One day, two days, three days passed since the fall of the angels.
Dean sits in his room by the phone for one more night. Where is he? He thought things were just starting to get better. Kevin found out how to help Sam get better and they have been able to keep Crowley in that state of being half human. They had plenty of questions to ask Cas about the angels and what happened to them and where they all were. But the most important question Dean needed to ask Cas if he was okay.
Cas hasn't used his phone in a long time ever since the apocalypse ended but Dean knows he kept it safe though as he caught Cas playing with it a while back. He deleted Cas's number back then but he knows it deep down in his heart. He could recite it in his sleep. Now he is constantly praying to Cas and calling his phone. Hoping to get a reply. But nothing, Dean got nothing, he worries it is a rerun of past events, of how Cas is avoiding him on purpose.
He prays more and more frequently and he leaves so many voicemails that the inbox says it is full.
Dean is worried, no angry, "why would I be worried about that son of a bitch", he thought, "all he ever did was run away and hide everything away from me. I deserve to be angry at him."
No matter how much Dean tried to tell himself otherwise, he knew he was losing sleep over this, he knows he is sitting in the living room all night hoping Cas would be at the door when he wakes up. He sits by his phone and sometimes hold it close to his heart, and when it rings he answers it excitedly thinking it's Cas and getting disappointed and frustrated when it's not.
He tries to hide it from Sam, who he knows is trying his best to get better as soon as possible for Dean. Dean goes to check in on everyone each night and watches over everyone each night also worrying that if he lets his guard down everyone else will be injured.
He remembers the time he was in purgatory and how he woke up to the smell of Cas and his deep blue eyes locked on him protectively. He remembers waking up to a trenchcoat laid over him or how he pretended to be asleep just so he could 'accidentally' move closer to Cas in the night.
These memories were keeping him up at night, he woke up early at about 2am on the forth morning, realizing that a blanket had been thrown on him the previous night. His eyes lit up and he started shouting "Cas ? Cas?" . but that was when Sam walked into the living room with a disappointed look on his face.
Sam looked a whole lot better, he was recovering, and dean knows that he should be bursting with happiness right now that his little brother was in the track of getting better but he was not in the mood. He could not help but feel he was missing something, someone.
"Dean, I'm sorry, Cas isn't back".
Dean's eyes dimmed down and he tried to break eye contact from Sam but Sam refused to let this one go.
"Dean, you do know it's ok to feel upset over Cas not being here right? You don't have to hide everything away. I understand Cas is special and if you need to talk I'm right-"
"Stop it Sammy!" talk about what my freaking girl feelings? Huh I don't need to talk to you about anything, I'm not upset, it's just … That son of a bitch owes us so many answers and I need to find him. Just because of that. You should get some more rest I'm going out for a drive!" Dean yelled before grabbing a coat and the keys of the impala and slamming the door behind him.
He could hear Sam's exhausted sigh and he shouting "Dean no!" but he didn't care, he needed a ride in his baby to get his head in place.
Sam knew how much dean missed Cas, he saw how Dean acted normally in front of him or Kevin, but when Dean thought he was alone, he overheard Dean praying and he saw him holding his phone waiting for a call that never came. "Dean you dumbass", Sam thought but shook it off as he decided to go check on Crowley and Kevin before going back to sleep.