Deliver Me
Wyndemere Spring 2003
Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me
He burst into his study with a frustrated pent up rage that couldn't be calmed. Taking the nearest thing at hand that he could throw, Nikolas Cassidine felt some satisfaction as the ancient statue of some Greek God hit the wall and shattered into miniscule pieces. It didn't matter that the statue was worth thousands of dollars. What mattered was releasing the torture he felt every time he saw his mother. Collapsing onto a plush red sofa, the young Prince leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. His mother was gone, but she wasn't. It took all his courage, all the love he had for her to see her. Still he couldn't desert her. He couldn't not visit Laura. She was his mother! A knock on the door brought him back to reality.
"Yes?" The door to the study opened.
"Mr. Nikolas, Miss Emily Quartermaine is here to see you." Nikolas stood in stark surprise. Emily? He knew she was back in town, but she hadn't come to see him, and with everything go with Laura, he hadn't had time to see her. A bit of heaven come to give him some peace. Em was always a pleasure to see.
"Well, show her in, Mrs. Lansbury, and would you get some iced tea for us?"
"Of course, Mr. Nikolas," Mrs. Lansbury answered respectfully. Within a minute Nikolas saw her, Emily. His heart caught at the sight of his friend. There was something wrong, he could tell. She was smiling, her brown hair cascading about her slender shoulders. She wore jeans and a light yellow top. Still.Nikolas hurried forward, trying to bury his worry with the rest of the concerns that threatened to give him an ulcer.
"Emily! Welcome. I'm so glad to see you." Emily's sheepish grin made Nikolas feel even happier to see her. She hadn't changed. She was still the little girl he had cared for all these years.
"I had to come by," she was saying when Nikolas reached her. He hugged her to him, finding that there was little to hug. She had lost weight, he could tell. Her own hug was fierce. Drawing his friend into the room, they sat together on the plush sofa. Mrs. Lansbury came in and put a pitcher of iced tea and two glasses on the table with some cheese and crackers.
"I'm glad you did," Nikolas answered. "I should have come to see you when I heard you were home. It's just that my uncle is coming home, and then there's my mother and Lucky."
"I heard. I'm sorry about Laura, Nikolas. It must feel like when my mother died. But there's a chance you can get her back." Nikolas sat back on the sofa, eyeing Emily with new respect, but puzzling his guest at the same time.
"What?" she asked.
"You always know what to say. I don't think even Lucky has thought that we really have lost our mother, at least for now. It is like watching her die in front of us. He goes to see her, even though he won't admit it to me. But you are right. Someday, she may come back to us."
"I guess when you've been through bad times." Emily sighed.
"You've definitely been through plenty, Em," Nikolas had to agree. "Em.what's wrong?" Nikolas almost choked on his iced tea at the shocked reply Emily's face gave him. She was nibbling on a cracker. Putting it down, she stared at Nikolas as if he were clairvoyant or something.
"Good grief, Nikolas. When did you get to be so blunt?"
"Me?" Nikolas laughed. "If I can't say what I'm thinking with you, Emily, who can I be honest with? Em, we're friends aren't we?"
"Of course we are."
"No matter what happens, you and Liz and Lucky and I will always have the old days. We have to be able to be honest with each other. Lucky beats around the bush sometimes, but we always protect each other."
"You're a good egg, Nikolas," Emily conceded.
"You haven't answered my question though. I heard you were in the hospital, but you went home so I assumed you were fine. Was I wrong?"
"I'm fine, Nikolas. Rehab was tough, and then college. It was just too much for me." Emily avoided Nikolas' gaze. She stood and walked towards the window. She saw Nikolas' shattered statue on the floor. She looked back at him.
"Having a bad day?" she teased. Nikolas put his tea down and walked over to her.
"Maybe." Nikolas opened the glass door that led from his study into the garden. It was a beautiful spring day. The wind whispered about them as they walked among the blooms and the blossoming trees. Peacefulness surrounded them.
"Why?" Emily asked as they strolled.
"Just worried about my mother and even Lucky. He can't really accept Laura's condition. Neither can I."
"I'm sorry, Nikolas, honest." Emily's frank caring always caught Nikolas' emotions. She was so real, so honest.
"Remember when we thought Lucky died in the fire," he asked suddenly. Emily shuddered a little.
"Do I?" she confirmed. "What a nightmare."
