This is a Crossover between "The Legend of Koizumi", which has no category here (yet) and the Haruhi Suzumiya series.
You do not have to have read "The Legend of Koizumi" or even know the Rules of Mahjong to follow this Story. You should have read "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" or watched the first Season of the Anime, though.
For those not familiar with it: "The Legend of Koizumi" is a comedy manga where world politics are decided by over-the-top Mahjong games. Superpowers are being being used to cheat at regular basis. It's awesome. The main character is former Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi (still in office in this story, as it plays before the events of the manga).
Should go without saying: This work is a noncommercial parody. "The Legend of Koizumi" is owned by Hideki Ohwada, Takeshobo and TYO Animations. the "Haruhi Suzumiya" Series is owned by Nagaru Tanigawa, Kadokawa Shoten and Kyoto Animation. Other works that get parodied are not owned by me either. This is a work of fiction, no actual japanese towns were destroyed during its creation and no celebrities or anime characters were hurt, traumatised or badly referenced... except the ones that were.
Four years ago, I just suddenly knew it. That I had these powers. That it was her who caused all of this. That the fate, even the very existance of the world depended on this.
Since that day, I have been hunting blue giants in grey worlds whenever she was depressed, and generally doing my part in the organization of people like me. Working for a globally operating secret society like that, I learned many things that normal people must never know: God is most likely a japanese schoolgirl, not aware of her own powers. Aliens and time-travelers exist and pursue their own goals shrouded in mystery. World politics is dominated by Mahjong cheaters.
Wait, one of those feels out of place...
Yes, that's right. Of course our organization needed to have political influence, to protect Earth against these aliens and time travelers that are also observing that certain schoolgirl, Miss Haruhi Suzumiya. So we had to get really good at Mahjong. Since I was Japanese and the same age as her, I was destined to ultimately play Mahjong against god herself, ever since that fateful day four years ago.
Being remotely related to Japans most accomplished player, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, further raised the enormous expectations placed upon me. It was decided I would later go to the same high school as Miss Suzumiya and befriend her, keeping her from finding anything out as long as possible. Mahjong wagers would be one of the last resorts. Since Miss Suzumiya has been showing an obsessive interest in the supernatural, it was most likely that those wagers would be the revelation of secrets.
Instead of a normal middle school, I was educated at a private school owned by one of our wealthier members. They changed their schedules to account for the needs of young espers (like having to fight in other dimensions at random times, always with the world on the line), and also trained us in the important art of cheating at Mahjong.
Shortly after enrolling at that school, PM Koizumi, who had been let in on these secrets (well he already knew the Mahjong part, of course), personally paid us a visit. He taught us the important lesson that if you are unable to prevent the opponent from cheating, you'll just have to cheat even more. To prove that, the PM walked between multiple tables and beat all the students with his signature Mahjong hand, the Rising Sun. Some students claimed that the incredibly low probability of having the same hand that often was prrof of cheating, but I was the one to point out that for actual proof, the probability would have to be zero. Thus, we would have to reveal the actual cheating method. Mr. Koizumi applauded the first part of my insight, but told us that many world class players are so incredibly lucky that they do not need an actual cheating method to cheat, and accusations of cheating are often ignored even if there is proof. We had to be the more extreme cheaters to win.
After a year of hard training, I started playing against world-class opponents. While I was losing at first, they definitely saw potential in me. In the course of another year, I became one of the Organizations most successful negotiators. My greatest accomplishment was winning against President George W. Bush, though I never got to the level of his father... and thinking of my match with Vladimir Putin still causes a chill to run down my spine.
A few weeks before starting high school, I was summoned before Pope John Paul II and we had the following conversation:
Pope: Welcome, son.
Me: What gives me this extraordinary honor, Your Eminence?
Pope: I hear you are chosen to be the closest observer of Haruhi Suzumiya. That must be quite a heavy burden.
Me: I cannot deny that. I'll give my best, but it is hard to tell what will happen.
Pope: Some in your Organization seem to actually believe that she is... God. Don't worry, I will not lecture you on that now. I believe I have made clear where the church stands on that matter. But whatever she may be, Haruhi Suzuniya certainly is a threat if her mental stability does not improve. I believe that her entering into a happy, fulfilled marriage would be a good way to accomplish that.
Me: Are you suggesting I should marry her?
Pope: No! It has to be a union out of mutual love. In your position, not only will you gain insight into her personality, but you could also meet male students that may be suited for her.
Me: I see... That's not a bad plan, really.
Pope: However, it appears that she is... displaying aggressive behavior to hide her feelings quite often. I believe that in Japan, you would call her a "Tsundere"?
Me: Yes. That seems like quite the hurdle.
Pope: If god wants two people to be together, HE will make it clear to them if the two form a Mahjong team.
Me: Well while I don't believe in your god, you do make a good point... Relying on each other like that should show if two people are really suited for each other.
Pope: I am glad you agree. Pass it along to your associates.
Me: I certainly will.
Pope: Now since you will be playing against an opponent that is most likely exempt from many of Gods laws, facing the best of those who abide by those laws is the only possible preparation. PREPARE YOURSELF!
The Pope opened the match recreating Genesis with Mahjong tiles, and I lost consciousness being hit with so much Mahjong power. After waking up in a hospital, I managed to convince most members of the Organization to follow John Paul II's plan, changed a bit by removing some limits placed by christian doctrine. Prime Minister Koizumi also had a hand in it, and ultimately even requested to be my partner in the all-decisive game. Naturally I gladly accepted. We named the revised plan "Operation: God really needs to get laid".
Never would I have guessed that Miss Suzumiya would show genuine interest in a boy as early as she did. The creation of the SOS Brigade came as a shock to us at first, but over time she became a lot more stable and life for us espers a lot more easy thanks to him, whom she always calls by his nickname Kyon. I have to say, I genuinely enjoyed the Brigade activities, and consider every member a dear friend. However, I still need to follow the plan.
Miss Suzumiyas true gaming skills can hardly be assessed without taking a huge risk and forcing her to use her powers. Her excelling in all the schools clubs is not exactly a sign of incompetence, though. As for Kyon, I played all kinds of games against him, letting him win all the time to hide my gaming skills. He certainly is a bright young man able to learn rules and strategies very fast. We made sure to have a Mahjong table at the mansion where I orchestrated the Brigades first murder mystery, and finally both quarreling love interests played the game. It was no team game, of course, and since it was for observation purposes only I once again let them win. Miss Suzumiya displayed extraordinary luck and won the game. That was to be expected of a powerful reality warper who hates losing. Much more surprising was the passion the normally easygoing Kyon displayed for Mahjong. I must say I envy him a bit to be chosen by such a charming and interesting girl, but I definitely am happy to have a friend like him.
After leaving them more than a year of time to get used to each other, the day of the showdown had arrived.