A.N: In this story Raven has a conversation with one of her team-mates that helps her with her self-hate issues. It is set after the episode Birthmark. Read and Review please, if enough people like it I may continue it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, but the plot is mine.
Understanding.
She sat alone on the roof of the tower, staring out across the bay, violet hair dancing with the wind. Before her, of to the west, the sun died splendidly, spilling its burning golden-red blood into the water as its heroic battle against the night drew to a close. The dusky shades of blue and purple advanced upon this world, forcing the dieing golden light of day to retreat further into its grave, and creating a black void for the cruel silver stars to dwell in. Sucking away the warmth of the sun, refusing to allow even one small remnant of the suns existence, save memories, to comfort the people of the Earth. She had once adored the night, loved the feeling of belonging she felt when she lay alone in the dark of midnight, but not anymore. Now she feared the night and the nightmares it carried with it, feared the belonging that welled in her heart at the passing of every bloody sunset, knowing that it marked her as a creature of the dark, as a demon, knowing it marked her as her fathers child. She did this every night, watched her glowing protector die before retreating to her room to desperately try to stay awake, she would eventually fall asleep, have the dream, wake up screaming or in a cold sweat, assure a worried team-mate threw the door that she was fine, then spend the rest of the night in a restless dose, before rising just before dawn to witness the sun's rebirth. She hadn't broken the nightly ritual since the night of her birthday party, the night she had begun to dream. She had persistently avoided her teem-mates, even going so far as to not go out on missions, and rarely ate anything anymore. She was afraid of what would happen if she saw them, what if her evil shone threw her eyes, like dark lanterns in the night? What if her face had changed, becoming more like the face of a demon? What if, worst of all, she lost control and hurt them? The thought was unbearable; she would do anything to keep that from happening, anything, including leave. She didn't want to; she had never felt so safe, so accepted, so…loved.
Before she had come to Titan's Tower she had traveled a lot, never staying in one place very long, terrified about her past catching up to her. When she had first come to Jump City she hadn't even known the Titans existed, the city had just been another nameless concrete jungle on her journey. She had gotten herself an okay set up in an abandoned warehouse and had managed to steal some food, as far as she was concerned her life was going pretty okay. Things began to change when she found herself near the sight of a robbery, staring at the crooks as they raced in her direction, desperately trying to flee the four teens chasing them. She had wondered at that; hardened criminals running from a bunch of kids? The next thing she noticed where the kids outfits, and how they looked, they were dressed as costumed heroes, and some of them looked less than normal. One, a girl, had bright red hair, light orange skin, and all green eyes, she was flying, and from her hands orbs of green power flew. Another, a boy this time, was dark skinned in places, but most of his body was covered in metal, traced threw with blue wiring or something of that nature; he was shooting what appeared to be a laser gun from his arm. The third member of this odd assortment, also a boy, was green, all green, green hair, lighter green skin, and deep emerald eyes. Before her very eyes she watched as Green-boy changed into a green rhino, barreling after the thieves. The only one who seemed remotely normal was the last member, a boy as well, he had a lean muscularity that screamed dangerous, and was dark in a way that had nothing to do with skin tone, and intensity that radiated from him like a second aura. She returned her attention to the bandits, worn, grizzly men that had definitely seen better days. They hadn't noticed her yet, intent upon there pursuers as they were, but she knew it was only a matter of time. Her better judgment told her to move aside and to stay out of something that was so obviously not her business, but a stronger need to stop these men rose within her, and she found that her feet wouldn't move. One of the men turned his attention forward, letting his partner keep an eye on there pursuers. When he saw her he stopped dead, throwing out an arm to halt the other, sharing at her in shock and not a little fear. His partner turned, confused as to why they had stopped running. Finally his eyes landed on her, and widened.
"Oh no! You mean to tell me there's another one?" He cried, obviously not happy with that idea. They glanced behind, judging how much time they had until the others caught up; five minutes tops, if they where lucky. There eyes simultaneously skirted to the street, wondering if there was a plausible chance of escaping across it; a moment later they disregarded the option, traffic would make trying to cross deadly. They returned there attention to her, and she knew, without a doubt, that they where going to try and rush her, thinking it the best option. A second later they confirmed her suspicion as first one, than the other began to run towards her. She mentally smirked, spreading her arms wide to either side, quietly giving voice to her chant. Black magic accumulated in her hands, lashing out in rope like tendrils. They wrapped themselves around the two men, efficiently trapping them together, a moment later they tripped over each others feet and went sprawling. She looked down at them quietly, shaking her head.
