So here he was standing in front of this door in Lowtown. It was too close to the Alienage for his taste and the individual he sought inside was a mage. Was every decision he made fueled by fear, hate, pain? And then there was revenge. It was revenge that made him lie and then kill Hadreana. It was the hate and pain of what he felt he had become that drove him into the Hawke's arms. Finally it was the intense fear and powerlessness that made him leave her. It was his actions to emotions so powerful inside himself that he waited too long to ask forgiveness. And now Hawke was with Anders. The Mage had wasted no time in procuring himself next to her. Anders had moved in and the idea of ever reconciling with Hawke was gone forever. Fenris unconsciously rubbed the red bit of fabric tied to his wrist.
"Come on Broody, are you going to stand here all night? Maybe this woman can help you. At the least I hear she brews a mean ale", Pushed his dwarf companion.
"She is a mage." Fenris said darkly.
"The best healers always are."
"That is a matter of opinion."
Varric was the one who suggested he seek out the herbalist of Lowtown. He had seen Fenris wearing the red fabric, witnessed Anders moving in with Hawke, and watched as the broody elf's expression became pained when in the presence of both of them. Putting 1 and 2 together wasn't hard for the clever and resourceful dwarf. So Varric had heard about this herbalist from the local Midwife who often came into the Hangman at varied hours of the day or night. Living at the Lowtown pub had its advantages, Ale, fuel for his stories and most important information. "Aye, the mage has the most interesting talent. Seems to be able to sooth them most brutal of pains, both of the body and the heart. I seen her calm colicky babies and console heartbroken mother that loosen their babes. I hear it said, just rumor mind ya, that she helped a bloke remember himself after gett'en a nasty bump on the head and forgotten who he was."
"Really," Varric remarked and bought the woman another pint," How is it, the Templars have missed this apostate?"
"Oh don't go calling her that, its rude. Anyway, I hear the Templers have visited her but they seem to let her be. Seems the rumor is that they don't rightly forget her or visiting her, just…they don't remember she can do the things she does. If you ask me she probably is giving them the slip by erasing that particular part of their memories. Anyways, that's why everyone calls her the herbalist and not a healer to keep her safe. That and she can magic plants into being real potent."
Varric looked side long at Fenris,"Are you going to knock or do I have to do that too?"
Fenris raised his hand to knock.
"Remember seven rhythmic knocks." Varric interrupted.
Fenris knocked the seven times while scowling at the dwarf.
The door opened up and a female shadow stood before them.
"What!? No password? "Varric complained.
"Forget it. I heard you two the whole way up the street." A melodic but sarcastic voice answered.
"Did you magically hear us coming? Wow, that's amazing."
"No, I was on the roof tending my plants when I thought I heard an old bickering couple at my door step."
"Madam, I'm insulted."
"That's not all your going to be if you keep standing there complaining."
"I never…"
"And you'll never know whether I can help or get to see if my ale is that good."
"So you heard everything."
"Pretty much, Yup."
"Uh" Varric turned to Fenris, "I don't know about you but I like her." He promptly crossed the threshold.
It had been a long time since Fenris had smiled or chuckled but he couldn't help himself watching the exchange at Varric's expense.
He followed Varric into the warm room. The first thing Fenris noticed was that the inside of the dwelling was well maintained and smelled of herbs and spices. But what took his breath away was when the Herbalist turned around. There in front of them was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her skin was creamy perfection; her cheeks were flushed rose from working. She had warm brown hair that was streaked blond but it was her eyes that Fenris fixated on. Green or blue they kept changing as she moved across the room towards the hearth. Then in the fire light he could see they also contained flecks of gold. Fenris had never seen eyes like hers. He heard Varric take an audible intake of breath. She looked up and smiled, "Take a seat gentlemen. How can I help you?"
Varric fumbled into his chair and it took Fenris some effort to not do the same. Her eyes were so alluring and in combination with her smile small as it was, Fenris had to remind himself she was a mage and this all could be part of her power.
"My name is Varric and this fine figure of an Elf is Fenris. The midwife didn't mention that the herbalist of Lowtown was a stunning beauty."
"Well, I guess I'm not her type. Please to meet you, people in Kirkwall call me Sage."
