Disclaimer: Sigh, I don't own Mai-HiME. If I did there'd be hawt lezy seck scenes between Shizuru and Natsuki periodically throughout the entire anime.

Author's Note: Uh, I think you have to write from experience but seeing as how I've never been shot, I cannot adequetly portray that feeling. As a result, I consulted the awesome George Orwell book, Homage to Catalonia, where he describes in great detail his own account of getting shot through the throat. I trust Orwell, he's my hero. Anyhoo, hope you enjoy. Sorry, no graphic secks scenes. As much as I heart them, I can't write them so...ya.

I hate how we grew so far apart. After the Carnival, I saw the most important thing taken away from me as we sat, hugging each other. We returned and all I could see was the pain and guilt in her eyes. Of course I forgave her, how could I not? She seemed to have cheered up, and was finally back to herself. Yet under her smiling face, I could still sense the underlying guilt from that moment in our lives. After she graduated, we stayed in contact, sort of. I haven't seen her since she left and phone calls are few and far between. It can't be helped I guess. With Shizuru at University in Kyoto and me, working at a mechanics to make ends meet. I never had delusions about going to college. Life was hard enough without adding more dreaded homework on top of it. Four years and at this point, I'm lucky if I get a call from her every few months. She has school and the responsibility of helping run the Fujino Company, and I have a low paying, blue-collar job that takes up most of my time and energy. If I barely see Shizuru, I see all my other friends from school less. At one point in my life, I spent a great deal of time hanging out with them after school. But now, it seems like my life is spinning into a depressing routine of wake up, eat, go to work, come home from work, eat, sleep, repeat.

The most vivid moment from the Carnival was right before we "died". I remember kissing Shizuru and telling her that I couldn't love her the way she loved me. At that time, I had just come to understand how important she was to me. I had just accepted that she meant the most to me. With the relationship experience of a Dodo bird, I was unable to understand that, I DID love her. But that was a revelation I came to after she left, I felt like she had left with my heart. By the time I came to this conclusion, I was too afraid to go after her. I was afraid that she had found someone else. I was afraid I had hurt her too deeply. I was afraid, I was not good enough for her.

One day, in order to break the horrific monotony of my day-to-day life, I watched the news hoping to find someone else's life to be more fascinating than my own. The last thing I thought I would see on the tv popped up. I hadn't seen Shizuru in four years, and here she was, on the tv looking slightly haggard (though I doubt anyone else would be able to tell).

"…news of the latest controversial move by the Fujino Corporation has caused rioting and has even precipitated into an attempted assassination on the heir to the company, Fujino Shizuru."

All other thoughts were immediately expelled from my head. "Attempted assassination…" The words rang like sirens in my head. How dare they try and take her from me! Without even taking into consideration the awkwardness of my next movements, I grabbed my motorcycle helmet and left to see her. I started thinking about why she never called. Why did she never hint at her predicament? Before I knew it I was at the train station and within 15 minutes, I was boarding the Shingansen bound for Kyoto. I spent the two hour train ride in silence, gazing listlessly out of the window as the Japanese countryside sped past.

I managed to flag down a taxi. "Take me to the Fujino residence." The cab driver spun around and looked at me. "You don't look much like one of them protesters but then again, looks can fool." I wanted to lash out at him for treating me as though I was a protestor, but made no comment. The drive seemed even longer than the train ride, but it was only a short 45 minute drive. When I arrived at the residence, a huge crowd had formed outside the gates. "Shit" I swore as I threw some money at the cab driver and started to look around for an alternate entrance. I had tried calling Shizuru's cell but it she wasn't picking up. Along the side gate I noticed a relatively close tree to the fence that I could climb and get into the yard. The guards I assumed the house had, judging by the elaborate gates and the like, were around front trying to keep the protestors at bay. I landed easily within the gated area. Without so much a glance back, I strode into the house.

"Do you have authorization to be here?" I turned to see a huge guy with sunglasses looking at me. "Of course I do." I replied turning my back and walked off, trying to figure where Shizuru was. The man did not seem to follow me, but I knew he was watching. Confidently I went upstairs and walked down the hall till I came to a room which instinctively felt like the room Shizuru was in. I entered the room to the barrels of two pistols.

"STAND DOWN!" came a hasty order. When the barrels lowered, I nearly fell from the sudden weakness in my knees. After not seeing the most important person in my life for four years, the impact of her beauty caught me unawares. Shizuru seemed as shocked as me but, like always, gained her composure. "Na…tsuki?" she asked, as though I was an aberration of her thoughts. I didn't reply. The feeling was slowly returning to my legs and I was overcome with anger for the older girl. Why hadn't she come to see me? Why didn't she tell me about what happened? I walked up to her and made to hit her, then, blackness.