"Idiots," she murmured in a voice barely above a whisper, "never attack an unknown enemy, you will almost always get a nasty surprise."
Raven sighed, her thoughts returning to the present. She knew how that night had eventually ended, she had met the Titans, joined them, planning to stay for only a short while, and had never left. Now here she was, atop the only home she had ever known since the destruction of Azerath, preparing to leave. She was so deep in thought, planning her journey that she at first didn't since him coming up behind her. He walked like a cat, silently, gracefully. When she finally noticed him her first reaction was to teleport away, avoid the impossible to avoid for a least an hour or so more. But she didn't, she stayed were she was, wanting more than anything to get this over with and leave. So when he sat down next to her she didn't move, even though her fears from the past few days rose within her, screaming for her to run before she hurt him. He sat watching her for several long moments before finally speaking.
"So, you're the daughter of a demon, huh?" He asked nonchalantly, almost as if he was commenting on the weather. She flinched, this was not how she thought this was going to happen, with him acting like it was no big deal. Finally she nodded, not looking at him, afraid to see the pity in his beautiful green eyes. He placed a hand upon her cheek, turning her to face him; she kept her eyes on the patch of green skin just above his glove, still refusing to look him in the eyes.
"You may not believe this, Raven, but I do have some kind of idea what your going threw." He said quietly, as if the empty spaces around then would hear and tell everyone else. She snorted, not believing that happy-go-lucky Beast Boy would have anything painful in his life. The hand left her cheek abruptly as he stood up, she thought for a moment that she had offended him and he was going to storm off, but he didn't he just stood there for a minute, letting her stare at his shoes, when something dropped into her line of vision. She stared at it for a moment, not comprehending, before she realized that the thing lying on the ground in front of her was his shirt. She gasped and looked up, shocked out of her resolve not to look him in the eyes. Her gaze stopped before meeting his, snagged by the multitude of thin scars that marred the skin of his chest. He sank down to his knees, putting the scars at almost eye level for her. With a trembling hand she reached out to trace a scar that ran the length of his right collar bone. Her hand then moved down to follow a scar just above his left nipple, then sketch a twisted wound that ended on his back, passing beneath his right arm. She swallowed hard, scooting around to look. Her breath caught in her throat, his back was criss-crossed with seemingly hundreds of scars. She ran her fingers along them, disbelieving that anyone would do this to someone as wonderful as Beast Boy. She moved back around so she could look him in the eyes, wanting him to tell her that it had been an accident, not human cruelty that had marred him, but the moment his deep green eyes met her violet ones, she knew that wasn't the case, a person had done this to him, it was not an accident.
"Who…?" She couldn't bring herself to finish the question. Her eyes searched his, desperate for reassurance. There was no comfort in his eyes, only understanding and, deep beneath the surface of his eyes; hidden behind the happy mask, a haunted child with scars deeper than those on his skin.
"My parents." He replied quietly, in a voice meant for her ears alone. She gasped, her heart aching for him, for the pain he must have felt, must still feel, even now. The tears welled in her eyes, threatening to over flow. She looked down, closing her eyes, and forced the sorrow back behind her barriers. She fought the tears until they where a dim memory, then razed her gaze to meet his again.
"Why?" She asked, trying to understand the thinking behind so hideous an act. He smiled down at her; a small bitter smile that she thought looked out of place on his normally happy face. He turned away, watching the last rays of the sun sink into the black abyss of the sea. He looked out across the bay for a moment longer, and then turned his eyes to the green skin of his arms.
"I was born like this, you know, green, fanged, with pointy ears, and heightened scenes. When I was born my parents thought I was a monster, a demon," At that he glanced at her, a wry smile on his face, before looking again at his skin. "They were too afraid of what might happen if they killed me, so they locked me in the basement. For the first six years of my life I stayed there, with only enough food to keep me alive, and every day at the same time one of my parents, usually my dad, would come down there and beat me. On my birthday every year they would beat me extra badly, with a riding crop, that's where the scars came from. When I was six, and had recovered from my birthday, I saw my first animal, a rat. All I had to do was look at it and I changed, became an animal for the first time. I might have stayed there, figured out a way to change back, but my father came down at that very moment, and instinct took over. I ran, following the rat I had seen, and eventually fount myself out on the street in the pouring rain. Later on I fell asleep as a rat in the back of an alley, when I woke up I was back to my normal shape. I scrounged some food, and clothing from the dumpsters there and just tried to get by. The best times I can remember where when I managed to sneak into a zoo after hours and looked at the animals, trying out new shapes. I also broke into a museum and tried the dinosaur forms."
