"Lullaby is the spell in which a mother tries to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint."
- James Fenton
The Toad Lullaby
George Weasley was in his room, thinking about what sort of prank he should teach his little (In height, not age) sister's little children.
George was not interested in babysitting, yet, in order not to receive the Bat Bogey Hex by his sister; he had decided to babysit her children. This had caused a bit of chaos. His sisters-in-law were blaming him for favouring his sister. But George couldn't understand how the favouritism part cropped up from. Probably it was from Fleur. Fleur loved gossiping. That gossipmonger, stupid, blabbermouth –
Now, now, George mustn't lose his cool. He had three children to take care of, for the night. Harry was out of the country, probably trying to catch some dangerous bloke and Ginny was in Italy, for a Quidditch match (Of the loser teams, Italy and England). As for George's wife, Angelina was in Greece, for a holiday spree with Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet. She had taken Fred and Roxanne with her. George thought it was a pity, because Fred and Roxanne were getting real good at fooling their Uncle Percy. But he had his innocent nephews and niece to teach how to prank Percy the Pompous Prat, right?
Speaking of the innocent nephews and niece, Lily, Albus and James came into George's room. James and Al were grumbling something about wands not working apart from sparkling a huge white light while Lily immediately ran – okay, waddled – to the spot where George was.
"Unca George, Al and Jamie stole my dream!" Lily cried.
"We did not! Uncle George, she's lying!" The eight-year-old James retorted.
"Yes Uncle George!" Al agreed. He was so much devoted to his brother that he kind of reminded George of a younger Percy who would tag along with Charlie and Bill.
"I want my dream back!" Lily cried. George sighed. For a five-year-old, Lily could be pretty annoying.
"Uncle George, shut her up, please." Albus said.
"Yes Uncle George, please, pretty please with a huge Chocolate Frog on the top." James said. George blinked at them. It was usually Albus who would echo James' words. But now, the reverse had happened. Something had to be done. Little Lily Luna had to be brought to sleep. But how could she? She was her mother's daughter, for Merlin's sake. And Ginny Potter wasn't that easy Sleeping Beauty, you know.
George took a deep breath and said, "How 'bout I sing you lot a lullaby?"
"Lullaby? You? Uncle George, can you even sing?" James asked. That kid was way too cheeky for an eight-year-old. Even Fred and Roxanne couldn't be that bold.
"Yes, I can always try, m'boy." George said. "So gather around me!"
The kids, even though being extremely different, obeyed their darling Uncle George. They sat around his legs and had expectant look in their young faces. George took another deep breath, closing his eyes and began the 'lullaby':
"His eyes are as green as a freshly pickled toad,
His hair is as black as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he is really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord,"
George opened his eyes and saw that his niece and nephews were laughing, instead of falling asleep.
"What?" He cried indignantly, as he saw the three of them giggling. "I can sing, you know."
"No... No... No... Uncle George! We loved your song!" Albus said in between his giggles.
"Did you make that l...lyr...? Whazzat you call those words that come with the songs, Uncle George?" James asked. George smiled. He looked down at James and replied with a voice that Percy would've been proud of.
"You mean the lyrics? No, my dear boy, I wasn't the fortunate person who made the lyrics."
"Then who did?" Albus asked.
"Your dear, sweet, Bat-Bogey-Hexing Mum wrote it for your scrawny Dad." George said. The children's laughs increased. They were now pounding the floor. That behaviour wouldn't be encouraged by their parents or the rest of their relatives. However, George wasn't an ordinary relative, was he?
"Wait a second, stop laughing, you little gigglers! I have a request." George said. The children stopped laughing and looked at George. Their innocent eyes – brown, green and hazel – were on George as though he was Merlin.
"What is it Uncle George?" James asked.
"Whenever your mother or your father or both," George said evilly. "Whenever they are not feeling sleepy, sing this song to them. They'll surely feel a lot better."
"But we aren't sleepy, Uncle George!" Lily said in her baby voice.
