Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction so I hope you enjoy it to some extent. I always loved shipping the New Kid with everyone, mainly Cartman because big boi deserves redemption. So yeah this is an experimental type of thing I just couldn't get my fix of New Kid shipping so I hope someone out there is as excited to read this as I am to write it!
Enjoy and I welcome suggestions or grammatical errors you can spot!
EDIT: 7/22 fixed some punctuation and grammar issues, sorry about that!
OWTF
There were many words to describe Eric Cartman. Those words usually consisted of rude, brash, racist, misogynistic...The list could go far far too long. However, it seemed the word of the week to describe him would be, strange.
These new behavior patterns occurred sometime in the past two weeks. Though it was to one specific person. As of late, it seemed Cartman had taken on a completely different persona around the New Kid. It was little things people noticed like how Cartman would throw more gentle, hesitant insults at them or how he would refuse to look at them directly, yet steal a suspicious glance when they looked away.
It was senior year for the 5 young adults gathering at the same bus stop as always, 5 pairs of shoe imprints making their mark in the same ground they've stood on during the passing years. From left to right there was Kyle, Stan, Kenny, the New Kid, and Cartman.
Ever since telling the truth about their past the New Kids parents decided enough was enough. They needed to stop running so their child could at least have a semi-normal life. The New Kid was thankful for this, they were growing to like this strange town and those who inhabited it, as dangerous as they were.
Well, dangerous was an understatement. A better term to use would be batshit insane.
The puberty gods blessed four of the boys in the small gathering. Kyle had become the tallest in the group. Stan and Cartman both became broader and muscular due to staying on the football team. Stan was visibly more muscular and chiseled, while Cartman resembled something like a brick wall. He still had fat in some places but most people don't notice any weight loss due to his intimidating stature.
The New Kid, however…
They seemed to get the worst luck. They were a couple of heads shorter than most guys their age. Their hair had grown out to waist length and it was speculated they simply couldn't gain muscle in their upper body considering how much they religiously wore bulky sweaters and insisted on wearing them indoors as well. Everyone had referred to the New Kid as "pretty boy" because of their feminine features and wide hips accompanied by toned legs.
Honestly, due to their popularity, they could probably get hit by a bus and everyone would still think they looked good.
The 5 teens were oddly silent, with Kyle giving harsh glances to Eric every now and then, then looks back at Stan as if a silent accusation is being given. Stan sighs, choosing not to enable Kyle.
"Oh New Kid you HAVE to see this fucking sweet video I saw last night." Eric pulls out his phone, pulling the New Kid closer to him so they could watch together.
"Look- look! The old lady is just at the zoo right? Friendly day there annnnd.." he throws his head back letting out a cackle. "The monkey fucking sling shit at her dude! It's right on her face like a shit mustache ahahahaha!" The New Kid smiles, their form of silent laughter while Eric wipes away tears from laughing too hard. Cartman leaves a lingering gaze on the New Kid as he watches them tuck a long piece of brown hair behind their ear.
"Oh grow up, Cartman. I thought we were adults. Adults don't lose their shit over shit jokes on the internet." Kyle scoffs, giving Eric his signature sneer.
"Hey fuck you, you fucking Jew! It wasn't a joke it was a video you fucking retard!"
"Fatass!"
"I can lose weight! You can't lose being a jew!"
"I can if i decide to switch religions!"
"Nu uh. Once a jew always a jew! Jesus wouldn't let you back in."
"JESUS WAS A JEW!"
"BULLCRAP."
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO RETARDED. I SWEAR-"
Cartman cuts him off with one finger, signaling "wait one second" which makes Kyle turn red in anger, however it does manage to shut him up. Cartman reaches into his backpack, and turns to the New Kid, already seeing the apprehensive expression they have as they stare and their feet. He fishes out his earbuds and hands them to the New Kid, who gives a grateful blink in return as they take out their phone and turn on their music playlist. Their music is slightly audible through the earbuds due to how loud they have their volume.
Kyle gives Cartman a puzzled expression and the brunette shrugs. "New Kid doesn't like yelling. Now, where were we? Oh yeah. If Jesus was a jew then how come Hitler isn't?!"
The jersey teen, still in slight shock over the care his friend-nemesis took in the New Kid and gave a quizzical eye squint. "That doesn't make any sense, wait- Cartman how do you know that? And why do you care?"
"It's not of your fucking business Kyael."
"It is my fucking business! Come on, you've been acting strange for the past two weeks! What is up with you and the New Kid?"
