…I'm here…
…I'll always be by your side…
…And yet…
…Will you always be there by mine?
I've wondered for so long whether you are…
Even though you are here by me now, I've left you to wander far…
I've fretted about how far you'll go…
Farther than I have maybe?
Father away from me?
I've worried my head away just to feel relief as I see you coming back…
I feel whole as you approach me.
When you disappear, I feel something inside…it's minor, but there.
I don't show my weakness to anyone except you.
Only to you, am I so reserved and at peace.
…"You are dead to me"…
Those words shook my world…
Everything cam crashing down; broken shards of my existence falling…
You can't see that which lies beneath the surface of my soul.
There is a monster, brewing deep underneath my iron shell…
I scream, but am knocked back by harsh indifference.
Why should I become a sacrifice? Why should I be thrown away?
They all stand there, not a glimpse of remorse or compassion in their eyes.
All that binds me here is no more…
All except you…
I'll never leave you…
Not like how they left us.
If I have you, then that is okay.
You don't know it…but I'm beginning to change.
The monster is banging hard within its cage.
One false move and…
As I look into your gentle face, it gives me strength to suppress the demon.
Don't worry, you won't see it…
You can't even see anything…
…"Who are you?"…
Not welcomed…shunned…thrown away…
I abhor my surroundings…
I'll bite the bullet on it though, for your sake…
I didn't even know what he'd do once he spoke.
Does he hate our presence?
Does he hate me? Or does he hate what we are?
I don't blame him; I'd hate my lineage all the same.
And I hated him as well.
Not for what he was, but what he would do.
He wormed his way into our lives…
He takes care of you like how I should.
You smile, he smiles, but only I can both smile…and frown.
Even so, he is our first real friend…
But like everything, he is ripped away.
All I can feel is even more hatred.
I feel sick…my stomach growls fiercely…
The monster comes out momentarily;
"I will destroy Britannia!"
Then…darkness…
…"Hey, wake up"…
I hear them…these people in my class.
Tormentors in their own caliber…people whom I associate with…
Friends…
No, "acquaintances" is more like it…I only have one friend…
None of which understand the true visage of my soul …
Yet, like him, they worm their way into my existence…
They give us a sense of belonging…
I see you smile with them…
I'm envious of such people…
But for the sake of these people, and you, I'll smile too…
Though, I feel it again…the monster rattles the cage…
It wants out…
"Stay inside", I tell it…
Keeping it inside is worse…
But I'll bear with it…just to see your smile…
I feel satisfied…and unhappy still…
…"Let's make a contract"…
That infernal witch…my only comrade…
She bothers me so much with her whimsical yet stoic expressions.
And yet, I find her convenient.
The demon inside responds, grinning as it picks the lock to the cage.
At times I force it back down…
But I know it's futile.
It is only when I come back to that place, by your side, that the demon…
…it quiets down…
In truth, even though I've known its existence, I'm afraid…
I hear you speak…your voice brings me back to reality.
You ask to hold my hand…I comply…
You cry…I cry harder…
You smile…I'll smile wider…
I touch your hand, grasping with all my might…
You tell me to hold fast too…I won't let go of it, no matter what.
You smile again and fall asleep…
I remain awake…and afraid to let go…
Afraid of the sleeping monster inside myself…
Afraid…of the emptiness that the witch spoke of…
End of part 1
First off, let me say thanks to all of you who read this. Originally, I had wanted the poem to be from the first season to the end in one section, but I decided to change it and break it into sections (if you think I should have chosen either the first or second option, let me know, I might change the way this whole thing goes). I am trying to delve into Lelouch's psyche to bring out a representation of his own inner feelings not really displayed through the anime. Hope to hear feedback from all of you; if you have questions don't hesitate.