Summary: Severus Snape as husband, comforter, and soon-to-be Father in a Voldemortless world. Sweet fluff. SSxHG

Rating: 'T' if you squint.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor am I making any money from the distribution of this work. Thanks be to JKR for gifting us these literary gems that allow imagination to take flight.

SS/HG drabble

The Baby and the Bathwater

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"Oh, go away!"

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"Not until I know you're well."

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"It's fine. I'm fine! Your progeny is fine! Leave me alone!"

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"Don't you dare turn your back on me, Miss Gra—Mrs. Sna—HERMIONE! Do you hear me, witch?!

… … … Oompff."

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Sniff. "Well, that's what happens when you try to order me about. For each and every order, Snape, I will shy one of your books at you. First editions be damned."

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"I think you bruised something… … …and to think I had been led to believe you would show more concern for our possessions. Especially the written word."

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Thunk, thunk, thunk. "Incendio. And these are not my possessions, Professor Snape! They are yours."

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"Great Merlin, WOMAN! That was a first edition Babbitch. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WILL COST TO REPLA—"

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"No. And I don't care. Three months. I have three months left until I'm due, and then we are finished." SLAM!

"…"

"…"

"…"

Soft knock. "Miss Gra—Hermione... " sigh. "Look. You and I both know you are not what they say." "Alohomora. Oh, don't look at me that way, woman! Lie back. The water needs to be higher than that to do any good at loosening the tightness in your muscles. I know your back must ache. … … …there now. Better?"

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Sniff. "Marginally."

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Hmmph. "You and I know the truth of what happened, Granger. That's all that matters."

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"The hell you say! They're my family. My family, Snape!"

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"And now you've tensed again. Budge over, wife. Devesto."

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"NO! Oh, NO! You are not insinuating yourself into my bath again! Out! OUT! Ou—ohhkay. Keep doing that and you can stay."

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Knowing chuckle. "You know, witch, I have learned a thing or two in the seven months we've had to endure this farce."

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"Endure. Endure is right! Why the ministry can't see reas—oh! Sever—Oh, keep that up, and I'm going to co—"

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"Come closer, sweet. Now lift up just slightly. Yes. That's it. … ….

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… …Great gods! Where'd you learn to do that?"

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Quiet giggle. "I had a brilliant, if snarky, teacher."

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"He never showed you that!"

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Shrug. "So I improvised. Now back on point."

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"You still are on point, witch. Go slower. You're sloshing water all over the place."

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Huff. "And that's another thing. I'm as big as a whale!"

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"Only the killer kind."

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Slap.

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"What? At least I didn't say 'humpback'."

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Snort. "Severus Snape, if they only knew what a truly puerile mind you have."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Gods! I wish sex with you wasn't so hard to do without!"

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"Was that a compliment, wife? … …I'm taking it as a compliment."

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Laugh. "Well. It is. I swear, in the seven months we've been together, I can hardly go a day without wanting some part of you inside me. Are you sure you haven't been slipping me lust potions?"

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Pinch.

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"OW! What the hell was that for?!"

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"For the insult." hmpff. "I don't know why you find me attractive, Mrs. Snape, but I know you do. Here. Rise just a bit. I need to grab my wand. The water's cold."

"…"

"…"

"…"

sigh. "I just really wish things had gone differently."

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"Hermione. Your anger is justified." Kiss. "Your shame is not." Kiss. "You did what had to be done." Kiss. "No matter what anyone—especially those two dunderheads— has to say about it."

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Sigh. "Intellectually, I know this Severus. But—" sniff.

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"DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE WASTE ANOTHER TEAR ON THEM, WIFE! I thought we agreed you were done with tears? You've cried buckets already."

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"I kn-know." honking sniff.

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"Hermione…. Hermione, enough. Focus on me, witch. Where are my hands?"

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"Ar-arounnd me."

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"Placed specifically where?"

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"Over our ba…bay—baby."

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"Yes. Our child. Ours. You and I, Granger, have started a whole new family the moment we agreed to this farce and said our vows before Albus and pledged our troth. … …seven months ago to the day in fact."

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Sniff.

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"Don't throw it away because of their simple minds, witch." Kiss and nuzzle. "You are young yet, and our marriage is still quite new. And we do not know what life has in store for us. It is their choice to be a part of this new family of ours…or not. And you know how fervently I wish for the latter."

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Watery laugh. "I just—I guess I'm a bit lost without them, Severus. Losing mom and dad the way I did…. And well, the Weasley's have become my surrogate family. I just never dreamed that Ron would… or even Percy for that matter... ..."

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Kiss. "Hush, sweet. What's past is past. Let's not dwell on it any lo—did you just feel the baby kick?!"

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Blink, blink. "really?!… …Of course I felt it kick! It kicks me twenty-four seven. Ugh! I swear to you I am going to give birth to a world class football champ!"

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"Ye hear that, Sport? Yer ma alreedy has yer perfeshun choisin."

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"Sport?"

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"Better than 'it'. We don't know the sex of the child yet. And you refuse to let me cast—"

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SIGH! "Not this again! I didn't have a choice in husbands. I didn't have a choice in getting pregnant. Severus. Please, let me be surprised when I have the child."

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"Of course, sweet. I am only teasing." Kiss. "Come on. You're turning pruny, and Sport here needs to get to bed."

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"I can dry myself, you know?"

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"And have me miss the opportunity of touching you? Come, come, Mistress Snape. I thought that mule-headed thinking went out week two."

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"Severus… my breasts are quite dry by now… and did I mention tender? They are very tender…"

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"hmmm…what about here? Is this spot right here tender? …was that a yes? Lie back, witch. … …ah, but you taste heaven-muh… "

"…"

"…"

"…"

"And just where did you learn to do that?!"

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"I pay attention." Smug smirk. "I've been saving that particular move for when it was most needed. Tonight was the night!"

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… … … replete sigh. "Well, feel free to repeat it…anytime! …. …ah, me. Now I can sleep!"

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SNIFF. "Good. Now that I've done my husbandly duty, I shall roll over and make myself small."

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"Oh, do come here. No, not that way. The baby's in the way— There. Perfect."

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… … …"Yes, Mrs. Snape. Perfect."

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Fin

A/N: Since I find writing dialogue between my characters to be the most difficult, I challenged myself to write a drabble with nothing but.

Please do let the authoress know what you think.

DGM