Fred and George's Great Escape
Having spent seventeen years sharing a room with him, George Weasley knew when his twin brother Fred was awake.
"I know you're not sleeping Fred," said George.
"Trying to," mumbled Fred.
"Fred," said George, "C'mere a minute,"
"You come here,"
"No, you come here,".
"You're the one who wants me to go there, why can't you just come over here?"
"Because your bed is closer,".
"My bed is closer to your bed than your bed is closer to my bed?"
"That precisely,"
"Sod off, George, I'm trying to sleep,"
"Please mate. This is important,"
"Oh well, if it's important I must go and help instantly," said Fred sarcastically.
"Very funny. I'm coming over,".
George rolled out of bed and crossed the room to his twin's four-poster. Fred was lying on his back with this shirt buttons undone.
"What is it?" Fred asked, "Surely it can't be important enough to make you move your lazy arse out of bed and over here, can it?"
"It can be. Fred, this is possibly the most important thing I'll ever tell you in my life,"
"Wow. I don't wanna miss this,"
"Fred, I think we should leave,"
"You think we should leave? What, Hogwarts?"
George nodded. "Umbridge has taken our Quidditch , and that was the only thing worth staying here for. Now she's headmistress!"
"So what are you suggesting?" said Fred slowly.
"I dunno. That's why I'm asking you,".
"I dunno George. Leaving? Running away? Seems a bit drastic,"
"Come on Fred," cried George, punching his brother's pillow forcefully, "Quidditch has been the only thing that's kept us here for the last six years and now Umbitch has taken that. We've got enough stock and Lee mentioned a shop going up for sale in Diagon Alley . What have we got to lose?"
"Umbitch, that's quite funny," said Fred quietly.
"yeah, I know, Hilary made it up in Charms," grinned George. "Go on, tell me what we've got to lose?"
"Well…I suppose there's girls," conceded Fred..
"For God's sake, Fred, you're still not hung up about Angelina at the Yule Ball? Come off it, you were drunk, she was drunk, it was a one night stand. Well, a one night stand but without the sex. Anyway, you're not the only one who'll be leaving someone behind," added George, sniffing.
Fred sat bolt upright. "You're not..you didn't…you haven't…WHAT?"
George scratched he back of his head. "Well it was sort of…couple of weeks ago…you know is Transfiguration when you got sent out for throwing dungbombs at Adam Grenada,"
"Ah, he had it coming. He called me a tangerine!"
"D'you want to know or not. Well, Alicia and me both bent down to get our bags at the same time, to get out the other textbook, and she just sort of…kissed me,"
Fred's eyes went wide. "You are so lying, George Weasley,"
"Am not! You can ask her!"
"I know you, George, I can tell when you're lying!"
"How?"
"Because I look exactly the same when I'm lying!"
"Oh yeah. I forgot we have the same face,"
"Lucky you. The thought haunts me night and day,"
"Shut up, I'm the good-looking one. You have a freckle under your left eyebrow which is is frankly disgusting,"
"Your whole face is disgusting,"
"You just insulted yourself, Fred! Anyway, your Mum's face is disgusting,"
"We have the same Mum, mororn! Stop changing the subject. You did SO not kiss Alicia in Transfiguration.
George pursed his lips. "Alright then, fine, she didn't kiss me, I made the whole thing up,"
"Ha! I knew it!"
"But seriously, Fred-"
"Seriously? Did George Weasley just say seriously? Blimey!"
"OK, not seriously," admitted George, who had never said or done anything serious in his life, "We shouldn't' keep hanging round here. Who gives a damn about NEWTs?" he punched Fred's pillow again, "Not when we're going to open the most successful joke shop in the country! Who cares about Umbridge and her stupid rules and Inquisitorial Squad rubbish? We need out!"
"D'you know, George," said Fred, a smile creeping across his face, "I think you might be right,"
"I'm always right," said George, folding his arms, "Talk t you in the morning. I'm going back to bed,".
"What about the time you said Kenya were going to win the World Cup?"
"OK, well maybe I was wrong them, but every other time," said George, climbing back under his duvet.
"What about the time when you said that it was impossible to drink six Butterbeers in under a minute?"
"You cheated, you threw up afterwards!"
"Still drank 'em. Rules didn't say anything about what happened after,"
"AND you burned your tongue and has to drink through a straw for a week," George laughed, "Good times,".
"What about the time when-"
"Shuddup, Fred,"
"Or when you said-"
"I'm going to sleep,"
"And then there was-"
"Zzzzz,".
Fred and George went down to breakfast the next morning planning their great escape.
"We could climb out of the window?" suggested Fred
"Nah, too subtle. We want to be spectacular!"
"Blow the castle up?"
"Then we'd all die,"
"We wouldn't die, everyone else would. We would be miles away,"
"But everyone else would die,"
"So? Irritating little gits, the lot of 'em, aren't they?"
"Mmm, maybe, but I don't think it's really what we're after,".
The twin sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Harry and Hermione, opposite Ron and lee Jordan.
"What are you two on about?" asked Lee. Simultaneously, Fred and George lifted their right hands to their mouths and moved it across their lips. Lee rolled his eyes and filled his mouth with egg.
"Don't do that," moaned Hermione, as George drained a glass of orange juice.