There was a pause that went on for a little too long as Cartman retorted with. "Nothing what the fuck are you trying to say? Why does it bother you huh? Worried the New Kid thinks I'm smarter and way kewler than you?"
The pause did not go unnoticed by Kyle. He doesn't take the argumentative bait. "No dude I'm being serious. If you plan on using him in some scheme I swear to Moses and Christ I will personally laser-cook you until you're nothing but coal."
"Yeah I'm with Kyle on this one, Cartman you've been really weird lately" Stan jumps into the conversation, giving Cartman a spectating gaze. "Mh mhh" Kenny chimes in as Cartman lets out an angry noise from the back of his throat.
"OH JEE I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GANG UP ON ERIC DAY NEXT TIME I'LL LIST IT ON MY CALENDAR. THE FUCK GUYS?!" he throws his hands up giving them all a look of disbelief. They challenge his look with one of their own, silently staring him down. Cartman lets out a long annoyed groan, glancing at the New Kid who was still staring at their feet with their music blasting. He gives a few back and forth looks from the New Kid to everyone else.
With a heavy sigh and a mumbled "laaame" he motions for everyone to gather around, which to his surprise they do so without more than questioning looks. "Look," Cartman steals another glance at the New Kid, lowering his voice. "I've been collecting information about the New Kid for a while now and-"
They hear the familiar chugging of the old bus engine from down their street growing louder as the seconds pass by. "Ah fuck." Stan muttered when Cartman stopped mid-sentence. The New Kid is the first to load on the bus, Cartman following after them. Kyle, Stan, and Kenny filling the seat across and in front of the two as they group together towards the back of the bus. You know, where the cool kids hang.
It was a relatively quiet ride as everyone was still trying to wake up, everyone either on their phones or listening to their music. It wasn't until Cartman felt a weight on his side that he noticed the New Kid had fallen asleep. Their head lolled onto Cartman's chest as he let out a quiet strangled noise, his cheeks flaring up pink.
Hearing said noise Kyle looked at the brunette who was flustered and near panicking. "Dude" he whisper-hissed. "Just fucking tell us what's going on holy shit." Stan and Kenny turned around looking expectantly at Eric, who bit his lip before quietly whispering.
"I think the New Kid is a chick."
The school day felt as if it was taking its sweet time to be over with, as it was only lunchtime but it felt as if a week had passed. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sat at their usual spot, looking around the lunchroom once they took notice of New Kid and Cartman absence.
"I bet that fatass is trying to get the New Kid in on some prank he wants to play on us." Kyle huffed, crossing his arms giving a pointed look at Cartman's empty seat. After getting nothing but a "hm" reply from Stan, the jersey teen looked at his friend. "Dude, did you hear me?"
The raven-haired male gnawed at his bottom lip. "Well...I've been thinking about it and honestly? I could totally believe it."
"Believe what?" Kyle frowned.
The athlete rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of how to place his words. "That...that the New Kid is a girl. I mean, the long hair, the pretty face. He gets along with the girls well and hasn't taken any interest in dating any. Like...what if we've been misgendering him the entire time? Oh god, I'm so confused. PC Principal would probably give us detention for the rest of the year if we've been misgendering him...her...them?" Stan let out a frustrated huff as Kenny reached over to snag an apple off his tray.
Kenny had long ditched his signature orange parka and replaced it instead with an orange snowball beanie, and a bronze colored scarf the New Kid got him as an early school gift. Though the New Kid would never say it, it was more of a "good job on not dropping out senior year" gift. Kenny ruffled Stans hair with his free hand as he took a big sloppy bite out of his (technically) stolen apple. "I wouldn't worry too much about it Stan. I can sense a nice pair of tits from miles away and let me tell you, Douchebag doesn't have anything going on there. He does have a killer ass though." the blonde hummed. Stan let out another groan.
"Don't worry dude. He's just a pretty boy. Cartman is probably just gay for him and doesn't want to admit it so he's making up rumors." the dirty blonde wrapped one arm around Stans' shoulders, taking another bite of his apple. Stan gave a thoughtful 'hm' it was believable. The New Kid was practically the only one in their group that both listened and followed Cartman. In return, Cartman was considerably more kind and understanding to them. So Cartman going gay for the first person to tolerate him? Yeah, Stan supposed that made sense.
