Title: Ties That Bind Pt. 1/23

Spoilers: A little bit seasons 1- 7 especially Heroes Rating:

Summary: The team pulls together in a time of great sorrow.

Disclaimer: All publicity recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Copyright: The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. Copyrighted on December 8, 2003 by Lilly Saenz

Author's Notes: This iswas myfirst fanfic after lurking high and low in fanfic kingdom. It was suppose to be something short and sweet but it grew to this. Well I hope you all enjoy as much as I did writing it. Feedback welcomed, I revised some parts and keep most of if just as it was. Wanted to reposted it since I posted it as one big part instead of 23 smaller chapters.

He always came like a thief in the night.

Especially after a difficult mission, he would show up to chase away the demons. His Black Ops training would always pay off. There would be times when I didn't even realize he had come into my house and was in my room, until he would actually be sitting next to me in bed. Then there were times when I knew he would come. I would be waiting, pretending to be asleep, content to hear the familiar footsteps coming up my hallway that led up to my bed. Tonight was one of these nights. We had just completed one of the most difficult missions to date since I began working at the SGC.

It was suppose to be a simple rescue and retrieval mission, but it became a nightmare.
When the fighting was done all I could remember was that my best friend had died in my arms. I remember walking back through the gate holding her lifeless hand, as Teal'c and Daniel carried her body on a stretcher. Remembering the promise she made me repeat: "Take care of Cassie. You're all she has left." I told her to save her strength, that she was not going to die.

She just smiled. "Not this time, Sam. I can't feel anything and I'm so tired. I'm dying. Please Sam, take care of my Cassie. That's the only regret that I have, that I have to leave her. But, I know she's in good hands with you, Daniel, Jack and Teal'c. Tell her I love her and that I will always be with her."

I was crying by then. "No Janet, you can't give up! Please don't die." Daniel was next to me and knew that Janet had passed on. He gripped my shoulders.

"Sam," Daniel whispered, "she's gone. We have to get her back through the Gate before the Jaffa come back."

I knew he was right. I went into soldier mode, suppressed my feelings and started yelling out orders. I check on the Colonel to make sure his injury wasn't life threatening, and to report the death of our friend. He took it hard, and asked about Cassie. I told him that we would tell her together.

"I'm gonna need all the support I can get."

He took my hand. "Are you ok?" I nodded yes. "We have to get everyone out of here before the Jaffa come back," Jack said. "We'll talk later, Sam."

"Yes sir."

That's why I knew he would come, even though it was dangerous for him to come to me tonight with Daniel, Teal'c and Cassie spending the night. He would come for my sanity as well as his. I heard footsteps outside my door as the door opened quietly. I could hear him breathing as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Cassie had been picked up from school and brought to the SGC. She knew something was wrong, but no one would tell her what. When she got to the infirmary she went straight to her mother's office. When she didn't find her there, she asked one of the nurse's if she had seen her mom. The poor nurse burst into tears and nearly knocked Daniel and I over as we were coming through the door. Seeing me, she asked me where her mom was. I led her to the conference room were Colonel O'Neill , Teal'c and General Hammond were waiting. Cassie only had to see the sorrow in our eyes to know that something had happen to her mother. I explained to her what had happened, and when I couldn't continue, Daniel or the Colonel finished for me. But, in the end, I was the one who told this poor girl that she had lost another mother.

I'll never forget her face, the utter shock and sorrow as she repeated no over and over again like a mantra before collapsing in tears to the floor. I took her into my arms there on the floor and held her tightly, like a lifeline trying to keep her from going under. In between cries she kept asking why her, what was her mother doing off world. She kept saying that this wasn't happening, that it was all a bad dream and she wanted to wake up.

I was crying by then, finding no words to comfort her. I knew what it was like to lose a mother, having lost my own at a young age. There's nothing I could have said that would console the grief and sorrow she was feeling. So I just held her, letting her cry, knowing that this was just the beginning and it was only going to get worse. I felt a presence behind me and looked up to see General Hammond behind Cassie, trying to get her to sit in a chair. The Colonel was trying to do the same with me.

I was thankful for the strength of his arms around my waist. It gave me the strength to ask Cassie to sit in the chair. I had to be strong for Cassie, so I tried not to cry. I told her that everything seems bad right now, but it would get better. She had all of us to help her, and I had promised her mother that all of us would watch over her, that she would never be alone.

That's how we ended up at my home. Dr. Warner gave me a sedative to give to Cassie so that she would sleep. After tucking her in and making sure she was drifting off to sleep, I headed for the living room. A very drunk Daniel was passed out on my couch. I removed his shoes and with Teal'c's help, and got him out of his jacket. I told Teal'c to stay since his ride back to base was asleep.

Teal'c nodded. He needed to start his period of morning for his lost friend.

"I will be in the backyard if you do not need me. I wish to start my meditation."