I woke up to someone yelling and a slamming of a door. "Wha.." I started but trailed off. "I'm so sorry Natsuki. My guards were worried since the last…" she also trailed off. Apparently I was lying down on a very large bed inside what I could only assume was Shizuru's room. "Anyway, when you looked like you were going to hurt me, they knocked you out. I've had all the guards removed and I gave them a talking to." I groaned. No wonder I hurt. Those pistols weren't exactly light. The anger I felt in the first room still rested in me, but seeing Shizuru standing over me looking so concerned overpowered the anger. "Ara, Natsuki-chan has gotten so cute." I blushed instinctively. No matter how long Shizuru teased me, the blush never failed to show. "So…" Shizuru's hand reached out to stroke my cheek, but she suddenly altered course and grasped my hand instead. "Why had my little Natsuki come all the way to Kyoto?" "Uh…I had, some vacation time and thought I would…visit since I haven't seen you in four years. And I…missed you."

'Fuck.' I said to myself. I had spent two hours on the train ride down, practicing how to tell Shizuru the truth. How I had more than missed her, I loved her and wanted her to be with me. Instead, at the moment of truth, I simply cowered in fear. "Ara. You missed me. That's so cute Natsuki-chan." Again, the blush crept over my face. "Why didn't you tell me about the attempt on your life?" I asked knowing that she had purposely avoided the topic before. For a second I could see her carefully maintained façade drop, but returned just as fast. "It's not very good table conversation is it?" "That's not the point!" I yelled, all the anger starting to come to the surface. "I thought you would tell if something this big happened!" I didn't want to yell at Shizuru, but then again, I did. I had held so much up for four long years that I needed to say it before I exploded. Tears started to form at Shizuru's eyes, but I saw her blink them away, not wanting to break down in front of me. "It was all over the news Natsuki. I assumed you had seen it." She sounded distant.

I could understand her not telling me if she had assumed I had already known, but something else seemed to be making her nervous. "Shizuru. I know that façade convinces everyone else is ok, but it doesn't fool me. What is wrong?" A tear managed to escape, slowly trickling down her face. "My parent's have arranged a marriage for me. He comes here tomorrow." The last sentence was one long word. Shizuru tensed at what I assume was her waiting for me to explode at her but I didn't, I was too much in shock. My deepest wish was for Shizuru to be happy, and if that meant she couldn't be with me, I'd be fine with that. But I wasn't. I wanted her to be with me and only me. Not some random douchebag that her parents had picked out for her, like some sort of male order catalog. Before I could express any of my thoughts Shizuru stood up and headed for the door. "The bathroom is through that door." She pointed to a door and left the room.

I entered the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My face had a Band-Aid across it from where one of the guards struck me across the face with the pistol. Looking at it brought back memories of me and Shizuru from high school.

"Fucking coward." The girl lying in the grass spat at the feet of an unknown man. More feet kicked her, catching her simultaneously in the face, back, and stomach. She was already covered in blood but that did not stop the ruffians. Laughing, she pushed her self into a kneeling position. "Seriously, that's all you assholes got?" A foot connected with her nose sending her reeling backwards onto her back.

"muver fucger" Natsuki swore as she held her bleeding nose and mouth with one hand and gently probed her body for tender spots, which were at this moment, her entire body. 'This is what I get for stopping a gang from ruining those stupid flowers.' She did not know why she had started the fight over some dumb flowers. After cutting class, she found herself wandering in the garden where she first met her only "friend", Shizuru, when she saw the gang of delinquent guys sitting and destroying the flowers. Anger had welled up inside her for some unknown reason. Acting on her anger, she had provoked a fight with the lot of them. Being outnumbered 6 to 1 resulted in her ass getting kicked. But, for another unknown reason, she didn't mind getting beat up if she could save some of the flowers. 'Hell,' Natsuki thought, 'I don't even like flowers.'

She wiped the blood from her face and started walking to the school. 'What am I gunna tell the nurse?' Before coming up with a viable excuse, she noticed that the school was eerily quiet. Realizing school was out, Natsuki figured she could see Shizuru about getting patched up, knowing the older girl wouldn't ask too many prying questions.

"NATSUKI!" Shizuru rushed over to her friend, but didn't want to touch her, for fear of hurting her. "What…happened?" "Got jumped." Came Natsuki's terse reply. "Can you just patch me up and not ask questions?" Shizuru timidly took out her handkerchief and used it to wipe off the dried blood on Natsuki's face. Natsuki winced when Shizuru rubbed off blood from a particularly sore spot. Shizuru froze. "Ara, I'm not hurting you am I Natsuki?" Natsuki glanced at the student council president, confused at her fear of hurting her. "Shizuru, I got beat up on by six guys. Like hell you're hurting me."

