Warnings. Boy love. Don't like it, don't read it.
Disclaimer. All rights reserved to Showtime.
.x.
I never thought that you could say these words. Is this really happening?
"W-what?" the blond choked out, his eyes wide in confusion.
"I said I'm leaving for New York in the morning. Yes, I have to go, and no, you can't come with me. It's only for a few days, I'm sure you can manage to survive without me that long, right?" Brian explained, ruffling already messy blond locks in mild affection. He was trying to make this as painless as possible, but he knew that Justin wouldn't let him go easily, even if it was just a couple days.
Justin tugged the sheet tighter around his waist, his face carving itself into that sultry pout that drove Brian to break more engagements than make them. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? How long have you known about this trip?"
A pause, a reluctant sigh, "I found out a week ago. I didn't want to tell you, because I fucking knew this would happen. Don't you remember this conversation from the last damn time I had to go away on business?"
Tired hands ran through sweat-matted brunet strands, their owner trying not to look straight into his boyfriend's eyes. No matter how right it felt when they were making love, Brian never failed to remember that Justin was at least a decade younger than himself, and that it would always be that way until his death.
Careful fingers tilted his face up, giving him no choice but to drown in those blue eyes. In his mind, Brian replayed the dozens of things that had brought him to where he was now; sharing his apartment with someone who was supposed to be another one-night-fuck, saying and doing all those silly things that the infamous Brian Kinney would never admit to publicly lest he ruin the reputation he had put so much effort into.
The night he had gone to Justin's prom, the beating that followed quickly on that magical evening's heels; their first kiss as a couple, the first time they made love and it actually meant something to both participants, watching him work so hard on the artwork that he always thought wasn't good enough since it was digitally created…
Somehow, this mere child, with his boyish looks and his relentless determination, had wormed his way into the advertiser's life, turning it upside down in a matter of heartbeats, taking everything he thought he knew and letting it run down the shower drain along with scented suds and liquid love. No matter how hard he had tried to push the blond away, no matter how cold and indifferent he had acted when the truth was he was falling ever so slowly in love with the art student; he couldn't run away from him forever.
So Brian had surrendered, fully admitting to the fact that his life would be incredibly dull, no matter how many tricks graced his bed, if Justin wasn't a part of it. Which put him in his current situation: having to go to New York, and Justin not wanting him to. Hell, he didn't even want to go, but it for a new client, and he had to do his job if he expected to stay in his posh loft apartment.
Blinking several times to free himself from his thoughts, he focused on his lover's face, frowning in dismay to see a tear had cut a path, curling around his jaw to trickle down his arched neck.
"Justin… it's just a few days, I'll be home before you know it." It was funny how having someone to look after and love suddenly changed how you dealt with things.
For a moment, Brian thought of his son who was probably fast asleep in the cradle that Melanie had assembled all by herself as a surprise for Lindsay. It was a beautiful work of craftsmanship, the sides engraved with woodland creatures and fairytale heroes. He pictured Gus curled up with his blanket, an army of stuffed animals watching over him while he slept, his moms sleeping only a few feet away wrapped in each others' arms. Though never a religious man, he whispered a prayer for the blissfully unaware child, hoping that someday Gus would understand why Brian hadn't been around.
Just as suddenly, he was back in the present, Justin looking at him like his world was over. Pulling the naked young adult close, bestowing a light kiss on his forehead, the brunet whispered soothing words; things he knew would do little to ease Justin's heartache. But he said them anyway, just so they could hang in the air like a sweet aftertaste, a reminder that Brian loved this boy, and hated just as much to part with him even for a few hours. A soft sob against his neck was forgotten as the blond fell into a deep sleep, pulling his older boyfriend down with him.
.x.
It had been a long day at college for the slightly limited artist. He sighed to himself as he opened the sliding door to the apartment he shared with his out-of-town lover, knowing that no one would be there for greet him or offer him a drink to drown his sorrows. Hell, who needed an offer when Brian kept the liquor lined up on the counter? The bottles all held a haunting look as he peered at each of them, wondering which would make him forget his loneliness the quickest.
A whimper caught his attention, pulling him out of his alcoholic thoughts. Against the back of the sofa was Gus' cradle, with Gus presumably in it. Justin arched an eyebrow as he crossed the room, dropping his bag along the way. Picking up the child, letting him wrap his small legs around Justin's hip, the blue-eyed man noticed a note attached to his play clothes. It was from Melanie, saying there was an emergency, and could he please watch Gus until things blew over?
Knowing he had no other choice now, he glanced around. Surrounding the delicate cradle were all the necessary bags, overflowing with diapers, bottles and formula.
"Looks like you're stuck with me, Gus. At least until your mommies get their heads on straight."
With a gentle finger, he tapped the toddler on the nose, earning a squeal and a smile that could outshine the sun. "They're lucky I have no life and I actually like you," the blond teased as he pulled out a bottle and some formula.
Gus still firmly attached to his hip, Justin made up the drink for the child, warming it just enough in the microwave. Smiling as the boy drank up, the artist suddenly wondered how Brian was doing.