"You were the only one who insisted on making me deal with my grief. Everyone else was worried about Laura or Lulu or Luke or Liz. You were the only one who insisted that I had lost my brother that I deserved to grieve. I've never forgotten that day, Em. It's as if you confirmed that I deserved to have feelings." Nikolas knew his friend would react as she did. She put both her hands in his, and drew him to her.
All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through
"Nikolas, do you still feel that way?" she asked. "As if you have to ask permission to actually express your emotions?"
"Sometimes. Most times," Nikolas admitted. "How come you're the only person in the world I can have these conversations with?"
"Because I'm the only one who knows the real Nikolas maybe. I'm surprised Gia didn't release the man imprisoned in there." Nikolas kept Emily's hand in his as they walked. He sighed.
"Gia and I just never got to that point. Sometimes I think she felt as though I thought I was too good for her."
"Well." Emily laughed. "You can give that message." At first Nikolas was offended until he realized Emily was right.
"Brat," he teased. "I was raised to be a Prince. Can I help it if that comes through sometimes? You don't care. Besides Stefan and Alexis, you're almost the only one who doesn't."
"Nikolas, I'm not perfect. You better take me off that pedestal or I guarantee I'll fall off."
"That's okay. I'm not perfect either." They sat down on a cement bench in the garden with the birds singing around them and the fragrance of the flowers dazzling them.
"I know that," Emily giggled.
"How's Zander?" Nikolas asked, thinking of the times he had heard from Liz that Em and Zander were back to together. Emily stood up, her waist accentuated by her jeans, her hair shimmering in the sun. Nikolas suddenly felt as though he wanted only to hold her close, to protect her from what was eating her up inside, and to love her for always. Why had he let her get away, he cursed to himself. Standing, he walked over to her, standing next to her as she gazed at a small pond where a family of ducks were cruising around the green/blue water.
"Zander's fine. He's a good man," Emily conceded. She sat on the grass. Nikolas sat with her.
"But?" he wondered. Emily slowly lifted her troubled brown eyes to Nikolas' face. Their gaze met as an electric shock passed between them. Instantly, Emily looked down at the green grass, picking at the little strands with her hands while she spoke.
"Zander wants too much from me. He wants me to be what I can't be."
"Like Gia wants from me," Nikolas concurred. "I'm sorry, Em." Still looking down, Emily shook her head.
"It's not just that," she denied. "He loves me. He really loves me. But I can't give him the woman he wants. I don't want to. I can't be honest with him, because I'm afraid he can't deal with.with me or my problems."
"If he loves you, Emily, you have to let him help you." Emily shook her head.
"He can't deal with it," she answered, her voice so soft that Nikolas barely heard. He lifted her chin. Unable to hold back his basic desires, his lips screaming for the woman who sat in front of him, Nikolas leaned forward, and kissed Emily. Nikolas was afraid she was going to pull back, that she was going to tell him he was wrong, that she didn't care for him. Instead as his lips consumed hers, as her scent drove him crazy, she returned his kiss. Abruptly she pulled away, starting to stand up. Nikolas pulled her back.
"Em? Where are you going?" he demanded. She had to sit back down. She didn't have a choice. Nikolas' hand held hers in an iron grip. He loosened it so he wouldn't hurt her. Her face was almost tortured by her pain. He knew it wasn't him that was tearing her apart, but if not, then what?
"Emily, I think I love you," he admitted. "Don't shut me out. Tell me." She shook her head. Again, Nikolas lifted her chin. This time, he brushed away the tears that fell from her cheeks. Something was horrifically wrong. The only time Nikolas had ever seen Emily so upset was when they thought Lucky died or just before she went to Rehab and she was afraid she wouldn't walk again.
"Emily, you are scaring me," he said. "I promise, I won't fall apart, and I won't love you any different. Please tell me." Emily started to speak a few times, and then stopped. Finally she drew her legs up to her, and leaned against them. Nikolas waited.
"I haven't told anyone," she admitted. "My mother, Monica, found out, but if she didn't, I wouldn't have told her. I don't want to tell anyone."
"Why, Em? Do you think you don't deserve to feel the way you do?" Emily gaped at Nikolas. He grinned having turned the tables on her. She slapped his thigh. He grinned more, and then took her hand. This time his grasp was soft and caring. He took her hand and put it to his face, leaning into it.
