DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans or Doom Patrol or any of the characters mentioned herein.

He could do this.

He was a hero.

He was a Titan.

Before that he was a child warrior in the legendary Doom Patrol.

After nearly 25 years of living, more than 16 of those superheroing, he's done or seen just about anything one could imagine. He's done battle with countless villains and villainesses alike. He's fought monsters, fiends, freaks, and horrors beyond imagination. He's confronted that and more, so much more, and he's beaten them all.

But this ….

This was truly horrific!

Even with all his years of training and experience this was a challenge he found himself ill prepared to face.

But face it he must ….

And face it alone!

So goes the life of the hero known as the Changeling of the Titans formerly BeastBoy of the Teen Titans.

This situation was unlike any he had ever faced before. The sheer immensity of it dwarfed all others in comparison. He could not believe something so seemingly tiny could create some much of something so foul it boggled the mind. The …. the … nastiness … the sheer nastiness of it all was an all out assault on his senses.

To look at it was painful, but he was unable to look away. The circumstances of the situation demanded he look at it and it was vile! It was truly hideous to behold. The mere sight was an affront to all that was beautiful and good in the world. Serious, he thought, how could anything look THAT nasty!

And the smell! Oh dear lord the smell. Never had he cursed his amazing senses as he was doing right now. That odor was so foul, so noxious, so unbelievably stinktastic that he doubted it was a natural occurrence and not some villain's evil concoction created in a laboratory environment.

Steeling himself for the next assault he reached to touch it. Gross! It even felt as nasty as it looked and smelled. Fighting the urge to recoil from this vileness, he held fast and pushed forward. Ever forward into the fray he made himself endure.

'Uhhggg!…' he thought 'it's everywhere! Gross!'

Bravely and swiftly did he work to ride the world of this hideous substance. However, even with his inherent talent for accomplishing what needed to be done, even with this his most valiant efforts, he was not winning this battle. Forces conspired against him. Forces he could not control.

Victory was not looking too good.

Swallowing his pride he knew even the greatest of all heroes would call for help when it was needed.

"Raven!" he shouted.

No answer was forthcoming.

"Raven!" he tried again.

Letting out a frustrated growl as the panic threaten to consume him he tried once more to call for assistance from the one person he felt he could count on in THIS or ANY situation.

"Raven! Honey! Yoo-hoo! The hubbykins could use a hand over her!" he cried voice laced with desperation.

The answer was slow in coming, but it did come.

"The hubbykins should quite his whining and learn to clean up his own messes if he knows what's good for him and to stop bothering his exhausted wife and mother of his child. The child, I might add, he feed chili to when she specifically told him not to!" she warned from the adjacent room.

He gulped.

"Aww but honey he loved it! You should have seen him gulp it down. Better than that strained snot we've been feeding him." He whined. (Yes whined)

"Gar …" she growled " just because he's eating solid foods now doesn't mean you feed a baby anything and everything. His system can handle that 'strained snot'. It cannot handle adult foods' especially hot & spicy foods like your so-called famous vegetarian chili. As perfectly evidence from what he's been leaving in his diaper, which by the way you better be changing in there."

Ok he had to give her than one. Little Branden's poo-poos after eating the chili, which he absolutely loved, where pretty damn nasty. But he needs help! The baby will not stop squirming and this icky substance refuses to clean up easily. Plus this was like the third diaper in an hour since the super-explosive-green-apple-projectile poopies stared.

Speaking of which …

The only warning the baby gave was his customary grunt he made when making 'number 2'. Gar was lucky enough to be standing off to the side due to his conversation with the wife when the little guy let it fly and fly it did! Easily cleared the changing table and went right up the wall with a loud Splat!

He groaned as he stared at the mess he now had to clean because of his daudeling. As frustrated, annoyed, and disgusted he was with this mess ….. he couldn't help but be impressed with the distance.

"Awww !!! ….. Right up the wall." He groaned as he looked down at his son's smiling face. Obviously his boy was proud of himself at his latest feat of projectile poops. "Sure, look smug about it. You don't have to clean it up. Come on little dude give your dad a break. Huh? Didn't I give you that yummy chili instead of that nasty old mush mommy makes you eat? Wasn't that good?"

The baby shrieked and kicked as happy a baby could and Branden was one happy baby. Of course his antics were not helping his dad who was trying his best to clean his backside while dealing with his constantly moving legs.

Frustrated Gar made one more whinny plea to his wife. "Hey Raven can you help please? He won't stay still long enough for me to clean this goop and ….."

That was as far as his wife allowed him to get with his request.

"Garfield Mark Logan! In about two minutes I'm coming in there and if do not find a squeaky clean baby in a spotlessly clean outfit with a fresh diaper you are going to be in so much trouble mister!"

Changeling gulped.

"Uh oh …. Little dude! She's using full names! This is major serious you gotta help me out. Mommy will kill me if I don't get this done lickity split. Do you understand?" he begged as his hands moved on their own accord. Grabbing those wiggling legs and holding on tight he wiped tushie like his life depended on it. (Because it did!) Going through baby wipes as fast as he could that messy tiny hinny was soon as clean as it could be. Using one more wipe to go over the baby's body giving him that lavender smell his mother loved.

Like a man on a mission his hands glided over their work. Within a minute forty-five seconds the baby was cleaned, lotion and powder applied to said tushie, a fresh diaper securely fastened, then arms and legs shoved into a clean outfit from the pile. Luckily it was the dark blue one with the Batman logo, which was one of Branden's favorites. (His too.)

Done!

Just in the nick of time too since as promised Raven strolled into the room as Gar was clicking the last button into place. He held up his son to show the good job he had done and NOT as a barrier in case she was going to thump him for his whining (again). Little Branden reacted immediately upon seeing his mother. Arms and legs flailing about with a big toothless smile and excited gurgles and grunts demanding she hold him. Raven smiled wide as she took her son from her husband. Once settled against his mother's bosom the little boy pumped his tiny fists and made cute baby noises that probably translated into something along the lines of "Yay Mommy!!".

Raven smiled as she cuddled and kissed her baby body.

"Mmmm ….. that's mommy's little angel. All nice and clean smelling. Such a good boy." She cooed as little Branden continued with his 'excited to be in mommy's arms' antics. Holding the baby close and placing kisses along his head she finally turned to her husband who had been standing off to the side with a hopeful grin plastered on his face. Still mad at him for his stupidity, but thanks to the happy little bundle of pure joy she held in her arms she was unable to really let him have it so she decided to let him off easy.

This time.

"What are you grinning at? Don't forget that his laundry needs to be done and clean up this mess. Uhhgg … that's nasty .….. good distance though." she turned and walked out of the room.

Garfield's grin only grew wider when his sense of 'guy-pride' kicked in.

"Ain't it!"

Ah the life of a hero….