"You did feel happy, didn't you?" George said. "I bet you Fifteen Galleons that your parents will feel a change in their behaviour as soon as they hear this song."
"What's this song's name?" Albus asked.
"Err... I hadn't asked that dwarf who – ah well, you can call it the Toad Song."
"Toad Song... we'll remember that..." James said slowly.
"Now, do you lot want some Chocolate Frogs that I've stashed in Roxanne's old dolly?" George asked.
"Roxy's dolly has Chocolate Frogs?" Lily asked in horror.
"Well, I had to keep it in Roxy's dolly." George said patiently. "Or else those poor Frogs would be eaten up by your Not-So-Angelic Aunt Angelina, Fred and Roxy. Or worse, by your Uncle Ron, Mwhahahahaha!"
The kids' eyes were widened with horror. George smiled at them. Wreaking horrors was his – and his ... dead brother Fred's – speciality. Since Fred was dead, the tradition had to be kept up, right?
George got up and literally sauntered towards the bedroom door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the little horror-struck children following him. So, I guess, this is Chocolate Frog time.
A few days later, after their Uncle George had asked them their favour, James, Lily and Albus were able to put their plan into action.
Both of their parents were in the living room. Mum was writing something while Dad was talking to her.
James gestured to his little siblings. The time had come. They soon came out of their hiding place and then chorused in a loud voice, "Why are you not asleep Mum and Dad?"
Mum and Dad jumped. As soon as they saw the three children, Dad's face broke into a smile while Mum looked annoyed.
"We are not feeling sleepy, kids." Dad said.
"Oh," They said together. It was creepy, in a way.
"Why aren't you three asleep? I thought Dad had sung you to sleep. Didn't you, Dad?" Mum added to Dad who nodded.
"We couldn't sleep, Mum. Even after Dad sung the lullaby," Albus said seriously.
"Speaking of lullabies, the three of us have a lullaby for you two." James said, trying to keep a straight face.
"Why would we need a lullaby?" Dad asked.
"Because you aren't sleepy, Silly Daddy!" Lily said and giggled a bit. Dad and Mum exchanged looks. Something wasn't good...
"But we do not want to sleep!" Mum said.
"You have to!" Lily snapped in a voice that was uncannily like Grandma Weasley. James and Albus exchanged smiles as they saw Lily snapping while Mum and Dad looked shocked. Finally Mum snapped out of her shock and said:
"Okay, we're going to sleep –"
"Mum, Dad, we have a lullaby for you." James said. "So that you can have better dreams,"
"A lullaby," Dad said, smiling at the mischievous children. "We'll hear that, why don't we, Mum?"
"Oh all right," Mum sighed. James, Albus and Lily positioned themselves and began to sing:
"His eyes are as green as a freshly pickled toad,
His hair is as black as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he is really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord,"
They finished and saw Mum deathly pale and Dad was red. Wasn't that odd? Usually, it was Mum who was red, and Dad was the pale one.
"Who. Told. You. That. Song?" Mum hissed. The children exchanged dark looks. Uh oh, something bad was going to happen.
Finally, James snapped out of the trance that Mum had created and replied, "Uncle George, of course. He told it as a lullaby to us."
"When did he -?" Dad began but Mum interrupted him.
"I always had a suspicion that George would do something like that. Now, my suspicion is confirmed." Mum said. She was seriously scaring the children. James had a suspicion that Albus must've peed in his pants. That's how scared Al looked.
Mum got up from the sofa and stomped out of the room, ignoring Dad's shouts of calling her back.
"Where's she gone?" Lily asked as she sat close to Dad.
"I honestly don't know, Lil. The Weasleys' brains have always worked strangely." Dad whispered. James and Albus giggled a bit but Dad's one stern look silenced them.
"But why does Mum hate the song she wrote?" Albus asked.
"Because it's ... I dunno..." Dad whispered as he looked for the signs of Mum coming back. All of a sudden, Mum stepped in, still breathing like a dragon that Uncle Charlie looked after in Romania.
"Don't worry Harry, I've done it." Mum said slowly. Dad gulped.
