Day One
Dear Daryl,
I really do not know how I am coping. It has been a day, not a very good one, well at least from my perspective. All I can see is a gray sky and clouds and rain. It's like you took the light with you when you left. I can still remember it clear as day, considering it was only yesterday anyway.
Rick carried your body back, you weren't far out from camp. It wasn't your fault. You didn't see it coming and I bet that you are blaming yourself for your death. You were trapped and Rick was. Those guys shot you in the shoulder and now that daddy isn't around anymore and Bob was out on a run with Maggie... you bled out. I stayed with you, those last breaths you took telling me that you'd be fine and we'd live through this. I was crying, and for once in my entire existence I saw you cry.
"Merle is gonna be there with you," I told you. "You don't have to be scared, you aren't alone." I kissed you one last time, it was precious. You closed those sweet blue eyes that I never have the chance to tell you how much I loved them. I know I'm a hypocrite but does it matter anymore? Yes, I did say that we all have jobs to do and we can't cry anymore, but I lost you. Daryl Dixon, the man who opened himself up to me, let me in, and for that I am forever grateful. That was in a book Maggie had brought back for me from the run, 'The Fault In Our Stars' I think it was.
You told me you loved me before you went. That was the last words you spoke, and as much as it seemed a cliche thing to say, it was perfect. You asked me to do it, to kill you while you were still living, but I turned you down. I had Rick do it once you were dead. How could I look at you and stab a knife into your head? I don't know maybe it would have been nice I guess but I couldn't.
We held a funeral today for you. The church grounds were clear and we'd fenced it off just like you had suggested we do. Since daddy wasn't here anymore I figured that I'd say some words about you, they were sappy but they were honest Daryl. They went something along the lines of...
"I'm not going to talk about how much Daryl meant to me or how much he was appreciated. We can all face that fact that Daryl has saved our lives countless times before. But Daryl, he was a good person. There are still good people in the world, I told him that countless times. Eventually he saw it.
When we were all split up, Daryl and I we spent a lot of time together. I remember one time we were in the camp he made and I wanted a drink, he threw me a bottle of water and when I protested he followed me. We eventually found a shack and moonshine, it was on of the best days of my life. Daryl told me he was an asshole when he was drunk, but Daryl Dixon could never ever be an asshole even if he tried.
We all loved Daryl more than he knew, he was so reluctant to affection that I'm pretty sure if you'd saw a guy like that outside the Apocalypse you'd be convinced he was gay. But, Daryl, he was the light of my life and now the light has gone. But, we all have jobs to do."
I couldn't end it being emotional Daryl, you never liked it when I cried and I wouldn't cry in front of them. Maggie knew me all to well and soon found me. We sat for hours on hours where I would talk to her about how much I loved you and how much I wanted to make you see that.
My biggest regret about your death was that no matter how much I wanted to, you never let me have moonshine again. Daryl, that drink, probably the best drink I've ever had in my life. It's our drink, nobody could take that away from us. I have to go now, I wanted to go on watch with Michonne. Rick found it fitting that I had your crossbow, but I don't know what to do with it Daryl, I can use it you taught me to. But, I can never use it like you.
I miss you, I love you, I always have. Beth x (P.S I'm sorry for the tear stains, I couldn't help it this time)