"What, drink orange juice?" asked George
"No, that, that…thing you do where you do something at the same time,"
"Oh, this?"
Simultaneously, Fred and George lifted their left hands and unzipped their mouths.
"Yes! It's creepy! It makes me think I've got double vision!"
"Shame she can't see two of you, Ronald, then she might realise that you fanc-OW!"
Ron kicked Fred under the table to shut him up. Fred sighed and went back to his bacon.
The twins were sitting in the back of Charms playing noughts and crosses in the back of Fred's text book.
"Haha, I win!" said George, adding one onto his tally of won games, "Four hundred and fifty seven to you, five hundred and twelve to me,".
"Yeah ,but I'm wining the hangman," said Fred, tapping the back of George's book where the hangman tournament was being held, and had been for the last two and a half years.
"Would the two Weasleys quieten down back there?" called Professor Flitwick from the front, "and could either of you tell me which charm you would use to re-attach a leg to a chair?"
"Allumenti finadomi, " said Fred.
"Correct. One point to Gryffindor,"
"One?"
"Anymore disruption and I'll be taking one, Weasley," warned Flitwick ,but the twins knew that the elderly professor made idle threats, even for the loss of one house point.
"Any ideas for the Great Escape?" whispered Fred once Flitwick had turned his back on them.
"No. Great Escape's quite a good name. Where d'you get it from?"
"Oh, it's a Muggle name. One of those moving picture things, you know?"
"Cool. I can't think of anything spectacular enough for our Great Escape yet,"
"You know, George-" began Fred
""I do know George, he's sitting on this seat, wearing my clothes and talking to you right now," interrupted his twin.
"Shut up and listen. I reckon, George, that we could use the stock,"
"For the shop?"
"Yeah. Like, I dunno, using a Skiving Snack box to get ourselves into the hospital wing and escape on a bed,"
"You maybe be onto something there, Fred old boy," said George.
"Weasley!" yelled Flitwick, The twins looked up.
"You have your NEWTs coming up in three months! Do you want your grades to be as bad as they were in your OWLs?"
"Well…"
"Alright, don't answer that. Just pay attention!"
Fred sighed.
"Hangman time?" suggested George, "Come on, I've got a really good once…"
Later, the twins were sitting in the common room surrounded by a knot of fist and second years.
"Any of those ton-tongue toffees? My maybe tripped me up on purpose and I need to get back at him,"
"Nosebleed Nougat, please, I can't bear another Divination lesson!"
"Do you still have any of those hats like you did before?"
"Alright, alright!" said George loudly, "Everyone write down what they want on this parchment. We'll get back to you as soon as we can,"
Fred and George left the younger kids squabbling over quills and who went first the queue, and sat down with Angelina, Alicia and lee.
"What are you two up to?" asked Alicia
"Us? Up to something? When are we ever up to something?" George batted his eyelids at her.
"When are you ever not?"
"You two are planning something, I can tell," said Lee.
"Well," said George.
"Maybe there's a chance," said Fred.
"A really tiny little chance," said George.
"That we're up to something," finished George.
"So that's a yes," said Angelina.
"And that something is…?" said Lee.
In unison, Fred and George folded their arms, crossed their legs, and leaned backwards in their chairs.
"Aaw, come on!" said Lee. In unison, the twins shook their heads.
"Give us a clue!" said Alicia. Fred and George looked at each other and grinned but didn't say anything.
"Pleeease, Freddie," said Angelina, shuffling up beside him, giving him her best smile and fluttering her eyelids. Fred considered this for a moment. Then he whispered,
"Well, me and George were thinking -ow!"
George hit him on the arm as hard as he could.
"Shut up!" he hissed, "She'll tell everyone and we can't risk getting busted. Don't' get all cute on us, Angelina," he warned, "It won't work,".
Angelina laughed. "I think I just proved it does,".
That night, Fred and George stayed up discussing their plans.
"Sneak the Daydream Potion into everyone's glasses at breakfast and make a break for it while they're drooling over their sausages?"
"Use some of the Peruvian instant darkness power and sneak away unnoticed?"
"George, when do we EVER want to do anything unnoticed?"
"Point taken. Stuff ourselves full of canary creams and fly away?"
"Good one. Bit risky tough. What if we fell out of the sky? And yellow's not your colour,"
"Hmm, come on, think! We need something that'll really make us go with a bang,"
Fred sat bolt upright. "What did you just say?"
"We need something that'll make us go with a bang. You need to wash your ears out Fred Weasl-"
The same thought that had Fred a few seconds earlier struck George. The twins turned and looked at each other.
"Weasley's Wildfire Whizzbangs!" they said together.
"Now," grinned George, "Now Fred, we are talking. We are talking!"
"Twin handshake?"
Fred and George's hands reached out towards each other, slapped forwards, backwards, fists in the middle, foot to foot, elbow to elbow, slap backwards again and then again with both hands.
"Up to no good!" they said together.
Authors' Note 2019: Thanks a lot for reading. This story is nearly nine years old and to be honest I find it pretty cringeworthy now. I've thought about deleting it a couple of times, but for some reason it still gets quite a lot of hits and favourites. So thank you very much for adding to the hit-count. I've written lots more Harry Potter fic lately, so feel free to check out any of my more recent stories. Thanks again.