"Done what?"
"Oh it's nothing rash. But it's the least I could do." Mum said and gave a really scary smile. "I think it will be a good lullaby for dear Georgie."
James, Albus and Lily's eyes filled with horror. Poor, poor Uncle George.
George was happy that Angelina had returned. But he was sad that she had a heap of new clothes to show him.
"Of course, Greece is a fascinating fashion spot. All the Muggle and the Wizarding clothes are amazing over there. Alicia has purchased a heap of robes with the Twelve Olympians on the borders. See this – ah, this is what I call a beauty. This is a chiton. It is an old outfit worn by the Greek people in the times when Ollivander's shop had begun. Err... I don't know exactly. But anyway, Fred and Roxy had so much fun! They did mess up with some things (After all, they're your children, right?). For instance, in the temple for Athena – That's a Greek Goddess like Hermione, mind you – they started calling Athena's idol Mrs. Poseidon – I wondered how they know about that bloke –" Angelina began but George cut her off.
"Who's this Poseidon chap?" George asked sharply. No one, not even Louis (Who had become such a flirt for a nine-year-old) would stand anywhere near his wife. No one –
"George, Poseidon is a Greek God!" Angelina sighed. "By the way, do you –"
She was interrupted again, but this time it was by a snowy owl swooping into their room via the open window. The owl was Harry's owl – Hedwig the Second.
"I wonder what on Merlin's most embarrassing set of pyjamas would Harry want to send us now." George said. He glanced at Angelina whose face had paled greatly. Instantly, he turned to Hedwig the Second and saw the letter that accompanied it. Uh oh, that wasn't good.
"Why did Harry – oh George, don't tell me you didn't play a joke on the Potters! Please!" Angelina groaned.
"Angie, I swear to Fred's soul that I haven't done anything to them! Even though Harry's practically like my brother and Ginny being adept at Bat Bogey Hex, I haven't done anything." George said, forgetting that he had told the Potter kids about the song that Ginny had written when she lived the days of a fan-girl.
"Then why did Harry send a Howler?" Angelina demanded. She took a deep breath and added, "We'll discuss about this later, George Weasley. We have to open the darn Howler or else something worse will happen."
George gulped as he saw Angelina snatching – yes, literally snatching – the letter in red from the owl and opening it to make a shrill sound that was uncannily like Ginny's escape from the letter ...
"GEORGE WEASLEY!" The letter said, turning towards George. "HOW DARE YOU TO TELL THAT TOAD SONG TO MY CHILDREN?"
Angelina now glared at George. George gulped and said, "Ginny, but they needed a lullaby –"
"YOU DARE TO SING THAT – THAT – HORRID SONG TO MY INNOCENT CHILDREN AS A LULLABY?" Ginny's voice screeched. George whimpered as he saw Angelina coming towards him, looking ferocious.
"AND, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT SONG – IT HAS RIPPED ME OFF MY SLEEP! DON'T YOU SEE? AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE INSULTED THE SONG THAT I WROTE WHEN I WAS WHAT? – ELEVEN, YOU HAVE ALSO MADE MY HUSBAND'S HEAD DOWN WITH SHAME!" Ginny shouted.
"Ginny, no, I just –" George began but the Howler had more. More insults to throw at him.
"GET READY FOR BATTING OFF THOSE BOGEYS, GEORGE! BUT NOT NOW," Ginny said. George exhaled a sigh of relief but no, Ginny wasn't done yet.
"FOR NOW, CONSIDER THIS AS A RETURN-LULLABY. HOPE THIS GIVES YOU REST FOR REST OF THE NIGHT!" The Howler finished and turned to Angelina.
"As for you, Angie, I hope your Greece trip went well. See you soon, dear." The Howler exploded into shreds. Angelina's look of anger decreased a bit momentarily but immediately after the Howler was shredded, she turned to George for getting ready to kill.
For the first time in his life, George knew that his wand wouldn't be of much help.
Author's Note: A short story that just popped into my mind one night while I was having a sleepless time. :-)