"You're afraid, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm afraid!"
"Do you want me to guess, or do you want me to do my own investigation or do you just want to be honest with me? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you, Nikolas. This isn't about trust. It's about."
"It's about you," Nikolas said softly.
"You do know me," Emily answered. "Oh, Nikolas, Monica keeps pestering me to get treatment and I don't want to tell the family because they'll just feel sorry for me. And they'll be afraid. I don't know why but they kind of like me." Nikolas held back a laugh. If Emily only knew. The pedestal she walked on was pretty high for the Q's. They adored her. There was nothing she could do that would break her pedestal.
"What kind of treatment, Emily?"
"I won't do it," she cried. "I won't." She stood up. Nikolas stood with her taking her by the arms. His grasp on her shoulders was firm. He wasn't going to let her go.
"Emily, tell me. What kind of treatment?" Emily Bowen-Quartermaine shivered. Nikolas, his pulse racing, his own mind racing over the possibilities pulled Emily into a hug. His strong arms encircled her waist. She leaned against him, her body trembling.
Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing
"Tell me, Em," he whispered into her ear. "Tell me now."
"It's breast cancer," she managed to haltingly inform him. She waited for his response. His shock was evident, but quickly repressed. Instead Nikolas picked Emily up. He had been right. She weighed next to nothing. His fear threatened to choke him. Instead he went back to the cement bench, letting Emily sit on his lap. He hugged her close, and then let her lean her head against his.
"You've been dealing with this all alone?"
"I have to," Emily insisted. "Every day I think of how my mother died. I can't make anyone I love go through that. I won't. I'll leave Port Charles before I get really sick."
"Can I come?" Emily sat up. Nikolas touched her face. His expression was carefully neutral.
"What?"
"I'll come with you," he told her. "I want to be with you. If you won't get treatment, then I'll come with you."
"Wow that was out of the blue. I definitely didn't expect that response."
"Emily, if Monica can't convince you to get treatment, I'm not going to waste my breath. I don't know how you feel. I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is be there for you, for now, for tomorrow and for always."
"I'm afraid," Emily admitted again. "I don't want to die. I want."
"What do you want, Em?"
"There's so much," Emily replied. She burst into tears. Nikolas held her close as she sobbed. He didn't think of anything except Emily. He couldn't think of her dying. Monica was right. She needed treatment, but how could he convince her without forcing her the way Monica was trying to do or so he guessed.
"What can I do?"
"You're doing it. I didn't plan to tell you, you know. I just wanted to see you. How come you got me to tell you this?" They were looking at each other, as Nikolas smiled. He brushed the furrows from Emily's forehead.
"Beats me. I guess because I know you so well."
"Yes, you do," Emily agreed. She stood and pulled Nikolas up with her. They walked silently back towards the house, hand in hand. They re-entered the study. Nikolas shut the door. Emily leaned against the couch.
"Thank you for your support, Nikolas," she said coolly "I think it will be okay. You don't have to go with me." Nikolas was taken aback by Emily's sudden tone.
"Excuse me?"
"I'll be okay," Emily started to assure him. "It'll work out. When it's time, I'll just go away. I'll find a hospice or whatever, someplace where." Nikolas took four quick steps, pulling Emily down on to the sofa with him. This time he didn't even hesitate. His kiss was fierce. Emily's hands started to hit his back. He tasted her sweet innocence, his own hands full on her own back. He felt only delight when Emily melted, craving his touch, her body conforming to his as she gave into his embrace. When finally they pulled apart they were breathless. For a second the sparks between them seemed to sparkle around them. Nikolas waited again.
"Wow," Emily sighed. "I definitely wasn't expecting.Nikolas!"
"What?" Nikolas answered, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"You're making this very difficult."
"Me? I already told you I will do whatever you want, Emily. I can't make you fight. I can't make you stay home, so whatever you do, I will do with you."
"You'll have to contend with my family and Zander."
"As long as Zander knows the truth of how you feel, I don't mind," Nikolas answered meaningfully. Emily leaned towards him again. This time, her fingers unbuttoned his shirt. Nikolas grinned wickedly as his hands undid her blouse. Emily froze. He kissed her.
"Let me love you, Emily," he whispered. "Let me love every inch of your heart and soul, so you know what you are fighting for." Emily relaxed a little.
