Since the crime fighter known as Batman appeared in our fair city, two years ago, crime has gone down an astonishing 60%. 146 criminals are now behind bars, chief among them the Joker, the Penguin, and Two-Face. We all owe a debt of gratitude to him.
Still, there is one question nagging at every Gotham City resident:
Just who is he?
Far be it for me to reveal his true identity, if ever I was to find that out. But I'll freely admit that I am just as curious about it as the next man (and woman).
My friend Bruce Wayne-head of Wayne Industries-had lunch with me yesterday at the Gotham Grill. Over steaks and martinis, we talked about Batman. We felt that the 'candidate" for him as a man with very special attributes. Here's a list of these attributes:
*He must be fairly young-20 to 30.
*He must be in top physical shape-no 98-pound weaklings, or 300-pound fatties!
*He must be a millionaire; bat mobiles don't grow on trees!
*He must be an expert at hiding his double life. One slip up could ruin it for him!
*He must be intimately familiar with Gotham City and its environs.
*He must have a confidant-someone who knows his true identity, is sworn to protect it, and who gives aid to him when he needs it. This could be his brother, best friend, wife, girlfriend, or even maid or butler.
*He must be of sound moral character-no skeletons in his closet!
These are the factors that should be consider by those who'd like to guess Batman's true identity.
By the way, Bruce actually accused ME of being the Batman. But that was after his 4th martini!