Seeing Gus had distracted him from worrying himself sick over the child's father, which could be deemed as a good thing. Once the bottle was empty, Justin set it in the sink, leaving it until later. For now, he could afford to be further distracted by playing with the toddler.
.x.
For the umpteenth time, Brian wished that hotel ceilings weren't all the same bland white that burned itself into your retinas when you were trying your best to lose focus and drift for just a little while. He rolled over onto his side, sighing deeply. Even though the curtains were drawn, he knew that it was no longer daylight out, though the streetlamps and neon signs threatened to portray otherwise. His eyes picked out the outline of the hotel phone in the gloom; he found himself reaching for it before he could even stop himself.
With tired hands, he dialed his apartment, hoping beyond hope to just hear his voice, if even for a minute.
'When did I become so damn attached?' he wondered as he listened to the line ring. Once, twice, three times… Brian was about to hang up when the phone clicked, and a sleepy voice said, "Hello?"
"Did I wake you, Sunshine?"
"Brian! Well, yeah, but it's okay. Gus is still fast asleep." He could hear the smile in Justin's voice. Even hundreds of miles away, it was still intoxicating.
"Gus? What the fuck's he doing over there? Did you kidnap my son because you missed me so much?"
Sweet laughter. "No, no. Mel brought him over. She left a note saying there was some kind of emergency."
"What about school?"
"I can miss a day or two. Actually, I can do my work here on that computer you bought me. I already called my professors and talked to them about it."
"That's good." He wanted to say so much more, but his tongue refused to let the words pass.
"Is something wrong, Brian? Your new client a total prick that can't be wooed by your charms and good looks?"
No need to pause, but for just a moment, he listens to the sound of Justin's breathing, forgetting how much it affected the way his heart beat. "Fuck off, junior. I'm great, just need a good fuck." Blunt, impersonal, trying to hide behind walls that have been in place for so long it's hard to think of life without them.
This time, feigned laughter rang clear with a hint of jealousy. "Of course, of course. All Brian Kinney needs to stay healthy: alcohol, a bit of E, and plenty of sex."
A snort of amusement, covered up poorly by a cough. "Don't be such a smart ass, Sunshine. You'll never get anywhere with a tongue like that."
"Ah, but I've already gotten plenty of places with this tongue."
Brian slapped a hand over his eyes, letting a chuckle escape. "Fuck, Justin. The things you've learned."
"Learned it all from you, big shot." A brief silence claimed the line. "What'd you call for? Miss me that much?"
Running the same hand through his hair, he let himself be honest. "I do miss you. I wish I was back at the loft right now, with you in my arms then in this shit-hole hotel."
Justin gaped at the phone, sitting up quickly causing the sheet to pool at his waist, revealing his bare torso. His skin glowed in the blue light, giving him an almost ethereal appearance. "You mean that?"
"No, I'm lying to you. For fuck's sake, of course I mean it. Would I say it if I didn't?"
The blond smiled to himself, cursing himself silently for being so naïve. "I miss you too, Brian. When are you coming home?"
"Two more days, Sunshine. Think you can make it?"
"I'm not that dependant on you," Justin scoffed, but they both knew he was lying. They needed each other like one needs oxygen, water and bread to survive.
"Take care of yourself, and Gus too. Try to undo some of the corruption our favorite dykes have inflicted upon him." Brian could see the artist's smile dancing on his eyelids, and the way those blue eyes sparkled when his lips curved just right.
Laughing softly, "Sure, Brian. Take care. I love you."
"I love you too, Justin." When he hung up the phone, he returned his gaze to the ceiling. "More than you'll ever know," the brunet whispered, rolling over onto his side once more, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.
.x.
Waking up from a dream that Justin could have sworn was real to the sound of his alarm beep-beep-beeping was unpleasant to say the least. He had lain awake for two hours after hanging up with Brian, staring at the ceiling and wishing for the impossible. The words from last night lingered on his tongue; more than anything he wanted the courage to say them to the brunet ad-executive, but he couldn't make his mouth form them whenever the opportunity arose.
"If only I could make you mine…" he breathed in the dawn's early light, flicking his alarm off before it woke Gus who was still fast asleep in his cradle.
In his usual sluggish manner, he pushed the duvet off his lean body, sitting up and stretching much like a cat before slipping out of bed. He checked on Gus, smiled at the smiling boy who was sucking on his thumb, then padded towards the shower, not sure if he was ready to face another day without Brian.
.x.
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
Now, technically, Brian was Justin's, save for the one-night-fucks that Mr. Kinney was infamous for. The thing is the blond artist wanted his brunet counterpart to be his entirely, not just the reliable ex-trick that was always there.
Gus gurgled with joy when his sitter turned on the TV, flipping to a kiddy channel that was playing Blue Clues. Smiling, Justin left the toddler on the floor with his toys. He took up his spot in front of his computer and set to working on his latest piece, one that was sure to catch the attention of one individual in particular.