"You're going to make me get treatment aren't you?" she asked tremulously. "You won't go away with me."
"Do you love me, Emily?" Her eyes met his in a fashion that spoke a million words in a millisecond of time.
"I love you. I don't want to lose you. I know that now. I don't know why I didn't know before. Maybe I thought I didn't stand a chance against Zander."
"He's going to be hurt," Emily admitted. She kissed Nikolas' chest unable to resist. He ached terribly for her. He ached to finally be one with her. Still he held back, not wanting to stop the communication just yet.
"Yes, he is."
"But I know now, his love wasn't enough," Emily went on. Her lips traveled from Nikolas' chest to his neck to his ear as she whispered. "I need someone like you to let me know that I can do this, that I can take advantage of treatment my mother didn't have, that in ten years I'll still be here with you, just like Monica is with Alan. I need you, Nikolas, oh God how I need you." She let him unbutton her blouse all the way.
"You've already got me, Emily. You had me when you walked in the door. I love you. I will always love you, from here to eternity and back. I want to shout it to the skies. I love Emily!"
"I love you, Nikolas," Emily answered. "You own the key to my heart and soul because you know me better than anyone in the world. Promise me you will always listen to me and you will always love me." Nikolas cocked his head as he kissed Emily again. Picking her up in his arms, he licked her ear.
"I just did," he replied. "But if you need more proof, allow me." Emily's giggle was music as the two of them went upstairs to Nikolas' room. The door shut behind them, shutting out the pain and the agony that was to come. For the moment, Nikolas and Emily were alone. They would become one by the end of the day. And as Nikolas said, he would love Emily from here to eternity and back again. Nothing would ever separate them again, not Zander, not illness or cancer or even death. They were soul mates and they were meant to be together, for now, for always, and forever.
All my life I was in hiding Wishing there was someone just like you Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Lyrics Courtesy of "Deliver Me," By Sarah Brightman
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver All of my life of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me. .
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me. All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.
Deliver me, out of my sadness.
Deliver me, from all of the madness.
Deliver me, courage to guide me.
Deliver me, strength from inside me
He burst into his study with a frustrated pent up rage that couldn't be calmed. Taking the nearest thing at hand that he could throw, Nikolas Cassidine felt some satisfaction as the ancient statue of some Greek God hit the wall and shattered into miniscule pieces. It didn't matter that the statue was worth thousands of dollars. What mattered was releasing the torture he felt every time he saw his mother. Collapsing onto a plush red sofa, the young Prince leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. His mother was gone, but she wasn't. It took all his courage, all the love he had for her to see her. Still he couldn't desert her. He couldn't not visit Laura. She was his mother! A knock on the door brought him back to reality.
"Yes?" The door to the study opened.
"Mr. Nikolas, Miss Emily Quartermaine is here to see you." Nikolas stood in stark surprise. Emily? He knew she was back in town, but she hadn't come to see him, and with everything go with Laura, he hadn't had time to see her. A bit of heaven come to give him some peace. Em was always a pleasure to see.
"Well, show her in, Mrs. Lansbury, and would you get some iced tea for us?"
"Of course, Mr. Nikolas," Mrs. Lansbury answered respectfully. Within a minute Nikolas saw her, Emily. His heart caught at the sight of his friend. There was something wrong, he could tell. She was smiling, her brown hair cascading about her slender shoulders. She wore jeans and a light yellow top. Still.Nikolas hurried forward, trying to bury his worry with the rest of the concerns that threatened to give him an ulcer.
"Emily! Welcome. I'm so glad to see you." Emily's sheepish grin made Nikolas feel even happier to see her. She hadn't changed. She was still the little girl he had cared for all these years.
"I had to come by," she was saying when Nikolas reached her. He hugged her to him, finding that there was little to hug. She had lost weight, he could tell. Her own hug was fierce. Drawing his friend into the room, they sat together on the plush sofa. Mrs. Lansbury came in and put a pitcher of iced tea and two glasses on the table with some cheese and crackers.
"I'm glad you did," Nikolas answered. "I should have come to see you when I heard you were home. It's just that my uncle is coming home, and then there's my mother and Lucky."
"I heard. I'm sorry about Laura, Nikolas. It must feel like when my mother died. But there's a chance you can get her back." Nikolas sat back on the sofa, eyeing Emily with new respect, but puzzling his guest at the same time.