"Fitting for an… herbalist." Fenris said with slight bit of sarcasm.
Sage looked at Fenris with a raised eyebrow. "I have never called myself an herbalist, that title was bestowed on me by the good people of Lowtown. I have no illusions of who or what I am. Can you say the same Fenris? "Little wolf" in Tevinter, right? Or are you the big bad wolf knocking on my door?"
The sound of his name on her lips sent chills down his spine. "I apologize; I did not come here to bicker with someone I have just met. If I seem ungrateful it's because my past experiences with mages has not been pleasant."
"I assume that your tattoos have something to do with your experience. Well, I'm not the fire throwing or freeze you where you stand type of mage, so you're safe there."
"What about memory altering?" Fenris shuttered a little.
Sage gave Fenris a cocked look and then turned to Varric, "What tales has the Midwife been spinning now?"
Varric spoke first, "She might have mentioned stories about Templers forgetting who you are."
"There are two or three Templers who have sought my help with their lyrium addiction. If they are dodging the Chantry on my whereabouts I would understand, and I am grateful."
"And the man with the bump to the head?" Varric asked.
"That one is true, however the man in question had it in him to recover his memory. I just made the process quicker and less painful. I don't go around altering people's memories."
"But you can do it?"
"It's unethical so I don't make a habit of it…but I have in the past as a last resort…I haven't done it for years… not intentionally anyway."
"Not intentionally?" Fenris commented
"Yes I'm sure you both have felt it from the minute you walked in. You're waiting for me to tell you to do something."
Fenris scoffed, then it dawned on him that he and Varric where too attentive to her voice. "Venhedis"
Sage looked at Fenris with a knowing look," You think I like it? I think you both could use that drink and then let us get back to why you're here."
Sage served her ale and then sat back with a look of satisfaction as Varric had to control himself not to gulp down the whole pint at once. "That is the smoothest ale I have ever had the pleasure of drinking, and is that a hint of fruit I taste?" Varric remarked. Fenris noticed that after a long pull the compulsion to keep making eye contact with his host started to abate. Sage noticed the change in Fenris' intensity.
She answered his questioning eyes, "I have found that a certain combination of elements fermented help to decrease that part of my …abilities."
"Yeah! And it tastes good too", Varric piped in.
Fenris explained his situation of being a former slave, the history of his markings and the wiped out memories of his past. He mentioned that at some point the memories came back for a short period but then were lost again. Sage caught the fact that he did not include how that happened and by the pained look on his face while describing the experience she thought it better not to ask. Fenris mentioned learning of having a sister but not being able to remember he could not trust whether this was true or not and did not want to pursue the notion if there was no merit in it.
"What you're asking then is if I can help retrieve this memory of a sister or are you looking to retrieve all your lost memories?" Sage inquired
"Well I don't expect t to remember everything but yes as much as possible I suppose." Fenris' features softened for a moment at the hope this was possible and Sage got a glimpse of the elf's true nature.
"First I have to say Fenris, memories are tricky things. On a normal day most people don't remember small trivial things unless there is some strong emotion tied to it. Then there are things that happen to us that we forget on purpose because they are too horrific to relive. If I do this, if I can do this, we could potentially be pulling things up that are better left alone."
Fenris considered this for a long time. His brows knitted in concentration as he mentally weighted his pros and cons. Sage waited patiently while sipping her drink giving Fenris time to decide. During the long interval it did not escape her that Fenris was rather handsome. It was a given that the elves were a handsome race but Fenris was more than that; he had a dark deeper appeal. Varric was just about to say something from too much silence in the room when Fenris looked up at them both."I want to take that chance, even if I can only remember a small part. It will be worth it."
"Alright, let's start small then, maybe if this sister of yours is for real." Sage nodded and smiled looking straight into Fenris.
For a moment Fenris felt unarmed again this woman's beauty. Even after finishing his pint she was by far more beautiful than Hawke or any Orlesian highborn he had seen. He could feel she was warm and kind even with all her sarcasm. Maybe that was how she protected others from her magic. She did not intend to manipulate anyone, only to help. He was going to have to trust her and he really wanted to, but all his experiences taught him that was not wise.
