Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... and now I'm crying.

Brenman: This is just a parody of time travel fics. Set in Harry's sixth year.

Harry Potter and the Broom of Time

Harry Potter had been having a normal day. First off he had spent a couple of hours in an underground dungeon with some of his least favorite people in the world turning cauldrons full of inedible objects, such as newts eyes, bat guano, and Coke Zero, into edible potions. After that Harry had lunch, no problems there except Harry didn't enjoy finding a piece of house elf hair in his soup. Yummy. Then Harry was whisked up stairs by his over eager friend Hermione to sit in a classroom with some more of his least favorite people in the world. In fact, it was mostly the same people, except he didn't like this teacher as much. He sat in this classroom for another couple hours watching people try and shoot Roman Candles at each other while pretending they were wizards. After that dinner was a very quiet affair.

This is around when Harry's normal day ended. He, Ron, and Hermione were walking across the quiditch pitch on their way to a bush party being held by Dumbledore. No one knows how to party like a decrepit old man. About half of the way across the field Hermione pointed to the center of the field, "Hey guys. What's that?" She said questioningly.

Harry looked quizzically at Ron. "What was that?" he asked.

"I'm not sure." Ron answered back, "I think Hermione just asked her first question."

Harry began screaming insanely about the signs of the apocalypse before spotting a shiny silver broom sitting in the center of the field, "Hey Hermione. What's that?" he asked.

Hermione slapped herself in the face before realizing that she didn't know the answer to the question. A situation she had never been in before. So she did the only thing she could think to do. She committed suicide, but this being a child friendly story, she immediately came back to life.

Harry walked across the field and picked up the mysterious broom, "Why's it silver?"

Ron looked closer at it, "It's not silver, it's brushed stainless steel."

Harry shook his head, "I don't really care, but because it's a broom I have to ride it." Harry grabbed the broom and mounted it. As he brought it up between his legs he noticed a note attached to the handle. "There's a note." he said emotionlessly.

Ron and Hermione looked at him expectantly, and Harry looked back at them. This silent exchange carried on for several more minutes before Ron finally punched Harry in the face, "Oh." Harry suddenly exclaimed, "You want me to read it."

"Yes. That would be nice." Hermione said.

Harry looked down at the note in his hand and began reading out loud, "Get this baby up to 88 Mph and you'll see some real shit. signed Albus 'The Teachinator' Dumbledore."

The three students shrugged their shoulders, "Try it out." Ron suggested, "Dumbledore wouldn't make anything dangerous."

As far as Harry could tell, anyone that would call themselves the Teachinator is bound to do something dangerous eventually. Naturally, he decided the only way to find out was to try it. So Harry took Ron's advice and took off into the air. He shot forward and within a short time was screaming towards the other side of the quiditch pitch. when he was about to hit the stands the broom began giving off strange lights.

Ron and Hermione looked on in worry as Harry nearly hit the stands before completely disappearing. "Finally," Ron nearly screamed out. "Now we won't have people trying to kill us all the time if he's gone. I really hate having a friend like him. It's to damn dangerous."

-- Twenty Odd Years in the Past --

Harry suddenly found himself embedded in the side of the quiditch stands at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Naturally the stands were there twenty years earlier.

-- A Couple Hours Later --

Harry woke up to a mirror hovering above his face. So he decided to punch the mirror for invading his personal space. He was awarded with a satisfying yell of surprise and the second fist in as many hours smashing into his own face. With a Groan Harry sat up and looked around himself. What he found was teenage versions of his father and his father's best friends.

Harry rubbed his eyes, thinking he was hallucinating, and when they didn't go away he groaned, naturally the broom was a time machine, and even more naturally it transported him to his parents time at school because it's the most socially awkward time imaginable.

After Harry and his father looked in each other's eyes for a couple of seconds, they suddenly jumped into each others arms and began making out like there was no tomorrow. After watching the new couple begin taking each other's clothes off a young Sirius Black and Remus Lupin began making out after deciding they were in love with each other. Another couple of minutes later, Severus Snape blew through the door and began making out with Harry and James, because people often fall in love with their worst enemies in the real world. So why not fan fiction?

Peter, not knowing what to do began making out with himself. Because he found himself irresistibly sexy.

And all the new 'couples' lived happily ever after.

Brenman: This was written in less then an hour. so I hope you didn't expect too much, and this isn't a one shot.