"What?" she asked.
"You always know what to say. I don't think even Lucky has thought that we really have lost our mother, at least for now. It is like watching her die in front of us. He goes to see her, even though he won't admit it to me. But you are right. Someday, she may come back to us."
"I guess when you've been through bad times." Emily sighed.
"You've definitely been through plenty, Em," Nikolas had to agree. "Em.what's wrong?" Nikolas almost choked on his iced tea at the shocked reply Emily's face gave him. She was nibbling on a cracker. Putting it down, she stared at Nikolas as if he were clairvoyant or something.
"Good grief, Nikolas. When did you get to be so blunt?"
"Me?" Nikolas laughed. "If I can't say what I'm thinking with you, Emily, who can I be honest with? Em, we're friends aren't we?"
"Of course we are."
"No matter what happens, you and Liz and Lucky and I will always have the old days. We have to be able to be honest with each other. Lucky beats around the bush sometimes, but we always protect each other."
"You're a good egg, Nikolas," Emily conceded.
"You haven't answered my question though. I heard you were in the hospital, but you went home so I assumed you were fine. Was I wrong?"
"I'm fine, Nikolas. Rehab was tough, and then college. It was just too much for me." Emily avoided Nikolas' gaze. She stood and walked towards the window. She saw Nikolas' shattered statue on the floor. She looked back at him.
"Having a bad day?" she teased. Nikolas put his tea down and walked over to her.
"Maybe." Nikolas opened the glass door that led from his study into the garden. It was a beautiful spring day. The wind whispered about them as they walked among the blooms and the blossoming trees. Peacefulness surrounded them.
"Why?" Emily asked as they strolled.
"Just worried about my mother and even Lucky. He can't really accept Laura's condition. Neither can I."
"I'm sorry, Nikolas, honest." Emily's frank caring always caught Nikolas' emotions. She was so real, so honest.
"Remember when we thought Lucky died in the fire," he asked suddenly. Emily shuddered a little.
"Do I?" she confirmed. "What a nightmare."
"You were the only one who insisted on making me deal with my grief. Everyone else was worried about Laura or Lulu or Luke or Liz. You were the only one who insisted that I had lost my brother that I deserved to grieve. I've never forgotten that day, Em. It's as if you confirmed that I deserved to have feelings." Nikolas knew his friend would react as she did. She put both her hands in his, and drew him to her.
All of my life I've been in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through
"Nikolas, do you still feel that way?" she asked. "As if you have to ask permission to actually express your emotions?"
"Sometimes. Most times," Nikolas admitted. "How come you're the only person in the world I can have these conversations with?"
"Because I'm the only one who knows the real Nikolas maybe. I'm surprised Gia didn't release the man imprisoned in there." Nikolas kept Emily's hand in his as they walked. He sighed.
"Gia and I just never got to that point. Sometimes I think she felt as though I thought I was too good for her."
"Well." Emily laughed. "You can give that message." At first Nikolas was offended until he realized Emily was right.
"Brat," he teased. "I was raised to be a Prince. Can I help it if that comes through sometimes? You don't care. Besides Stefan and Alexis, you're almost the only one who doesn't."
"Nikolas, I'm not perfect. You better take me off that pedestal or I guarantee I'll fall off."
"That's okay. I'm not perfect either." They sat down on a cement bench in the garden with the birds singing around them and the fragrance of the flowers dazzling them.
"I know that," Emily giggled.
"How's Zander?" Nikolas asked, thinking of the times he had heard from Liz that Em and Zander were back to together. Emily stood up, her waist accentuated by her jeans, her hair shimmering in the sun. Nikolas suddenly felt as though he wanted only to hold her close, to protect her from what was eating her up inside, and to love her for always. Why had he let her get away, he cursed to himself. Standing, he walked over to her, standing next to her as she gazed at a small pond where a family of ducks were cruising around the green/blue water.
"Zander's fine. He's a good man," Emily conceded. She sat on the grass. Nikolas sat with her.
"But?" he wondered. Emily slowly lifted her troubled brown eyes to Nikolas' face. Their gaze met as an electric shock passed between them. Instantly, Emily looked down at the green grass, picking at the little strands with her hands while she spoke.
"Zander wants too much from me. He wants me to be what I can't be."