Every now and then, he would get up and check on Gus, who after an hour of watching the animated blue puppy solve so-called mysteries, had fallen asleep in front of the TV. He turned off the appliance, picked up the child, and carried him to the cradle where he tucked him in, kissing the boy's forehead lightly before returning to his work. Idly, Justin wondered if he'd have a son with Brian someday, one that they could raise in a combination of their visions.
'On second thought, I'm not sure I'd want a son that's half manipulative sex god, and half bumbling artist…' the blond thought in amusement as he took up his stylus again. His hand flew across the tablet, pausing only to correct small errors before returning to flight. Determination etched its way onto the young man's face as he focused on the screen like his life depended on it.
And it did, in a way that most wouldn't understand. This piece of work would hopefully convey everything that he had been meaning to tell Brian, but had been unable to blurt out, no matter how often he'd made a fool of himself in the past. Taking a sip of his water, flexing his fingers to try and get the kinks out of them, he set back to work.
Around 7pm, Gus woke up, demanding to be fed and to have his diaper changed. Justin set down the stylus, satisfied with the masterpiece, smiling softly. He saved it, sent it to the printer, then stood; ready to face the toddler for hopefully the final night.
.x.
Luckily, Mel and Lindsay stopped by about an hour later to pick up their son, bearing a plate of chocolate cookies in apology for suddenly turning Justin into a nanny.
He brushed off their words, saying, "It was no problem at all, I love watching Gus." They smiled, scooped up their child, gathered up his things and went off into the night to their quaint little home.
"Must be nice…" he sighed, running tired hands through tangled blond hair.
Another shower was in order. Somehow the loft's usually comfortable temperature had seemed sweltering to the young man, causing him to sweat and his hair to snarl. He played it off as nerves since Brian would be returning home soon, and he had missed the older man terribly.
Fatigued, he made his way towards the bathroom, shedding clothing as he went. Exhaling softly, he turned the dials, practically moaning as the hot water hit his skin. The heat made quick work of the knots in his neck and shoulders, his muscles turning into gelatin. Leaning heavily against the wall, fighting to keep his eyes open, he gently massaged the 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner into the short water-darkened strands.
'At this rate, I'll be a zombie when Brian gets home…' he thought as he rinsed out his hair, lathering up his lithe body with the bar of green soap that his hand automatically reached for.
His hand brushed against his member with the soap, and he bit his lip, the blond's mind conjuring delicious images of Brian waiting for him naked on the bed in the next room, so close yet out of reach.
Scolding himself under his breath, he thrust himself under the spray of water to get all the suds off, watching them with tired eyes as they swirled down the drain. He goes through the motions: exiting the shower, slinging the towel half-heartedly around his waist, rubbing absently at his hair with the nearby hand towel before dropping it on the floor.
The blond fell heavily on the bed, not even caring when his towel came undone; he knew it would end up becoming one with the floor once he fell asleep anyhow. Snuggling deeper into the soft sheets, he pulled the duvet up over his legs, letting it rest casually about his waist. Justin closed his eyes, bestowing a gentle kiss on the pillow beneath his head before drifting off to sleep.
.x.
Brian felt just a little bit odd sneaking into his own apartment, but he had no idea if his son was on the other side. If he was, there was no way in the seven hells that the brunet wanted to wake him up because he was careless. Feeling like a cat burglar, the man slid his door open just enough to squeeze in with his luggage, leaving the bag right by the entry as he quietly shut out the light from the hall.
Soft breathing from his bed reached his ears, meaning that his two favorite lesbians had already picked up Gus for the evening. He smiled at this knowledge; it meant he was alone with Justin, who he admittedly missed terribly while he was stuck in New York.
Walking towards his bed, Brian kicked off his shoes, shrugged out of his jacket, tugged off his t-shirt and slipped out of his jeans, leaving a trail of clothing behind him. He nearly skipped up the few stairs that led to his bed, content in the fact that he was back in familiar territory. A pause when he laid eyes on his sleeping lover, curled up with only half his body covered, pink lips parted in an inviting manner.
He couldn't help it, the blood was already pooling straight to his groin. It wasn't a half-assed erection either; it was a complete raging hard-on that actually hurt. Wincing slightly, but choosing to ignore his body, Brian crawled onto the bed next to Justin. The younger blond squirmed a little, sensing warmth in his sleep and wanting to be close to it. Brian drew his lover into his arms, pressing his naked body fully against the others', his eyes bright with lust as he watched those lashes flutter briefly before revealing sleep-darkened blue eyes.
"Brian…?" Justin murmured, wondering if he was still dreaming.
It was all he could manage to say before the brunet leaned down, kissing the artist tenderly, trying to convey his longing and how much he loved the blond in the gentle pressure of his lips.
"Will you be mine, Sunshine?" Brian whispered against those sweet lips, his tongue flicking out and tracing them in a languid way.
"Always, Mr. Kinney," Justin conceded, his voice husky with desire.
Brian Kinney wasn't widely known for his sensitivity, in fact he was probably the bluntest man Pittsburgh had ever seen. But there was one man who had been able to break past the sex god exterior to find this side that only Michael had glimpsed before. With a smile gracing his lips, he sealed their promise with a kiss before taking full advantage of the fact that he had been without Justin for three dreadfully long days.