Title: Feminine Side
Author: OboeShoes
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairings/Characters: Barney's nephew (Sam!), Robin, Barney
Ratings/Warnings: PG, Future!fic
Wordcount: 1250-ish
Summary: Robin is good at cheering people up, even Barney's nephew.
Note: I've totally picked up idioticonion's name of Sam for James and Tom's son and ran like mad with it. Hee.
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Every summer no matter what, Barney always had his nephew, Sam, stay with him for a few days at a time. It was a win-win situation. Barney got to start Sam's Awesome Training early and James and Tom got time to themselves. Wait. Backtrack: it was a win-win-win--Sam really enjoyed hanging out with his awesome uncle (who wouldn't?) and the extended family of three aunts, two uncles, and the handful of cousins that came with him. They were surprisingly cool for family—except when Leia and Luke's dad jumped into long-narrative mode.
For this visit, Uncle Ted's tales could be avoided until the end of the week—the Mosby's were visiting relatives in Ohio and were due to return the day before Sam was to go back home. Sam, having freshly finished his sophomore year of high school, didn't mind. He was just glad to get away from home for a few days. Spending time with his over-the-top uncle and the extra-family would hopefully get him out of the emotional ditch his recently ex-girlfriend had left him in. In fact, he was banking on it.
Barney had picked him up in a taxi (Sam, who'd just gotten his license, still didn't understand why the man didn't drive) and aimed to get lunch after dropping Sam's bag off at the apartment. The duo had barely walked through the door when Barney's cellphone went off. A quick, almost panicked-sounding conversation later (in a language that left Sam stumped, to boot), Awesome Junior was left alone in the rambling apartment for a few hours while his uncle raced off to save… something?
Sam walked around for a few minutes, re-familiarizing himself with the clean lines, dark wood finishes and black leather that dominated the décor. It was nearly the same as Barney's old apartment, just a lot bigger. There were two paintings, ones he recognized that Aunt Lily had done a few years back. He stood on the balcony for a while, watching the city crawl from his sweeping vantage point on the top floor. Before long he found himself ensconced in the outrageously comfortable black leather couch, flipping through all 9,000 channels on the supersized TV-wall. Try as he might, television could not block out the constant mental-replay of the depressing conversation that preceded his heart being cut out and stepped on.
Then the front door opened and he turned to look. Barney was back so soon?
"Sam! Barney said you weren't coming until next week," Robin smiled at the boy and shut the door. Though he was sure she was past forty, she looked nowhere near it. Once in school they'd learned about old-world explorers. Sam had joked with the idea that Aunt Robin had found the Fountain of Youth Ponce de Leon failed to—and that she should've shared with sadly balding Uncle Marshall.
"Although, now that I think about it, he said that last week… Is he here?"
"Nah, Kazakhstan or something called, he had to go into the office," he succeeded in sounding disinterested rather than disappointed, changing the channel again and wondering how reality TV shows had gotten so weird lately. Robin squinted at the screen (she still wasn't used to it) then turned to look at the teenager.
After studying him through three channel-changes, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why do you look like a puppy that's been kicked and told Milkbones don't exist?"
It took five more channel-changes for him to reply flatly, "Carla dumped me."
"Carla?"
"Girlfr--ex-girlfriend. Right before summer break started last week. She said she…" Sam couldn't continue. He tossed the remote to the other side of the couch, head lolled back against the leather. The black-and-white footage of ancient WWII planes dipping and diving like toys in the sky burned his retinas. Robin was unimpressed.
"So? I bet she was a whore."
"What?"
"That blonde that was at dinner that one night, right? Short hair, screechy laugh, lumpy-lopsided boobs?"
"She stuffed."
"No, really?" The corner of the boy's mouth twitched at her raw sarcasm. Robin shook her head, moved the remote and plopped herself down on the couch in its place. "Well, I guess her bra wasn't the only thing full of cotton."
"What?"
"Face it, kid. You're a catch; anyone with half a brain can see that. Plus, you're only in highschool. College will bring you loads of singles at least ten times hotter, and you'll move on. Watch, I bet in five years you won't even remember this… Casey?"
"Carla," he mumbled. Then realizing something, he frowned. "That sounded like something Uncle Ted would say."
Robin's expression suddenly turned plastic as the realization struck her as well. "Yeeah, that kinda did, didn't it? Ugh. Alright, forget that. If you were closer to 21, I'd buy you a drink, but you're not. New plan. Get up, we're going. You are the son of James and Tom and the nephew of Barney Stinson. Moping is not allowed. Remember that story Ted told last Christmas?"
"Which one? Once he starts talking he never shuts up," Sam said in a weak attempt at humor. Robin smirked and pointed toward the door.
"True. I'll clarify: The one about the summer when Lily left for San Francisco and Marshall needed cheering up."
"It was kind of boring. I mean, all he had to do was to get Uncle Marshall to start bashing on her, right?"
"Wrong. Goddamnit, if it's the last thing I do, I'll at least get him to tell his own kids the right story. I don't care if he's still against…" she yanked open the door and ushered him outside.
"Against what? Where are we going? And what's Uncle Ted's rambling got to do with it?"
"We're going to the one place that cheers me up every time I go."
Three hours later Robin and Sam got back to the penthouse. Barney was in the kitchen, having just got home himself and needing something cold to drink. The woman and the teenager made a beeline for the living room furniture and collapsed onto it.
"Uncle Barney, I hate to say it… but I think Aunt Robin might be just a tiny bit cooler than you," Sam called to his uncle.
Barney snorted, but looked up from the fridge to his nephew now sprawled on the couch. Robin languidly reclined in the single armchair. Both of them seemed relaxed and wore smiles. When Barney had left so suddenly earlier in the afternoon it was obvious that something was troubling his awesome young nephew. That was clearly no longer the case. He grabbed a soda and two beers, kicking the fridge shut. A glance at Robin and her satisfied-cat-smirk confirmed it.
"She has her moments," Barney allowed, tossing the soda to Sam and passing Robin the extra beer.
What happened?
Girlfriend dumped him, so I cheered him up.
Got in touch with your 'feminine side'?
"You know it," she said aloud.
"I knew there was a reason why I keep you around," he grinned.
Robin's lips pursed in thought for a moment then she shrugged, "I can think of a few others."
Barney toasted her with his drink and sank onto the couch. Sam popped the top on his soda and kicked off his shoes, "What's the plan for tonight? Is that indoor go-cart place still open until midnight?"
"Yeah, pretty sure it is. Oh hey, Marshall said tomorrow we can hit golf balls off of that new high-rise that's not quite finished. The project manager owes him a favor," Robin added.
They launched into a debate and the list grew. Sam was smiling. His dads were amazing, but the rest of his family rocked too.