The Beginning of a Story With No Sense Whatsoever
Indulge Yourself in this Meaningless Story of Unimportance
Well, it was a completely normal day in my house, the rug wouldn't stop pissing on the dog, and so we burned it, that's why we have wooden floors. Damn rugs!
Anyway, the couch wouldn't stop jumping so I had to chain it down (why couldn't the chair do it?). Then, the fish started to drown, so I scooped them up and threw them into the active volcano outside my room so they'd shut the hell up!
Well, anyway, the newspaper was eating some cereal and I was talking to the invisible entity that seems to follow me around when the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it!" I said to no one in particular. I ran to the door, tripped over a rotting pig carcass (why the hell it was there, I'll never know!), and hit my head on the door, which fell over and crushed the poor mailman into a puddle of instant gelatin. What this has to do with human biology that would explain why it oozed out of his dead and lifeless corpse is beyond me.
Well, like I was saying, I picked up the little box, walked inside my house and opened it up. Inside was a letter:
Dear Mr. Nick,
We have reason to believe that you have not bought anything, so we sent you nothing in this box meant to hold something relevant that ironically is irrelevant to your daily life. Good day!
I was so happy! I just started to dance around! Then, I sank into a plot hole in my story and landed hard on my ass in a world where that never happened. My life sure is screwy.
Well, I took out the hatchet and walked over to the Little Store, chopped some wood, and came back home. I burned it in my empty pool as I sacrificed little children and their shit to Boobooobooobooo, like the nice talking donkey told me to.
Then the doorbell rang again, which seems stupid considering the door isn't there anymore. Well, I ran across the hallway with my Jason mask on and opened the door, which isn't there, and there was this lady in a tight Bikini at the door.
"Yeah, Hun, what do you want? I can do it fast or…" She started but I whipped a can of mushroom soup at her, and gave her the can opener.
"Yeah, open the lid, would ya? I can't," I then showed her my blood and guts ridden hands, "I don't want to get it sticky." The whore screamed and ran away, so I got the footstool to open the can. (my furniture is alive) I than smeared it on my face and ran around screaming smelling like cream of mushroom soup. Then, all of a sudden, a hobbit jumped out of the cabinet and started eating the mushroom soup of my face! Damn hobbits!
Well, I kicked it in the ass and flung it into a conveniently placed hole in the floor which leads to the endless abyss. Haha, stupid fucker…
Anyway, the hobbit fell for a fated eternity through jumbled text and furniture while a rummaged through the closet trying to find my blasted elephant. Where the hell he is I may never know!
When I got done, I walked over to Flamedramon's house to see if he wanted to come over and…play…that's a good word for it…fwahahahaha… ^^;
Well, the door was still there, (lucky bastard, mine has Jell-o on it…) so I opened the door without knocking and waltzed right in. And you know what? He was sleeping. …I had some fun with this…
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
I dressed him up in a chicken suit and pushed him off the roof to see if he could fly, and guess what?
He didn't!!
He fell, what, two stories? And landed hard on his ass. Somehow he survived and rolled down a hill, which ironically led to a busy freeway…
…Oh SHIT!!!
OH SHIT!! WHAT DID I DOOOOO!!?? Will I save him in time, or will chicken-Flamey get smeared into instant gelatin?! If so, what flavor will it be?! Find out tomorrow!!
SEE YA!!
-he ain't gonna die, I couldn't kill him ^_^-