It Will Rain?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE My first fanfic, inspired by It will rain - Bruno Mars.
It has been the longest day at work I can imagine.. I walk into my apartment on 7th and find you asleep on the couch, with the radio on in the background.
If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door 'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.
It took us so long, too long to get to the place we are now. I can blame myself for most of it, I have never been good at letting people into my life, and never into my heart. I know that my sending you back to Morelli was the worst thing I could ever have done. But it was all I was capable of at the time, as much as I love you, I also needed to protect my heart. Now that I have found you, I cannot image letting you go. If you want ME, I can give you al of me.
There's no religion that could save me No matter how long my knees are on the floor So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'
To keep you by my side To keep you from walkin' out the door.
Communication, you need it, you crave it. I am no good at it. Talking to you more, I see is helping, not living so much inside my head. You will never understand how hard that it for me. I have lived so much of my life in silence. I couldn't tell people what was happening in the home when I was young, and as a man all I have known is "top secret" and "classified". Letting someone in, is still that I am willing to do for you. But what if it is too much for you, what if you are only interested in the mask and not the true man behind it? Where would I be then?
'Cause there'll be no sunlight If I lose you, baby There'll be no clear skies If I lose you, baby Just like the clouds My eyes will do the same, if you walk away Everyday it'll rain, rain, ra-a-a-ain
I'll never be your mother's favorite Your daddy can't even look me in the eye Ooh, if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing Sayin' "There goes my little girl Walkin' with that troublesome guy"
No matter how "unsuitable" and not 'Burg I am. I want your family to know that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, to keep you happy. I will lay down my life for yours and will kill to keep you safe. I am a dangerous man, not many people see anything beyond that. Steph always has. The people that I see as my brothers, she has accepted with no fear and no hesitation and it makes me love her ever more. I want her family to see how special that makes her.
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand Ooh, but little darlin' watch me change their minds Yeah for you I'll try I'll try I'll try I'll try I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding If that'll make you mine
I am just a man, I can hide my feelings well, but at the end of the day, I want someone to love me. It is something that I have been denied my entire life. While not always my fault, that is the reality of the situation. I KNOW I can love you, but can you love me? The darkness I have sometimes feels like it will eat me alive. There are somethings that you never need to know about me, but somethings that maybe will help you understand (my family? Can anyone who didn't live understand that?) Am I enough to give you what you need, without losing myself? I know Stephanie fears that, but I fear that also. Will love make me less of me? Less of what people fear? Is that what i want? Is that what i need? To be less Ranger and more Carlos? Is there even enough Carlos left to give?
I have never been more full of doubt as I am now. I want to retreat and to hide and not wish for anything more.
But coward.. I am not.