AN: this is a one shot that I came up with while reading Emmett Buys a Puppy (my favorite funny Fanfic[cool alliteration!]) I was reading chapter 40 and Bella and Edward have a flying puppy drop a vase with a note on Emmett's head and the note was signed -B and E then I randomly thought 'what does Ben and—.' Well the E part didn't really fit so I thought of whose name started with a J and came up with a one shot!

EmPOV

After my moron of a brother decided to leave Bella I automatically disagreed with it. Of course only Alice backed me up… lets just say the convincing of staying… didn't go to well. Carlisle said I could stay… but I wouldn't be able to contact Bella or go to school because she would see me.

Then I figured I could spy on her and leave her anonymous notes… but apparently my thought process gave me away… aka the 'stupid dumbass mind reader!' thought that followed.

Oh then there was a few things wrong with my plan…

1. her dad's a cop and if he caught me I would be in trouble…

2. she might actually get scared because she's getting anonymous notes…

3. Rosalie didn't agree to it and refused to stay with me…

4. and everyone knows of the plan…

… yeah apparently I didn't think that through.

Now I have to leave my little sis and move because of my stupid brother.

They won't be able to stop me from coming back.

A year later:

I had gotten back to Forks and met up with Bella a few months ago(aka left my family[aka left my wife{aka she cheated on me with the moron}])… but when I did she told me about her new and happy life… she said that I nor any fucking person who left her should come back because she was finally happy. Then she tells me that she is happy with A MUT! Yup she is in love with a werewolf.

Of course after a lot of persuading and apologizing I finally got Bella to forgive and forget… well mostly… but her boyfriend was the most difficult to convince. Though now we are almost like brothers it didn't go without effort.

Currently I have decided to make fun of Bella and Jacob… not such a good move. They kicked me out of their new house and went to Chicago for a few days.

I walked up to their hotel room and read the note on the door.

Go fuck yourself Emmett

-B and J

P.S. LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!

With that I got confused. "What does Ben and Jerry have to do with me fucking myself and why do they want me to leave them alone?" I asked no one in particular… but of course people heard me.

The door opened and I got hit in the back of the head by an annoyed Jacob. "No you idiot Bella and I NOT Ben and Jerry!" He grabbed my upper arm and threw me in to the room. "I thought we told you to get lost!" He said while taking a seat on a couch.

"And that's what I did! I got lost! But I ended up here!" I said and threw my hands up in the air.

They looked at me like I grew another head. Bella spoke, "So… you… got lost… and wound up here…" She shook her head and put her head in her hands.

Jacob did the same then shouted, "WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET RID OF HIM!!!"