Sage sensed Fenris' lack of total trust, but it was not that important right now. Maybe later he would see that not all mages were Hell-bent for destruction.
Sage refilled Fenris' tankard, "Drink up, you need to be more relaxed and I'll leave the pitcher here for you Varric."
"How very kind of you, Sage." Varric smiled took the pitcher from her.
Fenris quickly emptied his drink and Sage moved behind him. "I need to touch you. Are you going to be ok with that?" Sage asked flatly.
Fenris stiffened a little, "Do what you must." Then he turned to Varric,"This better be worth it."
"Fine drink and a beautiful woman's company, I'd say it already is." Varric chuckled
Sage shook her head and rolled her eyes, "I promise this is not going to hurt but it may be a new and strange sensation for you. Just try to stay relaxed. " Sage put her finger tips at Fenris' temples and started to massage them slowly.
Fenris could not keep his eyes open. Her touch was warm, soothing and a bit sensuous. He surrendered to her and without any further resistance he relaxed and fell into a deep reverie. Varric watched amazed at the elf's state. He had never seen Fenris so vulnerable and peaceful. All the pain, the brooding and stress just flowed out of him. Then Fenris' markings started to glow not the harsh white light that Fenris invoked before plunging his fist into someone's chest but a soft blue glow. But Sage was glowing as well a golden hue came from her. Varric was transfixed on the scene.
It was spring; two elfin children were playing in a yard while their mother was hanging up the laundry. The little boy laughed and called out, " Varianna look what I have found." The little elf girl ran to her brother there in his hands was a small tree frog. "Oh it's so tiny." She stood looking down at his prize. Fenris watched as an outsider looking in. He felt unsure if this was truly memory or some pretty desire his mind had cooked up to pacify him. "Trust in yourself" he heard a soft gentle voice and then saw Sage standing next to him. "These are images of your past." Fenris turned to look again and watched as the pair moved toward a large tree."See through the eyes of your childhood." Sage whispers into his ear. In that instant Fenris was looking at his own hands. There was the tiny green frog and he stood before the tree it seemed so much larger than it did moment ago. He turned as the Woman, his mother, called out.
"Varianna! Le….." His mother's words stifled. He turned to his sister "Come on L….. Mother wants us."
Why couldn't he hear his name? He started to tense, the memory started to unravel it morphed and melted away. His mothers face he couldn't see it. The world around him started to slip away again and then his mother's eyes turned red and everything went black except for those eyes. Out of the blackness a great black wolf appeared. Fenris panicked he tried to strike out at the beast. It snarled its large sharp fangs. Fenris started to invoke his lyrium markings but a pair of loving calming arms wrapped around him. "Easy, you're, ok, you are safe. Relax I am with you, Varric is with you." Fenris opened his eyes and found Sage was holding him from behind her lips touching, whispering in his ear; Varric hiding behind his own chair. "Ansdraste's flaming tits, I thought you were going to fry us all for a second."
Sage did not let go until Fenris realized where he was. Even then she kept her hand on his shoulder then held his hand in her own as she moved in front of him. He was unaccustomed to being touched but he didn't want her to let go. Sage stroked the top of his hand "What did you bring back?" He looked at her still a little foggy, "I have a sister. I remember playing in our master's yard but then…"
"Someone has gone though a lot of very ancient and dangerous magic to make you forget. The wards on your mind are strong ones. It's going to take time and I don't know if you'll ever remember completely." Sage patted him on the shoulder and then withdrew her hand. Fenris suddenly felt alone and longed for her touch.
"So what do we owe you my dear lady?" Varric started to move out from behind the chair.
"I would pay my own debts Varric," Fenris stated flatly in his old voice
Varric snorted, "With what? Your broody charm?"
"Actually, I'd rather barter." Interrupted Sage. "I need someone to accompany me when I travel outside of Kirkwall to gather plants and ingredients for my potions and brews."
"Say no more I will do this whenever you need me." Fenris rose from the chair.
"Good then, we have a deal." Sage put out her hand for Fenris to shake. He met her squarely and they shook on it. Again, he had to let go and for some reason that made him feel reluctant to leave, but Varric hustled him out the door. "Come on Broody, I got the feeling you're going to be seeing a lot of the Herbalist."