My hand lingered over the cut. That was some fight. Nearly took those asshats. What strikes me now is Shizuru's reactions. I had barely come into considering Shizuru a friend, let alone someone I liked. Every action I had to her probably hurt her a bit. Seeing me all beat up like that, snapping at her, and being simply clueless that she cared about me. Now it was a different story. I needed to somehow convince her that I loved her and would not reject her feelings; without using words seeing as how I suck at them.

I awoke to a foreign bed. My head felt like a sack of rice and pounded. Rubbing my eyes I tried to figure out why my room looked so damn unfamiliar. Then it all came back in a rush. News, traveling, Shizuru, knocked out, waking up to Shizuru, arranged marriage! I shot out of bed and hastily putting my clothes on. I ran down the beautiful stairs only to come to Shizuru carefully sipping tea as though nothing had happened. "What seems to be bothering you Natsuki?" She looked genuinely confused. I looked around, wondering if I was stuck in some sick dream of my own twisted imagination. Shizuru cocked her head, brows furrowed, like a confused puppy. The site of her made my legs once again go weak and made my heart melt. In order to stop myself from falling I sat in the nearest chair.

"Are you hungry?" She seemed not to notice my moment of weakness. "Not if you cooked it." I retorted remembering my last bad encounter with Shizuru's cooking. She playfully smacked the back of my hand. "Be nice Natsuki-chan or else I'd think you really hate my cooking. However, this morning's meal was prepared by the wonderful chef's of the Fujino's." She smiled, not a real smile. Her façade was on and I couldn't figure out why. I understood once I heard a voice from behind. "Good morning Shizuru." I turned sharply in my seat to see a rather tall man whose mere presence seemed to emanate respect. "Hello father" came Shizuru's voice. I stood up hastily and bowed. "Hello Mr. Fujino. I am Kuga Natsuki. It is a pleasure to meet you." I know I grew up without parents, but that didn't mean I had no sense of common decency. "Hello Mrs. Kuga." Shizuru's dad replied giving a slight nod. I mean, it's not like the president of an international corporation would dare give such a common person the same respect.

"Shizuru, Mr. Hamasaki will be within the hour. I wish for you to give him a good impression." He glanced in my general direction. "He will need your full attention." I stiffed slightly at the attack to my character but did nothing. I was powerless to such a respected man. "Please father. Natsuki here came at my request." Her father looked skeptical. Eyes flicking to me he gave me a once over, trying to see what Shizuru obviously saw, but seeing nothing to be desired. "Natsuki is here for moral support." Mr. Fujino, not willing to argue with his daughter at this critical point simply bowed and left the kitchen.

I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath until I felt myself let go of the air I had been holding back. "I am afraid that Natsuki-chan will need to wait for a while in one of the upstairs rooms will I meet Mr. Hamasaki." The carefully placed façade for her father had fallen away and all that was left was a bitter disgust at the proposed arrangement. "I should leave." I turned to leave the mansion but I felt a tug at my arm. 'Don't turn around' I told myself knowing if I saw Shizuru's face I would be unable to leave. But I turned anyway. Her eyes looked both sad and scared. "Please don't leave me Natsuki. I do need you for moral support." I shrugged in a noncommittal way and headed back to my room, leaving Shizuru to compose herself for her guest.

Back in the room I started fuming. Moral support. I scoffed. I was going to give it to her, whether it smashed my heart to pieces. I didn't want to give her moral support for some guy she'd never met. I wanted to give her moral support, to know that she could be with me and we could be fucking happy together. Well, at least not as miserable.

I couldn't sit in the room without seeing who her parents had picked out for her. I poked my head out of my room and tip-toed over to the banister. There at the door was Mr. Hamasaki. I relatively fit, mid-20 year old, handsome man who somehow resembled Kanazki. A sudden, creeping feeling over came me and I shuddered, unable to control the reflex. I was getting a weird vibe from the dude but there was nothing I could do about it, especially because I had no idea what had triggered the feeling.

Night came a lot faster than I had expected. Shizuru came by periodically. We never did much. She would just enter and sit down on the bed. Everytime I got close to telling her my feelings, of either desire or dread, she cursed and left, trying to get back without looking like she was obviously escaping.