"Like Gia wants from me," Nikolas concurred. "I'm sorry, Em." Still looking down, Emily shook her head.
"It's not just that," she denied. "He loves me. He really loves me. But I can't give him the woman he wants. I don't want to. I can't be honest with him, because I'm afraid he can't deal with.with me or my problems."
"If he loves you, Emily, you have to let him help you." Emily shook her head.
"He can't deal with it," she answered, her voice so soft that Nikolas barely heard. He lifted her chin. Unable to hold back his basic desires, his lips screaming for the woman who sat in front of him, Nikolas leaned forward, and kissed Emily. Nikolas was afraid she was going to pull back, that she was going to tell him he was wrong, that she didn't care for him. Instead as his lips consumed hers, as her scent drove him crazy, she returned his kiss. Abruptly she pulled away, starting to stand up. Nikolas pulled her back.
"Em? Where are you going?" he demanded. She had to sit back down. She didn't have a choice. Nikolas' hand held hers in an iron grip. He loosened it so he wouldn't hurt her. Her face was almost tortured by her pain. He knew it wasn't him that was tearing her apart, but if not, then what?
"Emily, I think I love you," he admitted. "Don't shut me out. Tell me." She shook her head. Again, Nikolas lifted her chin. This time, he brushed away the tears that fell from her cheeks. Something was horrifically wrong. The only time Nikolas had ever seen Emily so upset was when they thought Lucky died or just before she went to Rehab and she was afraid she wouldn't walk again.
"Emily, you are scaring me," he said. "I promise, I won't fall apart, and I won't love you any different. Please tell me." Emily started to speak a few times, and then stopped. Finally she drew her legs up to her, and leaned against them. Nikolas waited.
"I haven't told anyone," she admitted. "My mother, Monica, found out, but if she didn't, I wouldn't have told her. I don't want to tell anyone."
"Why, Em? Do you think you don't deserve to feel the way you do?" Emily gaped at Nikolas. He grinned having turned the tables on her. She slapped his thigh. He grinned more, and then took her hand. This time his grasp was soft and caring. He took her hand and put it to his face, leaning into it.
"You're afraid, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm afraid!"
"Do you want me to guess, or do you want me to do my own investigation or do you just want to be honest with me? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you, Nikolas. This isn't about trust. It's about."
"It's about you," Nikolas said softly.
"You do know me," Emily answered. "Oh, Nikolas, Monica keeps pestering me to get treatment and I don't want to tell the family because they'll just feel sorry for me. And they'll be afraid. I don't know why but they kind of like me." Nikolas held back a laugh. If Emily only knew. The pedestal she walked on was pretty high for the Q's. They adored her. There was nothing she could do that would break her pedestal.
"What kind of treatment, Emily?"
"I won't do it," she cried. "I won't." She stood up. Nikolas stood with her taking her by the arms. His grasp on her shoulders was firm. He wasn't going to let her go.
"Emily, tell me. What kind of treatment?" Emily Bowen-Quartermaine shivered. Nikolas, his pulse racing, his own mind racing over the possibilities pulled Emily into a hug. His strong arms encircled her waist. She leaned against him, her body trembling.
Deliver me, loving and caring.
Deliver me, giving and sharing.
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing
"Tell me, Em," he whispered into her ear. "Tell me now."
"It's breast cancer," she managed to haltingly inform him. She waited for his response. His shock was evident, but quickly repressed. Instead Nikolas picked Emily up. He had been right. She weighed next to nothing. His fear threatened to choke him. Instead he went back to the cement bench, letting Emily sit on his lap. He hugged her close, and then let her lean her head against his.
"You've been dealing with this all alone?"
"I have to," Emily insisted. "Every day I think of how my mother died. I can't make anyone I love go through that. I won't. I'll leave Port Charles before I get really sick."
"Can I come?" Emily sat up. Nikolas touched her face. His expression was carefully neutral.
"What?"
"I'll come with you," he told her. "I want to be with you. If you won't get treatment, then I'll come with you."
"Wow that was out of the blue. I definitely didn't expect that response."
"Emily, if Monica can't convince you to get treatment, I'm not going to waste my breath. I don't know how you feel. I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is be there for you, for now, for tomorrow and for always."
"I'm afraid," Emily admitted again. "I don't want to die. I want."
