.
"I'm quite sure that this lesson will be kept in your mind for the rest of your life," Akito growled, putting himself on top of Yuki so that he couldn't try to force him off. Yuki sobbed as his body started to shake from all the fear he had inside. He couldn't take this kind of life any longer.
Place all your bets and watch me lose
The life that I got but never used
Dream every night that one will come true
But only bad ones ever do
Yuki was still on the floor since earlier that afternoon. It was night now, near one in the morning, and Yuki was too numb to move. Haru didn't come back like he said, even though he didn't give him enough time to before being disappointed in thinking it was all a lie. He wasn't very shocked; no one ever kept their promises to Yuki.
How could they let him do this? They knew what happened everyday, what he did. Why didn't they stop it? Why do they let it continue?
Yuki's eyes trailed towards the window. It was a full moon that night and it gave a bit of light to his room. He finally pulled himself up to his bed, ignoring the pain that covered itself all over his body. It made him shudder in disgust.
He looked out the window and saw some street lights in the distance. They were beyond the Sohma estate wall, and didn't shine brightly. Yuki wondered if there was anyone walking under those lights, being able to do as they please. He knew that he never would get that chance again. His eyes trailed towards the sky again, looking at the twinkling stars in the sky.
Wishes…
Maybe they held some truth.
"S-star light, star bright, first s…star I see tonight," Yuki whispered shakily, tears staining his face once more, "I wish I-I may, I wish I might…I have wish I… wish tonight." Yuki closed his eyes in hope, wishing for it all to end, for someone to come save him. He waited a few minutes before opening his eyes.
So childish…
There was no truth.
Yuki looked around his room. It was so bare and so forbidding… he hated it. But there wasn't anything he could do about it.
He saw the shards of glass from the vase on the floor.
Hope?
Yuki picked himself off his bed and back onto the floor. He crawled towards the pieces of glass and picked one up. It was jagged, pointy at the end and large enough to hold in his hand carefully. He looked at it closely.
He saw that hope.
That something that kept him alive… it was overcome by something that wanted him to die. He didn't want to admit it; this kind of death was a coward's way out. But that was the thing…
It was a way out.
Yuki took the glass and ran it across his skin. He didn't feel any pain, just the blood dripping down his arm. His hands were shaking, wanting to do more… but he stopped before he did. Why couldn't he move?
There was a loud tap on Yuki's window. The teenager jumped in surprise, dropping the glass to the ground. He looked at the window and his eyes grew wide.
Haru?
Yuki practically ran towards him, his hands touching the glass. Haru gave him a smile and put his hand next to Yuki's. He mouthed, "I promised you that I'd come back."
Yuki felt tears fall from his eyes.
Won't let it pass me by again
Won't let it pass me by again
"I'm getting you out of here," Haru then mouthed, a smile still on his face. Yuki looked at him, unsure. How could he help him without Akito hearing what was going on? Or with the locks on both the window and the door? It was all too good to be true.
Haru answered his unasked question by holding up a small hammer.
That only made Yuki even more confused. He looked back at the door, afraid that Akito would show up at any minute to shattered this newfound hope. He looked back at Haru, waiting for something, anything, to happen.
Haru motioned him to stand back, and Yuki obeyed. He was nervous, but hopeful. It was the first time that he felt hopeful in this place. Haru took a deep breath and swung the hammer at the glass of the window, breaking it into little jagged pieces almost instantly. Both the boys froze as the pieces fell to the ground with a loud clatter.
Yuki's heart was beating fast.
"Hurry!" Haru suddenly said, breaking out of the small trance. Yuki rushed back towards the window, careful not to cut himself on the glass that lay on the floor. He could hear commotion inside the house and footsteps making their way to his room; he needed to get out before his chance of freedom was taken from him once more.
Haru helped him through the window, and as soon as Yuki's feet hit the ground, the two boys just ran.
Yuki had a smile on his face, even though they were still inside the Sohma Estate. It didn't matter; feeling the outside air against his face made him feel free… and he wasn't about to let someone take that away from him again. Haru helped Yuki up the brick wall that separated hell from heaven, since it was the only way to escape without running into locked gates at the front entrance.
Out of breathe and hearts beating fast, Yuki and Haru rested against the brick wall on the side of heaven. They could hear people talking on the other side, but nothing was clear enough to understand. But it didn't matter. Yuki was finally…
Free.
My heart beats way too fast
To let regret sit in my lap
Haru turned to him with a smile.
"I've always wanted to smash a window with a hammer."
Yuki returned the smile and looked around at his surroundings. There were houses lined up by the street, some with their lights on and some completely dark. The street lights nearby them were the same ones he saw through his window, and his smile widened. He got that chance of freedom.
"Yuki, what happened to your arm??"
Haru already had the older boy's arm in his hand, holding it closely to inspect. The blood had stopped flowing through the cut, though red stained his arm. Yuki almost forgot about his plan… but it didn't matter. He was never going to think in that way ever again. There was no reason to and he hoped that there never will be again.
"It's nothing."
"But--"
Yuki gave him a smile of reassurance and Haru held his tongue. He didn't really want to but he knew that there was no use in trying to get an answer out of Yuki. They'd get it checked out later… after they figured out a plan of what to do next.
The voices on the other side of the brick wall were getting louder and closer now. Both boys could hear what was being said, as well as by whom.
"He's not anywhere inside the estate, sir."
"He didn't just disappear! Go find him, I want him back here tonight!"
Akito.
Yuki shivered at the voice. Haru pulled Yuki into him, his arms wrapped around his shoulders.
"Yes sir."
They heard some footsteps go inside the house and others to the front of the building. Haru knew they'd be checking around outside, so he took Yuki's hand and they both started to head away from the Sohma Estate.
"Haru…"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
Haru gave a smile as they continued walking. He would do anything for Yuki and he was so happy that he was able to save him. Yuki deserved happiness.
Won't let it pass me by again
Won't let it pass me by again
They stopped walking when they were a fair distance from the house they just escaped from. Yuki looked at Haru and pulled him into a hug.
"Where are we going to go? No doubt that Akito sent some people to Shigure's house by now."
Haru held Yuki into his body. Truthfully, he had no idea where they were going to go; he never had. His only thought was to get Yuki safely out of that room of torture, and now that he had done so… where were they going to go?
"I guess tonight… we'll be staying outside," Haru said almost pathetically. There wasn't any other choice. Everyone lived in the Sohma Estate, and surely Shigure's house was being swarmed by Akito's men by now. "I'm sorry. I should have thought this through. Tomorrow we can try Shigure's, by then Akito would have left." A slight chilly wind blew over them. "It's rather cold; I should have brought a jacket or something for so you wouldn't get sick."
"Don't worry about it," Yuki said, holding Haru tighter. "I'm free and that's all that matters to me. And you, of course."
Haru blushed. But a smile played on his face. Yuki's happiness brought him his own. There was nothing better than that. Yuki pulled away from Haru slightly as put his hand on the other boy's cheek.
"You're my hero, Haru. You gave me freedom."
"Anything for you, Yuki."
In that one night, Yuki's torture turned to comfort, his hell turned to heaven and his life turned for the better. He was free.
(Won't let this pass me by again)
Won't let it pass me by again
(Won't let this pass me by again)
Won't let it pass me by again