"Besides." Kenny swallowed his bite before flashing a smoldering look. "No girl could resist me for THAT long." Kyle and Stan both laughed, the raven shaking his head. "Whatever dude. Where the fuck IS Cartman though?" the two other teens shrugged deciding to just finish their lunch and ask questions later.
The three boys didn't see hide nor hair of either New Kid or Cartman and it was starting to concern Kyle. He liked the New Kid. Countless times they've proven to be a powerful ally and caring friend. So he didn't want his friend to be roped up in something they were unaware of. Sure, they had been around Cartman long enough to know when he was plotting a scheme and wanting to have some pawns in said scheme. But they hadn't been around Cartman long enough to fully be able to know when they were in danger. And at South Park High School, misgendering could put you in a lot of danger.
Though he was concerned for the New Kid he could also admit he was a little jealous of them hanging around Cartman so much lately. Normally the two would study at his house every night and later relax on the sofa with his little brother, Ike.
The redhead paused in thought, barely paying attention to his current class. What if the New Kid was a girl? He obviously wouldn't really care. In fact, it kinda would be pretty sweet. A girl who was able to connect with him and his friends and without speaking a word could communicate better than the average person? That would be awesome. Kyle found himself smiling a bit. Even if it was hypothetical he supposed it wouldn't affect him that much. He was pulled out of his thoughts when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He at first ignored it, but after one buzz soon came another...and another...and another until he finally asked the teacher to excuse himself.
The teen walked into the boy's bathroom, in safety now to pull out his phone. 15 texts and counting from the group chat 'totally kewl super secret.' it was an encrypted messaging service that Butters- erm more like Professor Chaos had created for them so that they could communicate superhero stuff while in school with little risk of exposing their identities. The New Kid never used it though, seeing as everyone already knows about their super abilities.
Kyle scrolled to the top of the messages.
-
[?TheCoon]: hey buttfuckers
[?TheCoon]: we need an emergency meeting today at the coonbase
[?TheCoon]: *freedom pals base
[WhatATool]: Good catch. You're so lucky the New Kid covers for your ass dude.
[WhatATool]: Otherwise you'd never be in our superhero group.
[?TheCoon]: whatever tooldouche
[?TheCoon]: we found another hit location for that drug
[?TheCoon]: i sent butters the info but that buttlicker didnt reply so if you don't know where to go blame him
The adults of South Park had gone back into their old days of taking whatever fucking new drug made its way into the market. It didn't matter what it did or what it made from or even WHERE it was from, if it could give them euphoric highs there would always be guaranteed buyers in this town.
[?TheCoon]: oh uh also some crazy shit with buttlord today
[?TheCoon]: the results may shock you
[Got2GoFST]: Is this clickbait?
[Got2GoFST]: : )
[WhatATool]: Wait what happened? Is that why you guys weren't at lunch?
[?TheCoon]: none of you fucking business tooldouche
[?TheCoon]: but yeah
-
Kyle's brows furrowed and he quickly scanned through the rest of the texts.
[SexyCraig]: hey fucktards im in class tone it the fuck down
[?TheCoon]: fuck off superfag this is serious shit
[TupperWhere]: Did you mean the freedom pals base as in my house or the new one? Cause my dad is having company over and he doesn't want to deal with any more superhero stuff after the cultist cops incident.
[?TheCoon]: new base
[?TheCoon]: its way cooler
[Wonderboy]: Wh at happ ened w i th the New Ki d? : ( ar e they oka y?
[Wonderboy]: H e llo?
[ProfessorCHAOS]: hey fellas i can't get caught with my phone again or i'll get grounded i may be CHAOS but i can still get grounded! ill be there tonight, leave a time, please
[?Mysterion?]: Sorry. Have to spend more time with Karen.
[TheCaptain]: Captain Diabetes will arrive precisely as requested!
[SexyCraig]: shut the fuck up jesus christ
-
There was a couple more concerning messages and inquiries about what's was going on. Kyle bit his tongue.
-
[?TheCoon]: just be there at 9 assholes
[?TheCoon]: coon signing OFF!
[?TheCoon]: :3c
The jersey teen had to admit it was really starting to frighten him with how Cartman was dodging everyone's questions. He let out a sigh and looked at the time. About an hour left of the school day. He had two options, go home and maybe-probably-most-likely stop by the New Kids house to make sure they were fine, or go to his last class period which was a study hall.
He signed himself out for the day and began to walk home.
There's chapter one! I have about 26 pages in editing process so I'll update every week or so! Thoughts and comments appreciated!
Have a nice read. Friends~
-Sassy.