I couldn't fall asleep. I trudged over to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face in attempts to dull my senses that were working too fast for sleep time. I heard a muffled conversation. Confused I place my ear to the door. It's fucking 2 am. What the hell is Shizuru and the magical-douchebag-of-parent's-dreams-who-doesn't-deserve-the-beautiful-Shizuru doing up at this hour. I couldn't quite catch the conversation but I could tell that it was a fight of some sorts. Throwing caution to the wind (as I do so much of the time), I left to peek into Shizuru's room. Opening the door a crack I caught the king-of-asshats-from-the-sacred-kingdom-of-all-asshats do the unthinkable. He reeled back and struck my Shizuru. Anger erupted in me in a way I did not think possible. I charged through the door and tackled the guy to the ground. My fists flew, hitting ever inch of him I could.

I was aware of Shizuru calling out my name in shock. I ignored her. All I wanted was to make this cocksucker to feel as much pain as physically possible. He didn't fight back and I felt myself being pried from the arrogant little fuck. "What is going on in here?" came the booming voice of Shizuru's father. It didn't take long for him to come to his conclusion. Striding over to me he looked down at me with contempt. "How dare you strike an honored guest in my household you filthy…" but before he could finish the insult something caused him to turn around. Rubbing his head, he looked at his daughter. "Why do you throw things at my head like a petty child of five?" I saw Shizuru's eyes. Glowing with suppressed anger, like she was during the Carnival. "Don't you EVER talk to Natsuki like that." Her voice was quiet and even. She glared at her father. Yet he was not one to be intimidated, especially not by his own daughter. "If I might explain sir. Shizuru and I were having a disagreement, but then this little bitch…" he also never finished his sentence for Shizuru, unwilling to strike her father, was not unwilling to hit the man who had insulted me.

I was still in the arms of four very capable guards, Shizuru was glaring at her father, her father was glaring back, and the asshole was removed from our presence, unconscious from Shizuru's attack. Things suddenly happening at once. The guards dropped me and moved in front of Mr. Fujino. Yells came from outside the door and the flew open to reveal a man with a gun, who I can only assume looked about half as angry I was when I had also entered the door to kick Ham and Cheese's arrogant ass. Things started to slow down for me. I guess that's what happens when you get into the zone. He shifted his aim from the president to an easier target, the completely unguarded, female vice-president. My instincts kicked in before I thought about the improbability of jumping in front of Shizuru, taking the bullet and thus proving to her that I did love her.

So, I dived in front of my love. I never heard Shizuru's scream or even the few seconds preceding the shot. I heard a bang and felt, numb. The first second, I felt no pain due to the intense shock of being shot. Then, the dull throbbing pain that emanated from my chest. Breathing was difficult and I felt like I was being weighed down by a ton of bricks and was sipping air through a straw. At least I was still alive, for the time being. My vision started to go black but I saw Shizuru in the distance. I felt her pick me up and lay me in her lap, but I heard no sound nor felt her delicate touches.

Suddenly, my vision cleared, I could hear Shizuru's desperate cries, and felt the worse pain I had ever been in. "Sonofabitch!" I swore coughing up some blood. "Natsuki!" Tears hit my face and cooled my face. I only responded by coughing up some more blood. Breathing was hard and my entire mouth was full of the taste of iron. Shizuru's quivering hand brushed some blood soaked hairs out of my face. "Don't leave me Natsuki." Her voice quavered like her hands. Her lips were also trembling. I could tell because her lips were pressed against my own. The kiss was brief to the lack of air getting to my lungs and I probably just taste like the blood that is in my mouth. "Hey, you were the one who did the leaving in the first place." I joked, as I started to lose consciousness.

I felt the warmth of someone laying next to me. My eyes fluttered open to see Shizuru, sleeping next to me. I tried to roll over but stopped because of the pain in my chest. The movement alerted Shizuru to my awakened state. "Natsuki-chan, you are finally awake." A smile danced across her face. The real kind, not the fake smile she wore all the time. "…the fuck happened?" were the only words I managed out of my sore throat. She just smiled that wonderful smile of hers and she stroked my hair absentmindedly. "Well, in the span of a couple days you have saved my life three times." I looked at her like she was crazy. "I think you are way over exaggerating. There was the whole bullet thing. That's one. I don't think taking out a asshole like Hamboy counts as saving your life per se. And I don't even want to know you've declared the third time to be." The smile did not falter. "Hamboy, as you have so eloquently put, does count. Also, you have saved me from having to live this ridiculous façade." I rolled my eyes at her, cheesiness.

"Hey Shizuru. I want to say…" Here it was, the perfect time to say it but like always, I lacked the words to say what I truly felt. She placed her fingers on my lips. "I know Natsuki." Without another word I pressed my lips against hers, feeling the warmth of her lips. I was intoxicated with her scent of tea leaves and slight tinge of iron. I guess I didn't need words after all. I just wish I didn't need to get shot to prove it…