My first fanfic in a long time… I still have lots of fics to finish, including my Criminal Minds fic "Day Zero". I haven't given up on that fic, but I'm so bad at finishing stuff… Besides, I really don't have the time right now to write much. But I did write this, and I also have a Dexter fanfiction which I'm REALLY excited about. I just have to finish it EXACTLY right.

…

"With lies you may get ahead in the world - but you can never go back" - Russian proverb

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." - Adlai Stevenson

The morning after the Pasta Party, Reid leaves his notice of resignation on Strauss' desk. It's short and to the point, mostly because he wrote it the same morning. He leaves before anyone notices. He doesn't want them to know. In every way there is only himself to blame, but there isn't an alternative. Things have changed, and he can't change that.

So he sits down, at his desk, and begins to do his paperwork. He smiles and say hello to Morgan who is the first to arrive. Morgan gives a "Hey, Pretty Boy" in return, and then he sit down at his own desk. They do paperwork in silence until JJ and Prentiss come, quickly followed by Garcia – Garcia who's smiling, handing out cake and twittering about nothing and everything, but mostly Prentiss and Rossi and Pasta. Reid acts as himself, even if earlier accounts have revealed him as a terrible actor, but in the light of Garcia's sparkling personality, nobody notices anything.

Or maybe it's the fact that after he showed up at Rossi's yesterday, they all stamped him as okay. Which just shows how much they don't – No, he can't be angry anymore.

If anyone does notice something it's Morgan, but Morgan acts exactly like he normally does; Calling Garcia sexy lady, sugar baby and Garcia giving him back of the same kind. The whole morning is like a perfect harmony or a tv-show where the dialogue is written just right. There are no mistakes, no mess ups and it's the perfect plastic family.

"It takes just about 450 years for one plastic bottle to break down in the ground." He says, and Emily says she has missed his facts & statistics, while Morgan tells her to shut up before she gives him any good ideas.

At lunch break Strauss comes to him and asks him to pay a visit to her office later in the day. She doesn't say what it's about, but of course he knows. When the team looks from him to the walking-away Strauss and back again, he tells them it's probably about his newest article, and begins to enthusiastically tell them about it (even though he hasn't written any article in months, not since march). Morgan once again tells him to shut up because; "You may be pretty, pretty boy, but you're not that pretty"

Everybody laughs when Reid bewildered doesn't get Morgan's point, and the day continues. At precisely 3 o'clock, while the others are still drowning in their paperwork (He finished his own an hour ago, but has just finished the extra 2 files from Rossi, the 1 from Prentiss and the 1 from JJ) he goes to Strauss' office.

The door to Strauss' office is open, so he closes it as he enters. "You wanted me to step by?" He asks awkwardly to get Strauss' attention; she is focused on the top paper from a huge pile in front of her.

Her head snaps up, and she gives him a slight smile, or at least what he thinks is supposed to be a smile. It's more like a grimace. "Let's get directly to the point, Dr. Reid. The bureau doesn't want to lose you. It's no secret that you are an amazing asset to the team. But if you want to move upwards, that is of course understandable. You've always been rather overqualified for this job. So what job options have you discussed with Agent Hotchner?" She looks at him awaitingly, and in an instance he realized the problem. She thinks Hotch already knows about his resignation, she thinks he wants a… promotion of some sort. The kind of job change JJ got, just voluntary instead of forced.

"Actually – Actually, I wasn't planning on, on moving 'up'. I need a break. And I haven't discussed things with H – Agent Hotchner, I was hoping this could stay between us." When he sees the look on her face – he doesn't even know how to describe it, it's just pure confusing but still, not really– he quickly adds; "At least for the time being" And then he looks down, fidgets with his fingers for a moment, looks up again to meet the stare of Strauss, and quickly looks down again.

For a moment, there is a complete silence.

"What, may I ask, is the reason for this need for a 'break'?" She finally asks. "I – well, I –" He pauses, and feels a sting in his right, and then also left, eye. He fights the tears away, but he doesn't win the war so instead he looks aside, covering every inch of the only painting in Strauss' office. It's the picture of a family eating dinner, so he looks away again, right up into Strauss' stare. The picture has inched its way into his eidetic memory.

"I can't work with people who lie. I'll go crazy."

She stares at him, and he takes only a moment to doubt if she knows about his mother. She knows. What's in her stare is something akin to fear. He's never had his heart beating so hard while still being so calm and clear. He already feels a bit crazy.

'The question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?' For Spencer, it's always been a question not to be answered.

"Very well. Your resignation will be complete in about two weeks, I recon that's about the time I need to find a functioning replacement. If I need more time, I'll let you know. I'll try to keep it quiet." She says the last sentence as a casual remark, but he's profiler enough to know the truth behind it. Erin Strauss may be many things, but she is not a liar.

As he walks out the door, Erin calls for his name. "Dr. Reid?" She says. He stops and waits. "Yes?"

"Good luck."

He sends her a smile as answer.

"Without trust there is nothing." - Unknown