Small Mistakes, Big Regrets

By: Anna Becker

It had been one of the worst days since they had come back to the ground. Mistakes had been made, people had died. Good people. She wished she could had stopped it, wished that she could have been strong enough but in the end it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Now she felt lost, disconnected and wished she was brave enough to walk away. She wasn't though, she stayed, witnessed the fear, anger, the hate. It was done. What had happened had happened and no matter how much she wanted to stop it, she couldn't. She told herself to stay because it was the right thing to do. There were good people, kids and she couldn't walk away from them. She told herself she couldn't leave because as strange as it was she felt safe here. Granted it wasn't as safe as her tree but she was slowly finding her place. If she was truthful however, the real reason she stayed was because of him. She stayed because no matter how much he pushed her away he still needed her and she needed him. Even if he didn't realize it.

She had been avoiding him for the last few days, ever since everything had hit the fan. In truth she was avoiding everyone. She wanted to hide from it, disappear like she used to. The only place she felt safe was in the small room they had given her from what was left of the ARK when it had crashed. It was still her prison yet still her sanctuary. She reached her door, slipped in closing it behind her. She leaned her head on it as she heard it click shut, turning off the noise from the outside.

"I hate this place sometimes." She whispered into what she thought was her empty room.

"Yeah, me too." She whipped around to see Bellamy Blake sitting on the edge of her bed. His head down hands clasped between his knees sounding defeated.

"Bellamy?" Boo questioned in a soft voice. "What are you doing here?" He looked up slightly and shrugged.

"Hell if I know. You've been avoiding me."

"Bellamy I…"

"Don't worry Boo, I would be avoiding me too." She glanced away suddenly ashamed.

"Please don't do that. I don't think I can handle you not looking at me too." She looked back up at his sorrow filled eyes and it was nearly her undoing. "Boo? What did I do?" She noticed him holding back tears and she was suddenly there, kneeling in front of him. She took his hands in her own.

"You did what you thought had to be done. You did it to protect us because that's what you do.," She tried to catch his eye but this time it was him who looked away. He did however; tighten his hold on her hands.

"I'm so tired. Tired of trying so hard and having everything fall apart." He whispered as he started at their intertwined hands.

"Then rest and let me watch over you this time." He finally looked up at her and took one of his hands placing it on the side of her face. He used his thumb to brush her cheek.

"I don't deserve your friendship. I don't deserve your kindness and I sure as well don't deserve your loyalty." She placed her hand on his.

"But you do.." She said as she peered up at him. "You have always had it and do you know why?"

"No." He said shaking his head slightly.

"Because you saw me. For the first time ever someone saw me. Saw me as a person and a friend and that person is owed my loyalty."

"Emmi, you don't owe me anything."

"I owe you everything and you know what? I'm more than okay with that." He looked at her just then with an unreadable look before he kissed her forehead. When he pulled away she spoke again. "You should get some rest." She stood up but he still held her hand and looked up at her.

"Can I...?" He started to ask and she looked down at him, then sat next to him.

"What is it Bellamy?" She asked quietly.

"Can I stay here tonight? Just for a little while." He asked hesitantly. She nodded slightly and kissed his cheek.

"For as long as you need." She whispered as she pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her middle his head resting over her heart beat. Before long they were both asleep clinging to each other as if afraid the other would slip away. When she woke the next morning he wasn't next to her, instead he was sitting in a chair across the room looking at her.

"Bellamy?" She asked as she sat up rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She felt a blush start over the intensity of his gaze and he smiled slightly when he saw it. "You okay?" She asked quietly. A strange look came across his face and he seemed to shake a thought from his head. He looked guilty for a moment as if caught thinking something he shouldn't. He looked down at his hands.

"I've made mistakes." He started.

"Little mistakes." She added and when he looked up she gave him a little smile which earned her a ghost of one in return.

"Which led to big regrets."

"Everyone has regrets Bellamy." He got up suddenly making his way over to her and sat down on the bed next to her. He tucked a stray length of hair behind her ear.

"Will you let me finish Lil Boo." He said his voice holding a hint of amusement. As he nodded with a smile on her face making him chuckle ever so slightly. He put his arm around her pulling her close once more. "The one thing I don't regret is finding you. You know this was the first night I haven't had nightmares since we got here." He kissed her forehead once again and looked back down at her. "You said I saw you but the truth is you saw me first. You chase away my nightmares and help me hope that things can be better." She reached up looking into those dark brown eyes that always made her feel so safe.

"Then promise me from here on out, no more regrets." He nodded in agreement.

"No more regrets. Now I do believe it's customary that after two people sleep together then one owes the other breakfast." He added with a hint of mischief in his eyes. She immediately felt her face shredded which made him grin. She pushed away and he chuckled.

"All we did was sleep smart as s. I don't think it works that way."

"But it was the best night of my life." He responded teasing her.

"Well someone is back to his old self."

"All because of you Lil Boo."