"What do you want, Em?"
"There's so much," Emily replied. She burst into tears. Nikolas held her close as she sobbed. He didn't think of anything except Emily. He couldn't think of her dying. Monica was right. She needed treatment, but how could he convince her without forcing her the way Monica was trying to do or so he guessed.
"What can I do?"
"You're doing it. I didn't plan to tell you, you know. I just wanted to see you. How come you got me to tell you this?" They were looking at each other, as Nikolas smiled. He brushed the furrows from Emily's forehead.
"Beats me. I guess because I know you so well."
"Yes, you do," Emily agreed. She stood and pulled Nikolas up with her. They walked silently back towards the house, hand in hand. They re-entered the study. Nikolas shut the door. Emily leaned against the couch.
"Thank you for your support, Nikolas," she said coolly "I think it will be okay. You don't have to go with me." Nikolas was taken aback by Emily's sudden tone.
"Excuse me?"
"I'll be okay," Emily started to assure him. "It'll work out. When it's time, I'll just go away. I'll find a hospice or whatever, someplace where." Nikolas took four quick steps, pulling Emily down on to the sofa with him. This time he didn't even hesitate. His kiss was fierce. Emily's hands started to hit his back. He tasted her sweet innocence, his own hands full on her own back. He felt only delight when Emily melted, craving his touch, her body conforming to his as she gave into his embrace. When finally they pulled apart they were breathless. For a second the sparks between them seemed to sparkle around them. Nikolas waited again.
"Wow," Emily sighed. "I definitely wasn't expecting.Nikolas!"
"What?" Nikolas answered, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"You're making this very difficult."
"Me? I already told you I will do whatever you want, Emily. I can't make you fight. I can't make you stay home, so whatever you do, I will do with you."
"You'll have to contend with my family and Zander."
"As long as Zander knows the truth of how you feel, I don't mind," Nikolas answered meaningfully. Emily leaned towards him again. This time, her fingers unbuttoned his shirt. Nikolas grinned wickedly as his hands undid her blouse. Emily froze. He kissed her.
"Let me love you, Emily," he whispered. "Let me love every inch of your heart and soul, so you know what you are fighting for." Emily relaxed a little.
"You're going to make me get treatment aren't you?" she asked tremulously. "You won't go away with me."
"Do you love me, Emily?" Her eyes met his in a fashion that spoke a million words in a millisecond of time.
"I love you. I don't want to lose you. I know that now. I don't know why I didn't know before. Maybe I thought I didn't stand a chance against Zander."
"He's going to be hurt," Emily admitted. She kissed Nikolas' chest unable to resist. He ached terribly for her. He ached to finally be one with her. Still he held back, not wanting to stop the communication just yet.
"Yes, he is."
"But I know now, his love wasn't enough," Emily went on. Her lips traveled from Nikolas' chest to his neck to his ear as she whispered. "I need someone like you to let me know that I can do this, that I can take advantage of treatment my mother didn't have, that in ten years I'll still be here with you, just like Monica is with Alan. I need you, Nikolas, oh God how I need you." She let him unbutton her blouse all the way.
"You've already got me, Emily. You had me when you walked in the door. I love you. I will always love you, from here to eternity and back. I want to shout it to the skies. I love Emily!"
"I love you, Nikolas," Emily answered. "You own the key to my heart and soul because you know me better than anyone in the world. Promise me you will always listen to me and you will always love me." Nikolas cocked his head as he kissed Emily again. Picking her up in his arms, he licked her ear.
"I just did," he replied. "But if you need more proof, allow me." Emily's giggle was music as the two of them went upstairs to Nikolas' room. The door shut behind them, shutting out the pain and the agony that was to come. For the moment, Nikolas and Emily were alone. They would become one by the end of the day. And as Nikolas said, he would love Emily from here to eternity and back again. Nothing would ever separate them again, not Zander, not illness or cancer or even death. They were soul mates and they were meant to be together, for now, for always, and forever.
All my life I was in hiding Wishing there was someone just like you Now that you're here, now that I've found you, I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Lyrics Courtesy of "Deliver Me," By Sarah Brightman
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver All of my life of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me. .
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me. All of my life I was in hiding.
Wishing there was someone just like you.
Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
I know that you're the one to pull me through. Deliver me,
Oh deliver me.
Won't you deliver me.