His passed for a moment, remembering those days, and then continued.
"I traveled a lot, mostly at night; I learned pretty early on that most people didn't respond very well to a green kid, they usually reacted the same way my parents did. Anyway when I was about eleven, I think, I wound up in Gothem City. I stayed there for a time and was eventually found by Batman, he was the first person to be nice to me, he fed me and gave me some decent clothes, kind of looked out for me, you know? He never told Robin about me, for whatever reason, and I've never told him either. At any rate when Robin left to start the Titans, Batman suggested that I come here and join; see if I could fit in here. It took some persuading but I eventually took his advice. When I first joined up I was pretty shy and I never smiled," Raven found that hard to believe, but she kept quiet for the moment.
"After a while I started to loosend up, and then Cyborg joined and he taught me how to laugh. Soon after that, Starfire came, and drew me even further out of my shell. And then, nearly three months later, you showed up, out of the blue, and the second I looked at you I could tell you had wounds similar to mine, and all I could think of was how to help you. I stayed up for hours every night, thinking up plans to bring you out of your shell and show you that not everything in life was bad." A light blush mantled his cheeks, and Raven couldn't help but smile a little.
"But nothing I did made any difference, you stayed tightly locked away from the world, and I was running out of plans. I did everything I could think of, but nothing helped, and I just didn't understand. At least, not until your birthday, not until Slade came back and all that stuff happened, and we found out a little bit about your wounds. And you know what? I was right Raven, they are similar to mine, not the same, but there close. And I realized something else, you and I aren't very different form one another, not when you get right down to it." He stopped, out of words for the moment, his eyes fixated upon the now brightly shining stars. She reached out and gently griped his chin turning his face to hers. She smiled at him, her eyes full of rarely seen happiness.
"You did make a difference, Beast Boy; you made all the difference in the world. This place, Titan's Tower, is the first place I safe felt safe in a long, long time, and you and the others are the reason for that. I'm happier than I've ever been, that's because of you, Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg. You guys are my family, and I care about you all very much." She let go of his face, letting her hand drift down to rest over his. Inside she cringed, knowing that this would make it harder to leave. Almost as if he had read her thoughts Beast Boy spoke up.
"You can't leave Raven, we won't let you." She gaped at him, mouth open in shock.
"How did you…?" Beast Boy chuckled, a huge grin spreading across his handsome face.
"Like I said, were a lot alike, Raven. It's what I'd do, in your position, to protect you all from me, and to insure that you didn't get hurt. But, Raven, were family, and family looks out for one another, no matter what. And if I was going to leave, I'm pretty sure you guys would try to stop me." His hand intertwined with hers, holding tightly.
"Your right, we would try. But what if I lose control? What if Slade comes back and he uses you against me? What if," Her voice dropped to a near whisper, "I change, and become something else? Someone other than Raven?" His hand tightened around hers, an instant later he pulled her into a hug.
"We know how to protect ourselves, even if the person where protecting ourselves from is you, or Slade. And I don't think your going to change, Raven; you're to strong for that, you're to much yourself. You will always be Raven." He whispered into her ear, rocking her gently. She hesitated, then wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the skin of his bare shoulder. She took deep breaths, pulling the scent of him into her lungs, in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing, he was being so kind to her, in a way that no one had ever been kind to her.
"Thank you." She mumbled against his skin. He pulled away somewhat, to look her in the face.
"Will you stay?" He asked, worried. She smiled at him, understanding his fear; he didn't want to lose part of his family.
"Yes, I'll stay" She said, pulling him into another embrace. A minute later they separated, heading off to bed.
For the first time since her birthday her mind held no nightmares, only pleasant dreams of strong, warm, green skinned arms holding her safe.
The next morning Raven joined the others for breakfast, a rare smile lighting her face. The others, save Beast Boy, looked up in surprise, he merely returned her smile with one of his own and motioned to a seat. She took it after quietly serving herself some tofu, bacon, and real eggs. The others continued to stare until Beast Boy glared in there direction.
"What, you never seen a girl eat before?" He demanded, with more amusement in his voice than scorn. The others quickly looked away, returning there attention to there food. They ate in comfortable silence for a while before Robin finally spoke up.
"So, Raven, why the sudden reentrance into society?" He asked, his eyes watching her form behind the mask. Starfire and Cyborg looked up from there food, watching her as well. Under the table, Raven slipped her hand into Beast Boys, and smiled gently at her friends, her family.
"A good friend helped me to understand some very important things." Was the only explanation she gave.
A.N: R & R. I may continue if enough people want me to.