As I started for my room, I heard Jack say that he would stick around to keep an eye on everything. I nodded and said goodnight, knowing what he really meant.

With my back to him, I could hear him taking off his pants, shoes and shirt. He lifted the blankets and got into bed with me. It had started innocently one night off world.

I had a nightmare, another one of Jolinar's memories. Before I knew it, I was in my CO's arms and being soothed and told that I was safe. It was awkward the next day, but all I said was thank you and if I could ever return the favor, my door was always open. He didn't even have to knock. I would be there for him, no questions asked.

So that's how this "arrangement" started.

It was never about sex. It had to do with comforting each other and keeping the demons at bay.

We did have one rule: no talking.

No talking because talking lead to thinking and thinking was bad. It would make what we were doing wrong, so therefore, no talking was allowed. We both accepted that.

So here we were in my bedroom. Teal'c, Daniel, and Cassie on the other side of the door, and Jack and I in my bed. He reached out and gathered me into his arms. My back to his chest my head under his chin. I could feel his warmth and the faint smell of his aftershave. I could feel the tears wanting to fall.

I had been in soldier mode too long. A sob escaped my lips and he held me closer, murmuring that it was all right to cry.

That's all it took. The floodgates that I had been withholding came down. I was a blubbering mess as I turned to face him. I buried my face into his neck and held him tightly while the rest of my body shook with grief. I could feel him rubbing my back, just letting me cry.

It lasted a few minutes, but then it finally subsided. "Is the door locked?" I found myself asking in a whispered tone.

He said he'd made sure. I turned around so he was spooned against me. I positioned my head under his chin again as he gathered me into his arms. Whispering in my ear, he said to get some sleep, that we had a long day tomorrow. I yawned and said goodnight, snuggling closer.

I could feel his breath in my ear and right when I was about to fall into a deep sleep, I heard him whisper.

"I love you, Sam".

My eyes opened in shock. I must have been dreaming, but I wasn't asleep. I could feel him snuggle closer to me and give me a kiss on my cheek. Waiting for it to all sink in, I turned around so that my face was close to his ear. I whispered back.

"I love you too."

Feeling him stiffen, I buried my face into his chest and shut my eyes. I knew I had crossed our invisible line and broken our unwritten rule. I should have just pretended to be asleep. I didn't know what to do. I felt his hand under my chin, tilting it to his face. My eyes were still shut, not wanting to look into his eyes. Not wanting to see the regret or to hear an apology.

"Sam?"

I didn't answer.

"Sam," he whispered again, "open your eyes. I know you're not asleep."

Hesitantly, I open my eyes. "What," was all I could say.

"Did you say what I think you said?"

I paused, finally answering him. "Yes. I just repeated what you said to me." Still looking into his eyes, he came closer, cupping my face with his hands and placing a kiss on my lips. Wrapping my arms around his neck, the kiss intensified.

He wasn't gentle, but at the moment I didn't care. The raw intimacy of the kiss was leaving me breathless and wanting more. With a groan Jack started to let his hands roam. Running his fingers through my hair only made him want to do it more.

I didn't want to stop, and when his hand started to pull at my shirt, I knew I couldn't stop.

I helped him pull up my shirt and slipped of my pants. Kissing the side of my neck, I was close to losing control until we both heard the scream.

Scrabbling out of bed, I grabbed the closest thing on the floor and was out the door, running to Cassie's room.

Inside, I found Daniel and Teal'c comforting Cassie. When I came near, Daniel stood up so that I could take her into my arms. I tried to sooth her pain. Daniel gave me an angry look and left the room. Teal'c said if I needed anything that he would be right outside. Jack was leaning against the doorframe watching. Within a half hour, Cassie had calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Closing the door behind me, I smelled coffee and walked into the kitchen. Daniel looked like he had sobered up. Jack just looked upset.

I asked what was wrong as I got a cup of coffee. Daniel looked up from his cup at me with disgust.

"I would have expected something like this from Jack, but you, Sam."

I was puzzled. "What are you talking about, Daniel?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Jack here won't say anything, and I'd expected more from you."

Losing my patience, I asked again. "What are you talking about, Daniel. You're not making any sense."

Daniel got up and refilled his cup.

"Nice shirt, Sam."

Trying to grasp what he was saying, I looked down at what I was wearing and went into shock. In my haste to get to Cassie, I had picked up Jack's shirt and was wearing it.

"How do you think Janet would feel if she knew that while her daughter was crying out in pain, her best friend was screwing her CO."

The cup fell out of my hands and I stepped back. Jack pounced on Daniel and grabbed him by the shirt, threatening him that he had better apologize. Hearing the commotion, Teal'c came in from outside and tried to restrain Jack from hurting Daniel any further. All I could do was run back to my room, with Daniel's words ringing in my ears.

To be continued.